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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:11:23 PM EDT
[#1]
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I am both depressed and confused... I am not really interested in dating at this point in my life (I think?). Not sure what I am suppose to do with my life now, I am sort of in a weird place. I have had people tell me that I need to go talk to somebody as I have not been my usual self lately, I am just not sure if I really want to make that leap yet. This transition between married life and single life is a lot harder than it sounds. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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So far the best advise out of this thread has been,  , focus on myself and become happy, nail as much strange as possible, and re-do my house as I see fit.
I'll be interested in what the ladies of arfcom have to say during the day shift. You sound depressed or at least confused. I'd go see a shrink. I'm 35, and I was married 10 years and that's what I did and it helped. The things I did that didn't help include: dating while I was still reeling, drinking, and not giving myself enough time to settle in to being by myself. When I finally wised up, the things that helped were: shrinks, making platonic friends, a puppy, a garden, home improvement projects, school, and making big batches of food and eating off the left overs for a while. I think the last thing you should do is hit the dating scene prematurely. It's a great way to cover up your issues so you don't have to resolve them while creating new issues. Just live an awesome life, resolve your issues, make friends, lift stuff till you're big and pretty. I am both depressed and confused... I am not really interested in dating at this point in my life (I think?). Not sure what I am suppose to do with my life now, I am sort of in a weird place. I have had people tell me that I need to go talk to somebody as I have not been my usual self lately, I am just not sure if I really want to make that leap yet. This transition between married life and single life is a lot harder than it sounds. I don't see it as a leap, I see it as taking lessons in something or getting my teeth cleaned. I can sit at home, beating myself up for failing to "pull myself up by my bootstraps", or I can save time and pain and have a technician take a look at me and give me some pointers. If I were in your shoes, I would get a pro to help me figure out where the guilt is coming from. The depression and angst are normal, you're grieving, but there's no reason you shouldn't try to speed the healing process along. |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:34:57 PM EDT
[#2]
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I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy.  I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying that I am a pedo for NOT having children? Or that I am not wanting to take care of somebody elses children? |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:38:37 PM EDT
[#3]
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Give it time. You'll be the envy of many of us soon.  Keep your head up OP.No kidding, I so often dream of the freedom I once had. 
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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:39:04 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What the fuck are you talking about? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. What the fuck are you talking about? |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:45:35 PM EDT
[#5]
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What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying that I am a pedo for NOT having children? Or that I am not wanting to take care of somebody elses children? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying that I am a pedo for NOT having children? Or that I am not wanting to take care of somebody elses children? Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 7:54:38 PM EDT
[#6]
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I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. The fuck does having kids have anything to do with being mature? Fuck that has to be one of the stupidest things I've read in a while.  
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:00:07 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse.  It will get better and you will find more happiness than you even imagine possible when you find the right woman.  |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:00:16 PM EDT
[#8]
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The fuck does having kids have anything to do with being mature? Fuck that has to be one of the stupidest things I've read in a while. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. The fuck does having kids have anything to do with being mature? Fuck that has to be one of the stupidest things I've read in a while. |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:02:01 PM EDT
[#9]
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Dude, you are a perfect Bender. You play the part well, you need a bit of time to repair the brain etc. Still with the same job? Make that a must, women are second. You are FIRST. What part of Nebraska are you in? I make trips up there at least once a year, mostly to the north east corner. The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. 
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:03:31 PM EDT
[#10]
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It could be worse, you could be this ^ fucking guy.
It will get better and you will find more happiness than you even imagine possible when you find the right woman.
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I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse.
It will get better and you will find more happiness than you even imagine possible when you find the right woman.
I still have a package to get to you as well.  I swear I will send it Monday, need to get it out of the house anyway...it's starting to smell.
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:06:47 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Dude, you are a perfect Bender. You play the part well, you need a bit of time to repair the brain etc. Still with the same job? Make that a must, women are second. You are FIRST. What part of Nebraska are you in? I make trips up there at least once a year, mostly to the north east corner. The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. . |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:07:25 PM EDT
[#12]
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Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG My classes start back up in September. Looking at picking up a 49-52 Chevy truck to wrench on early next year, need to get some stuff done around the house before I can really dive into that project. Gym...I go four times a week as it stands. My plan is just living well and rediscovering me....what ever that may entail. I foresee a strange year ahead. 
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:08:37 PM EDT
[#13]
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My geography of Nebraska sucks. Norfolk. Or Norfork as they pronounce it .
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Dude, you are a perfect Bender. You play the part well, you need a bit of time to repair the brain etc. Still with the same job? Make that a must, women are second. You are FIRST. What part of Nebraska are you in? I make trips up there at least once a year, mostly to the north east corner. The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. .
Gotcha....Norfolk. Still not far from Omaha. Next time you are up this way shoot me an IM, I no longer have anyone to tell me no so a little bit of travel is no big deal.
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:11:47 PM EDT
[#14]
Follow Dan Bilzerian on Facebook/Instagram. He'll show you what to do
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:13:43 PM EDT
[#15]
I sort of felt the same way after ending a three year relationship with someone I was dating. I know its not the same as years of being married but it was still three years of spending all my free time with that person. We did EVERYTHING together. All of a sudden we are broken up and I found myself alone at home with nothing to do all depressed. I was so depressed I couldnt eat or sleep. But I can only imagine what your going through.
I like to workout so the gym occupied my time. I never relized how nice it was being able to do things on my own time frame! I started being more social with other people and became bestfriends with a guy work. We started working out together, going out to movies (bro dates, lol) and even went to bars. My friend knew people and I sort of got sucked in to a new network of friends and people. Thats where I met the person I am currently with. Bars and the Gym are where adults go to meet. Hang in there and things fall in place. |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:16:19 PM EDT
[#16]
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My classes start back up in September. Looking at picking up a 49-52 Chevy truck to wrench on early next year, need to get some stuff done around the house before I can really dive into that project. Gym...I go four times a week as it stands. My plan is just living well and rediscovering me....what ever that may entail. I foresee a strange year ahead. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Life could not be better. TRG My classes start back up in September. Looking at picking up a 49-52 Chevy truck to wrench on early next year, need to get some stuff done around the house before I can really dive into that project. Gym...I go four times a week as it stands. My plan is just living well and rediscovering me....what ever that may entail. I foresee a strange year ahead. I divorced in 2004 from a marriage that really ended in 1998. (married 1994). I spent six years, or so, unhappy. I put on the smile, bragged on the wife, and tried to make it work. From 2004 to 2010 I was single. It allowed me to finally know me. I know who I am, I know what I want, and I hope you take full advantage of your opportunity to be you. In my second marriage, it has not been all peaches and cream, but, knowing myself allowed me to take the high road and be calm in those moments when it was needed.. I blanch at some of the choices that single-TRG made, but, it helped me know me enough to see the gift. And, by 'gift' I mean ... 'no photographic or video evidence exists...'
TRG |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:19:41 PM EDT
[#17]
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My geography of Nebraska sucks. Norfolk. Or Norfork as they pronounce it .
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Dude, you are a perfect Bender. You play the part well, you need a bit of time to repair the brain etc. Still with the same job? Make that a must, women are second. You are FIRST. What part of Nebraska are you in? I make trips up there at least once a year, mostly to the north east corner. The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. .
Could be worse. In Virginia, it's pronounced "NORfuck". |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:21:43 PM EDT
[#18]
Dude, you're 35....
Hate to break up the pity party, but that's not old. I have 35 yo friends that are out there SLAYING it. Get in the game. |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 8:39:49 PM EDT
[#19]
Well, sad to see any marriage end...but thats life in the USA...
What you can do? Well, first, learn from your errors....why have you not purchased clothes for yourself in 12 years? Oh yeah, the woman bought them for you.... Women your age are rockin. If they got kids already...thats even better!!! Chances are they spayed and no more kids!!! Oh and they her kids, not yours...you would not have any responsibility for them...well unless you wanted some. Best thing...in my own personal, previously divorced opinion...live your life for yourself. Take it easy and see what life offers...dont expect too much and dont even look for anything....she bought your clothes during the entire marriage... If you dont know how...learn to cook...fast food sucks after awhile...frozen pizzas only carry ya for so long too... Oh and biggest thing...remember, your ex and her behavior was HER behavior...not to be used as a gauge for all women... Post divorce is a great time to find yourself, and who you are...best to do by yourself. |
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Posted: 7/26/2014 9:03:51 PM EDT
[#20]
Being single is simple, you just do whatever the fuck you want to.
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Posted: 7/27/2014 9:26:26 AM EDT
[#21]
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Could be worse. In Virginia, it's pronounced "NORfuck". Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Dude, you are a perfect Bender. You play the part well, you need a bit of time to repair the brain etc. Still with the same job? Make that a must, women are second. You are FIRST. What part of Nebraska are you in? I make trips up there at least once a year, mostly to the north east corner. The north east corner...assuming you mean Sioux City? That is only a couple of hours north of Omaha. .
Could be worse. In Virginia, it's pronounced "NORfuck". That was the only way I pronounced it for my five years living in Kitty Hawk NC! |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 9:52:01 AM EDT
[#22]
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Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying that I am a pedo for NOT having children? Or that I am not wanting to take care of somebody elses children? Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG Listen to this guy. He may play a homo on ARF, but in real llife, he's kinda the epitome of what I was trying to say. |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 12:05:49 PM EDT
[#23]
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Listen to this guy. He may play a homo on ARF, but in real llife, he's kinda the epitome of what I was trying to say. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. I think I see your problem. You said woman your age have kids. I'm assuming with that statement you don't have any, even after 12 years of marriage. Maybe you need to check out the local high schools for chicks on your level of maturity? Am I wrong? Just being straight up here, not trying to make things worse. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying that I am a pedo for NOT having children? Or that I am not wanting to take care of somebody elses children? Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG Listen to this guy. He may play a homo on ARF, but in real llife, he's kinda the epitome of what I was trying to say. 
TRG |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 12:10:27 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote History
You caught me. Now what? |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 12:28:34 PM EDT
[#25]
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My classes start back up in September. Looking at picking up a 49-52 Chevy truck to wrench on early next year, need to get some stuff done around the house before I can really dive into that project. Gym...I go four times a week as it stands. My plan is just living well and rediscovering me....what ever that may entail. I foresee a strange year ahead. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Ignore him. He associates children with maturity. ie. If you have none, you must be ipso facto immature. Avoid dating women with children. Like BES said .. get a a hobby. Garden. Hang out with friends. Go back to school (trust me .. it's full of eligible women...trust me on that). Enjoy being alone. And enjoy being able to watch whatever you want on TV, sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat well. Save money. Go to strip clubs. Be a great friend. Be 'the guy' that can show up across country at a party. Be the awesome Uncle. Be the great nephew. Be 'that' person that can show up at a moment's notice to do something unexpected. You are free now. Seriously, you received a gift. Enjoy that gift. Enjoy you. You don't need to ask anyone for permission. You don't need to explain. You don't need to apologize. You don't have to worry now. The last 15 years of your life were holding you back from figuring out who you really are. I hardly associate myself with who I was during my first marriage. That guy never realized what life truly had to offer. I don't miss him. I'm now happily married to a woman that has all the qualities I never realized I wanted in my first wife. Our first child is due in November. Life could not be better. TRG My classes start back up in September. Looking at picking up a 49-52 Chevy truck to wrench on early next year, need to get some stuff done around the house before I can really dive into that project. Gym...I go four times a week as it stands. My plan is just living well and rediscovering me....what ever that may entail. I foresee a strange year ahead. If you do not know, I have a couple of 48-53 chevys, a pick-up and a panel, truck in various stages of completion. A hobby is a good mind break from work (in my case) or what ever path you are following 
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Posted: 7/27/2014 12:35:55 PM EDT
[#26]
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Posted: 7/27/2014 2:27:19 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I am both depressed and confused... I am not really interested in dating at this point in my life (I think?). Not sure what I am suppose to do with my life now, I am sort of in a weird place. I have had people tell me that I need to go talk to somebody as I have not been my usual self lately, I am just not sure if I really want to make that leap yet. This transition between married life and single life is a lot harder than it sounds. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: So far the best advise out of this thread has been, , focus on myself and become happy, nail as much strange as possible, and re-do my house as I see fit.I'll be interested in what the ladies of arfcom have to say during the day shift. You sound depressed or at least confused. I'd go see a shrink. I'm 35, and I was married 10 years and that's what I did and it helped. The things I did that didn't help include: dating while I was still reeling, drinking, and not giving myself enough time to settle in to being by myself. When I finally wised up, the things that helped were: shrinks, making platonic friends, a puppy, a garden, home improvement projects, school, and making big batches of food and eating off the left overs for a while. I think the last thing you should do is hit the dating scene prematurely. It's a great way to cover up your issues so you don't have to resolve them while creating new issues. Just live an awesome life, resolve your issues, make friends, lift stuff till you're big and pretty. I am both depressed and confused... I am not really interested in dating at this point in my life (I think?). Not sure what I am suppose to do with my life now, I am sort of in a weird place. I have had people tell me that I need to go talk to somebody as I have not been my usual self lately, I am just not sure if I really want to make that leap yet. This transition between married life and single life is a lot harder than it sounds. OK, you're going through the normal progression of grieving for the lost marriage. You may want to talk to a therapist just to have someone who will listen and might be able to make useful suggestions. I saw one for part of the time while going through my divorce, which helped, I also got back into martial arts (although I've slacked lately and need to fix that) and spent a lot of time coaching my teenage daughter in softball (part of why I dropped martial arts, it also got me a couple of dates with divorced/single moms of players). But, as I mentioned above, I specifically did NOT make any move to look for a new woman for six months to a year after the divorce was finalized. |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 2:38:08 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Give it time. You'll be the envy of many of us soon. Keep your head up OP.This.... OP, relax man, your life is only going to get better. Being single can and should be awesome. Think about it, no nagging wife or girlfriend to hold you back anymore. No more stupid excuses, no more of her bitching at you for this and that, no more full power shots from the female squat dog to your self esteem. No more boat anchor of a broad to blame all of her life's failings on you. You're in the driver seat now, each and every day hereafter is totally yours to decide how it goes and what you'll do with it. Your home is now a place of tranquility, a place that is representative of you, filled with your things. Eventually, you'll start dating again, but leave it at that, dating, nothing serious, just hit it and quit it pie. No emotional ties. This is a fine time. There isn't a skirt in this world that is worth beating yourself up over. Yeah, you miss the wife now, but think of all the shit she did to make you absolutely miserable, thank of her running her mouth at you, usurping your control over your life. Think about how shitty you feel right now, and realize that shitty comes from your association with HER. You wouldn't feel shitty right now had you never married that broad. Learn from this, enjoy who you are, do your thing! Buy shit you want, go places you want, and never let another broad talk you into what is state sanctioned misery. |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 2:43:27 PM EDT
[#29]
Becoming single after a long term relationship is a tough and difficult adjustment period. I became single last year and I felt empty for a while myself. The key, like others have mentioned, is using your new freedom to better yourself. I started a new and better job, built a patio in my backyard, and I signed up to take a Spanish class at a local college this fall. I've also started to date again. I'm not worried about having to find someone, I just enjoy my dates and if a relationship comes from it and I find someone that compliments me then so be it.
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Posted: 7/27/2014 4:37:55 PM EDT
[#30]
Relevant to my interests.
Broke up w gf of 6 yrs yesterday. She's devastated which is what makes it hard for me. Until she moves out not sure what's next though. I'm 33 and plan to have fun for a bit. 25 sounds about right haha 
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Posted: 7/27/2014 10:53:36 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryI think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG |
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Posted: 7/27/2014 11:00:40 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG Quote HistoryQuoted: I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG |
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Posted: 7/28/2014 2:51:29 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG Quote HistoryQuoted:
I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG Low impact. Only need one sleeping pad. |
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Posted: 7/28/2014 2:51:52 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Great, now who will cuddle with RFury? Guess I am the huckleberry. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG Cup the balls. |
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Posted: 7/28/2014 2:55:39 AM EDT
[#35]
Popping in to say sometimes you just gotta live like Dirk Diggler.
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Posted: 7/28/2014 5:26:15 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Great, now who will cuddle with RFury? Guess I am the huckleberry. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I think there might be a pup tent in our future... TRG  Glad someone wants to cuddle with me.
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Posted: 8/1/2014 1:10:09 AM EDT
[#37]
Well a new week is starting for me. Doing everything I can to create oppurtunities for myslef. Opperation get monies is in full swing, and I am starting to live for myself a little bit.
I have to move back into my house this weekend, and am a bit nervous about it but we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck you guys. Thanks for the support. Fury. Edit. Oh yeah. Been hitting the gym like crazy, I am sore all over. But it is a good thing. |
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Posted: 8/1/2014 3:02:41 AM EDT
[#38]
Eh...we're all single despite marital status. All we ever have are ourselves. People do change.
It's nice to "be in a relationship" but I don't need it. You'll either find someone willing to grow old and die with you or not. It's not a guarantee. People lament for the good old days. Where you married young and died together. A LOT of those folks were unhappy. Divorce was a stigma. If I marry a bird I'd like it to be because they are the best option. Someone to grow with. Otherwise it doesn't work. I'm going to live my life with or without it. The best thing I ever did at 25 was say "hey man I really don't care. " I can enjoy the company of women without needing them to be my life partner. You gotta kiss a lotta frogs, m'man. |
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Posted: 8/1/2014 8:51:34 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Well a new week is starting for me. Doing everything I can to create oppurtunities for myslef. Opperation get monies is in full swing, and I am starting to live for myself a little bit. I have to move back into my house this weekend, and am a bit nervous about it but we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck you guys. Thanks for the support. Fury. Edit. Oh yeah. Been hitting the gym like crazy, I am sore all over. But it is a good thing. Sounds like you've got things under control. Have you given any thought to moving furniture around and stuff? Just so it's not too much the same? |
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Posted: 8/1/2014 1:00:35 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sounds like you've got things under control. Have you given any thought to moving furniture around and stuff? Just so it's not too much the same? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Well a new week is starting for me. Doing everything I can to create oppurtunities for myslef. Opperation get monies is in full swing, and I am starting to live for myself a little bit. I have to move back into my house this weekend, and am a bit nervous about it but we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck you guys. Thanks for the support. Fury. Edit. Oh yeah. Been hitting the gym like crazy, I am sore all over. But it is a good thing. Sounds like you've got things under control. Have you given any thought to moving furniture around and stuff? Just so it's not too much the same? Selling everything except for a book case that belonged to my grandfathers grandfather. |
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Posted: 8/2/2014 11:51:14 AM EDT
[#41]
Well....started a jujitsu class thanks to my friend Matt, sore as fuck, but it was a blast. At least I now have something to look forward to.
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Posted: 8/2/2014 12:01:30 PM EDT
[#42]
OP has over 60,000 posts????? WTF
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Posted: 8/2/2014 12:02:34 PM EDT
[#43]
Personally, while I love my wife dearly and our marriage is solid, if it ended tomorrow, I'd be looking to enjoy the time alone rather than looking for another relationship. I'd be shooting, traveling, working on projects that have fallen by the wayside and of course, spending time with my kids.
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Posted: 8/2/2014 12:04:02 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
OP has over 60,000 posts????? WTF I am a bit disturbed that my post count is all that you gathered from this thread. |
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Posted: 8/2/2014 12:18:54 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Well....started a jujitsu class thanks to my friend Matt, sore as fuck, but it was a blast. At least I now have something to look forward to. Awesome R-Fury, your doing just what you should. Only you can define and create what you want in life, 1 day at a time. (You know this already I'm sure) Good luck man! Here's an oldie that helps me pull myself up by my bootstraps when I need a kick in the ass!
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Posted: 8/2/2014 12:20:57 PM EDT
[#46]
Quoted:
No joke. Marriage of 12 years went south, and now I find my self divorced. Being 35 and single kind of sucks. Every woman my age either has kids, is married, or a train wreck. To old to be hanging out in bars, and truth be told, bar skanks are not really my cup of tea. So here I am, trust in women shot, I realized last week that I have not bought clothes for myself in 12 years, now what the hell do I do? I guess it is currency, motorcycles, hot rods, and tattoos for this guy. Drink beer, go out shooting, don't spend money on stupid bullshit like shoes and curtains, fuck who you want, hit the lake up, do whatever the fuck you want. It sucks. |
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Posted: 8/2/2014 1:35:11 PM EDT
[#47]
Joke's on her — women age like milk!
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Posted: 8/2/2014 1:47:35 PM EDT
[#48]
JiuJitsu is a great start.. that will build confidence in yourself like you may have never had. It is highly rewarding.
R_Fury, I went through something very similar.. I'm most everyone here has gone through it at some point as well. So what I'm saying here may resonate with others. Pick some easy things that will make you feel better about yourself. Start running track and compete in 5-10ks - enjoy the social scenes that go with them by joining running clubs. Join a Hash House Harriers group and party with them as you can meet some really good people there that will be lifelong friends. Go rafting and kayaking (I go to the Ocoee river in TN as work permits) and have a blast. Set the bar a little lower for a while and dominate those weed filled spaces. When your confidence is up start chasing after the harder things (women etc). Good luck buddy, don't get yourself all bent out of shape about being Single. It can be the start of the best part of your life.
When the chips are down you gotta learn how to take it all in and grow. When you grow on a personal level you will discover the joy of a fun life all over again, I swear it. |
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Posted: 8/2/2014 2:17:29 PM EDT
[#49]
Op, another "same boat" story.
Then: Divorced from a train wreck at 33 w/3 kids paying CS file for BK due to the cost associated and added on. Now: Married 11 years to a hot MILF 13 years younger than me with 2 more kids, who is a stay at home mom, 3,500 SF home making aver $100K a year. The ex: Not doing good and I really give zero fucks. What did I do? Pretty much what most have said here. Had maybe 3ish LT relationships, learned to be happy and alone, didn't compromise in what I wanted in a woman, did I say I didn't compromise what I wanted in a woman? Hit and run maybe a dozen or so, did what ever the fuck I wanted to do. BTW, my wife exceeds what I wanted in a woman. When you married your 1st wife you compromised and generally didn't have a clue what you wanted. She was 24 at the time I met her, just got her degree, no kids, never married, professional singer, no baggage, tall, hot, great sense of humor, intelligent, super personality, definite honest 9+, and still is a 9 as a MILF. I just had to test drive many before I had the one I wanted. And she had 0 miles on the odometer. Oh, I'm not sure if I had already mentioned this but do not compromise in what you want in a woman. This include hit and quits as far as H&Q standards go.  |
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Posted: 8/2/2014 10:36:30 PM EDT
[#50]
Thanks for the well wishes you guys. Moving back into my house this week, and it is more difficult than I had anticipated.
One good thing about where my house is, it is closer to jujitsu than when I am staying now. |
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