Have you ever farted so hard you hurt yourself?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Have you ever farted so hard you hurt yourself? (Page 1 of 4)

Posted: 9/18/2014 10:59:51 AM EDT

Last night I ripped one that nearly ripped me. I instinctively reached behind me with my right hand to catch whatever shreds were left of my poor asshole in the hopes that a good plastic surgeon might be able to reattach and sculpt them into some semblance of normal anatomy so that I could live a somewhat normal life.

I'm kind of a gassy guy, but new heights (or lows) were achieved with this. I wonder if I should put my talents to use? I'm thinking of buying some paints. Imagine a canvas blasted with bright colors all through the natural propulsion of violently, expelled gas - the existential struggle of the human condition summed up in a Jackson Pollock-esque cacaphony of color.

I think they would love it in Austin. I'll call it: (f)art.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:01:19 AM EDT

[#1]

POOP THREAD!!!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:04:42 AM EDT

[#2]

If I eat a late dinner of enchiladas, the internal gas pressure will slowly build while I am asleep. I have ripped ones the morning after such a meal that literally rattled the windows in the bedroom.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:05:38 AM EDT

[#3]

You know, it's threads like this that keep me coming back.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:05:52 AM EDT

[#4]

Quote History

Quoted:
POOP THREAD!!!

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This

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:06:23 AM EDT

[#5]

No, but I did take a dump so big that when it exited my back cracked.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:07:21 AM EDT

[#6]

sneeze fart!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:08:02 AM EDT

[#7]

Sweet potatoes and pinto beans.. I have been standing in my yard and let lose several times. and Then I'll hear my neighbors bust out laughing. They live 750 feet away.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:08:19 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
Last night I ripped one that nearly ripped me. I instinctively reached behind me with my right hand to catch whatever shreds were left of my poor asshole in the hopes that a good plastic surgeon might be able to reattach and sculpt them into some semblance of normal anatomy so that I could live a somewhat normal life.

I'm kind of a gassy guy, but new heights (or lows) were achieved with this. I wonder if I should put my talents to use? I'm thinking of buying some paints. Imagine a canvas blasted with bright colors all through the natural propulsion of violently, expelled gas - the existential struggle of the human condition summed up in a Jackson Pollock-esque cacaphony of color.

I think they would love it in Austin. I'll call it: (f)art.

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That's a National Endowment fot the Arts grant-worthy idea you have there!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:08:34 AM EDT

[#9]

Quote History

Quoted:

This

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View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
POOP THREAD!!!

This

No poop. Just gas. Caustic, eye watering, nose hair withering GAS.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:11:29 AM EDT

[#10]

No but I have farted so hard in my sleep that it woke me up. Not the smell just the extreme pressure.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:12:15 AM EDT

[#11]

Fighting cancer one color at a time.

You can start the Susan G Blowass foundation.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:16:19 AM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
You know, it's threads like this that keep me coming back.

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I think the painting idea may have some traction.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:17:32 AM EDT

[#13]

I've never hurt myself but I did pop the lower portion of my back with a good fart once.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:17:46 AM EDT

[#14]

OP - think I came across your videos on Liveleak.

Ifartinyoface...I presume?

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:17:55 AM EDT

[#15]

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:18:11 AM EDT

[#16]

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:18:48 AM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:
You know, it's threads like this that keep me coming back.

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Took the words right out of my mouth. This place can be interesting at times.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:19:20 AM EDT

[#18]

OP, are you really going to give yourself a fingerpaint enema?

Because that would be really artistic.

Artsy-fartsy, even.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:19:56 AM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:

sneeze fart!

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Be careful, you can vaporlock doing that. Unfortunately it can be deadly.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:20:08 AM EDT

[#20]

No, but I have startled the cat.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:23:18 AM EDT

[#21]

I have cut some that I am sure hurt other people, but never myself.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:24:46 AM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
No, but I have startled the cat.

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Running the critters out of the room can be one of the simple pleasures of life. At least until you run yourself out of the room.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:24:50 AM EDT

[#23]

I prefer to go to the store and crop dust the shit outta people.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:24:57 AM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:

sneeze fart!

View Quote

This!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:26:04 AM EDT

[#25]

Quote History

Quoted:
If I eat a late dinner of enchiladas, the internal gas pressure will slowly build while I am asleep. I have ripped ones the morning after such a meal that literally rattled the windows in the bedroom.

View Quote

Stay way from open flames

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:30:56 AM EDT

[#26]

Never... And I mean NEVER... Trust a fart.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:32:03 AM EDT

[#27]

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:32:21 AM EDT

[#28]

The longer I live the more I realize some people have strange bizarre stomach/intestinal type issues, I guess my insides were all made out of titanium braid.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:32:57 AM EDT

[#29]

Yes, yes I have.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:34:57 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:
Last night I ripped one that nearly ripped me. I instinctively reached behind me with my right hand to catch whatever shreds were left of my poor asshole in the hopes that a good plastic surgeon might be able to reattach and sculpt them into some semblance of normal anatomy so that I could live a somewhat normal life.

I'm kind of a gassy guy, but new heights (or lows) were achieved with this. I wonder if I should put my talents to use? I'm thinking of buying some paints. Imagine a canvas blasted with bright colors all through the natural propulsion of violently, expelled gas - the existential struggle of the human condition summed up in a Jackson Pollock-esque cacaphony of color.

I think they would love it in Austin. I'll call it: (f)art.

View Quote

Yer a funny guy, FP.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:36:31 AM EDT

[#31]

I did crack my back with an expulsion of gas once.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:37:28 AM EDT

[#32]

If by "hurt yourself" you mean "crap your pants", then yes.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:38:30 AM EDT

[#33]

Joe, is that you?

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:39:00 AM EDT

[#34]

Quote History

Quoted:

sneeze fart!

View Quote

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:39:07 AM EDT

[#35]

Quote History

Quoted:
OP, are you really going to give yourself a fingerpaint enema?

Because that would be really artistic.

Artsy-fartsy, even.

View Quote

Take a bow, sir, take a bow!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:40:34 AM EDT

[#36]

Quote History

Quoted:
sneeze fart!

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Have you ever sneezed while pissing? I thought I my penis exploded!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:41:41 AM EDT

[#37]

yas,many times,

sneeze\cough farts are brutal.

as i get older it just keeps getting worse.

in my condition i have to fart alot.

about every other one makes me dizzy.

clown

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:42:10 AM EDT

[#38]

No, but I have been sneezing so hard lately that I'm popping my back.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:42:49 AM EDT

[#39]

I can honestly say I have made 2 people vomit on a fart that I produced.

Witness can be provided as well.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:42:53 AM EDT

[#40]

I farted so hard once I thought I broke a rib.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:47:41 AM EDT

[#41]

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:52:11 AM EDT

[#42]

Quote History

Quoted:
You know, it's threads like this that keep me coming back.

View Quote

I can't even type the response I wanted ... but I agree.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:53:08 AM EDT

[#43]

Once farted so bad in my sleep that my wife woke me up to suffer through it with her. She told me she was scared to move the covers and release it AND scared it would rot her skin off if she didn't.

Also farted once during oral...never do that.

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:54:24 AM EDT

[#44]

Quote History

Quoted:
Fighting cancer one color at a time.

You can start the Susan G Blowass foundation.

View Quote

I am sure that someone might find humor in that.

As someone whose wife have fought BREAST CANCER in the past I cannot.

Good Luck with your future endeavors in life!

Posted: 9/18/2014 11:56:09 AM EDT

[#45]

Quote History

Quoted:
The longer I live the more I realize some people have strange bizarre stomach/intestinal type issues, I guess my insides were all made out of titanium braid.

View Quote

Nah ... yer just full of shyt ..... DO NOT FART !!!!