Denwad, she sounds like she's already checked out at this point. After finding out about your counts, there were so many other options. IVF, sperm banks, hell, adoption. If she went straight to "I want out", the marriage was never about two people making a life together. It was about her wanting babies.

This

 My first wife thought a kid would fix things, it didnt, luckily for me I got custody when she left.



Eject now



 

This.  Sometimes my wife comes home from work after working a 13 hour shift, and I make dinner for her and the kids.

I have NO AUTOMATIC, INNATE DRIVE at all to do this.  NONE.  ZERO.  But I do it because she needs it and it's going to take a big load off of her.  Thus, even though there is no part of me that wants to do it for my own sake, I want to do it anyway and am HAPPY to do it.  It is simply taking care of your partner.  This is how things should work, BOTH ways, with all things.  IMO even a women with a low sex drive, if she is emotionally healthy or at least mainly healthy, she will approach sex with her husband the same way as other things like this.  

Saying "yeah, I know we haven't done it in a month or a year and you are so wound up at this point that you just chewed your way through a pine 2x4, but I'm just not feelin' like it so, no" is just NOT acceptable.  It's reprehensible!

A lot of women want to just point the finger at the guy if he's not being particularly caring or thoughtful and say "that's why I won't sleep with him".  You know what?  In a counselor's office, they call that "blaming" and recognize it as a tactic to divert attention away from what SHE is doing wrong.

Also, as my mom used to say, "two wrongs don't make a right".

So why is denial of sex, and blaming the men for it (sometimes deserved, sometimes not), so magically acceptable for women to do and men to reinforce?

In the military?

No way.

ADONBILIVIT

I once got a BJ from my first wife by agreeing to go along with her (really stupid) plan to trade in her paid off car that was in great shape with low miles, and overpay for a brand new Dodge..........she knew I did not agree and when she brought up her idea, I figured "she is going to do what she wants anyway, I may as well get a (very rare) blowjob out of it"..........the fact that she readily agreed to it told me pretty much everything I needed to know.

No kids, military, wishes she banged more guys, did I say military already?  Bases are essentially a cock factory for horny wives, chock full of randy young men who give zero fucks about your marriage.  If you don't eject, best of luck to you.

in our 17 yrs and 4 kids the wife hardly ever initiates sex either, who cares... I want sex and I get sex





Shes 45 and still raising two kids,home schools them and cooks clean etc.





I understand she is tired, and she told me when I got all emotional about her not ripping my clothes off etc.





She said..your a man!!so be a man!!! if you want sex grab me by the hair and tell me to get naked.





I Just come home and look at her in my manliness face and I tell her.... you understand your getting naked tonite right??





Good whats for dinner
 

Shocking, I know.

well I am AGR so not near a real military base

No Gals just accept the fact that 10-15 mins a day you will be required to get naked, and if this bothers you stay at home and buy a litter of kittens.
If you want her to enjoy the above, stay in shape, treat her like a Princess and not like a fleshlite with a heartbeat.





Free
 

They will simply say that "things change"
They will still claim that they " like sex", but that doesn't mean you're having sex
They just know its expected that a normal person wants sex and they don't want to admit that they aren't normal

1.  Starting or changing hormonal birth control impacts the libido of a lot of women.
2.  Having a child can significantly change a woman's hormones for the better or worse.  A common example is post partum depression.
3.  Physical conditions can develop, such as vulvodynia, which will quickly kill any desire for sexual intercourse.
4.  Latent psychological issues can manifest themselves.  Previous sexual trauma, bad/abusive relationship with daddy, etc.

I cannot believe a man or woman on this planet doesnt enjoy oral sex



Sad times we live in.



 

Welcome to my world.  



 

I obviously picked a bad day to catch an afternoon movie, fix dinner, do the dishes, and go to bed early.

Denwad:

Men often complain, with some justification, that women don't speak plainly, that we communicate through obscure gestures and hints dropped casually into conversation.  A problem.

Therefore, when I have something of significance to convey to my husband and I want to be sure he's listening, I begin with "Listen, motherfucker...", instead the usual "Hey, Precious, ...".   It's kind of the my equivalent to the Navy phrase "Now hear this ...".

With that in mind, allow me to say to you:

Listen, motherfucker, your marriage is broken.  Further, your wife is, best case, mentally ill, if not outright evil.  It is doubtful that either she or the marriage can be fixed, and it is virtually certain it won't be by you.

As I understand, you and your non-wife are both active duty military and have no children.  You couldn't be better positioned to walk away from this disaster.  As soon as you finish reading this, go to your 1st Sergeant, tell him that your wife is insane, and you are honest-to-God afraid she might cut your throat in your sleep.  Ask for his support in arranging a permissive PCS (or whatever a pay-your-own-way reassignment is called) to the opposite side of the globe, as soon as possible, like anytime yesterday would be fine.  In the meantime, ask to move into the barracks (or whatever the on base/post unaccompanied housing is called).

Then get to the base/post legal office (or whatever it's called) and have them advise you on any special conditions pertaining to your marital situation as a result of being AD.Mil.  While you're out, open a checking account in your name and go to the Finance Office (or whatever it's called) and redirect your pay.   Finally, start figuring out where you're going to come up with four or five thousand dollars to pay the experienced divorce lawyer you're going to retain by this time tomorrow.

Good luck.  It's going to suck, but you just have to put your head down and power through it.  There are better times ahead.  If you keep an open heart and don't give in to bitterness and resentment, you will live to love again.  I did and so will you.

 
Golfclap.


Aside from the disembodied head of Charleton Heston parting the clouds and shouting "GET THE FUCK OUT", that was about as authoritative and reasonable a clarion call as has ever been.

I like to think reactions would at least be mixed; not all the old geezers would be tottering off looking for a place to hide.



I'm sorry, I'm not about to dedicate myself to seeing to the physical and emotional needs of a man who can't be bothered to learn my name.

Maryland has the same thing, but without No Fault.  I asked my lawyer about causes other than separation (1 year, not one night spent under the same roof) and she just laughed - anything else (besides abuse) is so hard to prove that it's meaningless. "If you move out by the time your case gets to trial you will have been separated for over a year already."

The LBD thing is interesting in that it's pretty much accepted that many, if not most, lesbians will stop having sex after a while.  maybe once in a blue moon, but otherwise nothing.  I could see someone in a lesbian marriage trying to use "We haven't had sex in 3 years" and her partner saying "You knew that going in, and I'm not the one that stopped."  In hetero marriages the accepted model is "Hubby wants it, wife refuses to give it, he wants a divorce."  I can just see an older judge trying to figure out who is the "man" in that situation.

I've never even heard of the term
So I guess that just proves that women are more in a relationship because they want the companionship or, if of child-bearing age, a sperm donor

You'd be surprised.

Had a conversation with my dad about a couple where the husband had been indoctrinated by his mom to believe that sex was evil.  Got married but refused to have sexual contact with his wife.  A year into the marriage, the father of the bride learned about what was going on and stepped in and got the marriage annulled.

Yeah, I can hardly believe that there's a man who would deny sex like that, either.  But apparently there are some like that.

My wife's ex-husband wasn't really in the sex mood most of the time they were together, according to her.   She has three kids by him, and says that in the 10 years they were together, she had sex with him maybe 4x that amount.  

Meeting the guy, I believe she was his beard.   She agrees.  It happens.

Bravo.

That doesn't mean much when you look at the big picture.  There are scumbags outside the gate that won't think twice about getting with a married women too. All I can say is this.  If you are thinking of going all the way to 20 and retirement, make your decision quick.  If you wait too long, you may be divorced and end up giving here half of your retirement check on top of it.


EDIT - Just got to the part where the wife is AD as well.  The above info may not apply.  Unless she gets knocked up and gets out.  I don't know when the clock starts in that case.

It doesn't prove anything, especially since you would be extrapolating the behavior of a small portion of women to the whole.

+100. This.  Eject or you will be having child support and paying while she lives with another guy.

Well said by all.



 

Fine, I'm going to the Asian Spa.  Don't ask me about that charge. (Like previously noted)
Your job was outsourced to China

No joke!!

I had asked my wife a few times if she liked getting it before we got married and she said she did not, did not get anything out of it and some other things that made her think she did not like it.  So I never pursued it even though it is one of my favorite things to do.  She was drinking wine one night not long ago and asked me to do it.... my time had come.

She was amazed, miffed, and slightly upset and had a look on her face of all that mixed with extacy.  Then blamed me for holding back my abilities as she had NO idea how good it could be.

I seem to recall a study a few years ago in which something like 75% of the surveyed women said they'd rather cuddle than have sex
I think the poll was accurate and the number of such women is more than a small portion of the whole

If you asked me in a survey, I'd answer cuddle. If my man gets me started, it's sex. I don't think the survey is accurate as far as gauging actual libido. Self reporting is full of problems. Sex is something women push down all day. They're not aware of themselves and not able or inclined to answer honestly.

After about week two of the best sex I ever gave myself, I'd check out.

I was referring to taking lesbians as representative of all women.

You mean, you can't believe some men have serious sexual hangups and refuse to get treatment for it, or even acknowledge that they have a mental problem?

Yep - MD is very similar.  LOTS of women in the state have been heard saying "WTF do you mean I "condoned" his adultery by having sex with him afterward?"

How did the court rule on splooging the ole ladies best shoes as a training aid ?

Last I checked, all lesbians are women.
They may not be all women, but I'd expect that their basic sex drives are no different than other women, they just prefer someone with the same equipment

Marital property state?  If the shoes were acquired during the marriage they are owned by both parties.  So she should really only be upset at the jizz pool in one of them, as he'll get the other when they split it all up.

It makes sense if you think of it in the old fashioned way - marriage as a contract.  Cheater breaks contract, contract is over, innocent spouse needs to move to terminate the rest of the arrangement ASAP.  But the problem is "hysterical bonding", where a woman especially will become hyper-sexual toward her cheating husband.  Winning him back, or giving him what he needs, or whatever.  the number of spouses that flat out stop having sex with a cheating partner is actually pretty low.

I guess I should have been cheating then, if thats the expected response

My parents divorce is actually cited as case law in SC for this.

I can hardly believe that some men would want marriage but turn down sexual advances from their own bride.  I understand that it happens, but it seems to alien to me.

I agree, you arent married at that point you are just room mates.

While it certainly needs context, the fact that a person would choose cuddling over sex does say something about libido as far as actual drive/need for sex.  There's a difference between being willing to reciprocate when one's partner initiates, and desiring to initiate oneself.

I believe that this is one of the reasons why men and women often speak past each other when it comes to libido.  A person might believe that she has a strong libido because she is willing to reciprocate, while another person is judging libido based on a person's basic need and desire to initiate.