To put it lightly this dude is a complete douchebag.

I work in the heavy equipment business. He is a salesman(6'4 big polish bastard). I work in part department. Anyways to get right down and into it, The VP, few sales guy and I usually go to lunch.

Well we always usually joke around with each other. Nothing too bad or serious. Except for this fucking guy. Hes always going in on me hard for no reason at all. I try and keep my personal life separate from work. This guy is always pointing out the ugliest girl at where ever we eat at and telling me to go pick her up. When I say no he goes on a rant about me being queer and gay and all this bullshit. This has literally been going on for months almost daily. Same routine. Guy just thinks hes absolutely hilarious. Well it has now went beyond just at lunch and is now going on at all hours of work. For instance I had a coworker ask me on Friday what my plans were. Told him I was taking out a girl to the movies. This salesman walks by hearing that and just shouts that cant be true because Im a faggot.

Today he took it even farther at lunch to tell me what a failure at life I am since I haven't graduated. Ive been working full time since I was 20 (24 now) and going to school part time. This is on top of the normal amount of bullshit he dishes out.

Well I have literally had it. Ive sat here and tried to be the bigger person for this entire year and I am just over his daily amount of bullshit.

I figure the only way to get this jackass to back off is play him at his own game. Im planning on hitting him where it hurts and bringing up his fucked up family life.

His wife is honestly the fattest ugliest lady I have ever seen. Last year the VP put on an event at his house. His wife somehow managed to break and collapse a metal folding chair.

I grew up with the guys daughter. Shes honestly a failure at life, big party girl back in HS and also a druggie. When she was about 19 she started fucking some mid 40 year old, married, metal band guitarist. She got pregnant and is now a single mom working at  a factory going no where in life after the guy wouldn't leave his wife for her.

I figure these factors have something to do with him being a douchebag

What would you do? Drop the bomb and bring up his personal life since he will not stop? Leave it be?

show him the door

File a sexual harassment claim.

He wants you to fuck with him back. Just start making shit up with him. Next time you go to work, ask him if he can guess who you ran into at the store, when he says who?, Just say, "dees nuts" He will laugh you will laugh and it will be great.

Do it.

Avoid him if at all possible. Report him and his PERSONAL attacks to your HR dept or your immediate supervisor, for what good that might do.

I'd aim HR at him for being a homophobe then I'd let them give him some sweet man-lovin.

Sounds like he wants to be your bear.

This will certainly be the easiest way to show his ass the door.



 

Kneecap him and piss on his shoes while maintaining eye contact.

My supervisor has personally seen it go down before. He just shakes his head and tells me to be the bigger guy

Do NOT retaliate in kind.

If you have already talked to the guy and he continues, talk to the manager, explain what the guy is doing, and tell him the co worker is creating a hostile work environment. It will get their attention.

I realize this will go over like a lead balloon here, but if YOU respond in kind, and this guy goes to management, YOU are the one who is fucked.


Or you could descend to his level, insult his wife and daughter, and get fired.

Really depends on the work environment.

My first instinct is your best bet is to contact HR.

If you go nuclear option on him be prepared to get fired.  All too often it is the retaliation that gets noticed & punished.

Meh, he's an asshole, so what?   Give as good as you get.   "I don't want your sloppy seconds"  would be a good place to start.  Follow it with "is that a mustache or did you get a dirty sanchez?".   Repeat in a similar vein as needed.

OP is being a POG?

Say you ran into his wife in the cheez whiz isle and she was eating it from the jar with her hands.  Then just shake your head say "disgusting" and walk away.

IN


nail his ass and let us know what happens

Unfortunately him picking on you is not quite the same as you picking on his family via him. I totally get it but I suspect everyone around you will think you're the bigger dick.

Next time he gets on you, in your most serious tone tell him your personal life is off limits.  If he wishes to continue harassing you we have to options: 1) You tell him fucked up his life is or 2) we go to HR and talk about your incessant harassment.  (This assumes HR is an option.)

Forget getting back at him with personal insults, its childish.

You have a huge claim for harrasment though, go to HR.

I know it sounds like a bitch move, but since it is happening at work, I would bring it up to hr. People who dish shit out like that usually have the thinnest skin. If you attack him, he'll get you fired.

"His wife already says I am, but he just won't listen to reason!"

Just come out.  You know you want to.

Hit on him.

Why not just tell him man to man cut the shit out.

About the only thing you can do is go to HR.  Trying to dish it back at him might send him to HR.

File the claim anyway and make your loser supervisor do his job.

Meh, he's a loser.

Don't stoop to his level.

I've had coworkers like this, and known other people like him. They're generally miserable little shits who can't help but bring everyone around them down to their level of misery.

It's not a conscious thing most of the time, that's just the way they are.

Letting him get to you is the equivalent of him winning.

I've learned a lot about just being a zen motherfucker and being happy with my own life by dealing with negative people like this.

It takes effort, and it's tough to be just totally secure in yourself, but you can't let people like this get to you.  

I call them "black hole people." They suck everything around them into their shit.

Pull him aside and tell him your tired of it and would appreciate him toning it down a bit.
Ask him how he would like you talking about his personal life. If he can't figure out what that might look like and continues the same behavior either go to HR or lay into his ass.

Have you told him,



"Man, enough is enough already. A little good natured humor is fine, but you are going too far! Stop."?



If not, do that first.



If that doesn't work, talk to his boss.



If that doesn't work, go to HR.

This.

Name of metal band?

It's not harassment until you ask him to stop. Company policy regarding discriminating language not withstanding.

Politely ask him to knock it off. In writing, preferably your company email. Ensure you save this email so it isnt purged from the server at some later date. Do not, under any circumstances,  make suggestions regarding retaliation. It will most likely be interpreted as hostile and reault in your termination whenever the shit hits the fan.

If he does not comply with your direct, clear, and polite request, get HR involved. Save those emails as well.

If that doesnt work, retaliate verbally as you described. Also seek employment elsewhere while retaliating. I would expect to get shit canned for stirring up shit like that.

Piss on him to establish dominance, you beta bastard.

I wonder if he even knows he's a douche and out of line. A guy that big usually is allowed to run their mouth and do what they want by most of the population. He probably thinks it's acceptable cause very few have stood up to him.
 

Try growing a set of balls and flipping him shit back.  It isn't that hard, if you need practice go youtube some funny insult videos.

if he does this in front of HR and HR turns their head then file a complaint anyhow, when they wont do anything, file another complaint in a week or so. After 2-3 of them not doing anything and you have some kind of proof that you brought it to their attention then stop being the bigger man and fire a few back at him.

You have a horrible idea.  

Take him aside and tell him to knock it off or you're going to HR.

Don't let your ego cost you your job.

Alright.

Next time he starts in on his shit Ill ask to talk to him privately. Tell him to cut the shit as some has suggested.

That doesn't work Ill take it up the food chain to management.

Your right, probably shouldn't stoop to his level and get fired over playing his game.

your supervisor can be in deep shit for that. This is a hostile workplace WITH MANAGEMENT APPROVAL. The feds like this stuff and it can really make upper management have a very bad rest of their life. HR, if they are any good, will end this within a day of it being reported, especially when they ask if you've talked to your supervisor and the answer is yes...

He wants you op. Just go with it.

He's the classic school yard bully.  As an adult, you can't take him to the woodshed.  You can go to HR and complain about  harassment and start a paper trail against him.  Their failure to stop him means you own the company.

Bahahahha I love this plan

Next time he points out some girl and tells you to go pick her up, walk over to her and tell her that he is interested in her and give her his number.

Then walk back and tell him what you have done.

"I've seen your wife and frankly I'm surprised you haven't switched to dick".
"Can I date your daughter, or do am I too young, not married and not on drugs?

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People who act like this do it to mask there own insecurities.  If what you say is true, he knows he's a loser.  People like that a pathetic and thinned skinned.  He will become a "victim" if you play his game.  Professionally address this issue with him.  If that doesn't work, do it with HR.  how will this affect relationships with other coworkers?  You have to weigh that too.

You expect something from GD.

He does this infront of the VP and nothing happens.

I call Bullshit

Honestly Grow thicker skin

In some of the companies I've worked are rough as hell on each other.

Sometimes if you can even make a good friend out of the guy.