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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:37:18 AM EDT
[#1]
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The thing they talked about the most was the POS babydaddy that never sees the kid and never pays child support. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many. See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child Raise YOUR child--not someone else's, as you will always have to deal with the shithead who isn't raising his own crotchfruit. The thing they talked about the most was the POS babydaddy that never sees the kid and never pays child support. They picked him and chose to breed with him, while knowing he was a shiftless fuckstick. Now they want you to assume his role as "babydaddy." And become angry when you decline. RUN, young Padiwan, RUN! 
And as I said, hang out with a better class of people. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:37:19 AM EDT
[#2]
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Chinese Checkers is the shit. also dominoes. Both are probably bad metaphors. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. do you play chess? Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy. Chinese Checkers is the shit. also dominoes. Both are probably bad metaphors. I was waiting on him to make some form of metaphor about how dating a single mom is like a complicated chess game. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:37:35 AM EDT
[#3]
Not at all.
It was proven to me that I 100% do not want a child when I dated a women that had one. Wasn't mine obviously, and I do hear you on that you wouldn't put the same into it if it wasn't yours, but seeing what raising a kid requires cemented it into my mind that I have absolutely zero interest in doing it. Ever. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:38:16 AM EDT
[#4]
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They picked him and chose to breed with him, while knowing he was a shiftless fuckstick. Now they want you to assume his role as "babydaddy." And become angry when you decline. RUN, young Padiwan, RUN!
And as I said, hang out with a better class of people. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many. See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child Raise YOUR child--not someone else's, as you will always have to deal with the shithead who isn't raising his own crotchfruit. The thing they talked about the most was the POS babydaddy that never sees the kid and never pays child support. They picked him and chose to breed with him, while knowing he was a shiftless fuckstick. Now they want you to assume his role as "babydaddy." And become angry when you decline. RUN, young Padiwan, RUN!
And as I said, hang out with a better class of people. Well these girls did come from Tinder, so it's not like I really associate with them. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:41:06 AM EDT
[#5]
Yes. But not for not dating women with fruit crotch.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:41:25 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Been there, done that, won't do it again. You're not an asshole. Just remember, when a woman has a kid, you'll most likely always be #2. I would however consider doing it again if having a kid was her only negative and there was a lot of chemistry that I thought would last. Keep an one mind but don't let your brains fall out.  |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:43:03 AM EDT
[#7]
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Yes but, for different reasons than those cataloged in your post. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:43:50 AM EDT
[#8]
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Yes. But not for not dating women with fruit crotch. I think penicillin cures that. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:44:19 AM EDT
[#9]
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That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names  Quote HistoryQuoted:
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"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things? Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move. That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names Sounds fair. When I met my wife I refused to date women without a kid, because I had kids with the ex and I didn't want some clingy woman that wouldn't understand I had to spend time with my kids. You have no kids I assume, so find a woman with none. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:46:09 AM EDT
[#10]
Not an asshole.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:46:49 AM EDT
[#11]
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Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. At 24, I think you'd be crazy to date someone with a kid. If you're 24, I'm assuming you're dating women around your age. "24-Year Old Single Mother" doesn't exactly scream, "Winner!" |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:47:21 AM EDT
[#12]
In before nope?
Oh well..... Nope. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:47:48 AM EDT
[#13]
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I was waiting on him to make some form of metaphor about how dating a single mom is like a complicated chess game. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. do you play chess? Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy. Chinese Checkers is the shit. also dominoes. Both are probably bad metaphors. I was waiting on him to make some form of metaphor about how dating a single mom is like a complicated chess game. I know. 
I still stand by Chinese Checkers. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:48:38 AM EDT
[#14]
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I think penicillin cures that. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Yes. But not for not dating women with fruit crotch. I think penicillin cures that. That shit is pencillin resistant.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:56:42 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Really? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them. Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. Some men are desperate enough I guess, sounds like you aren't. How does that make you an ass. I'd say you were wise beyond your years and an honest motherfucker too for just letting them know up front. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:57:09 AM EDT
[#16]
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That shit is pencillin resistant. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Yes. But not for not dating women with fruit crotch. I think penicillin cures that. That shit is pencillin resistant. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:58:09 AM EDT
[#17]
photobucket is not cooperating with my bandwidth right now so picture a squid running on the ocean floor and nope nope nope going underneath it
Seriously though, I don't see why you have to stoop to dating single moms (who made their own bed obviously I'm not talking about a war widow etc). That being said I know at least one, that I'd marry in a heartbeat if I wasn't taken. So maybe if she's really freaking awesome. You're not an asshole for not wanting to be a dad to a strangers kid |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 12:58:31 AM EDT
[#18]
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Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. This, they already have the bad decision fuck trophy, why would you want to date them anyway. Some men are desperate enough I guess, sounds like you aren't. How does that make you an ass. I'd say you were wise beyond your years and an honest motherfucker too for just letting them know up front. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them. This, they already have the bad decision fuck trophy, why would you want to date them anyway. Some men are desperate enough I guess, sounds like you aren't. How does that make you an ass. I'd say you were wise beyond your years and an honest motherfucker too for just letting them know up front. I always try to at least get to know them, who knows I might like them enough to accept the kid. That has yet to happen though. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:00:01 AM EDT
[#19]
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I would say you are being more honest than most 24 year old guys. Like stated above you don't date single moms you have a relationship with them and their child. If she doesn't make it pretty cut and clear on the first few dates that her child takes priority over anyone or anything she probably is a shitty parent from my experience. What he said, and to add to it if a she isn't an excellent mom eject with a quickness. It gives you a window to see how she really is if you know what you're looking for. Their are too many good women to deal with the garbage ones. It takes some time and trial and error but you will know her when you find her.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:17:22 AM EDT
[#20]
Selfish, yes, you are putting your desires first.
Asshole, no, there are rational reasons for not wanting her child. An estimated $200,000.00+ to raise a child from birth through moving out, how much of that will be your end? She will usually put her child first and she will usually come in second, that means third place for you as a best case scenario. Baby daddy will be around to some extent, she might decide to go back to him at any moment "for the sake of her child". And other women without this complication are available, so why even start down this path? You are 24, half your age plus seven equals dating 19 year old women, most don't have kids. The only positives for you are that you know she was fertile, and you may end up loving the kid down the road. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:19:53 AM EDT
[#21]
Not at all, you are honest.
An asshole would try to convince himself to give it a shot, just for the pie, then end up really causing problems for the girl and the children. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:20:25 AM EDT
[#22]
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy dose of enlightened self interest. If everyone in this country spent more time taking care of their own lives and less time trying to tell others how to live their lives we'd be in a lot better shape. And those girls probably wouldn't be single mothers.
So no, you're not a selfish asshole. At least not for that reason.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:24:24 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted: At 24 you should not have to deal with that. Don't even get involved in that mess. This. I don't think it makes you selfish. There aren't' many good reasons to be dating women with children at that age. It's better to be upfront about these kinds of things. I'm kind of surprised young women with children would have dating as a priority. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:24:53 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: you can't just 'date' a girl who has a kid... it's only fair to them and the kid to have a serious relationship with that person that reaches towards marriage... fuck around with single childless kids all you want, but girls with kids need stability and someone to be tied down with.. i give you more kudos for being outright honest with these women and not leading them on... asshole you are not, sir... Stated better than I did. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:25:57 AM EDT
[#25]
You did nothing wrong. Don't listen to the white knights who tell you otherwise.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:32:36 AM EDT
[#26]
OP, just as another poster stated, you are 24, so you are already a selfish asshole.
As far as the other issue, single moms = drama. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:34:42 AM EDT
[#27]
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That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names Quote HistoryQuoted:
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"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things? Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move. That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names They didn't like you laying the truth down. They know that the kid makes them alot less desirable, but they don't like to be told it and reminded of it. You might consider learning more about lying, its especially good for situations like this when telling the truth doesn't have much benefit. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:35:32 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I was waiting on him to make some form of metaphor about how dating a single mom is like a complicated chess game. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. do you play chess? Nope, I'm more of a checkers guy. Chinese Checkers is the shit. also dominoes. Both are probably bad metaphors. I was waiting on him to make some form of metaphor about how dating a single mom is like a complicated chess game. yeahhhh... no. nah dude...nah. 
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:38:28 AM EDT
[#29]
Sure, you are good for being upfront with your feelings about dating (and possibly marrying) a woman with children. But I think you are missing a valuable opportunity.
A child is the product of the mother. If you wish to see how good a woman she is, examine the child! If the kid is screwed up, the mother is sure to be screwed up, too. But if the kid is well turned out, good manners, takes care of him/herself, then that's the result of good parenting. Single women have no such "litmus test." You end up getting what you get. But a woman with a child carries a barometer with her. If you are looking for a woman to settle down with, the child is the best indicator of what kind of woman she is. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:38:50 AM EDT
[#30]
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They didn't like you laying the truth down. They know that the kid makes them alot less desirable, but they don't like to be told it and reminded of it. You might consider learning more about lying, its especially good for situations like this when telling the truth doesn't have much benefit. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things? Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move. That's what I was saying, I could've lead them along and done them wrong but I told them how I felt. They didn't have to call me names They didn't like you laying the truth down. They know that the kid makes them alot less desirable, but they don't like to be told it and reminded of it. You might consider learning more about lying, its especially good for situations like this when telling the truth doesn't have much benefit. Eh lying even when it might have some benefit over telling the truth still doesn't sit well with me. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:39:37 AM EDT
[#31]
It also makes a huge difference if said single mom has a solid career. I've seen too many that are just eyeing up their next 18 year vacation.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:40:49 AM EDT
[#32]
No, They Chose Poorly.
Back then at your age I'd do the same. If was not married today, maybe. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:43:14 AM EDT
[#33]
I don't think you're being an asshole at all. I'm 31 and have no desire to date a woman with a kid. Unfortunately there are alot out there. My reasoning is twofold.
1. I'm not sure I want a kid, mine or otherwise. Just not sure it's in the cards for me. 2. Is a little bit longer. An old co-worker of mine whom I still see from time to time was married to a woman with a kid from a previous marriage. As soon as the kid hit 18 she divorced him and took half of everything. He couldn't even afford to keep living in his house. Her reasoning you ask? She had the kid when she was very young and never had time to "discover herself" or "have any fun." He was with her for something like 14 years and she used him to help raise the kid and the effing bail. I was already taken advantage of in my last relationship and it will NOT happen again. I know that being a single mother is hard work but I just don't have that much sympathy for them. They chose to crawl into bed with some asshole, get knocked up, and then decide that guy isn't someone they want to spend their life with. They then expect some nice guy to swoop in and help take care of a kid who isn't even their responsibility. There is no way I'm playing Captain Save-A-Ho. A little background: Yes, my parents are divorced and both remarried. Yes, I don't like my step-dad. He's and asshole and has literally warped my mother to his will. I don't ever want to be a step-father. That said I love my step-mom. She has her issues but is a very loving woman who at times has been more of a mother to me than the woman I call mom. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 1:52:42 AM EDT
[#34]
Why would you engage in a conversation of that length with a woman who you know you don't want to date? Just walk away.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:03:16 AM EDT
[#35]
what the hell are you doing at 24 that you're only finding women with children? get off of those crappy dating websites.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:07:12 AM EDT
[#36]
perhaps if you were 40 you may have no other choice but to date someone with kids... at 24... I would avoid women with kids...
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:20:15 AM EDT
[#37]
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"Asshole" for being honest and up front about things? Stringing them along to get in their pants and then ditching them--that would be the a-hole move. This. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:34:11 AM EDT
[#38]
Not at all, you are in fact choosing wisely and as it is you should expect some feedback from those who did not. Your being responsible to yourself and to others and there is no shame in that but it would be a shame to miss an exceptional girl so pay careful attention while you do your thing. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:37:20 AM EDT
[#39]
OP, I don't think you're selfish or an asshole for feeling that way, but you sure could use some tact. Sounds like you're jumping in a bit too much before actually learning anything about them.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:48:18 AM EDT
[#40]
In before our female version of Dr. Phil derails this thread into a sexist/womanizer/chauvinist thread?
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:52:51 AM EDT
[#41]
How is it selfish?
I don't want to date a serial killer, does that mean I'm selfish?
If it is not what you want then it is not what you want. It is not selfish to know yourself enough to know what you are not going to be comfortable or good at dealing with. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 2:54:12 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Really? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Not a selfsih A O for not wanting to get involved with a situation that you do not want in on but perhaps you are an AO for telling them the reason. Single Moms have it tough enough without you laying a trip on them. Unless they happen to be widows, they made decisions in their lives that created the shitty situation they're in. Not all the time I knew a soldier that fucked every piece of deployment pussy he could, and his wife found out. She was willing to give him another chance for the kids, but he served her papers. How is that the mom's fault? I knew another soldier who served his wife papers because she gained 20lbs when she was pregnant. Again how is that the mom's fault? |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 3:13:23 AM EDT
[#43]
Quoted:
Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. You do not want to cause stress and pain in a women`s life nor cause her child pain..You are a noble man and do not feel bad,..I am 23 its great too see some people my age have wisdom beyond their years.. Poll in thread my make some sense.. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 3:14:17 AM EDT
[#44]
Meh. I don't think so.
If shit would've went south for whatever reason between you and her, and you had a good relationship with the kid; it would definitely put the hurt on the kid. Not only does he not have his real father around, but now the person that they thought might have been their new awesome dad, is now gone. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 3:16:28 AM EDT
[#45]
I'm 25 with two kids of my own. Going through a divorce. Dont deal with their shit, man. You're too young.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 3:52:27 AM EDT
[#46]
"My kids are my whole life" is the mating call of women who tried to play house and lost.
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Posted: 10/23/2014 3:53:57 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You are not an asshole!! An asshole would insert himself into the kid's life so he could bang the milf, and then bail when he had enough. The kids don't need revolving door adults in their life. If you do want to bang the milf, stay away from the kids unless/until you decide you want to marry their mom. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 4:30:36 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Me too, but I sure wish I had my 20's to do over again. I wouldn't have spent a minute of it bonding with kids that I will never see again. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many. Me too, but I sure wish I had my 20's to do over again. I wouldn't have spent a minute of it bonding with kids that I will never see again. Fucking this post hits the nail on the head. You will save yourself grief. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 4:34:06 AM EDT
[#49]
Quoted: Recently I have encountered a couple of women who I had considered dating but I refused to do so because they had a child. I told them the reason for not wanting to date them was their kid and because of the kid we would have constant problems because she would never be able to put the same effort into our relationship. I as a 24 year old male do not want to deal with those problems or the task of raising a child that is not mine. Knowing how I felt I was not willing to even attempt a relationship because it would only end up hurting her and confusing the child. Am I a selfish asshole and should I make an effort to grow up? I don't think I should, I am awesome. |
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Posted: 10/23/2014 4:40:39 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Not in the wrong but it's going to bite you in ass eventually.I'm in my early 30's. You know how many women in my age range don't have kids? Not many. See when I am older I do not think it will bother me as much. I will be at a much more stable place in life by then and I think I will be able to take on the responsibility of raising a child This. At 24 I was still in party mode. I don't know that a kid would have been a deal breaker for the right chick, but it wouldn't have been the ideal situation. When you get older it probably won't be the same issue. I'll say good on you for not stringing them along. They may think you are an asshole, but it just shows they can't see the forest for the trees. |
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