Just as you're about to stick it in, she says... - Page 4

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Just as you're about to stick it in, she says... (Page 4 of 6)

Posted: 12/31/2011 5:33:08 PM EDT

[#1]

Quoted:

I better get that $50 or I'm telling Mom and Dad

Your sister sounds like a nice girl.

Posted: 12/31/2011 5:35:57 PM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
How about when you are banging a girl doggy style, you look down and see she missed a spot when she wiped her ass. Then that smell hits ya.

Does that turn you on as much as it does me?

Fuck!

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:02:33 PM EDT

[#3]

Ca you just hold me when you are done?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:10:52 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How about when you are banging a girl doggy style, you look down and see she missed a spot when she wiped her ass. Then that smell hits ya.

Does that turn you on as much as it does me?

Fuck!

I've never seen crap smears, but I have seen toilet paper fragments stuck to the balloon knot!

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:15:09 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
Ok... I'll play.

My mom made my wife and I a lovely needlework sampler that says, "everything grows with love".

One day, things got a little steamy at Fort Smith. Plans for invasion had commenced.

Mrs. Smith looks up, sees the thing on the wall, and says; "Honey, look! Everything grows with love!"

Talk about a bucket of cold water.

You married well.

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:15:23 PM EDT

[#6]

Not a turn off but a turn on for some perverts - Brother, I hope you're as good as Daddy!

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:18:20 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Awesome thread.

What irritated me with one chick in college, was to be banging her ass off, as absolutely hard as I possibly could and she kept screaming, "Harder! Faster! Harder, faster, harder!"

After awhile, sweat literally pooling in my eyes as I hammered away as I hard as I could, I said, "%&*@, I'm doing every f%$#!ng thing I can here!"

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:18:38 PM EDT

[#8]

Huh. Funny thread is funny.

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:18:45 PM EDT

[#9]

Best ive ever heard was when I was slamming this little italian girl, doggystyle.

She looks back and yells, "Spit in my mouth"

ofcourse I grabbed her chin and spit in there.

She also liked getting undressed and throwing her sneakers back on to fuck...said it was hot.

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:32:01 PM EDT

[#10]

She didnt say anything but I farted once as I was about to stick it in. We laughed so hard and so long it kind killed the moment for the night.

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:32:59 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:

Quoted:
My last GF who later went into porn said and did some crazy stuff.

Forced Sex/rape fantasies/forced anal, slapping/close fisted hitting, macrame, throat/face fucking, choking her til she passed out (rear naked choke type of stuff), wanted me to cut her, etc.

What kind of freak is into macrame??

As in the craft, or the sex act?

She was.

I was talking about the 70's string arts and craftsy thing.

Rule 34 has been broken- cuz I can't find any macrame pr0n.

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:34:33 PM EDT

[#12]

Girl I dated in high school told me she could "only get off if I sucked her toes while we do it".

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:35:06 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Pee in me! Not in my van

I heard that once, I tried but it was physically impossible

Posted: 12/31/2011 6:48:32 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Tag

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

She was an arfcommer I guess?

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:21:58 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:

Quoted:
I better get that $50 or I'm telling Mom and Dad

Your sister sounds like a nice girl.

Hopefully sister and not bother.

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:24:49 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:

Quoted:
How about when you are banging a girl doggy style, you look down and see she missed a spot when she wiped her ass. Then that smell hits ya.

Does that turn you on as much as it does me?

Fuck!

I've never seen crap smears, but I have seen toilet paper fragments stuck to the balloon knot!

Well, you can have sponteneous or you can have excellent hygiene. Rarely is *get both* a feasible option in this situation.

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:24:58 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:

Quoted:
And one from the other side. After being subjected to a couple minutes of energetic poking around to no purpose and less effect: "This would go a lot better if you'd put that thing where there's already a hole."

You're an Eager Aimer. Right about the time you start the docking process you feel hands where they don't belong. There's a few tugs along the way too. Yes, we know you. :)

No, not at all. Just offered a little well intentioned advice in a case of "all velocity and no vector".

Jane

Technically, velocity is a vector quantity, I think you mean speed which is a scalar and has no direction. (Yes I am and engineer, and single.

)

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:36:06 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:

Quoted:
My last GF who later went into porn said and did some crazy stuff.

Forced Sex/rape fantasies/forced anal, slapping/close fisted hitting, macrame, throat/face fucking, choking her til she passed out (rear naked choke type of stuff), wanted me to cut her, etc.

What kind of freak is into macrame??

As in the craft, or the sex act?

She was.

I was talking about the 70's string arts and craftsy thing.

Rule 34 has been broken- cuz I can't find any macrame pr0n.

Now picture that around tits, thighs, etc.

You wear it under clothes so it rubs against the vagina/etc while your'e walking around or at work.

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:43:03 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:

"The first man in my life will always be Jesus."

My response: "That's your choice, but Jesus doesn't give you orgasms or have a job and is able to support you. So don't think he's more useful than I am."
Needless to say, it wasn't long before I wasn't seeing her anymore. We hit it a few more times and went our separate ways. No hard feelings, no harm done.
CJ

She meant Jesus the Gardner

Posted: 12/31/2011 7:43:15 PM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:

Nothing like that ever

But I used to bang a girl who had a tattoo on her lower back that read:

Daddy's Little Girl

It was creepy and distracting to say the least

Speed

was her name Jessica?

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:12:06 PM EDT

[#21]

I don't want to hear nothing about the stink

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:21:27 PM EDT

[#22]

The night I graduated from high school, me and a buddy went over these two young ladies apartment, They were in their mid 20's so we thought we were doing something big time. I hook up with one chick, first time, I ever met her. We go in the bedroom, fool around for all of 5 minutes. She unzips my pants, grabs my willy and says...

"NO, I DON'T WANNA SUCK YOUR DICK! PLEASE DADDY, PLEASE, DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH"...(as she licks my balls)

"STOP FORCING ME TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!"... as she rips her own clothes off

"PLEASE STOP, I DON'T WANNA DO THIS"..(starts sobbing, as she is riding the hell out of me)

"YOU'RE RAPING ME..STOP!..STOP! STOP! THIS IS RAPE!".... as she is reverse, Cow-girling me while playing with my balls. .

I busted a nut.... and... went over there every chance I got until I left for college.....

Yup at 18, I hadn't learned not to stick it in crazy yet...

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:26:04 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:

Quoted:
My last GF who later went into porn said and did some crazy stuff.

Forced Sex/rape fantasies/forced anal, slapping/close fisted hitting, macrame, throat/face fucking, choking her til she passed out (rear naked choke type of stuff), wanted me to cut her, etc.

What kind of freak is into macrame??

As in the craft, or the sex act?

She was.

I was talking about the 70's string arts and craftsy thing.

Rule 34 has been broken- cuz I can't find any macrame pr0n.

Ohhh...look harder...you will find it.

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:27:59 PM EDT

[#24]

Quoted:

Quoted:
And one from the other side. After being subjected to a couple minutes of energetic poking around to no purpose and less effect: "This would go a lot better if you'd put that thing where there's already a hole."

You're an Eager Aimer. Right about the time you start the docking process you feel hands where they don't belong. There's a few tugs along the way too. Yes, we know you. :)

No, not at all. Just offered a little well intentioned advice in a case of "all velocity and no vector".

Jane

Technically, velocity is a vector quantity, I think you mean speed which is a scalar and has no direction. (Yes I am and engineer, and single.

)

I think she meant Geometrically orTopographically speaking...because I too have never used velocity when plotting a vector.

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:29:20 PM EDT

[#25]

Quoted:

Quoted:
My last GF who later went into porn said and did some crazy stuff.

Forced Sex/rape fantasies/forced anal, slapping/close fisted hitting, macrame, throat/face fucking, choking her til she passed out (rear naked choke type of stuff), wanted me to cut her, etc.

What kind of freak is into macrame??

As in the craft, or the sex act?

She was.

I was talking about the 70's string arts and craftsy thing.

Rule 34 has been broken- cuz I can't find any macrame pr0n.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FRbJdmyBibA/TMYHHT8vMuI/AAAAAAAAAVg/TvybOnvaJHQ/s1600/IMG_0821.JPG

Now picture that around tits, thighs, etc.

You wear it under clothes so it rubs against the vagina/etc while your'e walking around or at work.

Ohhh.. that stuff.

blah- kink for the OCD with too much time on their hands.

The rest sounded fun though.

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:37:52 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
Crazy ass smoking hot red head: Ok, you can do me, but I can only finish if you do me in my ass................................So, I rode the slopes for a while, busted my nut and said......OOPS

She must have lost my number...

Dear God

Posted: 12/31/2011 8:40:34 PM EDT

[#27]

I turn 18 tomorrow.

I promise the check won't bounce this time.

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:05:32 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
The night I graduated from high school, me and a buddy went over these two young ladies apartment, They were in their mid 20's so we thought we were doing something big time. I hook up with one chick, first time, I ever met her. We go in the bedroom, fool around for all of 5 minutes. She unzips my pants, grabs my willy and says...

"NO, I DON'T WANNA SUCK YOUR DICK! PLEASE DADDY, PLEASE, DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH"...(as she licks my balls)

"STOP FORCING ME TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!"... as she rips her own clothes off

"PLEASE STOP, I DON'T WANNA DO THIS"..(starts sobbing, as she is riding the hell out of me)

"YOU'RE RAPING ME..STOP!..STOP! STOP! THIS IS RAPE!".... as she is reverse, Cow-girling me while playing with my balls. .

I busted a nut.... and... went over there every chance I got until I left for college.....

Yup at 18, I hadn't learned not to stick it in crazy yet...

That is fucking industrial grade crazy right there.

I once had a girl tell me she had hairy nipples.

So I looked, and yep she did.

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:26:04 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:
"You have to fuck my friend Melissa".

This was said after 2 seconds of starting.

So did you?

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:38:08 PM EDT

[#30]

She didn't have to say nothing. All I heard was the "Road Warrior" it went limp pretty quick

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:39:36 PM EDT

[#31]

"I started today."

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:52:40 PM EDT

[#32]

"WRONG WHOLE!!!'

Yeah I was drunk

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:55:17 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

"WRONG WHOLE!!!'

Yeah I was drunk

The whole thing!? Accidently!?

Posted: 12/31/2011 9:59:00 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
The night I graduated from high school, me and a buddy went over these two young ladies apartment, They were in their mid 20's so we thought we were doing something big time. I hook up with one chick, first time, I ever met her. We go in the bedroom, fool around for all of 5 minutes. She unzips my pants, grabs my willy and says...

"NO, I DON'T WANNA SUCK YOUR DICK! PLEASE DADDY, PLEASE, DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH"...(as she licks my balls)

"STOP FORCING ME TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!"... as she rips her own clothes off

"PLEASE STOP, I DON'T WANNA DO THIS"..(starts sobbing, as she is riding the hell out of me)

"YOU'RE RAPING ME..STOP!..STOP! STOP! THIS IS RAPE!".... as she is reverse, Cow-girling me while playing with my balls. .

I busted a nut.... and... went over there every chance I got until I left for college.....

Yup at 18, I hadn't learned not to stick it in crazy yet...

holy fuck, that is far and away the most heavy duty crazy I've ever heard. certainly no daddy issues there.

Posted: 12/31/2011 10:01:53 PM EDT

[#35]

"I'm married"

Posted: 12/31/2011 10:24:11 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
"I'm married"

And if you're her husband, it means no happy fun time.

Posted: 12/31/2011 10:29:51 PM EDT

[#37]

Oh, gotta get in on this, I've had:

fucking choke me
don't wake my kids up
I was in the back seat with a girl and her friend was driving the car around. About to stick it in and the friend turns around and says "so how big is it" the girl I was with told her to shut up but it was weird
Just take one of my shoes and pants legs off, my dad's on the way to pick me up...I hurried

All that was when I was single, now as a joke my wife sometimes says " pull my nightgown back down when you're done" lol.

Posted: 1/1/2012 3:17:19 AM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

Quoted:
And one from the other side. After being subjected to a couple minutes of energetic poking around to no purpose and less effect: "This would go a lot better if you'd put that thing where there's already a hole."

You're an Eager Aimer. Right about the time you start the docking process you feel hands where they don't belong. There's a few tugs along the way too. Yes, we know you. :)

No, not at all. Just offered a little well intentioned advice in a case of "all velocity and no vector".

Jane

Technically, velocity is a vector quantity, I think you mean speed which is a scalar and has no direction. (Yes I am and engineer, and single.

)

I think she meant Geometrically orTopographically speaking...because I too have never used velocity when plotting a vector.

Lexicographically, "velocity" and "speed" are synonymous.

I meant pilot speaking where vector is used (or misused if one insists) to mean direction and distance, and velocity to mean speed. It's the more modern day equivalent of the older "all rpm and no compass heading" with the added benefit of being alliterative. Both are bank shots off the old bad-news, good-news joke: "We're lost, but we're going really fast."

And let me add for the humor-impaired, anal-retentive engineer types, yes, I understand that going really fast when one is lost is not necessarily a good thing; that's what makes it a joke.

Jane

Posted: 1/1/2012 5:51:01 AM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:

"My God...it's huge. That'll be extra..."

Probably more about the "extra" than the huge...

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:07:38 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

Quoted:
"My God...it's huge. That'll be extra..."

Probably more about the "extra" than the huge...

She was probably referring to the cyst on his johnson

she should have asked for more

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:15:41 AM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:

Fucking my girlfriend in college and the TV was on. Baby crying made my dick shrivel like a prune.

I hate fucking with the TV on. I always hear something or see something that ends up getting my mind off the moment. One time that sticks out in my mind, Hillary came on TV. And I don't mean Duff.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:22:55 AM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:

Quoted:

And one from the other side. After being subjected to a couple minutes of energetic poking around to no purpose and less effect: "This would go a lot better if you'd put that thing where there's already a hole."

You're an Eager Aimer. Right about the time you start the docking process you feel hands where they don't belong. There's a few tugs along the way too. Yes, we know you. :)

No, not at all. Just offered a little well intentioned advice in a case of "all velocity and no vector".

Jane

Technically, velocity is a vector quantity, I think you mean speed which is a scalar and has no direction. (Yes I am and engineer, and single.

)

I think she meant Geometrically orTopographically speaking...because I too have never used velocity when plotting a vector.

Lexicographically, "velocity" and "speed" are synonymous.

I meant pilot speaking where vector is used (or misused if one insists) to mean direction and distance, and velocity to mean speed. It's the more modern day equivalent of the older "all rpm and no compass heading" with the added benefit of being alliterative. Both are bank shots off the old bad-news, good-news joke: "We're lost, but we're going really fast."

And let me add for the humor-impaired, anal-retentive engineer types, yes, I understand that going really fast when one is lost is not necessarily a good thing; that's what makes it a joke.

Jane

Geez...

For the record, I am sure most of us understood immediately, and I for one thought it was really funny.

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:42:28 AM EDT

[#43]

With a chick that I was on the first date with, after a full 20 minute in-the-truck blowjob on the way back to her place (I didn't even ask for the BJ. We got in the truck to leave from a club and she dived right in) - Back on her couch I'm about to to take the plunge when she puts her hands on the side of my face and says,"I want this to be something special, I want a real connection with a man."

Me: "Um, sure." then I got to work.

CMOS

Posted: 1/1/2012 6:49:59 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Fucking my girlfriend in college and the TV was on. Baby crying made my dick shrivel like a prune.

I hate fucking with the TV on. I always hear something or see something that ends up getting my mind off the moment. One time that sticks out in my mind, Hillary came on TV. And I don't mean Duff.

Try Dharma & Greg

coming on in the background

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:30:28 AM EDT

[#45]

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:40:12 AM EDT

[#46]

"I love it in the ass."

LC

Posted: 1/1/2012 7:43:47 AM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
For whatever reason, I was thinking about some of the things women have said to me as they were about to be serviced.

Things I really did not need to know...and things that eventually creeped me out.

Sometime in my life, ALL of these things were said within 5 seconds of going in...I shit you not.

The nurse who said, " I used to be really fat, but I had the operation." The low self-esteem, dry hair and alcoholism should have been a clue.

The other nurse who said, "Yeah, I have Scoliosis."...I really would never have noticed, but yep, after looking her spine was crooked. Worse than pointy elbows. Distracting.

The graphic arts chick with her, "I have a rosebud anus, from the episiotomy when I had my daughter." I never would have known, but after she mentioned it, it was the only thing I saw.

Give me your best.

ETA...C'mon ladies...we know you got stories about the stupid things a guy says when you are making sweet love...lets' hear 'em!

CANNOT UNSEE WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN!