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Posted: 10/3/2015 12:38:42 AM EDT
Some here might remember the story of my Brother and how he ended up in prison for robbery. He will be there until 2022.
I write, send pictures and money when I can. I also try to keep money on his phone account so he can call me every week or two. I told him in August that I was behind on bills, work was slow, and I would help as soon as I could. Today I get a letter. In it is this paragraph: I ask for so little compared to everyone else here. Most everyone gets money, packages, visits, mail and phone weekly. It's really hard without any of that shit. I see others with all this shit and it makes me want to take it from them. I'm trying to serve God, change my ways and stay out of trouble. It really makes me feel like no one cares if I make it or not. The part about taking peoples shit has really upset me. I have promised to help him when he gets out, as bad as I dread it, but now I don't think I can. He has no one else, but I just can't risk the bullshit that always comes with him being around. He hasn't changed and probably never will. |
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OP, what's he in the slammer for?
Oh, and he's putting a guilt trip on you. |
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Its easy to say forget him, he is lost.
But I have never been in that situation before. |
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Tominjax,
You did a hell of a thing for your brother. He spit in your face, perhaps not directly. He continues to prove to you that he hasn't changed his stripes. It pains me to think that you need to write him off, after all he has put you and your family through because you hoped he could become a decent human being again. Sorry. |
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I don't know your situation, but jail will turn people into pathological manipulators. I don't read too far into it myself in the friends/ family I've seen locked up.
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He's shucking and jiving you, all inmates do it. I would just write him off.
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Dear Bro,
I'll get back to you after our ski trip in December. |
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Quoted: OP, what's he in the slammer for? Oh, and he's putting a guilt trip on you. View Quote http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1143776_I_m_freaking_out_so_bad_that_I_can_t_quit_shaking_New_UPDATE__Page_11.html |
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Quoted:
Some here might remember the story of my Brother and how he ended up in prison for robbery. He will be there until 2022. I write, send pictures and money when I can. I also try to keep money on his phone account so he can call me every week or two. I told him in August that I was behind on bills, work was slow, and I would help as soon as I could. Today I get a letter. In it is this paragraph: I ask for so little compared to everyone else here. Most everyone gets money, packages, visits, mail and phone weekly. It's really hard without any of that shit. I see others with all this shit and it makes me want to take it from them. I'm trying to serve God, change my ways and stay out of trouble. It really makes me feel like no one cares if I make it or not. The part about taking peoples shit has really upset me. I have promised to help him when he gets out, as bad as I dread it, but now I don't think I can. He has no one else, but I just can't risk the bullshit that always comes with him being around. He hasn't changed and probably never will. View Quote Trying to help someone who needs help is a wonderful thing. Bringing someone back into your life who's potentially dangerous or destructive is not. You're under no obligation to ruin your life trying to help him. |
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Usually, people don't change. They can, of course, and he is your brother, so I would never completely give up if you can help it.
But don't trust him farther than you can throw him. Sucks, but there it is. In prison or out, stuff doesn't make life easier. I say that having never been in prison. But the quest for stuff is... Toxic. No matter how much you have, it's never enough. Don't let stuff rule your life. There's no happiness in it. |
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So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you and your family are dealing with. God Bless..
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He is a taker - and will write what he wants in his attempt to manipulate you into giving him what he wants, when he wants. The more you give, the more he will expect. Lather... repeat.
He will drain your resources, your spirit and your trust. |
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He's working you anyway, put the wall up. No matter how hard you try, that is a battle you will not win. Ax me how I know. "God grant me the serenity, the courage and the wisdom..."
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OP, he won't change till he sees rock bottom, if he survives the fall he might...MIGHT see the light. Tough love OP stay strong.
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Why don't you give us his address and I will write to him: "Dear Mr. ______ It is a bright sunny day and I think I will go fishing. And maybe I will also have a steak and a nice cold beer. Do the guards ever let you have any beer? If not, maybe you might ask them nicely. Anyway, I would like to write a little more, but my girlfriend is feeling a little frisky See you later... Fluffy |
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That's because all they do in prison is keep you from killing yourself or someone else. They don't work much to actually give counseling, rehabilitate, teach a new trade, etc.
They are stuck there. If we at least gave them a chance to better themselves, I think many people would. |
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Why don't you give us his address and I will write to him: Fluffy That's not very nice. I'm sorry but that's the problem. You are a good guy and he's taking advantage of you. You have to stop being nice |
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View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
Quoted:
OP, what's he in the slammer for? Oh, and he's putting a guilt trip on you. http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1143776_I_m_freaking_out_so_bad_that_I_can_t_quit_shaking_New_UPDATE__Page_11.html Damn! That was THAT long ago??? It seems like it was just a couple months ago I read that thread. |
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Quoted:
That's because all they do in prison is keep you from killing yourself or someone else. They don't work much to actually give counseling, rehabilitate, teach a new trade, etc. They are stuck there. If we at least gave them a chance to better themselves, I think many people would. View Quote Sorry, but I think most people have squandered lots of chances by the time they arrive in prison. No amount of being nice will help. Quite the opposite, it will only enable and encourage the manipulative behavior. Change has to come from within the person. |
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He's still in a criminal mindsent, he deserves more, is willing to rob other inmates and is trying to trick his family members. the best thing you could do for him is cut him off. Doing stuff like giving his commissary money is just enabling him.
I get a few inmate letters a year trying to get me to represent them for free ( oh they will pay me later!) to reopen their case. They have nothing else to do but write letters trying to scam people. |
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View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
Quoted:
OP, what's he in the slammer for? Oh, and he's putting a guilt trip on you. http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1143776_I_m_freaking_out_so_bad_that_I_can_t_quit_shaking_New_UPDATE__Page_11.html Sorry to hear that. I have two brothers that I'll never speak to again. I'll not attend their funerals, they're already dead to me. They stole a million dollars from my Alzheimer's mother. I have two other brothers and two sisters, we're all of the same mind. Life is good for us now, we're a happy family. |
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Write him off and concentrate on yourself. Live again. Write and tell him what you think. Refuse his letters. The guilt trip will NOT stop otherwise. Good luck.
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Quoted:
Sorry, but I think most people have squandered lots of chances by the time they arrive in prison. No amount of being nice will help. Quite the opposite, it will only enable and encourage the manipulative behavior. Change has to come from within the person. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
Quoted:
That's because all they do in prison is keep you from killing yourself or someone else. They don't work much to actually give counseling, rehabilitate, teach a new trade, etc. They are stuck there. If we at least gave them a chance to better themselves, I think many people would. Sorry, but I think most people have squandered lots of chances by the time they arrive in prison. No amount of being nice will help. Quite the opposite, it will only enable and encourage the manipulative behavior. Change has to come from within the person. Change does have to come from within. But the right person or the right method can prompt a person to change. For some who had no prospect before prison other than illicit activities, getting them a leg up on a trade might be an avenue for when they get out. Of course this won't work for everyone, but just putting people in a room won't make anything better either. |
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Sorry.
I remember that thread. Write him off. It will be easier now then when he shows up on your doorstep after he gets out of the can. |
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Quoted: Damn! That was THAT long ago??? It seems like it was just a couple months ago I read that thread. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: OP, what's he in the slammer for? Oh, and he's putting a guilt trip on you. http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1143776_I_m_freaking_out_so_bad_that_I_can_t_quit_shaking_New_UPDATE__Page_11.html Damn! That was THAT long ago??? It seems like it was just a couple months ago I read that thread. Time flies when some of us are having fun |
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Buddy has a relative that did 10 for murder 2. Then they found him staggering away from some dude's house with a small gun full gun safe. Dude tried to hide in the woods and the K9 got him. He's doing 5 for that. Asks for money quite frequently using guilt reminders such as need clothes for winter, family and finding God, etc. Don't fall for it, they're manipulative and have nothing but time.
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looking at the original thread, did you get money from Crime Stoppers for turning him in?
I agree with others here, he is a serial user/abuser of relationships and need to be cut off to fend for himself. the problem is he will go after other members of your extended family with letter full of tales of woe to scam them so make sure they do not fail into his trap of enabling his abuser status. |
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OP
His note is full of entitlement. Your post and gut feelings are spot on. What to do about it is a hard decision. Can you forward this information to the prison pastor or counselor? They might be able to give him guidance or prodding about gratitude and entitlement issues. Of course your Brother should not know that it is about this note - he would just get mad. |
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Quoted: looking at the original thread, did you get money from Crime Stoppers for turning him in? I agree with others here, he is a serial user/abuser of relationships and need to be cut off to fend for himself. the problem is he will go after other members of your extended family with letter full of tales of woe to scam them so make sure they do not fail into his trap of enabling his abuser status. View Quote Yes, $500. I put $50 to $100 a month on his commissary before he went to trial. He was having some medical issues and they would charge him a fee for hospital trips and medications. It got used up pretty quick. |
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Quoted:
Why don't you give us his address and I will write to him: "Dear Mr. ______ It is a bright sunny day and I think I will go fishing. And maybe I will also have a steak and a nice cold beer. Do the guards ever let you have any beer? If not, maybe you might ask them nicely. Anyway, I would like to write a little more, but my girlfriend is feeling a little frisky See you later... Fluffy View Quote Only thing I would add is a direct connect-the-dots between his actions and the consequences. "Sucks you robbed somebody and can't be here. Reflect on that, and see you when you get out." Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Randy said "It really makes me feel like no one cares if I make it or not." He is right. No one cares. He will not change until he himself cares. If he never cares, he will not change.
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Quoted:
Change does have to come from within. But the right person or the right method can prompt a person to change. For some who had no prospect before prison other than illicit activities, getting them a leg up on a trade might be an avenue for when they get out. Of course this won't work for everyone, but just putting people in a room won't make anything better either. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
That's because all they do in prison is keep you from killing yourself or someone else. They don't work much to actually give counseling, rehabilitate, teach a new trade, etc. They are stuck there. If we at least gave them a chance to better themselves, I think many people would. Sorry, but I think most people have squandered lots of chances by the time they arrive in prison. No amount of being nice will help. Quite the opposite, it will only enable and encourage the manipulative behavior. Change has to come from within the person. Change does have to come from within. But the right person or the right method can prompt a person to change. For some who had no prospect before prison other than illicit activities, getting them a leg up on a trade might be an avenue for when they get out. Of course this won't work for everyone, but just putting people in a room won't make anything better either. Oh fucking bullshit. The vast majority of prison inmates are fucking pieces of shit that have no respect for anything or anyone other than what will hurt them and are fundamentally broken humans. They are of no value to society and never will be no matter how much pity you have for them. Work around convicts and you will learn this. |
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That's because all they do in prison is keep you from killing yourself or someone else. They don't work much to actually give counseling, rehabilitate, teach a new trade, etc. They are stuck there. If we at least gave them a chance to better themselves, I think many people would. View Quote we got people breaking their backs trying to pay off student loans and/or go to school while working. If you want to better yourself, as opposed to spending a lot of time in prison, maybe you shouldn't be committing serious crimes. And no, I don't buy the "it was just one bad decision, he's really a good guy!' or 'he just ran with the wrong people.' It's all BS and excuses. |
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Yes, $500. I put $50 to $100 a month on his commissary before he went to trial. He was having some medical issues and they would charge him a fee for hospital trips and medications. It got used up pretty quick. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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looking at the original thread, did you get money from Crime Stoppers for turning him in? I agree with others here, he is a serial user/abuser of relationships and need to be cut off to fend for himself. the problem is he will go after other members of your extended family with letter full of tales of woe to scam them so make sure they do not fail into his trap of enabling his abuser status. Yes, $500. I put $50 to $100 a month on his commissary before he went to trial. He was having some medical issues and they would charge him a fee for hospital trips and medications. It got used up pretty quick. Stop giving him money. That's industrial strength stupid. |
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your brother sounds like a convict.
He wants money and is trying to manipulate you. If he ever comes to his senses, he'll do it by apologizing for this bullshit. Good luck OP, hate to be in your position, |
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I've learned the hard way that you just can't help people, they have to change themselves. Someone could say it alot better than I can, but that is the long and short of it plain and simple.
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Stop giving him money. That's industrial strength stupid. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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looking at the original thread, did you get money from Crime Stoppers for turning him in? I agree with others here, he is a serial user/abuser of relationships and need to be cut off to fend for himself. the problem is he will go after other members of your extended family with letter full of tales of woe to scam them so make sure they do not fail into his trap of enabling his abuser status. Yes, $500. I put $50 to $100 a month on his commissary before he went to trial. He was having some medical issues and they would charge him a fee for hospital trips and medications. It got used up pretty quick. Stop giving him money. That's industrial strength stupid. |
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Do a fucking voice over, with background music of OP. This ain't rocket surgery. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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This is way above my pay grade. Do a fucking voice over, with background music of OP. This ain't rocket surgery. Not in this thread. |
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from someone who has worked in Fl DOC, fuck him...never met an inmate who didn't have an angle, never met an inmate who wouldn't lie to the Virgin Mary if it benefited them
YMMV, but probably not good luck |
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