What does Bro Code say about the following situation::

Office bathroom has 2 side-by-side urinals with no divider and 4 stalls.  You walk in and see one urinal is occupied and all 4 stalls are empty.

Do you:

A) Confidently assume the position at the one free urinal (eyes on the road, of course).

B) Leave room for the Holy Ghost at the urinals, and proceed to an unoccupied stall to piss.

C) be a man and piss wherever is most convenient, not caring if someone want to sneak a peek

 

Including weenies. Must be very confusing for them.

 

wow

arfcom GD loves to complicate their lives with rules

If you cannot figure out how to use a restroom without undermining your self-esteem, maybe you should stick with diapers

yeah

what the fuck is that all about?

mouthful of chewed fingernails?

I step away from ARFCOM for a few years and come back to raging homosexuality all over the site.

Don't get me wrong, I could care less what you stick it in, just don't tell me about it and we'll be fine. Seems these days lots of "members" like to play gay which to me is akin to bi-curious (aka GAY).

WTF happened to this place?
90% totally serious, 10% mostly serious.

Men, let's act like men for God's sake.

My two biggest gripes are stall pissers, and people who sit down next to you to take a shit when there are plenty of open stalls.

Stall pissers 80% of the time don't even bother to lift the lid, let alone actually flush.

Don't these retards ever take shits?

Do they like having to clean the entire stall so they can sit down, or are they so self absorbed they do not care if they sit in piss, let alone what someone else has to clean up or sit in because they are selfish assholes.

This.

If GD is any indication, they are also the people who avoid at all costs taking a shit away from mommy's toilet.

Hey....

Mom buys the BEST 2 ply.

I take it you do not have a son.

Insecure and/or immature................

I had one too.  It was down in the basement, out of the way, and the door was camouflaged so it was barely noticeable.  It had 2 stalls and 2 urinals, except one urinal was always broken and had a garbage bag over it; giving another reason for people not to go in there.

Until one fateful day............


I walk in and hit up the only working urinal -- which is situated right up next to the door of one of the 2 stalls.  I didn't hear anything when I came in.  I unzip, whip it out, and see movement out of the corner of my eye.  Before I started letting it flow, I look to my right -- I am mere inches from the frame of the door -- and can see someone in between the crack of the frame and the door.  

Now, I am never one to stare in the restroom.  But something was off.  Instead of immediately looking away after I realized someone was in there, I focused for about 3 seconds; only able to see their right arm and half of their torso.  The dude was fapping hard.  I am 90% sure that once he saw me step up to the urinal, he started fapping harder.  I quickly pulled it in and fast walked out of there......never to return to my honey hole again, out of fear of encountering this sick-o once more.  I felt so violated.

I am about mastering the public restroom.  It is after all foreign, unknown land, a place where for the most part I don’t want to be.  I enjoy my bathroom, a familiar, comforting place where I can drop a deuce in peace.  Being in a public restroom means that I must deuce in a place that is soiled by other, lesser creatures.  Therefore I must master it, and make it my own.  It must remember that I have been there, and that I have fully and utterly dominated it.  

If I have to use a urinal I picked the one nearest to another guy.  Why?  Not homosexual at all, I pick the closet one to establish it as MY restroom.  I think proceed to piss all over the urinal, starting at the top and working my way down.   I like to make sure I turn the white shelf where the pipe comes in yellow and smelling of asparagus.  I do not look at my compatriot next to me, I stare forward with a pleasant, self assured smile.  If he speaks or protests, I simply smile more.  If he says nothing then I know I have won.  When finished I whip my nozzle around like a firehouse flinging the last bits of urea onto the walls next to me.  Then I proceed to the sink, where I turn it on, drop some papertowels into it and leave it running.  Why?  Because fuck the janitor that’s why.   Upon leaving I hit all the blow dryers on at once if they are present.  I usually toss a snot rocket on the mirror just as a final “bye”.

When doing the heavy work of deucing, I feel that it is necessary to ‘up my game a little’.  In that I must truly make the space my own.  The feng shui of the restroom must conform around my bowel babies.  I walk in, usually choosing the cleanest most pristine of the stalls and drop trough.    I do my business, alternating between a hard grunting squat, to a loud obnoxious rebel yell as I half stand/ half bend over to spray my brown boblits onto the back of the commode.  This way, I am assured of ‘painting’ a picture few could help but recognize.  When finished I turn to the side and lean back, rubbing my asscheeks on the stall wall like a bear would on a tree, first vertical, then horizontal, then repeat until I am clean.  This way I have a sort of graph paper like artwork made of poo.   If the mood strikes me, then I leave a spray of piss thoroughly wetting down the toilet paper roll.  You know, why not?  Once finished I kick the stall door open, hopefully breaking the lock…. Because fuck you janitor, that’s why, and walk out like a proud poppa to the work I have undertaken.  Then I usually toss a snot rocket on the mirror.







Actually I just go in and do my thing, but for a minute, I was thinking about stopping by Wendys after work…….

I came in this thread to take a stand for all the men that look straight ahead, do not dong browse, and do not speak.  We are proud and humble men and take no shit from the fags.

You are connected to part of Mexico there is a reason why they piss everywhere except in the urinal.  Just be glad you dont have to take a shit and walk into the stall only to find turds everywhere except in the bowl, sometimes you can find the shoe prints of where the person stood on the seat.

I remember during one training exercise there was a head with a 2 rows of 4 shitters. With no walls. Facing each other. 8 guys, shitting, facing each other.

 

Sorry man I was trying to figure out how you get your manscape to look so nice and whether you wax or shave. I thought about asking if I could take a picture so I could show the woman at my salon so she could do my twig and berries up like yours.

There are two guys in my office who wash their hands before going into the stall to take a shit.

I still haven't figured that one out.  Afraid they're going to get some cooties on their ass while wiping or something?

And then, there are plenty of dudes in my office who will shit, walk out of the stall, and walk right out of the bathroom without washing their hands.  It's bad enough to do that when no one's watching, but to do it when there are two or three other people in the bathroom witnessing your fundamental lack of basic hygiene?

Maybe not the same thing since it was a woman, but I have a friend who washes her hands before going to the bathroom.  She just can't stand the thought of the germs she'd picked up being that close to her junk.  

She's a hyper-germophobe though.

Exactly and a real man would piss at the occupied urinal.



 

Definitely a problem, but at least it's a First World Problem.

Much of the world thinks its cool to drop trou and shit in the street.

I have four sons, and for the life of me, cannot see the connection here.

Please enlighten me, I feel I am missing out on something monumental.

I wash before and after.  protect yourself, because no one else will.

There are only two types of "men".

Those who have proper men's room etiquette naturally engrained in their DNA and those who do not.

What if I yell across the expanse "how's it hanging"?

 

Peculiar.  

I have asked several folks I know who spit before peeing why they do it, and I have been told it is a holdover from toilet training sons while said sons were sleepy---my dad is one of them, and said he would fill his mouth with water and spit it into the toilet, which would cause me to begin peeing, and that he ended up just spitting in the toilet, and it became enough of a habit that he just kept doing it.  I've also seen numerous folks I know do it who have sons, and plenty I know have no sons, not do it.  Admittedly, I didn't conduct a proper study of the phenomenon, but I thought had figured it out.

Now I'm curious again.

Am I the only one who thinks shitting next to someone is like a challenge to see who can make the loudest smelliest duke?

Walk up to head. Keeping a 10-12 distance from urinal. Un zip trou. Remove Critter. Aim Critter at bottom of urinal. Flow in a controlled manner. Head up, shoulders back. Look at the ceiling. Inhale deeply. As flow reduces, ease forwad 3 inches. Flow stops. Shake Critter. Zip up trou. Flush. Wash hands. Use paper towel that you dried your hands with to open entry/exit door. Exit.

No at the next guys Critter.

Proper etiquette is to make constant unblinking eye contact and pee on your shoes.

I have no kids, but I spit in the urinal (or the toilet, depending) just about every time I use it. I think mine if from chewing tobacco for the last 10 years or so.

Bravo sir, I admire you.  
However, I did not appreciate you shitting in the sink.  Uncalled for sir, uncalled...







for.

Was taught this in chemistry lab. Don't want to get all sorts of aromatic hydrocarbons on the johnson. (Well not this kind) Only do this when I've been shooting or working with chemicals.

I piss in stalls.  Pissing in a urinal, that close to another man, is gay.  Oh and I lift the seat up with my foot.

Look at the floor. Why are you making any type of eye contact. You shouldn't even be looking around to even see who is looking. Just look at the floor.

That's good, even for a 13'er

Two dudes with their dick in their hand 12-18 or so inches apart....that's gay.  Just because you don't get an erection doesn't mean you're not gay.

Does anybody else find it hard to piss with a boner in public?

It's drop pants, lift shirt, Brah!  Go with Christ.

Lol I'm also 6'4 and urinals are a little too low for me.

What a bunch of slack-jawed faggots, afraid to touch shit in a bathroom.

Just wash your fucking hands when you're done.

Do you mean glory hole?

I don't want to touch "shit" no matter where it is.