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While it certainly needs context, the fact that a person would choose cuddling over sex does say something about libido as far as actual drive/need for sex.  There's a difference between being willing to reciprocate when one's partner initiates, and desiring to initiate oneself.



I believe that this is one of the reasons why men and women often speak past each other when it comes to libido.  A person might believe that she has a strong libido because she is willing to reciprocate, while another person is judging libido based on a person's basic need and desire to initiate.

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you are so fucking retarded

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  Your story is actually an interesting anecdote that bolsters my point about the difference between most women and men. You encountered a rare man with low drive, but your drive (even high for a female), is based much more on connection and intimacy than sex itself (which is perfectly fine, btw).


Men are much more "must. fuck. something." than that. Even if it's porn and some Jergens, shit's going down if the partner is not into it. In truth, I think many men double down on the need when it's not there. When my wife was struggling, that's what it felt like to me, the need increased...there was no tamping mine down. I was hyper focused on it, always aware, even more hungry. Thank god for Youporn, or whatever, but it wasn't a mental deprivation it was like someone was starving me so I ate shoeboxes and parts of the drapes.

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You'll find your unicorn, honey. He's out there.

I also have a pretty high libido. I get restless and grumpy if I have to go without for more than a couple days. The 6 weeks after my son was born had me crawling the walls, and as soon as 6 weeks were up, BAM!!! Didn't even wait for the doctor's appointment to remove the stitches. That being said, I need that emotional connection too. I waited until I found my husband before unleashing the beast. I just pray I go before he does.

And barring some medical complication, I don't think I could live in a sexless marriage.

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  Great point. I think when women, or even men, talk about women having a strong sex drive it is immensely important to think about those drives in both physical and mental capacities and realize that subjectively, "strong drive" means something entirely different.


(going to speak in generalities here)


Women don't have testosterone levels like a man does, they're not wired to release semen in an orgasmic compulsion regularly (even automatically should he deny himself).


The difference in drive is profound. If I don't have sex eventually, somehow, with something, or someone, my body will have it with myself while I sleep. That's a physiological urge that women don't even comprehend, let alone share. Statistically, women don't even orgasm that much, let alone have a biological NEED to have them often. Men don't have to be in the mood, we don't have to feel good about ourselves. We'll fuck in the back of a sweltering garbage truck, rather than do without. We don't need candles, or foreplay, or self-esteem, or positive affirmations. When we're young and full of it, we'll fuck the couch cushions if that's all we have.


Women with strong drives? I laugh whenever I hear that. Yes, there is a physical component to it and some women have stronger drives than others, but it's a mud puddle to an olympic sized swimming pool in terms of severity and scale. And, I'm sure everyone has met the nympho who slays that stereotype, but how many of them were acting out a traumatic compulsion towards frequent sex rather than a biological desire for it? That's the real mechanism behind a lot of hyper-stimulation-junkies, I'm here to tell you. The proof is that so many of these women reach a point when their drive just shuts OFF. Not slows down, not recedes, it fucking stops. If it's a hormonal, physical urge, it's not gonna do that. Mentally? Sure, women can be wired to crave it a lot, but what are they craving? It's a dependency, much more than a need.


I think the great portion of the female population just doesn't have much of a drive at all, not relative to what a man feels. The cuddle survey is telling, I think.


My wife is a passionate woman, and enjoys intimacy, but the difference between us is like two people who are thinking about eating. At the height of her being needy, it's like she was at the buffet 4 hours ago and just has a big sweet tooth, maybe. I mean, if you wave cheesecake under her nose she'll have a bite and enjoy it. But, if she has to wait to eat? That's fine too. That's her drive.


Me? I'm like a guy who's been lost in the woods for 2 days who's getting light headed, thinking about passing out if I don't have something in my stomach. I have a hard time even chewing my food...I just want sustenance, in my fucking belly, right now. It's more than hunger, it's a survival instinct and I'll eat if I have to dig up anthrax spores through rocky soil with bloody fingers.


I think we're pretty typical of a HEALTHY pair of adults in their 40's. Hell, this thread is illustrative of the fact that many many women would be doing well to even have a shred of my wife's physical or mental drive towards sex. But the idea that women have a strong sexual drive? Uh, no, not compared in average to men. It's like we're two entirely different animals.


Come to think of it, there was a great interview on Fresh Air years back about a doctor (female) who was part of an experiment to increase women's levels of testosterone in order to affect sexual drive. I'd love to be able to find it, but essentially this was an otherwise sexually healthy, normal married woman with a good sex life who took male-levels of T and by her own words said she was blown away at how deeply it affected her need for sex. She said she felt like a starving animal, and even when she got it it wasn't enough. Of course, it's not the only chemical, or component, of the female sexual drive, and increasing testosterone alone carries some other not-so-great side effects for women, but I thought it was a pretty interesting look at it from someone's own perspective who thought they knew what a strong sex drive felt like.

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You overestimate the interest in a fat, pasty, average chick with a penchant for knives

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You overestimate the interest in a fat, pasty, average chick with a penchant for knives

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No, I don't

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Puhlease - *someone* was going to say it.

And I'm not retarded - My mother had me tested .

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I don't. Not ever, not anymore. The stabby avatars did their job. Hence me laughing at him.

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You overestimate the interest in a fat, pasty, average chick with a penchant for knives

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In the days of old it was a contract between wealthy families to increase holdings and produce heirs to inherit those holdings. It was not about love and mistresses were common and quietly accepted. Marriage was uncommon in the lower classes and they paired together out of love, not legal contracts. I'll live with a woman and we can do everything that married couples do but I won't sign another contract that rewards her and penalizes me if things don't work out in the long run. For most there is simply no benefit to getting the state and it's courts involved in your relationship.

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In the days of old it was a contract between wealthy families to increase holdings and produce heirs to inherit those holdings. It was not about love and mistresses were common and quietly accepted. Marriage was uncommon in the lower classes and they paired together out of love, not legal contracts. I'll live with a woman and we can do everything that married couples do but I won't sign another contract that rewards her and penalizes me if things don't work out in the long run. For most there is simply no benefit to getting the state and it's courts involved in your relationship.

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I'll just leave this here....lol

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While it certainly needs context, the fact that a person would choose cuddling over sex does say something about libido as far as actual drive/need for sex.  There's a difference between being willing to reciprocate when one's partner initiates, and desiring to initiate oneself.

I believe that this is one of the reasons why men and women often speak past each other when it comes to libido.  A person might believe that she has a strong libido because she is willing to reciprocate, while another person is judging libido based on a person's basic need and desire to initiate.

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You overestimate the interest in a fat, pasty, average chick with a penchant for knives

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FIFY

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I don't. Not ever, not anymore. The stabby avatars did their job. Hence me laughing at him.

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You overestimate the interest in a fat, pasty, average chick with a penchant for knives

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No, I don't

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You left out religious and social presures

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I think you underestimate your attractiveness.

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  Your story is actually an interesting anecdote that bolsters my point about the difference between most women and men. You encountered a rare man with low drive, but your drive (even high for a female), is based much more on connection and intimacy than sex itself (which is perfectly fine, btw).





Men are much more "must. fuck. something." than that. Even if it's porn and some Jergens, shit's going down if the partner is not into it. In truth, I think many men double down on the need when it's not there. When my wife was struggling, that's what it felt like to me, the need increased...there was no tamping mine down. I was hyper focused on it, always aware, even more hungry. Thank god for Youporn, or whatever, but it wasn't a mental deprivation it was like someone was starving me so I ate shoeboxes and parts of the drapes.

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  Great point. I think when women, or even men, talk about women having a strong sex drive it is immensely important to think about those drives in both physical and mental capacities and realize that subjectively, "strong drive" means something entirely different.





(going to speak in generalities here)





Women don't have testosterone levels like a man does, they're not wired to release semen in an orgasmic compulsion regularly (even automatically should he deny himself).





The difference in drive is profound. If I don't have sex eventually, somehow, with something, or someone, my body will have it with myself while I sleep. That's a physiological urge that women don't even comprehend, let alone share. Statistically, women don't even orgasm that much, let alone have a biological NEED to have them often. Men don't have to be in the mood, we don't have to feel good about ourselves. We'll fuck in the back of a sweltering garbage truck, rather than do without. We don't need candles, or foreplay, or self-esteem, or positive affirmations. When we're young and full of it, we'll fuck the couch cushions if that's all we have.





Women with strong drives? I laugh whenever I hear that. Yes, there is a physical component to it and some women have stronger drives than others, but it's a mud puddle to an olympic sized swimming pool in terms of severity and scale. And, I'm sure everyone has met the nympho who slays that stereotype, but how many of them were acting out a traumatic compulsion towards frequent sex rather than a biological desire for it? That's the real mechanism behind a lot of hyper-stimulation-junkies, I'm here to tell you. The proof is that so many of these women reach a point when their drive just shuts OFF. Not slows down, not recedes, it fucking stops. If it's a hormonal, physical urge, it's not gonna do that. Mentally? Sure, women can be wired to crave it a lot, but what are they craving? It's a dependency, much more than a need.





I think the great portion of the female population just doesn't have much of a drive at all, not relative to what a man feels. The cuddle survey is telling, I think.





My wife is a passionate woman, and enjoys intimacy, but the difference between us is like two people who are thinking about eating. At the height of her being needy, it's like she was at the buffet 4 hours ago and just has a big sweet tooth, maybe. I mean, if you wave cheesecake under her nose she'll have a bite and enjoy it. But, if she has to wait to eat? That's fine too. That's her drive.





Me? I'm like a guy who's been lost in the woods for 2 days who's getting light headed, thinking about passing out if I don't have something in my stomach. I have a hard time even chewing my food...I just want sustenance, in my fucking belly, right now. It's more than hunger, it's a survival instinct and I'll eat if I have to dig up anthrax spores through rocky soil with bloody fingers.





I think we're pretty typical of a HEALTHY pair of adults in their 40's. Hell, this thread is illustrative of the fact that many many women would be doing well to even have a shred of my wife's physical or mental drive towards sex. But the idea that women have a strong sexual drive? Uh, no, not compared in average to men. It's like we're two entirely different animals.





Come to think of it, there was a great interview on Fresh Air years back about a doctor (female) who was part of an experiment to increase women's levels of testosterone in order to affect sexual drive. I'd love to be able to find it, but essentially this was an otherwise sexually healthy, normal married woman with a good sex life who took male-levels of T and by her own words said she was blown away at how deeply it affected her need for sex. She said she felt like a starving animal, and even when she got it it wasn't enough. Of course, it's not the only chemical, or component, of the female sexual drive, and increasing testosterone alone carries some other not-so-great side effects for women, but I thought it was a pretty interesting look at it from someone's own perspective who thought they knew what a strong sex drive felt like.

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http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110519033812/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/0/02/Internet_white_knight.gif/500px-Internet_white_knight.gifjavascript:image();

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