I agree naamah, I agree. 

She tends to two kids a big house and a bunch of animals, stays plenty busy. Family > money. Luckily I have enough money to live well on one salary . Neither of us could give a shit about prestige or fancy titles. That's part of what makes her attractive to me.

Home schooled 5 kids......2 in college are in STEM program.  18 yr old daughter wants to do STEM also when she goes.

Invovled in Home School association and co-ops.

Clean, cook etc.  Does business bills, paper work.

I do a ton around the house also.

99% of the time says yes.

Haha enjoy your kinder care kids man..

Interesting thread in some ways, predictable one in others.  Sorry for those with partners (of either sex) who suck.

I'm a male who grew up in a house where mom worked an 8-5 (or 7-6 or whatever other hours were needed) while dad was around for the PTA meetings, doing laundry, cooking meals, etc.  Of course, he was a farmer so as a kid I spent a lot of time working on the farm with him, doing dishes, folding laundry, whatever because we were around and that's what needed doing.  Farm work, house work, all was done by dad and the kids for the most part while mom worked full time.  Dads farming was at times a full time (and then some on top of that) job, but had a lot of down time too so that's how work was divided around our house.  

When my wife and I got married, she was a month away from starting medical school.  Because of her earning potential and the time suck that is medical school, I put myself in charge of the groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc while she went to class and studied, because those two things were the only things I wanted her worrying about.  I was also working either multiple part time or full time jobs (depending on the year we were talking about) while she was in school, but still had more time than she did so I was in charge of that stuff.  As residency has gotten easier, she's done more and more of the daily chore stuff with me and is always damned appreciative of not having had to do any of it while she was in school.  

She's a year away from getting out of residency and finally making damn good money, and I wouldn't trade how we did things for the world.  My wife still has no idea what side of the car her fuel door is on, and I'm damn proud that she doesn't, because it means I do a good job of taking care of her.  

I think it all comes down to recognizing that shit needs to get done and being secure enough to understand there is no such thing as "womens work" or "mens work" at the end of the day, there's just a list of shit that needs to get done, and married people should be able to figure out a way to get it all done that makes them both happy.  If that's the traditional man works, woman stays home model and both partners live up to their end of the deal, great.  If it is some other arrangement, also great.  When we finally have kids, I guarantee it won't be my wife staying home with them, because she is about to make way, way more money than I do.  

you know they put a little arrow on the gauge that shows you that...nice trick for those that travel a lot

IBMer for 38 years and works from home. If you want to be a Project Manager within IBM you have to take her courses. They are almost all online now. She was a Mechanical Engineer for the 1st ten years. Somehow she got into corporate education.

You have a good woman right there.


Thank you for your service and sacrifice.

It's adorable how clever you think you're being, while completely missing the point.

I'd say try harder, but it looks like you're already giving it your best.

This.

Mine played games. At one point her profile had played 158,000 games of tetris. I thought it was depression. Maybe it was. She thought she was special (her parents always assured her that she was, despite never achieving anything) but reality did not agree.

I tried to get her help. She likes people so she started working part time. Started drinking full time.

We moved to my hometown. She went from going out once a week (I always encouraged "girls nights" but she never went at all before, hence why I thought it was depression) to being home once a week, to being home once a month.

From the physical symptoms, I know for sure it was opiate abuse, possibly meth. I cut her loose. Found out she had been trading sex with creepy old men for drugs and alcohol.  

She is like a zombie now. Makes outlandish arguments that go against all common sense. I seldom speak to her anymore. Just tell her when her check is ready.

She would claim things like "just because I read the message and didn't respond, doesn't mean I ignored you". Wait....that's actually the exact definition of ignoring someone.

Also that I was crazy with jealousy that I would think her texting a known drug dealer saying "hey did you get any stuff in, I really need some asap" meant she was buying drugs. She was obviously just joking in the 4 dozen messages she forgot to delete.

My life was like a tv movie. She would come home to sleep while I was at worked, party all night. When I got off work she would literally come home, talk for about 5 minutes about how no one liked me or even knew who I was (in my hometown of 1500 where my family has lived for 80 years) and how much every loved her. They couldn't be around her enough. Every single person wanted her around desperately. They couldn't tell her often enough how gorgeous she was and how much they missed her since they saw her last.

She obviously had a deep seated pathological need to feel superior to every one else. She is still chasing that need. She'll date anyone for the night if they have drugs. Sometimes I see her at the store and she is the same woman I met. Some days she doesn't remember who I am.  

Sometimes she would pick a fight with me about her career being more successful than mine. I managed a 12-15 million dollar a year service company in multiple states since I was 19. She had never been able to hold a job for more than 6 months as a hair stylist. It ate her up that I did well. She knew she was better than me just bc of who she was (in her mind). It couldn't even be debated that I had more success. And I never brought it up but she did a lot.

I was having heart issues in my 20s from high blood pressure, stress at work and in my marriage. I wanted to work out to get healthy. She told me the marriage was over if I lost weight. She didn't like that body type.

Yet her "ride of die friends" (aka boyfriends) were all in okay shape. It was another way to control me. I went to the gym and cut her loose that week.

It sounds terrible. I was stuck though. No prenup. I spent the year shuffling assets and dealt with it.

Never again. If you don't come home once, your fucking ass is gone. Period. Done.

Maybe i'm jaded. But you're in trouble op. I'm not saying yours will be anything like mine, but a lazy unmotivated homemaker is almost never fixed. I've never seen it once. Motivation comes from within.

Wow, that one made me tear up a bit.

Good man and good woman. I love hearing that story. Thank you for you service and you are a very lucky man it sounds like. I hope I find that kind of wife one day.

My wife does just about everything.  She cooks, cleans, does the yardwork (clipping, mowing, I do the big job stuff), shopping, bills, takes care of the pets, garbage out to the street, loves to do laundry, etc.  I think doing the dinner dishes, garage and maintenance around the house are my only specific chores.   

We decided to have her quit and retire about 6-7 years ago.  She hated her job, and I make decent money.  So we tightened the belt a little bit, and it is THE BEST THING we ever did.  She is up at 0530 every morning, I get up then or a bit later.  She loves being a housewife, and I love having this arrangement.  It is not for everyone, but it really works for us.  

Dunno if I posted in this yet.

My wife worked full time cared for a 5 year old, six month old, x3 Dags and house hunted while I was deployed for a year doing elite pogue ops.

Now she's off having Navy adventures and @month three I barely accomplish anything, and dont even have a job.

No idea how she did this shit.

Before I retired she did everything 

All I did was come home for time with the family, food and sex.

 I would make sure the cars and mower were maintained so they had transportation and could now the yard. 

Why the hell are you still there then?

We have 3 boys, 2 of which are infant twins. My wife works her ass off from way early in the morning until about 9pm or so. No way could I do what she does. I also wouldn't want some stranger raising our kids.

My child support is actually less than it cost me when my ex was a "stay at home mom"... Plus the house stays clean.....

She does a lot.

Cleans the house
Washes clothes
Makes the groceries
Takes care of Lynn son
All of this  in between having god awful migraines

My wife stays at home, her work is harder than mine, she does an awesome job and is happy....which makes me happy.

Sounds good to me.
I think women usually are better at caring for the house and especially looking after and being there for the kids, but men can do it too. As you said, she can make a lot more money and she has you. The point is so.someone  has to be there for there. Every singel family that I know of where both parents had 9 to 5(or 9 in so e cases) jobs had ended up in disaster.  Kids simply need a parent to be there.

Bout what I expected.

Even the men who appreciate and love their wife are crap because they are, in your eyes,  appreciating the fact that their wives are home makers and yoked to that traditional, lowly role.

That is a lie, pure and simple.  I didn't say, have never said, anything remotely resembling that.  If you feel otherwise, quote me.  And when you do, quote me in entirety.  Do not maliciously edit my post, as you did here, to misrepresent what I said.

Mine pays the bills, mows/weed eats the yard when I'm not home, groceries, laundry, keeps house clean, takes care of my dog kennels/dogs  takes my kid to school, picks her up after school,
and pretty much anything else I need when I'm not around. 

My wife is a 5'2" angel.  I'd be lost without her.

A bullet point is not malicious editing. Bullet points are intended to stand alone. The one I quoted implies exactly what I wrote.

The appreciation directed at homemakers is less valued than appreciation for a career woman is what I take away from your statement. I don't see how it could be taken otherwise.

We couldn't live on one salary. Mom and I are both going to work; kid is going into daycare then public school. That's just the way it's going to be.

My wife and I both work, a lot.  When we get home from work, our entire life revolves around getting food on the table and the house in order.

We've thought about me staying home, (she makes way more money than I'd make unless I went high up executive.) but despite the fact that our life is constant motion and stress our kids are doing great and we are building towards a comfortable and early retirement.

I don't actually know how good stay at home parents do it.  The monotony would kill me, personally.  

I would never tolerate being married to a person who wasn't constantly seeking to improve themselves, our marriage, and our family...stay at home or working.  

The slugs who sit at home being teenagers while the spouse busts ass making money and carries the water at home are basically failures to launch, with a heavy dose of abusiveness due to the what a marriage is supposed to be.

Mine works full time, executive position, and still does most of the cleaning. I cook because, well let's just say I can and leave it at that.  We split the rest of the chores and are phasing the boys into responsibilities.

We really need to look into a cleaning service to free up some free time.

I am in the same situation. I got married 6 months before my wife started med school. We have 3 kids now and she is a partner in her practice. She works 3 days a week and I run a small business on her days off. While she is at work, I watch kids, cook, clean, etc. It has been a hard transition for me, but it would be foolish for her to stay home when she can earn so much working basically part time.
Early in our marriage, I learned that staying together takes 100%/100%, not 50/50.

Patently false. The bolded, above*, makes it clear that the two paragraphs were related, the second intended to be read in light of the first.  Further, they were not my bullet points.  There were a paragraph by paragraph refutation of the results of your failed reading comprehension, only to be met by more of the same.

Nor was there anything in what you quoted of my earlier post to support your fantasy that I place a higher value on the adoration directed to homemakers versus those women who work outside the hone.

Obviously, relying upon you to draw a rational conclusion from two linked thoughts is futile.  Let's begin with something that may be within your intellectual grasp: saying that someone will be criticized for a particular opinion is not the same thing as endorsing that opinion.  Get back to me when you've gotten your head around this simple truth, and we can continue.  Take as long as you need, I should be available for the next week or so.


* Repeated here should be edited out on pretext of quote trimming:
"This dovetails nicely with my preceding point"

WTF is more important than raising your kids.  I have no idea why people hand their kids off to minimum wage day care workers if they don't absolutely have to.  It's fucking stupid.

You need to find yourself a good Mexican maid

Mine does all the cleaning, all the laundry, most of the cooking, makes me breakfast everyday before I leave for work, packs my cooler with my lunch, home shoots the kids, runs her own business with two part time employees virtual assisting bloggers and was going to school full time. When the business started taking off she had to put college on indefinite hold. She gets up with be everyday at 5 am.

That's after 11 years of being a SAHM, it didn't start off anywhere nearly that smoothly and took years and several heated discussions to get to this point. I think it is easy for a stay at home mom to get depressed/loose their motivation and they have to work to find the drive to excel at what they do. This may be due to the fact that their role in society is rarely celebrated anymore. My wife does so much sometimes now I am in awe.

Yep.  My wife is going to grad school to almost double her income.  I put my shit on hold to make it happen.

Did you tell her to use a toothbrush to sweep the grass clippings off the driveway when she was done ?

You mean like BUY an extra toothbrush for this?  Hell no.  She used her hair dryer like a leaf blower.  

JUST KIDDING  

Good for you, partner.  Also, mega bonus points for the Mr. Mom reference.  Once of the finest pieces of cinema ever made!

@cspackler33

She should feel lucky !