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The effects of a debilitating injury isn't really "letting yourself go". Should've smacked that guy.

Beyond the fact that it's from an injury, that's something that polite people just don't say.

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Doctors, nurses or anyone has NO CLUE when it comes to chronic pain. They need to keep their mouth shut until they spend one month in that kinda pain.

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A strand of the bulged disc (doc describes it as 'crab meat', no shit) has inflamed and gone into the spinal cord canal, pressing against the nerve supply down into her left arm. This creates more inflammation down the whole route.

The surgery is agreed upon by all involved - just gotta get it in writing from insurance, as doc/hospital have been burned by verbal approvals in the recent past.

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Can you pay for the surgery out of pocket?

GoFundMe?

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She is no longer physically attractive. An acquaintance we had not seen for a couple years remarked that she had really "let herself go"; I had to walk away, didn't know whether to cry or kill.

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Folks - I really appreciate the support you've all shown.

But this thread was kind of a selfish move for me. I needed to vent this, because I got pissed that someone would just split from their vows over fat.

I know there's more to it than just that, but I needed to know there's more people out there that see commitment as paramount. While a nice ass and perky boobage is pretty bitchin', those aren't what changed my dressings and kept me fed after surgeries.

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I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish things were different but as I told her, what kind of man would I be if I left her now.

Plus, she's my girl and always will be.

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I got married to my wife and '89 and after 26 years with her know what you're going through. There was the gestational diabetes also and now she's insulin dependent. Her L5 S1 has been operated on twice and a fusion has been recommended by two surgeons. She takes spinal injections every 6 months to try and get some relief from the pain but it usually doesn't last very long

She had a pheochromocytoma a little over two years ago that almost took her from me. It took over a year before before someone was able to diagnose that she had an adrenal gland tumor. Thankfully, we made it the date of her surgery, she made it through and her tumor was benign.

She became a shut in during that time and couldn't leave the house for fear of having an attack and breakdown in public. We tried a few times after the initial attack to lead a normal life but it wasn't possible. Her weight shot up due to inactivity and hell, mine did too.

We lost most of the people we associated with but that was no great loss, most people thought she was nuts and that I was covering for her during her pheo.

Even after the pheo, our lives had changed but we were closer than ever and I loved her more than ever. Almost losing someone who's been with you for a quarter of a century will do that.

She's still in chronic pain, I'm recovering from a hernia surgery and am here with her now instead of working, She's having a pretty bad pain day today and as always, it's tough to watch.

She has a lots of meds she depends on to get her through the day and she's a shell of who she used to be but she's still my girl and always will be.

Not too long ago, she looked at me and told me I could walk away, I could leave her and find someone else to spend the rest of my days, I was angry at the suggestion and told her never to say such a thing again. She sighed a little and said it was OK, she didn't sign up for such a life and said she knew I didn't either.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish things were different but as I told her, what kind of man would I be if I left her now.

Plus, she's my girl and always will be.

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Folks - I really appreciate the support you've all shown.

But this thread was kind of a selfish move for me. I needed to vent this, because I got pissed that someone would just split from their vows over fat.

I know there's more to it than just that, but I needed to know there's more people out there that see commitment as paramount. While a nice ass and perky boobage is pretty bitchin', those aren't what changed my dressings and kept me fed after surgeries.

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Folks - I really appreciate the support you've all shown.

But this thread was kind of a selfish move for me. I needed to vent this, because I got pissed that someone would just split from their vows over fat.

I know there's more to it than just that, but I needed to know there's more people out there that see commitment as paramount. While a nice ass and perky boobage is pretty bitchin', those aren't what changed my dressings and kept me fed after surgeries.

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It's why I have the bathroom vanity mirror lights on a dimmer.

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Folks - I really appreciate the support you've all shown.

But this thread was kind of a selfish move for me. I needed to vent this, because I got pissed that someone would just split from their vows over fat.

I know there's more to it than just that, but I needed to know there's more people out there that see commitment as paramount. While a nice ass and perky boobage is pretty bitchin', those aren't what changed my dressings and kept me fed after surgeries.

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I said to myself 'DAMMIT SELF, you signed on for this shit and knew it was a possibility, you love that woman with all your heart and soul and owe it to her and the kids to be the fucking rock.'

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You
have said all that needs to be said.  I don't see how it's selfish at
all.  Life is hard.  If you find someone who you can partner with to
make it through it all, you are very fortunate indeed.

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find a swimming pool

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Who is her doctor?

Neuro or Ortho?

Having seen more of these than I would of ever wanted to, there are only a handful of good ones.

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Has any physician recommended Nerve Root Blocks for your wife?
It got me away from the pain killers...

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(As a corollary to the 'would you split if she got fat' thread.)

We've been together eighteen years; raised our collective seven kids; we're in our fifties.

The first ten years alone saw me go through about nine surgeries and chronic pain that made me an asshole to everybody. My wife was there for every doctor appointment, nursed me through after every surgery. Just had another in March - she was there for that one as well.

She was slender and had an ass like Siamesed apples when we met, and always took good care of herself. Until a year ago.

She has a bulged C5-6 disc, aftereffect of an injury when she was eighteen. She just rolled over in bed one morning last July and went into spasm that's never really stopped; her left arm is atrophying quickly, with a burning stripe all the way down into her thumb and index finger. Batteries of Prednisone helped some, but not much, over the months. She aggravated the problem back in March, and is worse now.

Between the steroids and reduction in activity, she's about sixty pounds overweight. This is especially alarming given that both of her parents died from diabetes-related health issues; she had gestational diabetes during a pregnancy.


my wife had a bulging c5-c6 6 years ago had it removed. The only thing it has done is stabilize her neck. Prior to that she was a vibrant ginger who had been a ballerina. She has put on weight doesnt like it cause she had always enjoyed exercise. Its agony watching someone who had been so active turn into what she has but considering she has been my wife for the last 25 years.

Trying to get the surgeon's office to interface with the insurance company while she's on painkillers (that don't) is wearing her out. I took the day off work today, just to help her with the endless, fruitless phone calls and emails. The surgery is common and simple, and she needs the relief badly.

But so do I. I'm standing here helplessly, watching her life slip away in endless pain and sorrow.

She's never gonna stop traffic in a bikini again, and nobody's gonna ask me to pose for a fundraiser calendar again, either. We got old, see. Knew it was gonna happen.

She is no longer physically attractive. An acquaintance we had not seen for a couple years remarked that she had really "let herself go"; I had to walk away, didn't know whether to cry or kill.

I sorta get the "let yourself go" thing and all - not sure how the physical appearance can be such a deal-breaker if you've given your life to someone. But this is not that, not at all, and if she ever ends up in a gutter it'll be while I'm holding her hand.