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Posted: 8/13/2014 6:22:42 AM EDT
wasn't aware?

I.E., you found out your son was cheating on his wife, but the wife was oblivious to it.  (Let's assume, for this argument, your love your daughter/son in law, and they treat your child very well.)

I'm not even old enough to have marriage age children, it's just an interesting question since I know someone in that situation.

I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."

EDIT:

Here's some more detail about the guy I know and his situation.

He's early 60's, he has a son who is, I believe, 38. The dad found out through a third party (100 percent confirmed) his son is cheating on his wife.  The dad hasn't told his wife yet (by his wife, I mean the dad's wife, the son's mother.) They've been married ~12 years and have two young kids.

They both live here in this area (the father, his wife, and their son and his family.)

His son comes over to dinner and visit frequently with his wife and acts all happy and as if everything is normal, meanwhile, the dad is stewing because he knows about what is really happening. He has to sit there in his own house, watching his son, his daughter in law (who he and his wife adore) and his two grandchildren) looking happy while he knows inside what has (and continues to, confirmed,) happen.

He doesn't WANT to get involved either, but he told me he's at a breaking point and he's more pissed off at his own son right now and it's becoming impossible for him to even act normal around him anymore. He told me word for word he'd be more apt to stand up for his daughter in law than his own son right at this moment in time.

So, that's his story. I'm sure I'll hear about what happens eventually.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:23:24 AM EDT
[#1]
Blackmail
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:23:31 AM EDT
[#2]
My son wouldn't do that. We're raising him better than that, and his mother would likely beat him to death if he did.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:24:51 AM EDT
[#3]
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:26:37 AM EDT
[#4]


Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote


This.  If they stay together they will resent you knowing/interfering.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:27:31 AM EDT
[#5]
I back my kid.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:27:54 AM EDT
[#6]
Quoted:
wasn't aware?

I.E., you found out your son was cheating on his wife, but the wife was oblivious to it.  (Let's assume, for this argument, your love your daughter/son in law, and they treat your child very well.)

I'm not even old enough to have marriage age children, it's just an interesting question since I know someone in that situation.

I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."
View Quote



MYOB and reflect on yourself as you failed as a parent because you obviously fucked up in raising them properly
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:29:32 AM EDT
[#7]
Tell them they aren't moving in with me when they get caught/divorced.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:30:37 AM EDT
[#8]
Tell them I'll never be to old to whip their ass.  And to straighten up or get a divorce.  
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:32:38 AM EDT
[#9]
Parenting never ends, but does transition to an "advise" only role.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:32:56 AM EDT
[#10]
It is none of your business.  Stay out of it.

Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:33:04 AM EDT
[#11]
Quoted:
wasn't aware?

I.E., you found out your son was cheating on his wife, but the wife was oblivious to it.  (Let's assume, for this argument, your love your daughter/son in law, and they treat your child very well.)

I'm not even old enough to have marriage age children, it's just an interesting question since I know someone in that situation.

I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."
View Quote


I'd stay out of it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:34:52 AM EDT
[#12]
I'd knock the sh!# outta him!
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:36:31 AM EDT
[#13]
Tell them that I'm ashamed of them, and then stay out of it. Intervene if I had to, but if I didn't have to, I'd stay out of it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:40:24 AM EDT
[#14]
No kids yet, but belts weren't just made to hold up pants. Oh, and stocks on rifles aren't just for shoulder things that go up.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:40:42 AM EDT
[#15]
Just tell them you are ashamed of their behavior and hope that they smarten up.  Be vague, don't specify.  Let them figure it out.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:41:56 AM EDT
[#16]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
My son wouldn't do that. We're raising him better than that, and his mother would likely beat him to death if he did.
View Quote

I'm sure most parents think that.

Just like most people think their SO isn't cheating on them.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:43:11 AM EDT
[#17]


Quoted:



I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."
View Quote
It's none of your business, and it's not your place to get involved.





 
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:44:04 AM EDT
[#18]
I'm in a similar situation with a friend.  He told me about it but his wife doesn't know. Unfortunately, it's way more complex than your scenario.

I've decided to MYOB, but my friendship with that guy is over.  He has kids and to me that's just way beyond the pale.  I have no respect for him.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:45:54 AM EDT
[#19]
MYOFB
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:46:32 AM EDT
[#20]
Tell the kid to either 1) end the affair, never breath a word to the spouse, and be the best husband/wife possible, or 2) file for divorce.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:47:40 AM EDT
[#21]
Advise him to unfuck himself, knock it off and get a divorce if needed. That's where it would end for me.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:48:29 AM EDT
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

This.  If they stay together they will resent you knowing/interfering.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

This.  If they stay together they will resent you knowing/interfering.

Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:48:43 AM EDT
[#23]
If they have kids (my grandkids), I'd tell them give me the kids for the weekend, you need to work this out RFN.

If they don't have kids...  well, whatever.  You make your bed, you lay in it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:50:10 AM EDT
[#24]

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote




 
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:50:38 AM EDT
[#25]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I'd knock the sh!# outta him!
View Quote



This, but do not tell the DIL/SIL
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:52:02 AM EDT
[#26]
Having this very problem w BiL, my in laws think he is pure as driven snow but he is cheating.  Wife filed for divorce, they think she is the one at fault.



Sucks all the way.  Blackmail?  No.  Anonymous letter?  Sure but we need a dead drop PO box, in another state.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:53:24 AM EDT
[#27]
I would check in on where he probably learned it from...
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:58:11 AM EDT
[#28]
I'd remind my kid that I fucking hate sneaks, liars, thieves, and cheats. And, as my kid should already know, there's no place for scumbags like that in my life.

Honesty and honor or stay the hell away.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 6:59:49 AM EDT
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote

Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:00:17 AM EDT
[#30]
My two boys are 9 & 5. My wife & I teach them all about good values and morals. I hope that stays with them until the day they are fortunate enough to have kids & so on. If for some reason I was confronted with that situation, I would definitely let them know how I feel, but I would not get involved.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:00:30 AM EDT
[#31]
Id be upset but I'd mind my own business, unless I was asked for help. Young adults don't have your life experience and generally don't want you butting in.
School of Hard Knocks, Play Stupid Games Win Stupid Prizes can be valuable lifelong lessons. I know I've had my share.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:01:52 AM EDT
[#32]
Mind my own business
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:03:11 AM EDT
[#33]
My MIL looked out to me.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:03:55 AM EDT
[#34]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
It is none of your business.  Stay out of it.

Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.
View Quote

Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:04:38 AM EDT
[#35]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I would check in on where he probably learned it from...
View Quote

Oh snap.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:04:59 AM EDT
[#36]

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:





View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



Quoted:

It is none of your business.  Stay out of it.



Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.


MYOB

 





Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:07:15 AM EDT
[#37]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Advise him to unfuck himself, knock it off and get a divorce if needed. That's where it would end for me.
View Quote

This
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:08:47 AM EDT
[#38]
Have that ass beaten like I still owned it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:09:07 AM EDT
[#39]
Here's some more detail about the guy I know and his situation.

He's early 60's, he has a son who is, I believe, 38.  The dad found out through a third party (100 percent confirmed) his son is cheating on his wife.  The dad hasn't told his wife yet.  They've been married ~12 years and have two young kids.

They both live here in this area (the father, his wife, and their son and his family.)

His son comes over to dinner and visit frequently with his wife and acts all happy and as if everything is normal, meanwhile, the dad is stewing because he knows about what is really happening.  He has to sit there in his own house, watching his son, his daughter in law (who he and his wife adore) and his two grandchildren) looking happy while he knows inside what has (and continues to, confirmed,) happen.

He doesn't WANT to get involved either, but he told me he's at a breaking point and he's more pissed off at his own son right now and it's becoming impossible for him to even act normal around him anymore.  He told me word for word he'd be more apt to stand up for his daughter in law than his own son right at this moment in time.

So, that's his story.  I'm sure I'll hear about what happens eventually.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:11:42 AM EDT
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote

Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:13:10 AM EDT
[#41]
Maybe they are swingers
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:15:07 AM EDT
[#42]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote




/thread
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:16:51 AM EDT
[#43]
If anything talk to the son. Let him know he's fucked up and needs to fix himself. Other than that... nothing much you can do.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:19:30 AM EDT
[#44]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.
View Quote


add me to this camp too.  Remind them of the costly divorce fallout when the SHTF in his world due to his own actions.   Then stay out.  You don't know what goes on in their house,  for all you know they've had a sexless marriage for years, the wife knows, and ignores it on purpose, et cetera.  All sorts of things could be understood between the two of them.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:20:29 AM EDT
[#45]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Tell them they aren't moving in with me when they get caught/divorced.
View Quote



this seems reasonable.   Tell him he's making a huge mistake, and breaking the trust with his wife, and when it blows up,  that dad won't catch him since he's doing this himself.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:20:42 AM EDT
[#46]
Quoted:

I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."

View Quote



Your quote above tells me a lot about you but then again you said you don't have kids or don't have marriage age kids.
You will learn to stay out of your adult kids business.  It would not be your place to say shit to anyone except your own son.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:20:47 AM EDT
[#47]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I back my kid.
View Quote


Meh.

I'm really big on family, but if my kid is acting like a scumbag and hurting his wife and/or children, you're damn right I'm going to call him out on it.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:20:48 AM EDT
[#48]
If the father wants to keep a relationship with his son, he'll keep his mouth shut. It's that simple.

Talk to the son if you must, but don't dare go to the woman first.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:22:09 AM EDT
[#49]
MYOB is a stupid fucking response. It is your Biz. Your Goin to get just as tortured when it turns to shit. Who do you think is going to get burdened with the emotional damage of being stuck in the middle. Grand kids involved. I need financial help because of the grand kids...?

Stay silent...not fuckin me. I would be making it clear you had better get your act together and take stock of what you have. Ultimately if it ends you need to understand that you will be getting little sympathy from me because you acted like a jackass. I am not carrying your ass another 15 years.

You make your bed, you lay in it....I am not Goin to stop caring for your ex, my grand kids mother because you caused the problem.
Personal responsability. Teach it !

Edit: I would not confront the spouse. Conversation would be private.
Link Posted: 8/13/2014 7:25:00 AM EDT
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
It is none of your business.  Stay out of it.

Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.
View Quote

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