You know, the best friends I have at work talk shit constantly. I talk shit back. It's entertaining. Shit talking is a time honored man tradition. Just don't make it personal.

Don't get me wrong. Most the guys here do this and I am fine with it. But this douche just keeps pushing and pushing, hes not being funny with it. Just being a dick

First, try to ignore it.  Don't say anything about his family.  



Second, have some fun with it.  Especially when it's just you and him.  Tell him that there are so many hot women in (part time school).

Brag about your hot girlfriend and your sex life.  How you want to take her around town, but all she wants is sex, sex, sex.  Show him a photo of her on your cell phone.  



SalesGuy: "Why aren't you married?  You must be gay."

Chase45: "I'm too young to be married.  And I'm afraid of marrying some stupid woman that could turn into a fat pig in 10-20 years... "



 

Your sister is pretty hot.

ha

The ruling on the field stands, your life at the age of 24, is already far ahead of his with his ugly wife, druggie daughter and metal grandkid, so just keep his family out of it.

Maybe he is resorting to all the gay jokes because he wants to smoke your pole.

Next time he throws some gay jokes your way tell him "That is the 2nd gayest thing you've ever said to me", and when he says... "what was the first?"

you say.

"when you said, you love the way my dick feels in your ass"

"You seem awfully preoccupied with homosexuality lately.  Is there something you're trying to tell us?"

Another one for the tool box

Good job Op!

The lady on the left reminds me of Jillian Barberie

I don't know her friend on the left. Want to say shes her friend who got married recently. She just moved here about 5 months ago or so. My bar buddy is coworkers with her and he hooked me up with her. Good girl. We aren't anything official but may have to make it that way if she keeps doing what shes doing.

Came over this weekend, she wasn't ready on time, like usual, but then she told me she went to two different liquor stores to find the last remaining Samual Adams Octoberfest in town just to surprise me. Ive never had a girl do that before for me.

If you like your job or your teeth, don't start in on this guys wife.  

Talk to the idiot man to man or talk to HR, or talk to his manager.    Whatever you think will get results.

I can't even tell you how hard I laughed at this.  I needed that, thanks.

Pull him aside and in low gravely voice tell him the next time he even thinks about messing with you it will be time to take a ball bat to his knees.

Tell him you could care less about your job or jail time at this point and he has fucked with the wrong guy...... Do it right before lunch then At lunch go get your autographed local teams bat from your trunk you want to "display" in your office.

Make sure he sees you do it....

OK revenge, HR compliant complaint and getting him shelved at least for a little bit rolled into one.

If you have a GF no biggy you are going to loop her in on it anyways so she keeps her yap closed.
Find some gal that is like knock your fucking socks off hot, like Maxim chick hot that has no contact with him or his.  She might be up for some prank action if it is on the up and up and since this fat closeted fag has no idea about your personal life hell get the GF in on the action also, have them bring you lunch and lay it on thick..
Chances are he will not be able to keep his fucking mouth SHUT and say something out of line, once he does you got him and they go file an HR complaint due to him representing their company in such a negative and hostile light.

Slam dunk.

You look like a dude of skill, he is gone and the earth has been salted and burned without burning bridges.

After he's foaming at the mouth denying it:

"It's ok to admit it, we won't judge.  You don't have to be afraid...."

Turn the tables on him and burn to the ground.  

Im honestly planning on using this. Id love to take a crack at his family. But even though hes a dick, I do agree that's taking it too far.

I really liked the idea of signing him up for a man seeking men add as well. That shit would be hilarious

You have to respond INDIRECTLY.   Never come out and specifically say something about his wife or daughter.  But say it in a way that he'll know that you were talking about his family, without you actually talking about his family.    

He points out some fat chick for you to hit on...   You say:  "Man..  nobody at this table has a better eye for fat chicks than you!!"  

He points out a nasty chick...  You say:  Wow, you sure have a sharp eye for younger girls who are druggies!  How do you do it?"  

Or...   you start pointing out really, really fat chicks to him, and say.  "Ohhh..  I bet you think she's hot!!  Right??"    Again...  INDIRECTLY

Eventually, he's going to get it, and ask "just what you mean by that?"  You just smile at him, and then don't say a thing.

This isn't 1980 anymore. Unfortunately.



 

lol

OP can dish it out, but he can't take it.

Big ass dude is like an abused pitbull, kicked and abused, taunted and head-fucked to the point he's a menace instead of the gentle and protective family pet he could have been. Whether it's "his fault" or not, you still have to protect yourself from such animals. There's no way to tell if he is at the beginning, middle or end of his rope. Take care not to be his last straw unless you are allowed defensive carry at work.

I also must wonder what kind of earner he is. My experience (Call it the "Dr. Gregory House Principle") is that a person can be as annoying as they are useful. My experience is that most co's will pick the unprincipled major cash-cow over the decent hard-working guy of lesser value. If you are the latter, watch out! If that turns out to be the case, you could succeed at making it painful for them to continue allowing this, if you choose that route. But if he's an earner, the pain (financial) of making him stop would have your name on it. Do your recon before you potentially fuck with the wrong guy, even though he's the obvious motherfucker.

Just another alternate tack: If he is the kicked-puppy, what a bloody-beautiful work of art it would be if you could find the REALLY high road and find a way to help with his major malfunction. I can't even begin to advocate that as the solution to this particular guy, since it's YOU there on the ground with him. Nor can I tell you HOW, but I have seen it.

He is trying to bond with you. Insult him back and you two can be friends. I can't believe I had to explain this. The more you are cowed by his attacks, the more of a poof you appear.



 

Congratulations, sounds like you are about to own a heavy equipment dealership.

I have to admit, as a "company salesguy" I only read this thread after seeing the title, to make sure you weren't my boss posting about me.

 

This. This behavior is no longer acceptable in the work place.

Have you tried asking him to stop?  Good first step.   Next step: tell your boss (or HR, depending on your procedures) that you want it to stop.   Do not retaliate in kind.

Horse shit.

I'd be contacting HR and saying things like, "hostile work environment" and "lawsuit."

Well it depends, if he is trying to get you to shit talk back at him, shit talk back at him. Maybe that is how his sense of humor works.

Dude....you win.



Why worry about the wanker at work? You get to play with THAT! Game over. Enjoy!



 

Whoever said fuck his daughter is brilliant. The broad is a single mother and former crackhead, so she's down to fuck for a handful of bucks. Just remember to cover up before doing that dirty whore. Then next time he points out a barker or calls you a homo, just whip out your phone, pull up the pics and say, "actually I found a new dirty fuck skank, what do you think?" Then when he tries to murder you, operation Fire the Fat Pollack will be complete, and he'll be jumping off a bridge by the end of the week.

HR doesn't really sound like an option. This isn't some kind of office space environment. Here are a couple of solutions that can be run simultaneously.



1) You say he is a big guy, right? Well, make him even bigger. Bring in crispy kreme for him and all kinds of other junk. Make him huge, maybe his heart will pop.



2) Take a picture of him or somehow acquire one. Get an anonymous e-mail account like hush mail or something. Then post a craigslist ad in the personals of him looking for another dude, "Bear needs boy" or something to that effect. Then share said post on the internets.......

Your girl looks like young Lea Thompson.

Jesus man just tell him this in front of everyone.

 

I would take him aside and ask in an even keel tone to stop with the crap he says, from there report it to HR that as of x date you asked him to stop.  That way it is on file that you asked him, if you go back to HR then game on.

Now a different scenario, even though he is married, next time he tells you go to pick up that girl, just say in front of everyone...... I understand you're married, but are you fantasizing about her since you are the one who noticed her?  Watch the reaction of all at your table....it'll be good and guarantee everyone laughs except him.

well that escalated quickly

My work is like this and has been the 30 years I've been there.

Op wouldn't make it as a lineman.

That's just come common pool hall ribbing.

Chase,

Here is what you do. Invite him, and a few other guys to go shooting. Bring the SBR and let him see you do a mag dump into a target. I bet he never says another word to you again.

Or do a mag dump before he has a chance to get his ear pro on and he won't be able to join the conversation anymore because he will be deaf.

AHAHAH. Not a bad plan either. However my SBR is only set up to run suppressed at the moment .

I suppose I could get my 7.5'' upper up and running and throw a brake on it

Very impressive! just don't marry her, she will stop doing those things.

Well I must thank you guys for a good laugh and getting my mood back on track for the day.

Ill do my best to ignore it and well just go from there.

My favorite suggestion still is to piss on him to establish dominance

Whatever you say or do you'll end up as the company bitch.

I'm so glad I have never had an HR.I'd piss him off relentlessly till he hit me then take his job,or make him cry.Done that a few times

That's my fear. Im trying to get to see the negative side of her first before I make any commitments.

The only thing she has done so far I wasn't too thrilled about is when we first started seeing each other she had a BF back from where she moved from. I knew she was into me but I didn't want to make a move out of respect for her relationship. Well one night she just attacked me so I said fuck it and tried to forget she had a bf. Then I shit you not, right when I was getting lined up to make entry she reminds me she has a bf. I went in despite the fact. She broke up with him a few weeks later. Just have to decide if I can trust her now

Not all but most women, don't leave a relationship unless they have something else lined up. Why do you think you hear many men say, "I can't believe my wife just left me for another man." You hardly ever hear, "wife just left and isn't seeing anyone."

I'm a little on the fence about this being a troll thread actually.



But if this is true, OP.  You need to up your "bullshit" game.
You have to remember you work in a heavy equipment shop, not a florist shop with a bunch of women or at



a big legal firm or a doctors office.  You shovel parts at guys that trade, fix and sell big, dumb, greasy machines for their



big, dumb, greasy owners, course language and rough humor are the norms.  In fact, this game of "bullshiting" can



be elevated to a craft if done right.  I've seen true masters at work and it can be a glorious thing to behold.



I bet our beloved member Piccolo here can sling it with the best.
If this guy gives you a "rash of shit", then give it back.  You're young, you're going to suck ass at it but you will get better at it with time.



Worst part is that if this guy is in sales, then you have your work cut out for you as those guys, as a whole, are full of shit anyway.



The deal is, you're taking everything far too personally and he's reveling in it.  Yes, it's disrespectful and, yes he's a dick for doing it, but whoever told you life was fair was selling you something.
And frankly, I'm disappointed in all the "run to HR" and "document, document, document" advise I'm seeing.  If you've managed to piss someone off bad enough that they're waiting by your pickup with a baseball bat, then it's time to get HR involved, not because someone hurt your feelings.  In these "rougher" industries,  this is the equivalent of "I'm telling my mommy" and generally won't end well.  If you have a sales guy that brings in a couple of million in sales every quarter that's giving crap to some parts guy that's acting like a little twat about it.  Guess who's going to disappear.  Again... life isn't fair.  
A few pointers:



Just remember that you're a young guy at that weird age where you're starting to know your stuff, but no one will give you any respect for it.  Every man goes through this rite of passage. It'll get better with time, you'll see.
Quit taking his bullshit so personally.  Think of it as a stupid game to pass the time.  Give it back.  If he's as dumb as you say he is, then you should be able to end run him.  DO NOT get your GF involved.  It's your duty to protect your honor, not hers, bathroom breaks or not.  



You also need to be able to tell where the limits are, if you start tearing into his family, (wife and kids are normally off limits) he might just be waiting for you out by your pickup with a baseball bat.  Then you can call HR.
 
 

Get gay magazine, make his mailing address on computer and glue on magazine then leave in shitter at work.

With what you've told us I'm thinking the big gregarious guy is a valuable asset to the company. He probably relates very well to customers in the heavy equipment culture.

I also think he likes you and considers you a sort of little brother who he can fuck around with, or as the young mellow guy in the company he can toughen up and bring you into that culture. The VP probably understands all this and also knows you aren't comfortable with that type of culture so the only advice he knows is to just ignore it.

I was not comfortable with that type of social interaction when I was young. Then I joined the USMC. I learned fast, but I didn't have choices. Did you say you've considered looking for a new job? I wouldn't go around telling people if you do start looking but as soon as the first request for a reference comes into the company from a potential new employer word will spread fast and things may change, if they value your work. If things do not change maybe you aren't a good fit.

Just my .02

My guess is he sees you as young and weak. I'd run with the gay thing and take it as far as I could. HR is gonna love harassment on an actual gay, he'll be run out on rails.

Hire a male stripper to come in and do a routine for him.