Quoted: He's saying the right things, let's see if he means it and follows through...

Quoted:
.277 and coherent indicates serious alcohol abuse. Really serious. Most people would be unable to function at that level. He was breaking things and speaking intelligibly.

He has to go. It's for his own good, and yours.

Sadly, you will likely be the only ones who perceive the benefit of this in the near future. He will continue to get drunk and ruin his life. He's never going to play professional sports. Baseball has much better things to do than tolerate that kind of nonsense from a generic minor-leaguer.

He may hate the two of you until he dies, and that may only be a few years away.

If you give him a place to behave that way, you will only prolong the inevitable. He'll go crying to some other relative who may tolerate his behavior, but at least you won't have a violent drunk in your home who destroys your property and threatens your safety. You didn't mention children. Imagine the effect on them.

The most important thing to understand about addiction is that it's his problem and not yours. You can't fix it. It can't be done. Only he can correct his behavior. That will happen when his mistakes make his life unlivable. He'll either stop or die. You can't predict which one. Your prayers are the only thing you can offer. Your tolerance of his behavior will only enable him to continue to misbehave.

That sucks, but if he was born blind, you'd understand that he can't see. Understand that his body craves intoxication and he can't control himself. It has nothing to do with you and your wife. It's all him. You can only remove him to an acceptable distance and hope that he learns.

Alcoholism runs in my family and I've taken more than my share of shit on this site for offering understanding of it.

The only thing you can do is protect yourselves from any harm he might cause. I strongly suggest that you and your wife visit an addiction counselor and learn a few things about what's happened to your BIL. It may help both of you to hear it from a professional and a stranger. You mentioned prayers for him in your post. There are numerous Christian addiction groups that may offer you some help.

Good luck.

I'll say a prayer for all of you.

Quoted:
Your first mistake was allowing him to move in.

Your second will be allowing him to remain.

Quoted:
We ended up locking ourselves in the tack room in one of the barns. I know I probably sound like a total coward here, but let me lay it out a bit clearer. I'm 6' 1" 150#. He's 6' 2" and probably 200# of solid muscle. I have never been in a physical fight in my 30 years, and this wasn't going to be my first. I also REALLY did NOT want to have to shoot my wife's brother...

Quoted:


Oh, almost forgot. In searching his room, I found 2 co mpletely empty cans of computer duster...  Not only would there be no reason for him to have duster in there, but I've never fully emptied a duster can in my life. I always toss them when they lose full pressure. I suspect there's been inhalant abuse as well...

Quoted:
OP,

Your deputy was full of shit.

Call back your Sheriff's dispatch, tell them you want that deputy and his supervisor to return to your ranch and swear out a criminal damage to property complaint. There should be well enough property damage to get a probable cause arrest on him immediately.

He will have to bond out, of which part of the bond conditions should be no contact with any witnesses or victims, meaning he's out on his ass.

Quoted:
OP,

Your deputy was full of shit.

Call back your Sheriff's dispatch, tell them you want that deputy and his supervisor to return to your ranch and swear out a criminal damage to property complaint. There should be well enough property damage to get a probable cause arrest on him immediately.

He will have to bond out, of which part of the bond conditions should be no contact with any witnesses or victims, meaning he's out on his ass.

Quoted:
Your first mistake was allowing him to move in.

Your second will be allowing him to remain.

Quoted:
Is he gone yet?


Or was there another compromise, because, you know, it's the holidays and we can't stand the thought of him being in a treatment facility for Christmas and New Year's . . .

Quoted:
Well, it's tomorrow OP.  He's gone, right?

Quoted:
Your first mistake was allowing him to move in.

Your second will be allowing him to remain.

Quoted:
Brief background: my wife's 21 year old brother has been living with us since last February. He moved down to get away after a shitty relationship and to try to get his head straightened out. He has had problems with alcohol and drugs in the past, but had gone through a 30 day rehab program and was supposed to be sober. Ha. Ha. Ha. He's been drinking heavily since he came down. There have been some periods where he actually stays sober, but he always goes back to the booze. As a side note, he does have a history of bar fights, and blacked out rages in the past.

Also, as a side note...he's been aiming to play pro baseball for years. He works out two or three times daily and is built like a brick shithouse. 6' 2" 200#.  He has also, for at least the last couple years, been using all manner and variety of prohormones and other workout supplements. He was feeling depressed recently and got some blood work done and his testosterone was around 90 and his estrogen around 142. The doctor put him on 460mg/week of testosterone replacement. I can't help but think this played into the following.

This brings us to last night. I had gone into town to mail a package at around 3:30 PM. Returned home about 4:30. Notice BIL's Jeep is missing. My wife tells me he got upset about something and "went for a drive". That's typically been code for "go for a booze run". He comes back and sits in his cad for about 20 minutes. We suspect, correctly so, that he was out there drinking before he came in.

Turns out he pounded two bottles of Fireball whiskey and then followed it up with 10 bottles of 6% beer. We realized this situation was going to be difficult by about 5 PM when, after only 1 beer he was slurring his speech badly and was obviously pretty drunk already. He decided to treat drinking these beers like a race. Less than 10 minutes per bottle.

Things continued fairly peacefully until probably 7 PM. He got started on his "woe is me, my life sucks" spiel and started getting all weepy and shit. At some point it started shifting to anger and then exploded very rapidly...

While my wife was out on the front porch talking to their mom about the situation at hand, he made his way out from his room where I was praying he would just pass out. No such luck. He went out to the porch as well, and not too long thereafter I hear him yelling loudly then hear banging and crashing. I immediately went to our bedroom and grabbed my S&W 645. By the time I got back to the front door things had escalated. He was rampaging around the porch throwing things and punching walls and what not. I opened the front door and my wife pushed inside and closed and locked it. I quickly went to the back and locked the back door.

This was about the time I first contemplated involving law enforcement. I should have listened to my instincts. He disappeared for a short time, less than 10 minutes. Then he reappeared at the front door and started banging and kicking at the door. I truly thought he was going to kick it in. My wife went to the door asking him to calm down and to take it down a notch or two, and he did, long enough to get back inside.

He started making trips to his room and throwing his clothes and crap out the front door onto the porch and lawn. In the process of this we can tell his rage is growing again. I went to the kitchen in between his trips and got our coats and shoes. We were getting ready to bug out. I went out the back with the dogs since our gate doesn't open and you have to hop the fence to get out, wife was going to meet me outside. She ended up in the living room with him while I was out front.

I admit, and I'm ashamed, that I stayed outside and listened instead of actually going in at that point. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. Then the crashes started. Turns out he demolished one of our tray tables and upended and destroyed our coffee table. Luckily, he never actually laid a hand on my wife, but he was apparently right up in her face screaming. My reason for staying outside was that I didn't want to startle him or trigger him to do something rash.

At this point, hearing the crashing and screaming I finally called 911. I told them we had a domestic disturbance, that my BIL who lived with us was very drunk and threatening violence. They dispatched a county sheriff immediately. Unfortunately, we're rural and response time ended up being about 12-15 minutes. We ended up locking ourselves in the tack room in one of the barns. I know I probably sound like a total coward here, but let me lay it out a bit clearer. I'm 6' 1" 150#. He's 6' 2" and probably 200# of solid muscle. I have never been in a physical fight in my 30 years, and this wasn't going to be my first. I also REALLY did NOT want to have to shoot my wife's brother...

Finally the deputy shows up and makes contact with her brother. He broke down crying sobbing again with the cop. The deputy comes over to us and starts discussing the situation. Because he never laid a hand on either of us, he could not arrest her brother. Nor could he make him leave for the night since this is his legal residence, despite him not being on the lease. The cop told me straight up, "until he hits either of you, I can't do anything". I was a bit taken aback by that, but OK fine, we figure we'll bug out to a hotel since he obviously can't drive.

Her brother apparently tells the cop he wants us to take him to the hospital. OK fine. Cop leaves, things stay peaceful, we get him to the hospital. Apparently he immediately started getting belligerent with the doctor and nurses. Shocking.

3.5 hours after he stopped drinking his BAC was 0.277...  He finally ended up falling asleep at some point. I came home at about 6 AM to get all the horses fed, wife is still there.  

I may not have conveyed everything in the best way, but I'm working on absolutely 0 sleep and am a bit fried after that. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life.

I know this is really long, if anything is unclear, just ask and I can clarify.

Quoted:
OP,

Make damn sure you stick by your guns here. No one should have to live in fear of an out of control human being when he or she directly has it within their power to fix the situation.

In words which the brother in law can understand: This ain't baseball. You're not getting another strike.

You can care about someone all you want, pray for them all you can but at the end of the day it's up to them and them alone to deal with their problems.

Watch the wife next. If she's not 100% in line with your decision, look for a repeat should she permit the guy back into your house. At that point in time I would be carefully evaluating the merits of staying together.

I think coming home this evening and seeing the damage he caused made a HUGE impression on him. He's saying the right things, let's see if he means it and follows through...

Quoted:
Your first mistake was allowing him to move in.

Your second will be allowing him to remain.

Quoted:


OK, I'm back. Didn't feel like updating before everything was done.



He is gone.



Read that again. He's gone. Wife picked up MIL at airport, she arrived, we loaded his car and they took off immediately. No arguments, no compromises, nothing.



I feel like a great weight is off my shoulders. My wife is recounting the whole thing to her sister via phone and turns out he had been drinking all day unbeknownst to us. I had taken him to pick up his car earlier in the day and he didn't get back for like an hour and a half. You can't buy liquor (even Fireball) locally. Takes about 40 minutes each way. So he drank 2 750ml bottles of Fireball through the afternoon and then went to get a 12 pack of Bud Light Platinum. Hr has no recollection driving to get the beer or drinking it. I wasn't here when he left, so I have no idea what he was like, but apparently he seemed OK.



I don't fucking know. This was easily, without a question, one of the most stressful, and frankly terrifying experiences of my life. I'll say exactly what I said to my mom, I have never in my 30 years on this earth, been in fear for my life at the hands of another person. I did that night.



I know many of you question some of my decisions. I do too. I've never had to react under circumstances like this.