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Posted: 10/23/2014 4:42:20 AM EDT
[#1]
Pics of single moms??? |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 5:35:50 AM EDT
[#2]
I didn't want kids of my own. I sure don't want someone elses.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 5:56:41 AM EDT
[#3]
At 24 you need mama drama like a
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Posted: 10/23/2014 5:58:18 AM EDT
[#4]
Quoted:
Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. That was my first thought after reading the OP. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:00:28 AM EDT
[#5]
No, I don't think you're selfish. Btw, my wife doesn't think you're selfish either.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:01:43 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No. Your date/relationship/marriage your rules. That's almost the same thing my wife said. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:30:11 AM EDT
[#7]
I remember a woman I run into at a party (I was 20) and we hit it off. She told me up front that she was divorced and had a kid (toddler) and that she just wanted me to know about it before we went any further. I simply told her I was not bothered about dealing with someone else's kid and that was it. Looking back on it I may have fucked-up....She owns several jewelry stores now and her kid is the head Pharmacist at a medical center. LOL....Maybe I should have looked a bit past the Rent-A-Kid aspect. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:42:00 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, you're an ass. Grow up. So grow up Date these women Be miserable for the rest of your life Sounds legit 
I think you're doing the right thing. It doesn't seem selfish to me either. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:46:34 AM EDT
[#9]
At 24, you do not "need" to date women with children.
If you were 35, and dating people your own age, it would be unrealistic not to expect people to have had relationships that may have produced children before you met. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:52:59 AM EDT
[#10]
no you are just being honest about how you feel.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:54:37 AM EDT
[#11]
It was always an automatic disqualifier for me.
Nothing says fail sauce like single motherhood. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:56:30 AM EDT
[#12]
date who you want. they are manipulating you.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 6:59:47 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Raise YOUR child--not someone else's, as you will always have to deal with the shithead who isn't raising his own crotchfruit. My step-dad married my mom when I was 4. He treated me just as he did my little brother, his own flesh & blood. He also in fact adopted me legally. My bio dad was a good man who lived in another part of the state. He agreed to let me be adopted as my mom browbeat him into doing it as he was a low key kind of guy. I found all this out as I was older. So to paint ALL dad's as "shitheads who aren't raising their own crotchfruit" with the same brush is worse than stupidly idiotic. As both my bio & step dad were good men in their own right (both deceased now), allow me to say "go choke yourself". Site staff or not, you're WAY out of line................... 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:00:04 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many. So just because you're in your 30s means you have to settle for a woman with kids? Fuck that. Unless you have a ton of baggage yourself. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:14:05 AM EDT
[#15]
not selfish, honest.
is a woman a selfish asshole if she wont date a guy who lives in abox and has no job? no, he just doesnt meet her qualifications. I'm pretty tired of the people who think if you arent willing to date absolutely anyone you must be an asshole. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:16:23 AM EDT
[#16]
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. I think you are being completely honest and have good sense. No way in fuck would I raise some others guys kid UNLESS he had died. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:22:42 AM EDT
[#17]
Quoted: Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. Disregarding the rest of your post and focusing on what I left in the quote. 'should I make an effort to grow up?' Yeah, maybe you need to grow up a bit. ' I don't think ' Could be your problem. ' I am awesome.' In your own mind perhaps, in the minds of those around you ... probably not. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:23:54 AM EDT
[#18]
If you just want to hit it and quit it, single moms are amazing in the sack. There is nothing off limits with them. They have to put out more with their baggage in order to keep you around. DO NOT stay in a relationship with them because it won't end well.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:29:25 AM EDT
[#19]
At 24? No, you're perfectly sane for not wanting to date single mommies. Single mommies in your age range would likely be of the less responsible kind anyway. A little later in life, they may be more of the divorced kind instead of the "oops, I fucked an douchebag and got knocked up" type.
I'm 38 and would hesitate to date a single mom. I have no kids and don't really want to deal with that, and I would also worry about never being a priority or always being #2 to the woman. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 7:40:56 AM EDT
[#20]
At 24???
Ppffffftttt!!!! There should still be plenty of eligible, child-less, "girls" your age. The flipside to that coin is the ones who were smart enough to NOT get knocked up in their teens or early twenties were probably the same ones who were smart enough to put education and career first and will be going places (either with you or without you)...and if you manage to land one of those types, be glad in the knowledge that they are with you because they want you, not because they need you to be their meal ticket for the mom and her kid. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:02:00 AM EDT
[#21]
I'm 28. I won't even consider dating someone with kids. Fuck that whole mess.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:07:22 AM EDT
[#22]
Only betas date single moms
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:09:39 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yes but, for different reasons than those cataloged in your post. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:12:53 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It was always an automatic disqualifier for me. Nothing says fail sauce like single motherhood. Boom. You're going to be alright, OP. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:15:15 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I think you are being completely honest and have good sense. No way in fuck would I raise some others guys kid UNLESS he had died. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. I think you are being completely honest and have good sense. No way in fuck would I raise some others guys kid UNLESS he had died. The other guy will, in all likelihood, at some point be sticking his nose into your business. Single moms bring a lot of baggage and unnecessary drama that one can do without ... especially a young man like yourself. Single moms are also dangerous for just booty calls ... they are looking for a man to latch onto to pay their bills. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:17:53 AM EDT
[#26]
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. Perhaps you are selfish in that regard. But you are also being honest to both yourself and your potential girlfriends. It's an issue that you don't want to deal with. It's a dealbreaker for you, and you recognize that. You aren't wasting their time, or your time, and you aren't leading anyone on with false promises. It would be far more selfish to lead them into what they thought was a relationship, just to get some tail, and then eject because you didn't want to deal with a child. If more people were honest and up front about both their expectations and their dealbreakers, there would be a lot more successfuly relationships out there. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:35:24 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Disregarding the rest of your post and focusing on what I left in the quote. 'should I make an effort to grow up?' Yeah, maybe you need to grow up a bit. Not wanting to date a single mom is in no way a contraindication of immaturity. I would argue the opposite...he's showing the maturity to do what's best for himself while being honest in his dealings with others. There is no reason to attempt to shame him into persuing a course of action not in his best interest.' I don't think ' Could be your problem. Wrong again. He's showing that he is thinking...and not with his dick. ' I am awesome.' In your own mind perhaps, in the minds of those around you ... probably not. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. Disregarding the rest of your post and focusing on what I left in the quote. 'should I make an effort to grow up?' Yeah, maybe you need to grow up a bit. Not wanting to date a single mom is in no way a contraindication of immaturity. I would argue the opposite...he's showing the maturity to do what's best for himself while being honest in his dealings with others. There is no reason to attempt to shame him into persuing a course of action not in his best interest.' I don't think ' Could be your problem. Wrong again. He's showing that he is thinking...and not with his dick. ' I am awesome.' In your own mind perhaps, in the minds of those around you ... probably not. I'm sure you are far more awesome than the OP. Are you somehow trying to justify to yourself your actions in regards to involvement with a single mom?
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:39:10 AM EDT
[#28]
I don't know about the "awesome" part, but honesty is never a bad policy. In my 30's I dated women with children, and I had no problem with it at that point in my life. I probably wouldn't have at your age either.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:45:19 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Nope. Not your thing its not your thing at least your honest. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:46:04 AM EDT
[#30]
People are liable to act irrationally when told that their allure cannot overcome their baggage. It's a defense mechanism.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:46:40 AM EDT
[#31]
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. You are not being selfish. Never get involved with a woman who has a child unless you are considering a stay for the long haul. Your feelings and the mom's feelings are secondary at best. The child is the primary focus in this type of relationship. The child's wellbeing is paramount. Personally, I know I could never be a step-father. I have 2 kids of my own that I love beyond imagination. I can't share that with someone else's child. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:48:10 AM EDT
[#32]
I think your missing out as kids are great but some people don't want to deal with kids. there is nothing wrong with it. Good for you for being honest.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:52:00 AM EDT
[#33]
At 24, there is no reason to date a woman with a kid, if you aren't interested. If you are still single at 40, you might need to rethink your strategy.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:52:38 AM EDT
[#34]
Nope OP you are in the right.
Regardless of how you told her. You made it clear you are out to have some dating fun without the kid drama. At 24 I wouldnt dare date a woman with a child period. Hell some of the women here in my city have kids that are 8 years old. A single mother with a kid at that age proves her life choices are not well thought out. Call me shelfish or whatever, my life, my rules. Finding a woman that fits in those rules is what I am looking for. I am 27 married with an almost 2 year old. My wife and I were married for 2 years before having our first. We also have known each other for 15 years. We have our stuff together and know what and where we are going. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:53:04 AM EDT
[#35]
I'm a female who won't seriously date men with kids. I filter them out on online searches.
I'm also VERY aware that there are ex-wives out there who would use their ex-husband's for a meal ticket, and I don't want any part of that. The one thing I've found time and again is that SOMETIMES, kids manipulate their parents when they see a relationship heating up. They intentionally cause problems there. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 8:53:51 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By KC-130 FLT ENG:
I'm sure you are far more awesome than the OP. Are you somehow trying to justify to yourself your actions in regards to involvement with a single mom?Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By KC-130 FLT ENG:
Quoted:
Quoted: Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. Disregarding the rest of your post and focusing on what I left in the quote. 'should I make an effort to grow up?' Yeah, maybe you need to grow up a bit. Not wanting to date a single mom is in no way a contraindication of immaturity. I would argue the opposite...he's showing the maturity to do what's best for himself while being honest in his dealings with others. There is no reason to attempt to shame him into persuing a course of action not in his best interest.' I don't think ' Could be your problem. Wrong again. He's showing that he is thinking...and not with his dick. ' I am awesome.' In your own mind perhaps, in the minds of those around you ... probably not. I'm sure you are far more awesome than the OP. Are you somehow trying to justify to yourself your actions in regards to involvement with a single mom?By all means let him be the manly white knight that he is and end up with the inevitable problems that dating them would bring on. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:00:12 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I remember a woman I run into at a party (I was 20) and we hit it off. She told me up front that she was divorced and had a kid (toddler) and that she just wanted me to know about it before we went any further. I simply told her I was not bothered about dealing with someone else's kid and that was it. Looking back on it I may have fucked-up....She owns several jewellery stores now and her kid is the head Pharmacist at a medical center. LOL....Maybe I should have looked a bit past the Rent-A-Kid aspect. Indeed, there are some exceptions out there like that jewellery store owner lady 1srelluc is talking about. But those are RARE. Part of the price of passing up single moms, but the odds favor at your age of 24 taking a walk. Especially since you said that all they talked about were the POS baby daddy's who weren't helping out. GIANT clue what they wanted from you. MONEY. If you chose to be less honest to get laid with those single moms, you would be always having to worry because what if they tried to get knocked up by you so then you are completely hooked by them? You would always have to be on guard, always have to make sure to never take even a sliver of a chance to get one of them pregnant. Doesn't sound like the kind of fun dating a guy at 24 should be doing. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:02:47 AM EDT
[#38]
Selfish, absolutely. You'll have to look in a mirror to confirm the resemblance to your asshole.
My wife had a girl from her first marriage. Her real father was an asshole and wouldn't have anything to do with her because it interfered with his playboy life. I raised her as my own + 3 of our own. We never made a distinction between them and it made all the difference. An absolutely wonderful lady and we have a great relationship. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:03:04 AM EDT
[#39]
I don't know if you are a selfish asshole or not.
I just agree with you for avoiding single mothers. I've tried it. It doesn't work for me. "Instant family, just add Formergrunt94" is a no go. I don't add to their baggage by using them, but dating is out of the question. I might consider a widow, but in this day and age, a woman with a kid is most likely NOT a widow. There is a baby daddy somewhere. Won't even consider dealing with that situation anymore.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:03:07 AM EDT
[#40]
Totally understand your position and not being selfish at all IMO.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:03:38 AM EDT
[#41]
You made the correct decision.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:09:37 AM EDT
[#42]
Not selfish. Smart. Let the hoards of thirsty betas marry the mommies (who wouldn't of given them the time of day when they were younger, hotter, and childless) and purpetuate the problem if they want. Get your own woman and make your own children. "not my sperm, not my concern"
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:09:55 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names  Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things? Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move. That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names Or..you could have just not gotten involved at all in the first place |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:15:58 AM EDT
[#44]
Being "selfish" when you're at the stage of CHOOSING someone to be in a relationship with is absolutely OK and exactly what you should be. Don't engage in a relationship with someone you're sure you're not going to be compatible with. That's not good for either of you.
It's being excessively selfish AFTER signing on for the cruise with someone that can be wrong and possibly make you an asshole (but definitely not always). |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:26:23 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Selfish, absolutely. You'll have to look in a mirror to confirm the resemblance to your asshole. My wife had a girl from her first marriage. Her real father was an asshole and wouldn't have anything to do with her because it interfered with his playboy life. I raised her as my own + 3 of our own. We never made a distinction between them and it made all the difference. An absolutely wonderful lady and we have a great relationship. Instead of telling me your situation could you explain how what I did was selfish? |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:30:52 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Really? Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them. Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. I see someone has issues with women! Some women think they are marrying decent guys but they turn out to be something other, like a wife beater, a cheater, a drunk, a deadbeat, but I guess in your mind that is their fault for choosing poorly
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:33:28 AM EDT
[#47]
At 24, not only is it not selfish, but honestly you should be wary of a chick with a kid. Girls who are educated, career oriented and responsible usually don't have kids till marriage. 24 is way to young to be married, knocked up and now divorced. Now I'm sure some user on here will be like "I know a 24 year old who married her high school sweet heart, had a kid, but then her husband died in Iraq". To that I say that is an exception and would wager a 24 year old with a kid most likely got knocked up by her douchebag ex boyfriend pre gaming at a Ke$ha concert rather than by being in a healthy and committed relationship.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:35:21 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not selfish. Smart. Let the hoards of thirsty betas marry the mommies (who wouldn't of given them the time of day when they were younger, hotter, and childless) and purpetuate the problem if they want. Get your own woman and make your own children. "not my sperm, not my concern" :tips fedora: |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:35:50 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I see someone has issues with women! Some women think they are marrying decent guys but they turn out to be something other, like a wife beater, a cheater, a drunk, a deadbeat, but I guess in your mind that is their fault for choosing poorly Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them. Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. I see someone has issues with women! Some women think they are marrying decent guys but they turn out to be something other, like a wife beater, a cheater, a drunk, a deadbeat, but I guess in your mind that is their fault for choosing poorly Those things are easy to discern BEFORE getting knocked up. Marriage material is determined by more than "he/she is sooooooooo HOT!!" A worthwhile woman realizes this and uses her brain. Same as a man. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 9:36:39 AM EDT
[#50]
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
? Oscar Wilde If you aren't ready for kids or simply don't want kids that's your decision. I've been down the single mom road. Twice. At your age don't fucking do it. That isn't a selfish decision. |
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