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I enjoy being a stay at home dad, and if the situation flipped I wouldn't hold it against my wife. We have 4 kids, she works full time, and life is great. I clean, I cook, I raise the kids, I have plenty of time for hobbies, and our sex life hasn't slowed down one bit.
Being resentful will bring disaster no matter what the reason is, and you have to love what is more then what could be. Don't get me wrong, improvement should never stop, but the battle of expectations should have been won before marriage. If your spouse is failing you then you have already failed them, this isn't a single player game, and spite won't fix shit. You can't change an adult, help, or get gone. |
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I enjoy being a stay at home dad, and if the situation flipped I wouldn't hold it against my wife. We have 4 kids, she works full time, and life is great. I clean, I cook, I raise the kids, I have plenty of time for hobbies, and our sex life hasn't slowed down one bit. Being resentful will bring disaster no matter what the reason is, and you have to love what is more then what could be. Don't get me wrong, improvement should never stop, but the battle of expectations should have been won before marriage. If your spouse is failing you then you have already failed them, this isn't a single player game, and spite won't fix shit. You can't change an adult, help, or get gone. View Quote |
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I think the right question is what would you do? My wife and I currently both work but have a friend with a stay at home dad and he doesn't do shit.
I have thought about staying home if we have kids and I see my job as. Kids, cooking, all cleaning and making lunches for the next day for kids and workers. In addition to staying in shape, getting cars serviced, etc. and occasional massage for the worker. Some people want to stay home with kids because they don't want to work other people understand it is work and want to show their worth to the boss. When the worker comes home they should have no home duties other than play with the kids for a while or dish out punishment as needed and maybe some things the other person just can't do like heavy lifting work. Just like real work lots of useless motherfuckers with no pride in work ethic or quality product. |
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She is up at 530 with the baby. House spotless, meals cooked, laundry done, bills paid, budget balanced, baby cared for, accepted into her master's program.
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I enjoy being a stay at home dad, and if the situation flipped I wouldn't hold it against my wife. We have 4 kids, she works full time, and life is great. I clean, I cook, I raise the kids, I have plenty of time for hobbies, and our sex life hasn't slowed down one bit. Being resentful will bring disaster no matter what the reason is, and you have to love what is more then what could be. Don't get me wrong, improvement should never stop, but the battle of expectations should have been won before marriage. If your spouse is failing you then you have already failed them, this isn't a single player game, and spite won't fix shit. You can't change an adult, help, or get gone. |
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She homeschools four kids, teaches at our local co-op (1 day per week during the school year), transports them to sports/activities, plans their field trips, keeps the house clean, plans and shops for all of our meals, prepares breakfast and lunch for the family, helps the kids with their friendships, and generally keeps he domestic sphere running smoothly. 90% of her day (weekends included) is oriented around and focused on the kids. I do everything else and sometimes chip in on meals, laundry, and house cleaning. I don't think either of us is dissatisfied with the current division of labor.
All of that was (and remains) her choice. While I certainly prefer homeschooling, she knows that she could enroll them at any time and I'd be okay with it as long as we continued to supplement their public "education". I don't think I'd have any expectations of her if she chose to do something else, mostly because I trust that she wouldn't just sit around and consume our livelihood. Then again, I made absolutely certain to marry a woman of character instead of a trophy. |
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When I am home I can clean, manage laundry and get other chores done. I am baffled as to why she cannot accomplish more while I am at work for eight hours.
The other day I left at 0500, returned at 1730, ate most of my dinner, jumped in the shower, took the kids to scouts, got home at 2100, finished dinner. When I got home I asked how her day was and she said long like yours My reply, "Oh, so you spent hours in traffic today and worked eight hours?" She worked outside for five hours helping someone with landscaping for a few bucks and was exhausted. She did it again the next day and practically dragged herself into the house. If she had a plan and was making progress towards reeentering the workforce by getting some training or updating her office skills I would be more understanding but her plan is to wait and hope that a secretarial position opens in a school. This is the part that is really bothering me. I've asked her a couple of times to home school but she refuses, says she needs a break from the kids during the day. |
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She should generally keep the house clean, family fed, get kids to and fro. You should help some here and there.
You should handle ALL yardwork, repairs, maintenance, etc. WTF are you thinking she should cut the grass? |
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I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this thread.
Spent some time in GD and now I'll never get married because apparently 75% of all women are lazy whores who wind up banging truckloads of other dudes and running off with half of your shit. I need a drink. |
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i don't mean to sound like an ass or call you out but this really highlights a lot of my disdain for stay at home moms....sorry i'm sure you're an awesome person and a lot of fun to be around My wife and I have 2 kids and we both work....all that shit you mentioned we do it equally on-top of work responsibilities. How's that for being braggadocious? View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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I'm a stay at home mama 4 days out of the week. I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the children, exercise the dog, run errands, do all the shopping, etc. My summer schedule is usually something like: iron husband's work clothes, prepare breakfast for myself and kids (hubby usually fixes his own), housework and playing with the baby for a couple hours (dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, clutter reduction) while son is reading and working on science/math/art stuff, outside time once housework is done. Then lunch, errands, supper prep, a quick touch up clean before the hubby gets home, supper, evening walk, getting kids into bed, and some quiet relaxation time before bed. Sometimes errands and chores get swapped, depending on if there are appointments to keep. And that final day before i go to my 3 scheduled days of work I spend preparing extra meals so that my husband can just reheat things when he gets home (i work 10a-10p). On days i work, I get the kids up and off to the babysitter, work, get home at 2230, wash dishes, do laundry, take care of the dog, stage things for the next day, and clean up the day's clutter. And every night I'm up at least once or twice to diaper and feed the baby. My wife and I have 2 kids and we both work....all that shit you mentioned we do it equally on-top of work responsibilities. How's that for being braggadocious? The only reason my wife would possibly work is to address some emptiness or need for "purpose" that she isn't otherwise getting. We do fine financially, we're happy with what we have. We enjoy the spontaneity that it allows, when as long as I can get away from work we can both do things together. Why does this bother you so? |
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air high five to ya View Quote You have to reinforce each other, holding someone to your standards ends up with those standards not being met. I hold my wife to her standards, not mine, and that is a two way street. The key to that is being with someone who holds the same values, and goals as you do. One marriage, one body, and one direction. The older I get the more I think it's less about picking the person with the least problems, and more about picking the person who enjoys solving the problems with you. At some point you have to admit that their bullshit is the reason you started fucking them in the first place. |
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Things like: We hadn't been living together for more than a couple months when AIM had some deals on rifles and ammo. I brought home an armload of rifles and bed full of cases of ammo. As I'm unloading it, I'm explaining how fleeting these sorts of deals on surplus are. First words out of her mouth were "Well, should we go buy some more"? View Quote Regarding the conversation earlier about some men being "deeply resentful" that women have more options now, other than staying at home with the kids... that's been around on GD for a while now. I don't think it applies to a lot of the happy men on this thread who are singing their wives' praises and are proud of their wives' accomplishments and talents. But there has definitely been some bitching in other threads about how the world is going downhill ever since those bitches got birth control and then got to be in the workplace, and are no longer dependent on men. (In other words, they were no longer forced to stick with a jerk of a husband, because the alternative would be starvation.) Yes, some guys are deeply resentful that women have more options these days. Fortunately, there are also plenty of normal, decent men at GD, and some of them are posting on this thread. |
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I don't see how some of you do it. I could never be married to a woman whose greatest talent/ambition in life is cleaning and dishes....what a waste. View Quote My oldest kid just turned 16. He'll graduate High School in another year before he turns 17 with over 60 units of college already completed. 3.97 gpa so far and more than likely a full ride to finish out his college degree before he turns 19. He doesn't get into trouble nor is he drinking or doing drugs. -- Or we could have sent him to daycare and taken the chance that he'll turn out like a lot of the other shitty kids these days. I could have planned on spending a fortune on college or letting him get a bunch of student loan debt he could pay off over 20 years, but we choose to be there for him growing up. And my wife was making 60K a year back in the 90s as a HR manager. |
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My wife is a stay at home.
Her: laundry Dishes Clean house Keep the kids fed, clothed, doctors visits etc... Grocery shopping Cooks most of the time. Me: All yard work I cook maybe 3 times a week sometimes a little more. I enjoy it. Work 70 hours a week Handle finances She will ask for help with small things when I'm around and I don't mind. There's days when I come home and she hasn't done shit and the house is a disaster. There's other days when I come home and if I get a spec of dirt on the floor she wants to kill me. Marriage is about balance. Sometimes it goes your way sometimes it goes hers. Provided both of you do what's best for the household don't keep track of the little things. |
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Women in the workplace is why the world is in bad shape Nuclear family destroyed Couples don't want to have kids Strong independent women doesn't need to be tied down to a man. Can go ride the cock carousel. More confused gender children now than ever in history Wages driven down because work force doubled once women started working Kids being raised by strangers or no one have a higher chance of being shit View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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I don't see how some of you do it. I could never be married to a woman whose greatest talent/ambition in life is cleaning and dishes....what a waste. Nuclear family destroyed Couples don't want to have kids Strong independent women doesn't need to be tied down to a man. Can go ride the cock carousel. More confused gender children now than ever in history Wages driven down because work force doubled once women started working Kids being raised by strangers or no one have a higher chance of being shit |
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If your non-working wife doesn't take care of the house, chores, get kids ready and THEN go to the gym (for at least 2 hours and do real shit there) so that she looks like a fitness model or has an athletic hobby that borders on a job, then her ass needs to be at work.
you work to afford a life style, if someone sits on their ass you have live in FSA and you don't have a partner in your relationship. Sorry OP sounds like you fucked up. |
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I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this thread. Spent some time in GD and now I'll never get married because apparently 75% of all women are lazy whores who wind up banging truckloads of other dudes and running off with half of your shit. I need a drink. View Quote There's still a lot of good in the world, Frodo. Don't let GD get you down. |
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She gets up about 7, prepares breakfast for me and the kids, cleans up, cooks, does the dishes, laundry, cleaning, garden, takes the kids everywhere they need to go, she's on top of everything and basically runs the household which is great.
She's a lawyer but we talked about it and although its more fun for her to dress up nice and go to some office with adults, we believe that our family comes first. In terms of money maybe she could make some more, but if we had to pay for nanny, cleaning, etc, then maybe it wouldnt be that much of a difference. With two kids and a sexy husband (that would be me ) she doesnt have much time left. In fact she has no time left. ETA: I tried getting someone to clean the house. SHe doesnt like having other people go trhough our stuff and they dont clean the way she wants it done so... |
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Like I have said before in GD my friends and I all roll in circles with many wives who sit home and drive range rovers to the club. If they ain't working they better be working out.
Also, Anal Sunday's get instituted as a rule |
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I don't see how some of you do it. I could never be married to a woman whose greatest talent/ambition in life is cleaning and dishes....what a waste. View Quote Sure, as we talk about many times its nicer to dress up, do things with other adults in an office all day and then get back home to kiss the kids good night. Thats what many women today prefer to do, and they think that doing the "house stuff" and being a "nanny" is below them. Well, we dont, being a parent isnt below us, in fact we consider it out greatest acomplishemnt, being a mother is far more important for her than dressing up an wearing high heels in an office. As you'll probably learn later in life, you cant do it all. You cant be a good mother and never be around, or be araound very little. You cant be a great dad either and be away on business trips half the time either. Sometimes you need to make certain sacrifices. Some people think that stay at home moms or housewives are lazy. Well, it depends on what they do or dont do with thier time. |
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Heck, between GD and all the people I know who got divorced, including my parents, I still want to get married and have kids. There are lots of examples of healthy relationships in GD, you know. You just have to sort out the constant droning of misery from the others and stay optimistic. Based on my childhood, I plan to do everything possible to provide my kids with the same style upbringing I had. High energy stay at home moms are the best! There's still a lot of good in the world, Frodo. Don't let GD get you down. View Quote My kids totally missed the grandparent boat. |
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For the first ten years my ex stayed at home with the kids. Then her lifestyle took more than my income. I told her she had to get a job. By then the kids were all out of diapers and or in school. Her bitterness was immeasurable. She said the following repeatedly. "Any man whose wife has to work is a loser." I tried for years too win her love and respect. View Quote A marriage should be a team. At times you have different roles. During some time my wife was the one that went out to work and I was looking after the kids and still in college. Today every cent I make I know half of it is thanks to her support and constant work with the house and kids, otherwise it would be impossible for me to produce it so she rightfuly owns half of it, although half isnt the way we look at it. Its all ours, meaning it belongs to both. There's no yours or mine in a real marriage (unless its my fuckings toys, dont touch my guns and knives, or her clothes, shoes, purses and jewelry, those are hers ) ) One of the things I appreciate the most about ym wife is she never made me feel any less of a man, Even when I made little money, barely enough to keep us afloat, she always found a way to make the budget work and enver mentioned it. On the other hand my borther who makes very good money has a wife that constantly tells him he's not making enough money. Of course, she's a money wasting machine and no salary can keep up with her, even one of a well paid excecutive like my brother. |
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Wife handled all of the domestic stuff.
She started training at a new job last week. She's still pretty much handling everything. |
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My wife was a stay at home wife for 2 months while waiting for her license to be issued so she could practice.
She relaxed for a week, then got bored as hell and would go to the gym, clean, cook great meals etc... Now she works full time and I pitch in quite a bit more. I do most of the cooking (I'm better and her schedule makes it hard for her) but she does all the laundry and cleaning. I'm completely happy with that trade. |
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Mine hasn't worked in 18 years. Did raise the kids. Now 15 and 17. She is active in the church. I work 40 plus hours a week, cook, help clean. Take the kids on most of the band trips. I really wonder what she does all day. Besides shop. She had/has her own "business". More like an expensive hobby. She got bored with that. Now I pay someone to work her shop.
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- Not ironic at all. - You claimed : those who are profoundly resentful - Among a bunch of posts by men who adore, respect, admire and appreciate their wives. I followed it up with an admonition to the men who were disappointed in their choice that they likely got what they deserved. - You choose to only see the bad in men, here. When there are many more decent and good guys than bad. That says more about you than them. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Step back and consider the irony in you choosing to direct your gripe, not to the man whose post demeaned stay-at-home-wives/mothers, but to the woman who said he was going to be chastised. I do love this place so. - You claimed : those who are profoundly resentful - Among a bunch of posts by men who adore, respect, admire and appreciate their wives. I followed it up with an admonition to the men who were disappointed in their choice that they likely got what they deserved. - You choose to only see the bad in men, here. When there are many more decent and good guys than bad. That says more about you than them. - Your writing skills rival your abymal reading comprehension. My "claim" was that there are men here who are profoundly resentful that there are women who want to work ourside the home, not that the men here are uniformly resentful of their wives. - Most of the adoration, respect, admiration, and appreciation I saw was directed at those women who chose homemaking as their primary focus. This dovetails nicely with my precceding point. - This is an outright lie. I have posted countless times that the membership consists, in the main, of good, decent men whose quiet voices are drowned out by a small, but extremely vocal and virulent, minority of sexists/misogynists. |
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She's at home where I asked her to be. Taking care of home things. She'll do anything I ask. If she needed to work, she would.
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My wife stayed home with my daughter through middle school, but she also worked from home doing babysitting and had a home-baking side gig too, so she was always busy. She got up early, worked during the day and took care of the house, I did the normal guy things and worked a 9-5 job throughout.
We never had any issues with expectations or each other's responsibilities. If we had, it would have been talked out and dealt with. |
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My wife stayed at home for 25 of our 28 years together. As near as I can tell, she changed into her Wonder Woman costume as soon as I left the house. I've never found where she keeps it. Our home was immaculate, except for my gunsmithing bench which I asked her not to touch. Our meals were hot, delicious, and varied. Clothes magically cleaned and folded mere moments after being deposited somewhere in the same zip code of the dirty clothes bin. Fridge always fully stocked. Somewhere in there, she managed to squeeze in homeschooling our two children. Our oldest just graduated college with a dual major of Organic Chemistry and Pharm. Chemistry, so she must have been a pretty good teacher. Since retiring, I've taken over a lot of the cooking, and a little bit of the housework. I got a good one! View Quote |
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"Any man whose wife has to work is a loser."
I felt that way at first, I got hit with an RPG in Afghanistan, 100% disabled at the age of 23, and for years I felt like a burden on my wife. I don't want to be unemployable, and if life didn't throw me a curve ball I would be at a job right now. It got so bad that I resented my wife for staying with me. In the darkest hour of our marriage I found myself in a mental ward. My wife came to visit me, I told her to take everything we own, find a man who isn't broken, and find peace. She looked into my eyes with a smile on her face saying "I'm not going anywhere, baby!". It was in that very moment that I realized her burden was not my injuries, it was my attitude. I didn't fail her, I failed myself. She was where she wanted to be, she stood firm in her vows even when I tried to throw mine away, and the only question after that was if I was going to let her fix this shit alone. You don't change your spouse, your spouse inspires you to be better, ..... or they make you want to be single. I got lucky, I stole her heart before I got fat. |
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I have the same argument with mine. Now with the kids it's different, but with one and two i didn't see any reason why the house couldn't be cleaned.
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I seriously doubt it's always a decision couples make together. Half of my friends from residency have wives who used to be physicians that quit immediately when their husbands' paychecks started rolling in and there are huge fights over how they don't want to go back to work. The temptation to sit on your ass and do nothing is too great, even good people seem to want to take it. And I know at least two stay at home husbands who are just as pathetic and shitty as their female counterparts, for all the same reasons. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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I agree, which is why I typically offer no opinion on the career vs homemaker issue, other than to say it's a decision for each couple to make together. Half of my friends from residency have wives who used to be physicians that quit immediately when their husbands' paychecks started rolling in and there are huge fights over how they don't want to go back to work. The temptation to sit on your ass and do nothing is too great, even good people seem to want to take it. And I know at least two stay at home husbands who are just as pathetic and shitty as their female counterparts, for all the same reasons. I did some work a few years ago for a nice older woman whose daughter was a kind of a big noise in some financial thing. Her son-in-law, the daughter's husband, was a physician in one of diagnostic specialties, radiology, as I recall. For several years, the guy was pretty unhappy with whatever partnership arrangement he was in. Finally, the daughter told him to just quit, "because I always wanted a wife, anyway". The guy just generally made life easy for his wife and her mother. He and his wife seemed prefectly happy with the arrangement and the old girl thought he walked on water and shit ice cream. I'm still laughing over that "I always wanted a wife anyway" line. |
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We have 3 - soon to be 6,4,1. She homeschools my 5 yo daughter, cooks, shops, most of keeping up with finances (knows I ordered ammo within 48 hours), works 1 or sometimes 2 days/week, does laundry, and occasionally cleans. I do the outside work around the house.
She has a higher level degree than I so we plan on her taking more clients as the kids get older - working 10 hours/week now to maybe 20-30 in 5-10 years. This would allow me to drop from 45/week to possibly 30-35. I know from seeing what my mom went through that it would be important to keep my wife up to speed in her profession. You can't expect someone to spend 20+ years out of the workforce and then jump right in. Today I'm at home with the kids rewiring to 220 ..... maybe 221, whatever it takes. She's at UT for a continuing education class. |
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Mrs. O is a RN, she makes more than me...
For 8 years she was a stay at home Mom. Then I put her through school Kids turned out great, now money is comfortable. Win Win. |
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Mine wakes up during the night to attend to our 7 month old daughter, wakes up at 4am with me and cooks me breakfast and makes my lunch, house is always spotless, does all the grocery shopping, makes dinner, takes care of our six year old daughter, puts up with all of my shit, and she even does yard work feeds the chickens and takes care of her horse.
All in all I am a pretty happy guy. |
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Lots of things get pushed back. We have 2 kids one is 3 one will be 2. They are a handful. Plus 2 dogs and 2 cats. She tries cleaning and maintaining the house in good order, the rest of the natives tend to just screw it up. But all their needs are met. She also runs a travel business and an HR/payroll department for a beauty supply company based in the UK. Still manages to get some laundry done, dishes, and cook dinner atleast 4 nights a week
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My wife is a stay at home mom. Not what she wanted to do initially, but when or first was born, she changed her mind in a hurry.
We have 2 now, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Shen really struggles with house work, but that depends on how the kids are, on rough days she cant get much done. She had some postpartum depression after our second, it took her 4 months or so to get past it. Things were pretty rough for a while. She came out of it is enjoying her life again. She rocks dinner though. Never disappoints. When we were dating she told me she "does not do kitchen sruff". She later discovered that she likes to cook, and she is very good at it. I hit the jack pot... She gets the kids out of the house every day, she has a group of stay at home moms she is part of. They get the kids together for play groups and activites. Bottom line, she gives our girls a great environment to grow and learn at a very critical part of thier lives. I would be completly screwed trying to raise our girls without her. |
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Mine posts about 5000 things to FB and Pinterest. She has over 5K followers on Pinterest. Wish she was making 5K a month.
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Agreed, its one of the hardest jobs out there. The above comment is right inline with the radical feminist ideology. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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That's a pretty ignorant statement, their greatest ambition is raising our kids right and being there to help them with homework, ensure their safety, etc. But that brings up a big sigma item from men and women who consider a stay at home mom some sort of sell out or lazabout. It's a job like any other, everyone has a part. Sorry Archie Bunker, times they be a changin' Mine had a restaurant but when I was very little mom was home with me. When I was older and we moved we lived above the restaurant and mostly were at the store. When we moved again mom was the one that took me and my friends to high school games and stuff. I was never pawned off on someone else to take care of. The poster that stated this being the downfall of our society was absolutely correct. |
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