What would you do if you found out your child was cheating on their husband/wife, but the spouse - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - What would you do if you found out your child was cheating on their husband/wife, but the spouse (Page 2 of 5)

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:28:38 AM EDT

[#1]

Bang the daughter in-law, then burn their house down; or you could simply mind your own business.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:32:44 AM EDT

[#2]

Quote History

Quoted:

I back my kid.

View Quote

My baby didn't do nuten...

I would have a talk with the offender but that would be as far as I would go...

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:36:39 AM EDT

[#3]

My mom overheard a phone conversation between my now ex and the guy she was going to leave me for when my cancer treatment was done. She kept her mouth shut as she didn't feel it was her place to possibly cause a problem in case she misunderstood. It all came out in the end soon after, and I had no hard feelings about it. If it had been me doing it, I would have gotten a talking to, but they would have figured I was an adult and it's my choice.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:37:39 AM EDT

[#4]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

Probably a little stronger wording, but it is their life.
They best not try using me as an alibi for some dumb shit like that though, it will not work like they think it will.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:38:14 AM EDT

[#5]

I know my dad told me when I got married that if I didn't treat my wife right or ever cheated on her, he would come and personally kick my ass.

I guess if there are no kids in the mix yet, I would probably bring it up with him/them so things could either get worked out or ended before kids are brought into that situation.

If they had kids already (my grandkids), I would probably take him out behind the woodshed for a beatdown. If he wanted to screw up his own life, that is his problem, but once his actions start involving and affecting innocent children and spouse, corrective actions are needed. I definitely would lose most of any respect I had for him.

I wonder how many on here that say they would support their child are adulterers themselves.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:39:23 AM EDT

[#6]

In for "Oooops, son and his wife are swingers and have cut off the parents for getting in their business."

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:40:27 AM EDT

[#7]

It would be time to have a little counseling with my son one on one. After that hopefully things will be corrected.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:41:30 AM EDT

[#8]

Quote History

Quoted:

Having this very problem w BiL, my in laws think he is pure as driven snow but he is cheating. Wife filed for divorce, they think she is the one at fault.

View Quote

Sucks all the way. Blackmail? No. Anonymous letter? Sure but we need a dead drop PO box, in another state.

Sign me up

Have a public mail drop box right across the street. Mail me the letter containing letter and their address and I'll supply new envelope with no return addy.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:43:14 AM EDT

[#9]

Quote History

Quoted:
Parenting never ends, but does transition to an "advise" only role.

View Quote

So true. Ad I've yet to get so old that I don't miss that advice.

If it were me I would have to pull my son aside and have a talk about it. But that would be the end of my involvement. Nothing good could come from me getting further involved.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:43:20 AM EDT

[#10]

Quote History

Quoted:
In for "Oooops, son and his wife are swingers and have cut off the parents for getting in their business."

View Quote

Definitely not the case with the story I mentioned. Son is lying to the wife and saying he's doing other things while going to another woman's house, who is single and lives alone. He also sometimes goes after work, stays for less than an hour, then leaves. A mutual acquaintance lives near said woman's house and sees it. There is no swinging going on.

This is a smallish area (only about 160,000 people in the county.) Shit gets around.

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:47:09 AM EDT

[#11]

Quote History

Quoted:
I know my dad told me when I got married that if I didn't treat my wife right or ever cheated on her, he would come and personally kick my ass.

I guess if there are no kids in the mix yet, I would probably bring it up with him/them so things could either get worked out or ended before kids are brought into that situation.

If they had kids already (my grandkids), I would probably take him out behind the woodshed for a beatdown. If he wanted to screw up his own life, that is his problem, but once his actions start involving and affecting innocent children and spouse, corrective actions are needed. I definitely would lose most of any respect I had for him.

I wonder how many on here that say they would support their child are adulterers themselves.

View Quote

Same talk I got from my Pops.

+1 on the red letter. If you wanna f&*% up your life fo right ahead, but hurt the kids and

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:48:44 AM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

Posted: 8/13/2014 7:48:45 AM EDT

[#13]

Quote History

Quoted:

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
It is none of your business. Stay out of it.

Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.

Some of you have strange ideas of "family".

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:01:22 AM EDT

[#14]

Tell the wife. Even with blood, there are lines you don't cross, and betraying your spouse is one.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:07:54 AM EDT

[#15]

Quote History

Quoted:

Meh.

I'm really big on family, but if my kid is acting like a scumbag and hurting his wife and/or children, you're damn right I'm going to call him out on it.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I back my kid.

Meh.

I'm really big on family, but if my kid is acting like a scumbag and hurting his wife and/or children, you're damn right I'm going to call him out on it.

Sure. But in the case of this example, its a man getting a little something on the side. Not exactly a historically unprecedented situation, no?

Give advice, give guidance, and when he ignores all that, back him however reasonably possible. It's what is done for family.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:10:02 AM EDT

[#16]

I'd think long and hard before I'd do anything. You could potentially burn a bridge and lose access to your grandchildren. If that's a risk you are willing to take then by all means light that match.

I personally would stay out of it. They're adults and they will sort things out themselves.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:11:56 AM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:

It's none of your business, and it's not your place to get involved.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:

I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."

It's none of your business, and it's not your place to get involved.

Part of what's wrong with America. If it's your neighbor it's none of your business. If it's your kid, you never magically unbecome their parent. Very flawed logic there.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:15:32 AM EDT

[#18]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell the kid to either 1) end the affair, never breath a word to the spouse, and be the best husband/wife possible, or 2) file for divorce.

View Quote

+1

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:17:05 AM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:
Advise him to unfuck himself, knock it off and get a divorce if needed. That's where it would end for me.

View Quote

This.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:18:28 AM EDT

[#20]

Quote History

Quoted:

This.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
Advise him to unfuck himself, knock it off and get a divorce if needed. That's where it would end for me.

This.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:23:11 AM EDT

[#21]

Quote History

Quoted:
I back my kid.

View Quote

This with a sprinkling of MYOFB (not specifically you, OP, but the father.)

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:25:17 AM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
It is none of your business. Stay out of it.

Seriously nothing good will come of you interfering.

View Quote

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:32:44 AM EDT

[#23]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them I'll never be to old to whip their ass. And to straighten up or get a divorce.

View Quote

Dad, is that you?

. My dad used the same never too old line when I was growing up.

I guess I'd express my disgust of his actions and myob.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:34:19 AM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

This.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:46:21 AM EDT

[#25]

I've burnt more than one bridge in my life including blood. Character matters. Tell the son to unfuck himself and make things right or he's no longer my son.

Of course this is assuming that the father is a man of character himself and the son isn't just following his example.

Posted: 8/13/2014 8:49:31 AM EDT

[#26]

How many of you would take the MYOB path if it wasn't your son cheating, but your son-in-law?

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:04:05 AM EDT

[#27]

Quote History

Quoted:
How many of you would take the MYOB path if it wasn't your son cheating, but your son-in-law?

View Quote

That's where my wife would step in, stop by for a visit, and give him the old Bobbitt treatment while he slept.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:04:53 AM EDT

[#28]

If I had a son (and I don't) I'd tell him that adulterous whores are not welcome in my house, and to not come back until he isn't one any more.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:05:24 AM EDT

[#29]

Quote History

Quoted:
No kids yet, but belts weren't just made to hold up pants. Oh, and stocks on rifles aren't just for shoulder things that go up.

View Quote

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:09:29 AM EDT

[#30]

Quote History

Quoted:
I back my kid.

View Quote

LOL, our own "my baby didn't do nuffin" members.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:10:33 AM EDT

[#31]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

This

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:11:03 AM EDT

[#32]

Yes. The safety of the cuckolded spouse trumps everything else. Fuck privacy.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:16:28 AM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:
Advise him to unfuck himself, knock it off and get a divorce if needed. That's where it would end for me.

View Quote

This

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:32:53 AM EDT

[#34]

I would let the son know, and also how I learned about it. I would tell him what I thought of the situation, but that it is his life and he needs to seriously think about the potential consequences of his actions.

I would recommend he stop cheating, but never tell the wife about it. No good could come of that.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:41:46 AM EDT

[#35]

Quote History

Quoted:
Dad, is that you?

. My dad used the same never too old line when I was growing up.

I guess I'd express my disgust of his actions and myob.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:

Tell them I'll never be to old to whip their ass. And to straighten up or get a divorce.

Dad, is that you?

. My dad used the same never too old line when I was growing up.

I guess I'd express my disgust of his actions and myob.

Son!!! How is your mom, haven't seen her since I left the bathroom of that Applebee's!

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:43:45 AM EDT

[#36]

Congratulate them on their tact and stealth.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:52:35 AM EDT

[#37]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell the kid to either 1) end the affair, never breath a word to the spouse, and be the best husband/wife possible, or 2) file for divorce.

View Quote

THIS

Parenting never ends

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:53:20 AM EDT

[#38]

I'd support my grandkids. Do what I can to avoid/prevent/stop any drama in their lives. If that means interfering with my adult child's life, then so be it.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:53:26 AM EDT

[#39]

Kids?

I would force him to tell his wife and then do what I could to help get both into some form of marriage counseling to try to keep the divorce from happening. Parents getting divorced is the suck, no matter how old the kids are.

No kids?

I'd force him to tell her, then I'd let them fight it out however they wanted.

He would not get financial support for the divorce in either case, he will have been "raised better than that" unless I totally fuck up in the next 14 or so years.

Posted: 8/13/2014 9:58:45 AM EDT

[#40]

Quote History

Quoted:

How many of you would take the MYOB path if it wasn't your son cheating, but your son-in-law?

View Quote

Well said!

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:04:14 AM EDT

[#41]

Quote History

Quoted:
Kids?

I would force him to tell his wife and then do what I could to help get both into some form of marriage counseling to try to keep the divorce from happening. Parents getting divorced is the suck, no matter how old the kids are.

No kids?

I'd force him to tell her, then I'd let them fight it out however they wanted.

He would not get financial support for the divorce in either case, he will have been "raised better than that" unless I totally fuck up in the next 14 or so years.

View Quote

Force?

Are you one of these badasses here that think at 60+ years old you are "taking your adult son behind the woodshed" for corrective action?

LOL

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:05:48 AM EDT

[#42]

Quote History

Quoted:
How many of you would take the MYOB path if it wasn't your son cheating, but your son-in-law?

View Quote

My son-in-law is not my son, nor is my daughter-in-law my daughter.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:06:18 AM EDT

[#43]

If it was me I would talk to him. I would not beat him down just let him know I am disappointed and his selfish acts will hurt the kids the most. Then remind him I can still kick his ass if I wanted to.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:09:18 AM EDT

[#44]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

This right here.

Remember this: The messenger bearing bad news gets put to death.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:09:36 AM EDT

[#45]

Quote History

Quoted:
Tell them they were an idiot and then stay out of it.

View Quote

Pretty much this.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:09:53 AM EDT

[#46]

Quote History

Quoted:
My mom overheard a phone conversation between my now ex and the guy she was going to leave me for when my cancer treatment was done. She kept her mouth shut as she didn't feel it was her place to possibly cause a problem in case she misunderstood. It all came out in the end soon after, and I had no hard feelings about it. If it had been me doing it, I would have gotten a talking to, but they would have figured I was an adult and it's my choice.

View Quote

I would be irate if my mother found out my SO was cheating and didn't tell me.

In the OP scenario, I would privately chew my kid out.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:13:07 AM EDT

[#47]

Quote History

Quoted:

Force?

Are you one of these badasses here that think at 60+ years old you are "taking your adult son behind the woodshed" for corrective action?

LOL

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
Kids?

I would force him to tell his wife and then do what I could to help get both into some form of marriage counseling to try to keep the divorce from happening. Parents getting divorced is the suck, no matter how old the kids are.

No kids?

I'd force him to tell her, then I'd let them fight it out however they wanted.

He would not get financial support for the divorce in either case, he will have been "raised better than that" unless I totally fuck up in the next 14 or so years.

Force?

Are you one of these badasses here that think at 60+ years old you are "taking your adult son behind the woodshed" for corrective action?

LOL

Yes, force. It's not that difficult, because my 60 year old father who doesn't have a violent bone in his body did it. You drive 8 hours, walk into shithead's office, and tell him he's driving home to tell his wife/your daughter he's cheating again (she gave him one freebie to try to save the marriage), or you're driving to their home to tell her. His choice.

I would give my son a chance to pull his head out, but if it came to that I'd have no problem protecting my innocent daughter in law and grandchildren.

Posted: 8/13/2014 10:16:39 AM EDT

[#48]

Quote History

Quoted:
Part of what's wrong with America. If it's your neighbor it's none of your business. If it's your kid, you never magically unbecome their parent. Very flawed logic there.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I'd be pretty pissed at my kid, to the point I'd say "Either tell your husband/wife this within a month, or I'll do it for you."

It's none of your business, and it's not your place to get involved.

Part of what's wrong with America. If it's your neighbor it's none of your business. If it's your kid, you never magically unbecome their parent. Very flawed logic there.

Thinking you can control your family is pretty fucked up, Grandpa.

You keep them safe, you feed them, you raise them, you teach them. You are there to give advice when asked, or when warranted. Then, you let them learn by their mistakes, just like you did. What are you gonna do beyond having an initial discussion?