Spending all your time with little kids can be stressful and extremely frustrating at times, but it's worth it.

With me doing shift work (4on/4off) & my wife working Mon-Fri there were times when I spent my 4 days off just taking care of the kids. Usually by the 4th day I was ready to get back to work or i was going to kill somebody. Couldn't get shit done due to the kids constantly being in need of attention. The first few years of our kids lives were definitely the toughest times in my wife & I's 15 year relationship.

Now that the kids are older (8&5) things are a lot different. I look forward my days off with them. We do all kinds of fun stuff together, and taking them places has become enjoyable rather than a major pain in my ass.

The wife & I are getting along better than ever also. Just hang in there man, it gets easier.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Mom syndrome.  It gets better as the kid gets a little older, and then when they hit toddler age, it gets worse.  1/2 the time I don't even want to go home after work anymore because I don't know what I'm in for until I get through the door.  Usually my wife is pissed off at something, and takes it out on me.  Also, even though I've been at work all day, I'm not allowed to relax (well, I can, but only if I want her even more mad) when I get home.  I'm expected to be either playing with my daughter (which is fine, she's fun to play with), or cleaning from the time I get home to when we go to bed.  It's sad, but as much as I hate my job, 1/2 the time I'd rather be here than home.  I hope it gets better. How do you keep from shooting yourself? Seriously. Because she needs a daddy. www.totsites.com/totimages/40014/2192739-DSCN6992.jpg

She's beautiful

Wait till she hits menopause. Ya'll ain't seen nothing yet. Fuck.

Not going to give much advice on this.  Each relationship is different and you need to work this out with her, not us.  I do suggest that you trust your instincts about why your wife is behaving this way.  Chances are that you'll understand the problem before she does.

Aside from that, the wounds run too deep and the scars are still healing for me.

I love my wife of 8 years (as of next week); it took hard work and lots of medical help to get our son.  She used to work full-time, then stopped for our kid.  Many of the things you guys are describing happened (or are happening) to me - PPD/meds, work 12 hours, get home "FINALLY, now it's your turn."  I did the 3hr shooting thing on Saturday, taking longer than expected, etc.  The little guy is 18 months old now, and it is really a drain keeping up with him for a day.  I work hard on the job, but make no mistake - riding herd on a toddler all day can be tough work.

To keep things fair, though, I also stayed up all night Tuesday working.  Instead of going to bed the on Wednesday's day off, I took care of the little guy while wifey went to the spa.  Nobody ever said relationships would be smooth sailing all the time, but we make a pretty good team.  We rotate turns putting him to bed and try to share in responsibilities.  Lost sleep, frustrations, stress, relationship problems/negotiations - they're part of being a grown-up.  I'd be lying if I said there weren't times in the past when I was ready to tell her to pack her things & go, but there is often plenty of blame to be spread on both sides.

It's all worth it when I hear this little guy shout "DAD DAD DAD!!!" from 50 feet away and run full-speed into my arms:

Quoted: Mom syndrome.  It gets better as the kid gets a little older, and then when they hit toddler age, it gets worse.  1/2 the time I don't even want to go home after work anymore because I don't know what I'm in for until I get through the door.  Usually my wife is pissed off at something, and takes it out on me.  Also, even though I've been at work all day, I'm not allowed to relax (well, I can, but only if I want her even more mad) when I get home.  I'm expected to be either playing with my daughter (which is fine, she's fun to play with), or cleaning from the time I get home to when we go to bed.  It's sad, but as much as I hate my job, 1/2 the time I'd rather be here than home.  I hope it gets better.

Preach on, Brother RckClimber!

Quoted: All women are nuts, some more than others.

Amazing creatures, aren't they?  

Quoted: Quoted: Mom syndrome.  It gets better as the kid gets a little older, and then when they hit toddler age, it gets worse.  1/2 the time I don't even want to go home after work anymore because I don't know what I'm in for until I get through the door.  Usually my wife is pissed off at something, and takes it out on me.  Also, even though I've been at work all day, I'm not allowed to relax (well, I can, but only if I want her even more mad) when I get home.  I'm expected to be either playing with my daughter (which is fine, she's fun to play with), or cleaning from the time I get home to when we go to bed.  It's sad, but as much as I hate my job, 1/2 the time I'd rather be here than home.  I hope it gets better. How do you keep from shooting yourself? Seriously.

My cousin did.  

Quoted: PPD is over-diagnosed.  Is it possible?  Certainly.  Is it as common as they hand out the drugs for it?  Absolutely not.  It's like ADD/ADHD or any other form of mental quasi-illness. It's good that there are resources available but a good Doc won't 'prescribe from the hip.' Remember that families have been having babies for millenia and the odds of your situation being perfectly normal are overwhelming.  Never assume something is wrong without solid evidence. You should be going to the pediatrician anyhow, and postnatal issues are something you should bring up with them (the both of you, if possible).  Don't expect the ped. to be a counsellor but they are a good resource to assure the both of you that some of this stuff is completely normal and will be able to refer you to the proper source if they believe there is an actual problem.  They're also a reliable confidant - does new mother want to listen to the 'bad daddy' or the doctor that she trusts with her precious baby? You've been married so you're certainly used to being wrong for no reason.  If you've been paying attention, you already know what buttons to press or what sources to present in order to be able to speak to her and haver her listen with an open mind. Remember that, when arguing ("discussion" if you want to call it that, but it's always adversarial) remember that men speak and listen from the premise of logic - "logos."  They compare the new information against what they already know and see if it measures up and is plausible. Most women listen from an authoritarian point of view.  "Ethos," if you will.  The doctor is right because he's a doctor.  Dr. Phil knows best because if he didn't, he wouldn't have a show.  The emotional connection to the speaker is the source of their authority.  Again, conversely, men generally want the argument to make sense regardless of who is saying it. Because you've been married, you no longer impress your wife.  There is no mystery, she knows exactly who you are (in part because men generally wear their personalities on their sleeves, there's no secrets).  Because you cannot make an argument from authority and because she will not listen to logic, you've got very little chance.  Alone... If you want to make a firm argument (and pick your battles carefully here), speak on behalf of someone else's authority.  Quote a research study or another baby book.  Most books and studies are contradicted by other books and studies so there's plenty of ammo out there.  The more well-read you are on the subject, the better arguments you'll be able to make on the matter.  Always quote the source first before making an argument.  You can pass this off as trying to be a better dad if she tries to say that you're just trying to prove her wrong (which again makes you the bad guy).  You're trying to present new information to her as you would the day's news.  "Honey, did you know..." Accept that you're always going to be wrong but by having plausible deniability (the book told me to do it) or authority-based arguments presented occasionally, you might be able to keep your sanity. The last little bit of advice is to complain about your job or what happened that day.  Women love commiseration.  I know you just want to get home and you don't think that what Sheila in accounting did is interesting to anybody else but women love the farking drama.  If you can't give her any drama, she's going to manufacture some.  Give her what she wants.  If nothing happened that day, make some junk up.  Include names, even if fictional, and give her some dang gossip.  It's diversion at best but it can help. You know your wife better than we do so you should already know what works and what doesn't.  What I'm saying really is to have a plan.  Do your research and use what you know. I think you already understand what you have to do, you just don't want to do it because you're insulted by the premise that you have to.  She's you wife and she should give you the benefit of the doubt, right?  Bad assumption to make. I'm not saying to be dishonest here, just to be patronizing without being condescending. It's a tough tightrope to walk but it certainly can be done. If all else fails, tell her that you're sorry for everything and that you want to learn but that she should teach you.  Tell her that arguing isn't doing the baby any favors and that you want them to grow up in a loving household.  Hopefully, she'll lay off your nuts if you tell her that it's good for the baby.

OFT. Nice post.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Mom syndrome.  It gets better as the kid gets a little older, and then when they hit toddler age, it gets worse.  1/2 the time I don't even want to go home after work anymore because I don't know what I'm in for until I get through the door.  Usually my wife is pissed off at something, and takes it out on me.  Also, even though I've been at work all day, I'm not allowed to relax (well, I can, but only if I want her even more mad) when I get home.  I'm expected to be either playing with my daughter (which is fine, she's fun to play with), or cleaning from the time I get home to when we go to bed.  It's sad, but as much as I hate my job, 1/2 the time I'd rather be here than home.  I hope it gets better. How do you keep from shooting yourself? Seriously. Because she needs a daddy. www.totsites.com/totimages/40014/2192739-DSCN6992.jpg She's beautiful

Thank you.

It's a huge adjustment.  It will get better if you stick to it.  You need to communicate with your wife.

Understand that being a stay at home mom IS a full-time job.  I work harder at home (child care, housekeeping, errands, homework, home based business, etc) than I do at my other job.  I go to work now to get a break.  So when you come home from work, it's almost like SHE'S getting off of "work" too.  And that's the part of the day when she's thinking "Good, now I'll get a break."

She's not thinking straight, and while you need to understand that perspective, she also needs to have a better understanding of yours.


Tell her exactly (okay, you might want to word things a bit differently ) what you said here.  That you need to unwind after work too.  That once your home, the parenting duties need to be split- not just thrust on YOU.

Honest, and non-accusatory or insulting communication is key here.

Like I said, it does get better as the baby grows older, and as you two adjust more to having kids.... that can take over a year or two though.....  you have to dig down deep and find several extra 'stores' of patience to go all around.

Good luck.

Quoted: Because she needs a daddy. www.totsites.com/totimages/40014/2192739-DSCN6992.jpg

Cute daughter.

[Thinking out loud]...only one state away, not too far in age from my son, both dads like ARs... Maybe they should meet in about 15 years. [/Thinking out loud]

Quoted: You've been married so you're certainly used to being wrong for no reason.  If you've been paying attention, you already know what buttons to press or what sources to present in order to be able to speak to her and haver her listen with an open mind. Remember that, when arguing ("discussion" if you want to call it that, but it's always adversarial) remember that men speak and listen from the premise of logic - "logos."  They compare the new information against what they already know and see if it measures up and is plausible. Most women listen from an authoritarian point of view.  "Ethos," if you will.  The doctor is right because he's a doctor.  Dr. Phil knows best because if he didn't, he wouldn't have a show.  The emotional connection to the speaker is the source of their authority.  Again, conversely, men generally want the argument to make sense regardless of who is saying it. Because you've been married, you no longer impress your wife.  There is no mystery, she knows exactly who you are (in part because men generally wear their personalities on their sleeves, there's no secrets).  Because you cannot make an argument from authority and because she will not listen to logic, you've got very little chance.  Alone... If you want to make a firm argument (and pick your battles carefully here), speak on behalf of someone else's authority.  Quote a research study or another baby book.  Most books and studies are contradicted by other books and studies so there's plenty of ammo out there.  The more well-read you are on the subject, the better arguments you'll be able to make on the matter.  Always quote the source first before making an argument.  You can pass this off as trying to be a better dad if she tries to say that you're just trying to prove her wrong (which again makes you the bad guy).  You're trying to present new information to her as you would the day's news.  "Honey, did you know..." Accept that you're always going to be wrong but by having plausible deniability (the book told me to do it) or authority-based arguments presented occasionally, you might be able to keep your sanity. The last little bit of advice is to complain about your job or what happened that day.  Women love commiseration.  I know you just want to get home and you don't think that what Sheila in accounting did is interesting to anybody else but women love the farking drama.  If you can't give her any drama, she's going to manufacture some.  Give her what she wants.  If nothing happened that day, make some junk up.  Include names, even if fictional, and give her some dang gossip.  It's diversion at best but it can help. You know your wife better than we do so you should already know what works and what doesn't.  What I'm saying really is to have a plan.  Do your research and use what you know. I think you already understand what you have to do, you just don't want to do it because you're insulted by the premise that you have to.  She's you wife and she should give you the benefit of the doubt, right?  Bad assumption to make. I'm not saying to be dishonest here, just to be patronizing without being condescending. It's a tough tightrope to walk but it certainly can be done. If all else fails, tell her that you're sorry for everything and that you want to learn but that she should teach you.  Tell her that arguing isn't doing the baby any favors and that you want them to grow up in a loving household.  Hopefully, she'll lay off your nuts if you tell her that it's good for the baby.

I'm gonna get crucified for this, but my first marriage was like the above (although we didn't have kids).  We only had a shouting type argument 2 or 3 times in four years.  That didn't stop me from seeing how wrong it was and resenting it.  I wound up divorced, and in the interim, learned from other women that the above doesn't have to apply.  This part that was posted above - "Most women listen from an authoritarian point of view.  "Ethos," if you will.  The doctor is right because he's a doctor.  Dr. Phil knows best because if he didn't, he wouldn't have a show.  The emotional connection to the speaker is the source of their authority......." is vastly true...however, it's very wrong.  Respect is the bedrock of a relationship for men, love for women.  Women need to respect their man enough that his word carries more weight than some frigging shmoe on daytime television.  Some women put their man in this category and it makes things completely and utterly different.  It's like night and day, wet and dry, etc.  Husbands and Wives should never be opponents, on opposite sides of the fence.  But they always are, and IMO it's wives who put themselves on the other side because men always stake out a side, and then women don't want to follow them to whichever side he is staking out on whatever issue.

You guys whos wives treat you like that have my sincere sympathy.....let's just say I know what it's like, I've been treated like that WITHOUT the kids.  And to the OP, the more you try to smooth things over instead of confronting her ridiculous behavior, the worse it will be in the long run.  It's not like you weren't out working all day.  When you get home at night.....she's been working taking care of the baby all day, and you've been away from home working all day.  When you show up at the door, it's basically a draw.  For her to shove the baby at you and scream at you in another day and age would have probably gotten a bitch slap.  When we got away from that, we didn't replace it with anything more appropriate.  Hence the issues today.  

Don't try to put wallpaper over crazy, the crazy just breaks through it a few years from now.  It's your baby too, you should gladly take that kid every day when you get home from work, and on the weekends, and go do stuff.  Leave the wife alone until she can act like a sane adult and treat you like the man of the house instead of a whipped dog.  If she doesn't respect you, at least respect yourself.  Don't ever just suck up truly ridiculous behavior, you are setting a precedent.  Confront it immediately or leave it......or it will never get better.  Men are generally non-confrontational, and women use that to their advantage by pressing the attack quickly at all times.  That gives them an advantage.  You take away that advantage by being willing to confront the behavior immediately or leave it instead of sucking it up like a "good man".  "Good men" like that, are miserable.  You aren't called to a life of misery.  Don't tolerate it.


 
   

Quoted: Quoted: Because she needs a daddy. www.totsites.com/totimages/40014/2192739-DSCN6992.jpg Cute daughter. [Thinking out loud]...only one state away, not too far in age from my son, both dads like ARs... Maybe they should meet in about 15 years. [/Thinking out loud]

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking the same thing.  She'll be 18 months tomorrow, and loves guns.  (Yes I have more guns, that was taken the day I got the safe and we were still filling it.  My daughter wanted her toy in it, and then herself).

Before I decided to go back to work overseas, I was a Mr. Mom.  Mom worked during the day and I gigged at night. It worked well for us. Of course we both had the occasional day when Jarhead Junior drove us bat shit crazy, but it we made it through.

I don't recommend the Stay At Home Mom/Dad thing at all unless the stay at home spouse has extra cirricular activites that will include the baby (park, zoo, etc.).

Working split schedules is a much better option in my opinion. It may be work, but at least you get out of the house, work off baby stress, and have adult interaction with people that you don't have to live with.

Postpartum depression is a real bugger.  It happens and when the mom and dad can't work it out, things go down hill rapidly.  My wife was so bad I literally feared for my sons lives when she was with them.  She finally agreed to go to the doctor when I offered to go with her.  She was convinced I was the one who was having all the problems.  Everyone was noticing her erratic behavior and it was about to cost her a very good job.  The doctor took one look at her and wrote a scrip for Lexapro.  She exploded in a rage and stomped out of the office.  Much hilarity ensued.  A week later she asked me to go back to the doctor and pick up the scrip.  Things got so much better after a couple of days that she realized what she had been doing.

Stick to your guns.  It can get better but you have to be a man and stick with her no matter what for a while.  

Quoted: Postpartum depression is a real bugger.  It happens and when the mom and dad can't work it out, things go down hill rapidly.  My wife was so bad I literally feared for my sons lives when she was with them.  She finally agreed to go to the doctor when I offered to go with her.  She was convinced I was the one who was having all the problems.  Everyone was noticing her erratic behavior and it was about to cost her a very good job.  The doctor took one look at her and wrote a scrip for Lexapro.  She exploded in a rage and stomped out of the office.  Much hilarity ensued.  A week later she asked me to go back to the doctor and pick up the scrip.  Things got so much better after a couple of days that she realized what she had been doing. Stick to your guns.  It can get better but you have to be a man and stick with her no matter what for a while.

My experience is that the husband is usually correctly aware of the problem(s) way ahead of the wife.  And it is common for the husband to bear the blame for her issues.

The trick is to get her to recongize her problems before she destroys the marriage.

Mine did, but it was after the divorce.
She got knocked up by her new boyfriend within months of our divorce finalization and again soon after her first one.

Just ship her off to the Booby Hatch.

Quoted: i didn't realize your daughter was 18months, yeah, that age can drive you crazy my son has the nickname godzilla because he destroys everything.

My three year old girl continues to destroy everything.  It's amazing how fast she can break things when she puts her mind to it.

Quoted: Just ship her off to the Booby Hatch.

I SO wish I could have done that about 12 years ago.  But I got out of it OK.  I kept the house (less half the accumulated equity), my truck, the cats, half of my money (less half of her money), and my sanity.

At 40 I was a dead-broke, divorced, empty-nester.

Quoted: ...snip... That once your home, the parenting duties need to be split- not just thrust on YOU ....snip...

This was the problem that plagued me during my marriage and our attempts at reconciliation afterward. Before kids she was going to work; after kids she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed. She viewed my time at work as a daily reward and play time not as me putting in time working for the family to provide an income. My time after the out of home job was time I needed to be doing my part of the at home job while she got her reward and play time. I viewed her time at home as work time and the time we both had at the end of the day as our time to finish up what she couldn't/wouldn't do while I was away and then our shared play time. She never got it.

what is physcho?  Is that like almost physics?

Quoted: Quoted: i didn't realize your daughter was 18months, yeah, that age can drive you crazy my son has the nickname godzilla because he destroys everything.     My three year old girl continues to destroy everything.  It's amazing how fast she can break things when she puts her mind to it.

Mine can change the setting and lock up a computer by hitting just a few keys.  I don't know how she does it.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: i didn't realize your daughter was 18months, yeah, that age can drive you crazy my son has the nickname godzilla because he destroys everything.     My three year old girl continues to destroy everything.  It's amazing how fast she can break things when she puts her mind to it. Mine can change the setting and lock up a computer by hitting just a few keys.  I don't know how she does it.

Been there, experienced that.  No, I don't know how they do it either.

Guns ?

Quoted: Quoted: ...snip... That once your home, the parenting duties need to be split- not just thrust on YOU ....snip... This was the problem that plagued me during my marriage and our attempts at reconciliation afterward. Before kids she was going to work; after kids she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed. She viewed my time at work as a daily reward and play time not as me putting in time working for the family to provide an income. My time after the out of home job was time I needed to be doing my part of the at home job while she got her reward and play time. I viewed her time at home as work time and the time we both had at the end of the day as our time to finish up what she couldn't/wouldn't do while I was away and then our shared play time. She never got it.

I agree that it can be a huge problem, and I'm sorry that she just didn't 'get it.'  I think (despite Arfcom's stereotype) that if you take the time to reasonable explain your feelings and viewpoint on the issue, AS WELL AS making it clear that you understand her feelings and point of view, then most women can be reasoned with.  

As soon as either one of you begins attacking the other, or gets defensive, or continues to feel misunderstood and underappreciated, then communication isn't going to happen.  I'm not saying this is the case for EVERY relationship, but I'd say it's possible with most.

Of course, there are many of both sexes who can't be reasoned with at all.  

Quoted: It's a huge adjustment.  It will get better if you stick to it.  You need to communicate with your wife.

Communication is key... time for a sit down.

BTW, her day IS NOT that stressful. Never mind she gets nap breaks. I had a kid that was nothing but colic for the first 6 mos. Stress no doubt, but the key is communication.

Night time is a sharing time for both of you. She worked all day at home and you worked all day at your job. You guys need to share the time at night.

There are days she may want to choke the kid...... that is why she hands her off. Understand that. She needs a break. A pain in the butt kid can wear you out. You also need to get the wife off the couch and out doing things with the kid. Makes her day easier and the kid is usually happier.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: ...snip... That once your home, the parenting duties need to be split- not just thrust on YOU ....snip... This was the problem that plagued me during my marriage and our attempts at reconciliation afterward. Before kids she was going to work; after kids she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed. She viewed my time at work as a daily reward and play time not as me putting in time working for the family to provide an income. My time after the out of home job was time I needed to be doing my part of the at home job while she got her reward and play time. I viewed her time at home as work time and the time we both had at the end of the day as our time to finish up what she couldn't/wouldn't do while I was away and then our shared play time. She never got it. I agree that it can be a huge problem, and I'm sorry that she just didn't 'get it.'  I think (despite Arfcom's stereotype) that if you take the time to reasonable explain your feelings and viewpoint on the issue, AS WELL AS making it clear that you understand her feelings and point of view, then most women can be reasoned with.   As soon as either one of you begins attacking the other, or gets defensive, or continues to feel misunderstood and underappreciated, then communication isn't going to happen.  I'm not saying this is the case for EVERY relationship, but I'd say it's possible with most. Of course, there are many of both sexes who can't be reasoned with at all.

I have some doubts about the word "most" in the part I highlighted.  Not saying it isn't correct, but I'm not completely convinced yet.

Quoted: Quoted: I agree that it can be a huge problem, and I'm sorry that she just didn't 'get it.'  I think (despite Arfcom's stereotype) that if you take the time to reasonable explain your feelings and viewpoint on the issue, AS WELL AS making it clear that you understand her feelings and point of view, then most women can be reasoned with.   As soon as either one of you begins attacking the other, or gets defensive, or continues to feel misunderstood and underappreciated, then communication isn't going to happen.  I'm not saying this is the case for EVERY relationship, but I'd say it's possible with most. Of course, there are many of both sexes who can't be reasoned with at all.   I have some doubts about the word "most" in the part I highlighted.  Not saying it isn't correct, but I'm not completely convinced yet.

 Well with some women it may take longer than others....

Quoted: BTW, her day IS NOT that stressful. Never mind she gets nap breaks. I had a kid that was nothing but colic for the first 6 mos. Stress no doubt, but the key is communication. Night time is a sharing time for both of you. She worked all day at home and you worked all day at your job. You guys need to share the time at night. There are days she may want to choke the kid...... that is why she hands her off. Understand that. She needs a break. A pain in the butt kid can wear you out. You also need to get the wife off the couch and out doing things with the kid. Makes her day easier and the kid is usually happier.

Your wife got naps??  I got jipped!  Other than my honeymoon and the cruise the capt and I took a couple years ago, (and times I've been sick as a dog, of course), I think I've been able to have less than two dozen naps during the day in the last 6-7 years.

Quoted: I'm not sure about your relationship with your wife or if it's going to get worse before it gets better. I just know that you should be talking to your spouse about it rather than asking a bunch of anonymous losers on the internet.

I didn't read any farther than this, because this is the correct answer.

The problem is that women are fucking crazy, unfortunately we let them vote.

Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So:

HER VERSION

You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby
Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break

You did nothing, she did "everything".

REALITY:

You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep.
Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy.


I could go on.

Empty calories? Give me a fucking break. Yogurt is good food. Its good for babies to be total chunks. Tell her I said so.

First off - yes all women go bat shit crazy after giving birth because their hormone levels are all fucked up and their mental state is adjusting to the new role.

Mothers tend to over react in general. Of course one of the draw backs of the information age is that with all the good advice you get you get both plenty of bad advice and a TON of alarmist, sensationalist stuff too. Its amazing anyone ever lived to have kids 50 years ago!

Be patient - pick your battles. Something that you think could do harm or you have a serious reservation about, talk to her about it. If its just annoying or you think its stupid it's best just to appease her for now.

ETA - 6mo olds dont typically sleep through the night - though hopefully they learn to self sooth. Our little one was such a bad sleeper we ended up co-sleeping just to get some shut eye.

EJECT!

Unless you want to deal with this the rest of your life get out now.  It's NOT going to get better, but it might get worse.  

Quoted: PostPardum. It's normal. She will go back to her normal self 3 months after she quits breastfeeding. Until then life will suck. Been through this 2 times.

Thats actually about right.  My SO pretty much came back to the sane world about 2 months after stopping breastfeeding.  Which also coincides roughly with our youngest sleeping through the night most nights, and sex becoming available in my bed again...

Encourage her to go out on her own and do things with friends.  Buy her a massage or spa day every once in a while.
Count on losing every argument, facts be damned.  When she is at home with the baby, she is working.  When you come home from WORK and take over control of the baby, you're not working but instead spending quality time with your child.    I still cant wrap my head around it being work for her to take care of the kid(s), but when you do it, its quality time.  I guess thats just something I'll never understand.  
But, it does get better, so keep your chin up and your head down.

If all else fails, blade at a 45 as SIIHAAPP FTW

Quoted: Get her to see her doc for tests....... she may have a hormonal imbalance that can lead to post partem depression. ...

Which can really exacerbate an preexisting bipolar condition...and/or can lead to to an incomplete diagnosis of her mental state.

nope

Quoted: Empty calories? Give me a fucking break. Yogurt is good food. Its good for babies to be total chunks. Tell her I said so.

Hell, I forgot to make a comment about the frozen yogurt.

FYI, there's nothing wrong with a taste of something here or there, but babies are supposed to stay away from dairy products until they're about a year old.  Only because studies have shown that babies who consume a lot of (or switch exclusively to) cow's milk (or products) before the end of their first year, have an increased chance of developing a milk or lactose allergy later.

The empty calorie argument is ridiculous though at 6 months old.  As if rice cereal wasn't a bunch of 'empty calories.'

Quoted: Quoted: Postpartum. its not like she's sitting around crying though.  she just seems pissed in general at whatever i do...whether i play with our kid, whether i don't, whether i cut the grass or i don't or whatever else you can think of. i've seriously begun to wonder if she wants us to separate.

Get her out in a social setting.  A really good idea is a mommy based fitness group.  I don't know where you are, but if someone in your area has a Stroller Strides or BabyBootcamp, encourage her to get involved.  Double whammy to the pshychosis, talking to other moms going through the same thing she is, and getting the mood boost from the endorphins of working out.  
If thats not available, some sort of moms group/club.  Personally, I would keep her away from the mom forums though.  Nothing good has ever come out of spending too much time on a forum.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: ...snip... That once your home, the parenting duties need to be split- not just thrust on YOU ....snip... This was the problem that plagued me during my marriage and our attempts at reconciliation afterward. Before kids she was going to work; after kids she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed. She viewed my time at work as a daily reward and play time not as me putting in time working for the family to provide an income. My time after the out of home job was time I needed to be doing my part of the at home job while she got her reward and play time. I viewed her time at home as work time and the time we both had at the end of the day as our time to finish up what she couldn't/wouldn't do while I was away and then our shared play time. She never got it. I agree that it can be a huge problem, and I'm sorry that she just didn't 'get it.'  I think (despite Arfcom's stereotype) that if you take the time to reasonable explain your feelings and viewpoint on the issue, AS WELL AS making it clear that you understand her feelings and point of view, then most women can be reasoned with.   As soon as either one of you begins attacking the other, or gets defensive, or continues to feel misunderstood and underappreciated, then communication isn't going to happen.  I'm not saying this is the case for EVERY relationship, but I'd say it's possible with most. Of course, there are many of both sexes who can't be reasoned with at all.   I have some doubts about the word "most" in the part I highlighted.  Not saying it isn't correct, but I'm not completely convinced yet.

I'm going to have to go with Shane333 on this one Bed_head. I think we have ALL of the level headed women in America right here, lol, joking of course. I tried over the course of many years and it just didn't work. She could understand it and agree to it in a conversation, but when it came down to really living those believes she could not put it together in her head.

I've had this conversation with people and they can get it, but most are unable to live it.

(Not directed at you, just paraphrasing conversations)

It's not women's work. It's house work. It's work to keep up a household, no doubt about it. It's outside work, not playtime, no matter what you do to earn money for the household.  A perfect world would have 8 hours of housework and 8 hours of outside work a day. If you're a stay at home mom not doing outside work then you can do 8 hours of house work while I do 8 hours of outside work.

If we could both work part time jobs for 4 hours a day I'd do 4 hours of outside and then 4 hours of housework a day. I don't mind splitting the remainder of the housework when I'm done with the outside work, but it's upsetting that you don't do anything while I'm gone and then expect me to be happy about splitting 100% of the house work with you instead of what's left after you've done your fair share.

If you do 8 hours of house work and there is actually 12 hours to do then I'll be happy to spilt that 4 hours with you so we'll both be doing 10 hours a day. I don't like it when you only work 1 hour while I work 8 and then expect me to be happy you did 1 hour.

If I didn't work and you worked 12 hours a day I'd do 12 hours of housework a day.

I've talked to other people who didn't get it, maybe I can't explain it well enough but I think it's simple.

Quoted: EJECT! Unless you want to deal with this the rest of your life get out now.  It's NOT going to get better, but it might get worse.

Wow, nothing like taking the easy way out eh?

Quoted: The problem is that women are fucking crazy, unfortunately we let them vote. Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy. I could go on.

yes

Quoted: PostPardum. It's normal. She will go back to her normal self 3 months after she quits breastfeedingbreathing. Until then life will suck. Been through this 2 times.

Fixed it.

Quoted: I'm not sure about your relationship with your wife or if it's going to get worse before it gets better. I just know that you should be talking to your spouse about it rather than asking a bunch of anonymous losers on the internet.

Hey!!! I resemble that remark!! ........  Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk

Quoted: Quoted: I have some doubts about the word "most" in the part I highlighted.  Not saying it isn't correct, but I'm not completely convinced yet. I'm going to have to go with Shane333 on this one Bed_head. I think we have ALL of the level headed women in America right here, lol, joking of course. I tried over the course of many years and it just didn't work. She could understand it and agree to it in a conversation, but when it came down to really living those believes she could not put it together in her head.

Well, sadly I could be wrong.  Unfortunately it seems that the world is raising more selfish and unreasonable people of BOTH sexes nowadays.  Not to mention that a woman has to WANT to put forth the effort of understanding if she's going to be open to reason.   Same goes for you guys.  

Yet another reason for not popping them out.  I think people are brainwashed about having kids.


And communication?    You can stretch that to the point of the point your mancard is the size of an atom and not be enough.


You reap what you sow.

How about before, during and after.

Quoted: How about before, during and after.

Yes, but for different reasons.

Frankly, after observing what they go through "during" the having kids part, I'm inclined to forgive a bit of temporary psycho behavior during those moments.