Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so.. - Page 2

General » General Discussion

Site Notices

TNVC Partners With Envision Technology - MARS Rangefinder Family, MARS-Lc!

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so.. (Page 2 of 10)

Posted: 11/17/2020 3:35:21 PM EDT

[#1]

Chuck Norris once ate his entire birthday cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.

Posted: 11/17/2020 3:46:19 PM EDT

[#2]

Alan Osmond: We Brought In Chuck Norris To De-Feminize Our Dance Moves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JjiXv5UAYw

Posted: 11/17/2020 4:08:26 PM EDT

[#3]

Chuck Norris can clog a toilet with just his piss.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:18:21 PM EDT

[#4]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:30:44 PM EDT

[#5]

When Chuck Norris was born the doctor tried to slap him. The problem is no one slaps Chuck Norris and lives.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:33:43 PM EDT

[#6]

Quote History

Quoted:
They were going to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore. But the granite was too soft for Chuck's beard. (Chuck Norris' favorite Chuck Norris joke.)

View Quote

Chuck Norris sells his beard trimmings to Police Departments. They use them to make bullet proof vests.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:34:56 PM EDT

[#7]

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:39:05 PM EDT

[#8]

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:42:07 PM EDT

[#9]

Quote History

Quoted:
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

View Quote

One of my favorites.....

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:49:14 PM EDT

[#10]

Quote History

Quoted:
Chuck Norris counted to infinity.....twice.

View Quote

Chuck Norris can also divide by zero.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:55:23 PM EDT

[#11]

Chuck Norris doesn't have chin. Under his beard is another fist.

Posted: 11/17/2020 10:56:22 PM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
Chuck Norris can bump-fire a ~~bolt-action~~ muzzle loader.

View Quote

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:01:37 PM EDT

[#13]

Now I'm having Alex tell me more...

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:03:55 PM EDT

[#14]

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:04:48 PM EDT

[#15]

Chuck Norris turns ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:05:25 PM EDT

[#16]

Chuck norris doesn't throw up, chuck throws down ,WHOOO!

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:06:52 PM EDT

[#17]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story. Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he shit it out, the turtle was six feet tall and knew karate.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:08:38 PM EDT

[#18]

Quote History

Quoted:
https://i.redd.it/mce6dsm0cpb11.jpg

View Quote

Immediately following this conversation, Chuck tracked down Liam. Strangled him with his own wireless phone.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:08:42 PM EDT

[#19]

Chuck Norris once shot down a Messerschmidt by pointing his finger in the air and yelling "BANG!"

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:09:18 PM EDT

[#20]

Chuck Norris invented racism because he lost a game of chess to Mr. T.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:09:28 PM EDT

[#21]

Giraffes don't exist. Just horses that Chuck Norris has upper cutted.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:11:01 PM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
I knew a girl that went out on a date with him once. Just once.

View Quote

Sounds dangerously...

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:15:04 PM EDT

[#23]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:20:27 PM EDT

[#24]

Chuck Norris wall papered the Sistine Chapel ceiling, drunk, barefoot and farting like a motherfucker.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:21:06 PM EDT

[#25]

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:23:06 PM EDT

[#26]

This sign was at the Get'N Go across from the Clinton industrial park in 2019.

Attached File

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:23:34 PM EDT

[#27]

Chuck Norris' phone can speak Vietnamese.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:25:20 PM EDT

[#28]

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake for a condom.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:26:24 PM EDT

[#29]

Baby Chuck Norris once fell out his crib. Now people sometimes call they house they crib.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:29:55 PM EDT

[#30]

Crop circles are just Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lay the fuck down.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:33:32 PM EDT

[#31]

The Grand Canyon was created when Chuck Norris was drugged.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:34:51 PM EDT

[#32]

Chuck Norris microwaves his hiccups to make popcorn.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:35:08 PM EDT

[#33]

Texas Ranger with a Walker. No man ever said.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:35:46 PM EDT

[#34]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:37:59 PM EDT

[#35]

Chuck Norris doesn't want to know anything about KIA automobiles.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:42:07 PM EDT

[#36]

Chuck Norris once lit a fart while camping in the Sahara Forest.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:42:15 PM EDT

[#37]

Chuck Norris taught Bill Brasky how to water ski.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:44:20 PM EDT

[#38]

Chuck Norris once appeared on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune.

The entire episode consisted of 27 minutes of awkward silence waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:47:27 PM EDT

[#39]

Chuck Norris is the singular reason of why laughter is in manslaughter.

Posted: 11/17/2020 11:55:13 PM EDT

[#40]

Quote History

Quoted:

Baby Chuck Norris once fell out his crib. Now people sometimes call they house they crib.

View Quote

Attached File

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:01:33 AM EDT

[#41]

Chuck Norris taught dogs to walk on their butts.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:05:50 AM EDT

[#42]

A hotdog once choked to death on Chuck Norris.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:13:00 AM EDT

[#43]

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade that killed 20 people.

...and then it exploded

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:18:28 AM EDT

[#44]

Chuck Norris and Mr T once got in a fight. The result was the 80's.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:24:42 AM EDT

[#45]

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet..... He scares the shit out of it.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:24:45 AM EDT

[#46]

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a loaded Glock and won.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:29:17 AM EDT

[#47]

Chuck Norris got an inflatable woman pregnant.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:29:41 AM EDT

[#48]

Chuck Norris knows how magnets work.

Or

Chuck Norris is magnets.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:41:41 AM EDT

[#49]

Chuck Norris acquired his martial arts skills by selling his soul to the Devil. As soon as the contract was signed, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil and took his soul back.
The Devil thinks this is funny, because he should have seen it coming. They play golf every Wednesday, and Chuck always wins.

Chuck disagreed with Einstein's Theory of Relativity. So he built a time machine, and went back and roundhouse kicked Albert Einstein so hard he flew into the future.
We knew him as Stephen Hawking.

Posted: 11/18/2020 12:45:48 AM EDT

[#50]

Chuck Norris doesn't need to guess the price on The Price Is Right. The price is whatever Chuck Norris says it is.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so.. (Page 2 of 10)

General » General Discussion

Win a FREE Membership!

Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!

You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.

Warning

Confirm Action

About AR15.COM

Stay Connected

Newsletter

Contact Us