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Posted: 11/19/2020 8:07:26 AM EDT
[#1]
Once while vacationing in Europe, Chuck Norris went on a casual bicycle ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
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Posted: 11/19/2020 9:12:43 AM EDT
[#2]
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon's...………………..on a landline!
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Posted: 11/19/2020 9:25:45 AM EDT
[#3]
Chuck Norris bet the Devil he was a better fiddle player than Johnny. He won by playing one note on a harmonica.
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Posted: 11/19/2020 9:28:11 AM EDT
[#4]
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Posted: 11/19/2020 9:58:56 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. Quoted: Most people can piss their name in the snow, Chuck can do it in concrete. Quoted: Chuck Norris doesn't dial wrong numbers. You answered the wrong phone. 
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Posted: 11/19/2020 10:40:49 AM EDT
[#6]
chuck norris can strangle you with a cordless phone
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Posted: 11/19/2020 10:51:36 AM EDT
[#7]
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Posted: 11/19/2020 11:58:33 AM EDT
[#8]
Chuck Norris' boogers can beat up your mom.
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Posted: 11/19/2020 2:17:19 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris' kite is a B-1 |
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Posted: 11/19/2020 2:29:38 PM EDT
[#10]
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris can get a Big Mac from Chik Fil A on a Sunday |
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Posted: 11/19/2020 7:18:49 PM EDT
[#11]
Chuck Norris can get a new B-2 Bomber replacement kite on a Sunday at Hobby Lobby.
With fries. |
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Posted: 11/19/2020 8:13:17 PM EDT
[#12]
Chuck Norris once went to a feminist rally, and left with a sandwich and an ironed shirt.
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Posted: 11/19/2020 8:27:58 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I don’t get it Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I met Chuck at an event earlier this year, and he’s such a nice guy. Genuinely seems to love his fans. I don’t get it Very sublime. |
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Posted: 11/19/2020 8:38:46 PM EDT
[#14]
Chuck Norris once attended a feminist rally. He came home with his shirt ironed.
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Posted: 11/19/2020 8:43:28 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris once went to a feminist rally, and left with a sandwich and an ironed shirt. Lol!!! |
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Posted: 11/19/2020 11:18:27 PM EDT
[#16]
Chuck Norris can make a denim rifle out of snakeskin.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 10:07:43 AM EDT
[#17]
Chuck Norris once entered a drag race he'd been told was a sack race.
He still won. |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:19:34 PM EDT
[#18]
Chuck Norris' socks can squeeze anacondas to death.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:22:17 PM EDT
[#19]
the LZ limped over to the parachute dealer and humbly asked for Chuck's money back.
Then sued for it's own reconstruction costs. |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:27:19 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: the LZ limped over to the parachute dealer and humbly asked for Chuck's money back. Then sued for it's own reconstruction costs. Blood on the risers was from the parachute 
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:29:14 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris counted to infinity.....twice. Dude is getting up there in years. Hopefully ‘20 doesn’t get him too.  Definitely would be a sign of an impending apocalypse  #Fuck2020 |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:45:12 PM EDT
[#22]
the mirror reflector on the moon was hand-placed by Chuck Norris
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Posted: 11/20/2020 12:53:25 PM EDT
[#23]
Chuck Norris can indeed piss his name into concrete, but it will be in your girlfriend's hand-writing.
Chuck can field strip an AK-47 with just his penis and his left testicle ....while his right nut is reloading the mag 
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Posted: 11/20/2020 1:14:11 PM EDT
[#24]
Chuck Norris banned Arock.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 1:58:35 PM EDT
[#25]
Chuck Norris knows who Phone is.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 2:20:07 PM EDT
[#26]
Every man has one testicle that is slightly bigger. Each of Chuck Norris' testicles are larger than the other one.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 2:29:53 PM EDT
[#27]
Chuck Norris has bacon.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 2:43:07 PM EDT
[#28]
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just called the Islands
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Posted: 11/20/2020 2:52:01 PM EDT
[#29]
Chuck Norris can punch a Cyclops in between the eyes.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 3:22:37 PM EDT
[#30]
Chuck Norris will beat the shit out of anyone he sees wearing a mask.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 3:37:05 PM EDT
[#31]
Chuck Norris can fold planets.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 3:40:54 PM EDT
[#32]
Chuck Norris can impregnate women by pointing and saying..”Booyah”
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Posted: 11/20/2020 3:54:30 PM EDT
[#33]
Church Morris hasn't got anything to say.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 6:01:26 PM EDT
[#34]
Chuck Norris could have won Pearl Harbor.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 6:03:38 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris could have won Pearl Harbor. And he was only a year old at the time! |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 6:05:09 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted: And he was only a year old at the time! Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Chuck Norris could have won Pearl Harbor. And he was only a year old at the time!
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Posted: 11/20/2020 9:02:19 PM EDT
[#37]
The difference between chuck norris and crack? Crack doesn't kill you with the first hit.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 9:55:12 PM EDT
[#38]
Chuck Norris once spent a relaxing summer vacation at a convent in Tuscany. 9 months after he left, all the nuns in the convent gave birth.
Those babies grew up to become the 1972 Miami Dolphins. |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 10:07:13 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck Norris banned Arock. He's also the only person capable of taking a full power shot from squatdog. |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 10:08:32 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: He's also the only person capable of taking a full power shot from squatdog. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Chuck Norris banned Arock. He's also the only person capable of taking a full power shot from squatdog. Squatdog wouldn't dare, but yeah. If he did. Nice one. |
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Posted: 11/20/2020 10:19:16 PM EDT
[#41]
Chuck Norris once ate a Rubik's cube and pooped it out solved.
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Posted: 11/20/2020 11:11:52 PM EDT
[#42]
Chuck Norris can count in alphabetical order.
Chuck Norris once won a game of chess on the first move. The only reason Chuck Norris has a beard is because science hasn't yet created a blade that can cut it. |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 1:52:13 AM EDT
[#43]
Chuh norsis is an fiting cobra that reely hurt an to kills you asholes
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Posted: 11/21/2020 2:49:24 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuh norsis is an fiting cobra that reely hurt an to kills you asholes Dude, put down the meth pipe and go to bed. |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 8:12:33 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Dude, put down the meth pipe and go to bed. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Chuh norsis is an fiting cobra that reely hurt an to kills you asholes Dude, put down the meth pipe and go to bed. Chuck broke his fingers. |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 8:16:00 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Dude, put down the meth pipe and go to bed. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Chuh norsis is an fiting cobra that reely hurt an to kills you asholes Dude, put down the meth pipe and go to bed. I has all ways say no to the drugs an im maybe to hit you meanie person |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 9:25:06 AM EDT
[#47]
 The Delta Force - Alan Silvestri |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 9:47:29 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chuck broke his fingers. Chuck made him have a stroke. |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 9:47:35 AM EDT
[#49]
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube. How many push ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them. |
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Posted: 11/21/2020 12:58:16 PM EDT
[#50]
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