Just as you're about to stick it in, she says... - Page 5

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Just as you're about to stick it in, she says... (Page 5 of 6)

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:24:26 AM EDT

[#1]

Quoted:

I better get that $50 or I'm telling Mom and Dad

Line ––-> ____

Your post ––––> *

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:24:38 AM EDT

[#2]

Her, "Who do you think you will satisfy with that?"

Me, "Me."

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:27:40 AM EDT

[#3]

It's not what she says, it's how she grabs either her head or the headboard behind her.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:30:34 AM EDT

[#4]

"I changed my mind. Get off of me!"

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:31:37 AM EDT

[#5]

It's not so much what she said right before the deed, but that ear piercing rape whistle she blows everytime....

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:31:53 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Awesome thread.

What irritated me with one chick in college, was to be banging her ass off, as absolutely hard as I possibly could and she kept screaming, "Harder! Faster! Harder, faster, harder!"

After awhile, sweat literally pooling in my eyes as I hammered away as I hard as I could, I said, "%&*@, I'm doing every f%$#!ng thing I can here!"

Yup. I met one of those. Any harder and I'd have been pissing blood for a week. I already had her standing on her head against the wall. Harder she said. Oh sure.

Yep. I had one that I had pounded off the bed, her pelvis was still on the bed, her head was on the floor and she was saying "ohhh yeah fuck that pussy harder you stud motherfucker". She could only get off if she was being choked.

I woke up the next day with muscle soreness in my legs like I had been doing squats and deadlifts.

I dropped her when, after raw-dogging her she informed me that she used to be an IV drug user.

Yes, I was shitting my pants until I got tested. And thank God I dodged that bullet.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:32:12 AM EDT

[#7]

"Your a scary white boy"

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:03:10 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
"WRONG HOLE!!!'

no such thing, all three are fair game..

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:15:35 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
"You don't need a condom, I'm already pregnant"

Holy shit, i forgot.... i had that once.

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:21:51 AM EDT

[#10]

"My mom told me this is all you want"

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:24:30 AM EDT

[#11]

"hold on while i go stick my dentures in some polident"

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:29:19 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:

"Can you be quick? I'm really tired."

You must be married.

Posted: 1/1/2012 9:59:24 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Her, "Who do you think you will satisfy with that?"

Me, "Me."

LMAO!

ETA...I was also dating a blind girl who rarely said anything...at all. She was super-boring, but really cute.

At any rate, she liked to be on top and grind herself down really hard...I mean REALLY hard...to the point that it hurt like hell after a few minutes.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:02:38 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Had two different girls tell me they remind me of their father after getting done boning.

+1. Had a woman call me "Daddy" while doing doggy. Instant turn off.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:09:45 AM EDT

[#15]

I have Herpes, but you can't catch it right now.

Did not fo.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:12:49 AM EDT

[#16]

But I poop from there

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:16:40 AM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:

Quoted:
Had two different girls tell me they remind me of their father after getting done boning.

+1. Had a woman call me "Daddy" while doing doggy. Instant turn off.

That's ALL my girlfriend calls me

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:26:23 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
But I poop from there

"Not tonight, you don't."

LC

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:33:23 AM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
She didnt say anything but I farted once as I was about to stick it in. We laughed so hard and so long it kind killed the moment for the night.

Maneuvering thrusters. Common occurrence.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:34:11 AM EDT

[#20]

Had a buddy in college
D1 hockey player about 6'2" 200 pounds
He had a girlfriend that was about 5'5" and 100 pounds
He was drunk and they were having sex
All of a sudden he blows this tremendous fart and passes out
She was stuck under him for a couple of hours
Priceless

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:37:18 AM EDT

[#21]

Years ago I was seeing a girl and the 1st time we were going to go all the way she asked me if her sister could watch. (step sister through marriage)

Last night, was banging in the new year with my wife, when mid hump she told me her sister was gonna come for a visit in March. I couldn't stop giggling, and she told me to stop thinking about her sister.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:38:06 AM EDT

[#22]

I just remembered one that I had apparently regressed....

Had just performed a bit of foreplay as mentioned earlier and was docking...
She grabbed my head in both hands and looked me in the eye and says

"Tell mama she's pretty"

FUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That RUINED it right there... She was smokin hot and a redhead to boot.
WTF?

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:38:14 AM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:

Quoted:
And one from the other side. After being subjected to a couple minutes of energetic poking around to no purpose and less effect: "This would go a lot better if you'd put that thing where there's already a hole."

You're an Eager Aimer. Right about the time you start the docking process you feel hands where they don't belong. There's a few tugs along the way too. Yes, we know you. :)

No, not at all. Just offered a little well intentioned advice in a case of "all velocity and no vector".

Jane

Technically, velocity is a vector quantity, I think you mean speed which is a scalar and has no direction. (Yes I am and engineer, and single.

)

I think she meant Geometrically orTopographically speaking...because I too have never used velocity when plotting a vector.

You're one of those unit vector guys; 1.

Posted: 1/1/2012 11:23:57 AM EDT

[#24]

Can you pull my tampon out for me?

Posted: 1/1/2012 12:05:56 PM EDT

[#25]

Happened not too long ago to Mrs.SouthHoof & me.

"The dog is staring at us"

Posted: 1/1/2012 12:53:07 PM EDT

[#26]

Right in the middle of doing it dogie style, chick starts to yell HARDER! FASTER! HARDER! FASTER!. I tell her I am going as hard and as fast as can. She says " I said HARDER and FASTER motherfucker". I start yelling at her as loud as I can TIGHTER TIGHTER. It was the only time we did it.

Posted: 1/1/2012 1:03:06 PM EDT

[#27]

You better tell that ginger Momma you looooove her.

That's sort of like "Who's your Daddy?'.

Momma might have made you some breakfast.

Posted: 1/1/2012 1:15:27 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
Right in the middle of doing it dogie style, chick starts to yell HARDER! FASTER! HARDER! FASTER!. I tell her I am going as hard and as fast as can. She says " I said HARDER and FASTER motherfucker". I start yelling at her as loud as I can TIGHTER TIGHTER. It was the only time we did it.

Posted: 1/1/2012 5:52:14 PM EDT

[#29]

I hate to tell you, but your Google-fu is weak. Try looking up shibari.

Posted: 1/1/2012 5:55:04 PM EDT

[#30]

"I want you to fuck me hard, Patrick"

"My name's not Patrick"

"O M G I'm sorry, Steve"

"Who's Steve?"

"What... I thought your name was... Just fuck me"

"Uhh - OK"

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:05:23 PM EDT

[#31]

It kills me I can't remember this one chick's name from 2001, all that really stuck in my mind from the month we dated was that during sex she would say "oh god" over and over again. I drank a bunch back then, I could go forever when buzzed, she was a drinker too, it might be hours of "oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god". Kind of got to me after awhile.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:26:29 PM EDT

[#32]

I was born a man?

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:36:05 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

I better get that $50 or I'm telling Mom and Dad

Wow, I thought I was the only one to hear that from your sister.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:39:08 PM EDT

[#34]

She said "I can hear my mom and her boyfriend in the next room"

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:39:47 PM EDT

[#35]

I'll still be a virgin if you only put it in my ass, right?

It was only a little later that I realized someone must have convinced her of that before I came around.

True story.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:44:04 PM EDT

[#36]

Please don't tell <whatever his name was> I really like him.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:47:24 PM EDT

[#37]

Ooooooh, pull it out deeper..........stop, it hurts so goooooood.

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:13:23 PM EDT

[#38]

Girl back in college asked me to "pee in her"

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:19:23 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:

Girl back in college asked me to "pee in her"

I had a girl ask me that once but not seconds before touchdown , she asked afterward ...

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:27:29 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

Had a buddy in college

D1 hockey player about 6'2" 200 pounds

He had a girlfriend that was about 5'5" and 100 pounds

He was drunk and they were having sex

All of a sudden he blows this tremendous fart and passes out

She was stuck under him for a couple of hours

Priceless

This made me laugh. Thank you :)

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:43:08 PM EDT

[#41]

I learned from my uncles.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:21:19 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
Happened not too long ago to Mrs.SouthHoof & me.

"The dog is staring at us"

Beats having that cold wet nose suddenly appear near your ass.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:28:58 PM EDT

[#43]

Shit my Husband just pulled in.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:35:26 PM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
I hate to tell you, but your Google-fu is weak. Try looking up shibari.

Yeah, thats what it was called.

Thanks for the help.

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:48:59 PM EDT

[#45]

Ah, yes....more of ARFCOM's improbable bedroom tales.

As usual, I'm far less interesting than most of you. The worst I've ever heard was "slow at first, okay?"

Posted: 1/1/2012 8:59:47 PM EDT

[#46]

"I don't know if we ought to be doing this. Your wife and I are best friends."

I was newly divorced and was going through all of her old friends that just happened to show up afterwards.

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:45:50 PM EDT

[#47]

This is what I like to say right beforefore he sticks it in, http://youtu.be/cMyaN2Edh4c

Posted: 1/1/2012 10:48:43 PM EDT

[#48]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Rosebud.....................

http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m303/emilysmom_02/snow-citizen-kane-rosebud1.jpg

Posted: 1/2/2012 4:41:28 AM EDT

[#49]

Quoted:
Right in the middle of doing it dogie style, chick starts to yell HARDER! FASTER! HARDER! FASTER!. I tell her I am going as hard and as fast as can. She says " I said HARDER and FASTER motherfucker". I start yelling at her as loud as I can TIGHTER TIGHTER. It was the only time we did it.

EFFINLMAO!

Posted: 1/2/2012 4:51:00 AM EDT

[#50]

Quoted:

How about when you are banging a girl doggy style, you look down and see she missed a spot when she wiped her ass. Then that smell hits ya.

Does that turn you on as much as it does me?

You mean like your pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Just as you're about to stick it in, she says... (Page 5 of 6)

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