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Chuck Norris ended a universe and created another one at the same time. He calls it a roundhouse kick. We call it the big bang.
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Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. |
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I found two Old Charles Norris Threads>
https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/-ARCHIVED-THREAD-Put-your-Chuck-Norris-facts-here-/5-1377330/?page=1 https://www.ar15.com/forums/General/-ARCHIVED-THREAD-Chuck-Norris-Doesn-t-Always-Win-/5-1886823/?page=1 |
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View Quote He was born on March 10th, 1940. |
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Chuck Norris graduated valedictorian from kindergarten because he was fucking the teacher.
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Chuck Norris and the Hulk got into a fight. The loser had to paint himself green.
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The only reason there’s more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee jokes is because Bruce Lee is no joke.
There are no Chuck Norris jokes, only Chuck Norris facts. |
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When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris.
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If Batman and Darth Vader got into a fight who would win?
Chuck Norris. |
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According to Einstein's theory of relativity a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris can send you into last week.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down until they tell him the full story.
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When interviewed, Freddy Krueger said his greatest fear is that someday Chuck norris might get tired and fall asleep
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Chuck Norris once won an eat a 72 ounce steak in an hour contest. He spent the first 45 minutes fucking the waitress.
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Quoted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrHmcpRAZNs https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/374309/4d1fbt_jpg-1566891_jpg-1689739.JPG View Quote "Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot!" That was the best Downfall parody yet! |
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Chuck Norris once won the Iron Chef competition by microwaving Hot Pockets.
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Chuck Norris literally nukes his leftovers the next day to warm them up.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t dial wrong numbers. You answered the wrong phone.
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When God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Universe into existence.
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Quoted: Here is where he landed. https://www.nasa.gov/sites/default/files/thumbnails/image/asteroid-meteor-crater.png View Quote Damnit! Was going to post that. Glad I checked the thread 1st. |
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Laughing hard at these jokes. I dont have one, but a story.
My cousin resembles Chuck Norris quite a bit. He went to a job a few years ago to give a bid to move some machinery for a customer. The Asian owner asked him if he was walker. My cousin had a confused look and asked him ,What? Asian owner said again You , Walker? Texas Ranger? My cousin busted out laughing. |
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The coin Jaqen H'ghar gave Arya Stark has Chuck Norris on its face.
You Do NOT want to know what is on the Tail side. |
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Chuck Norris can walk into a Burger King and order a McDonald's Big Mac with a side of Chic-fil-A nuggets and a DQ Blizzard and not only get it, but Burger King pays the total of the order to Chuck Norris.
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As a lark, Chuck Norris was pissed intona 18 Wheeler's gas tank as a prank. Today that truck is known as Optimus Prime.
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When Chuck Norris donates blood, he brings a shotgun and a bucket.
During World War II, Truman thought about sending Chuck Norris to invade Japan. Instead, he did the humane thing and merely dropped two nukes on them. |
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