Quoted:


3 round burst!

Quoted:
Me: "Where do you want to go out to eat?"

Wife: "oh, I don't care...any place is fine."

Me: "OK, let's go to <fill-in-the-blank>

Wife: "I don't want to go there...we just had...I don't like...you know I can't have gluten...any place but that..." etc, etc, etc.

Me: "OK, then you pick out the place."

Wife: "I told you, I don't care. Any place is fine."

Me:




ETA: I've finally given up on this. If someone doesn't like my suggestion, I refuse to make another suggestion until they offer a counter-suggestion.

Quoted:
She does not have the words "yes or no" in her vocabulary.  Her standard answers are:  "I guess", "I suppose", "huh", "what" or "I could care less".  Yes, I know that she means she couldn't care less, but for some reason she always cares.

When we are out and I ask her where she wants to stop and eat, she never knows.  

Quoted:
Me:  *Panting, out of breath, sweaty*

Her:  "Oh hey, the ceiling fan has a bulb out"

Quoted:

"_____"

Typically followed days later by "I know I told you--you never listen".  The problem is the words never leave her mouth--it's either her constant internal dialog, or she gets distracted and never actually says the words she plans to.  My adult kids confirm this so it's not a case of selective hearing.


.

Quoted:
Me:  *Panting, out of breath, sweaty*

Her:  "Oh hey, the ceiling fan has a bulb out"

Quoted:
Not tonight, I'm tired.

Quoted:
'outen the lights' '[blank] is all' 'spritzing' and a bunch of others. Her family is very PA Dutch and she picked up a few sayings.

'i hate people' (she dislikes crowds even more than I do)

and she laughs at farts... and then tells me I'm gross. I tell her if she laughed it doesn't count.


I love my wife, I'd be lost and miserable without her.

Quoted:


"Do you need me to add more Dr. Pepper to the crock pot?"



"Your not listening to me when I feed my fish!"



"Do we need cat food? The car needs gas so we should get cat food"





Yes, it really is as outlandish as it sounds. Yes, there are times she really is checked out of whatever reality the rest of us are living in.

Quoted:
"You better pull-out unless you want a retard baby"  

Quoted:
"Get the fuck outta my kitchen!"

I didn't listen at first, but after the second time she cut me with a knife, I realized I'd be better on the couch watching t.v. She ( 2nd wife ) said this whenever she was cooking something with a really old family recipe. Like I would know what to do with a damn recipe'. Of course, it might also be that she got aggravated by my really bad Zuluish accent of " Bootitee Bootitee Bootie.", and smacking her on the ass when she was bent over a hot stove, but who knows. I almost needed stitches the second time, but we super glued it.

"Stop being a bitch and get up. I'm gonna fuck the pain away if you stop being a pussy."

This was after she came back from MP training at Leonard wood. We were coming down the steps at my parents house and headed over to ours. She decided to show me a baton type take down she learned there, with a 5 cell maglight she had in her hands, while I was stepping off into the gravel driveway, with the cement walkway still extending for the next three feet. All I know is she got my arms behind me as I was stepping off, and locked them, and I went face first into the gravel, bleeding, while she jumped on my back and cuffed me. Cussing her, and spitting out rocks was apparently being a whiny bitch.  She made up for it, but geez.

"I'm gonna dig your brain out with a spoon."  Anytime I said something stupid, but with her track record of violence, I could never be sure if she was being funny or serious.



"Go out and put the targets up."

At the range, after a night of knock down , drag out fighting, where she pulled a knife on me and I thought I was gonna have to hit her with a bat. Then she said the knife was for her, but we kept fighting. She would never shut up, and to get the last word. I slept in another bedroom that night. Well, slept isn't the right word, I never fell asleep. She slept like a baby, and laughed at me because she said she psyched me out. She decided that we should go shoot that morning, bought us breakfast and all. She asked me to go put the targets up while she stayed back at the shooting line, with nobody there but us two, in the middle of nowhere, with no cell service. Yeah, like that was gonna happen. I told her hell, no, you're walking out here with me.


The first wife was all sunshine and daisies. Second one was crazy as hell. And yeah, the 2nd one is the 19-20 year old ( (I was 32-33) that wanted to play "overwatch " on a gun deal on the river roads on top of a buddy's dad's two story store, where there was a ladder to go up on the extension that was a first floor patio thing. I didn't tell her no. It would have broke her spirit, and I wouldn't have got laid that night. It was her 10rd AK and she was using the money for a 30rd SAR1.

Quoted:
I think my favorite memory of the ex wife was when i was talking to our landlord, out of nowhere she just starts talking over (she did this alot).  Finally I had to get a word in:

"Honey?"

"What?!? "

I point to the next room "Shiney object."

She spins around, then reality hits and she spins back.

Her:

Me:

Landlord: ...

Quoted:


Are we all married to the same woman?

Quoted:
"Do you need me to add more Dr. Pepper to the crock pot?"

"Your not listening to me when I feed my fish!"

"Do we need cat food? The car needs gas so we should get cat food"

Yes, it really is as outlandish as it sounds. Yes, there are times she really is checked out of whatever reality the rest of us are living in.

Quoted:
She will start saying something to me the moment I turn the kitchen faucet on to wash my hands or a dish, while she’s sitting 30 feet away. It’s an almost Pavlovian response to her hearing the water running.