Quoted: The problem is that women are fucking crazy, unfortunately we let them vote. Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy. I could go on.

Couldn't have typed it better myself.

Quoted: ..

I can't wait for school to start up again.

Quoted: Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy.

 This is right on. I think it is hard to avoid this situation for rookie parents. We discovered we had competing interests after our first child. Instead of working as a team we had gotten into a "you watch the baby" mode and both of us felt like we were getting a raw deal.
 After being pregnant 9 months, having the kid, and then still being far from back to normal after the baby, women can become down right lethal after childbirth. Some of it is hormones, some of it is being overwhelmed by child care. A lot of yours is "first baby" syndrome. It is a big adjustment for everybody.
 If you can take a couple days off it might not be a bad idea. Let your wife take it easy a little because she feels like she it trapped/screwed whether you agree she is or not. Let her get out by herself or with a buddy to shop or something to break the "stuck in the house with the baby" syndrome. That can reek havoc on a woman's mind.
  If the kid is six months old there is no reason you can't get a babysitter and go out and relax one night. Just make sure you all stick together and find the solutions you need to figure out instead of fighting.
 Hang in there. Only 17.5 more years to go!
 
 

When one of my sisters had her first baby, she lost her mind.  Complete personality change.  It's been 21 years and she still hasn't got it all back.  Sad.

Quoted: Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy.

You could be a fortune teller.

My suggestion is to get her to the doctor.  I believe she is most likely suffering ppd like others have suggested.  There are varying degrees, my wife was a little bitcher (is that a real word) for a few months after the birth of both my daughter and son.  Some women need medication to get through it.  It is definately not something to mess around with if it gets serious...  some women do very horrible things when suffering from this condition.  When I work the night shift I watch the kids (3 1/2 years and 16 months) while my wife is at work.  I can tell you it is tough....  I can't get shit done around the house, I can see how someone can become bitchy if they do it day in and day out with no relief.  You should be spending a lot of time with your child when you get home from work, not just for her sake but for your's too since they're only young once.  As far as the child sleeping through the night.... all kids are different.  My daughter didn't start really sleeping through the whole night until she was over two years old and she still gets up on occassion.  My son sleeps in my bed with the wife and typically gets up at least a couple times in the night.  I'm sure I'll get my bed back someday but in the meantime wth, life could be worse.  I don't think my wife has gotten a real good nights sleep more than a handful of times in the last 3 plus years!  Hang in there, give her time to get out and breathe once in awhile, help out around the house (I still need to work on this) and try to get her to visit a doctor.  Having children is stressful but very rewarding and fun also.

I am getting a vasectomy

Quoted: I am getting a vasectomy

I've been saying that since #2 was born... I think deep down I'm a chicken shit when it comes to that reagion of my body.

All I can say is: Who are you guys? And when did you follow me around before my divorce.  It's bad when you no longer want to come home after work, I used to (and I still do) get accused of "Living the Life of Riley" because I wasn't at home with her.  SNorman hit the nail on the head.  I understand everything that has been said here about not being able to get or do anything right in the wifes eyes when it comes to the kids, her being a stay at home mom etc.  To those that say take her out, it's cabin fever, the guy should give her a break etc, thats all well and good, but it doesn't work.  It's makes it feel better for a while, but it never really solves anything.  The Dr. Phil and Oprah manuals only make it worse.  My ex and I tried all the above, plus professional counseling and still I was wrong for going to work, supporting a family of 3 and occasionally wanting to go to the gym.  When I took a new job that would virtually doubled my income within 2 years, I had to go away for 3 months for training in another state.  She accused me of "abandoning" her.  It didn't matter that my paychecks were all sent home, we talked nightly on the phone and she spent half the time with her family in New York.  In her eyes I left her at home with a new baby.  Forget the fact that she agreed that I should take the new job, so we could move back to he hometown.  We legally separated within six months of me getting out of training.

Now I have an ex-wife that thinks I owe her the right to continue to be a stay at home mom, I should pay all her bills and she is even more pissed off at me now that she had to go back to work.  Our daughter is almost 9.  We separated when she was three.  And I still get grief from my ex about how I don't do things right.    I ruined her dream.  I took away her financial security.  Yet she wanted the child and the job of stay at home mom and pretty much demanded that.  She loved the idea of it, until the reality of the responsibility hit her.  Then the problems were my fault.  I feel for you Matt.  I wish you well.  Just remember the kids are yours too.  They know who their dad is.  In their eyes you are the man.  I think that is one other thing that pisses my ex off, is that my daughter still thinks the world of me and I think the world of her too.

ETA: The other thing that really pisses her off is the fact that I have moved on and I am again happy in my life.  She is where she was when we met.  Still living in her sisters basement, 3 doors down from her mothers and next door to her other sister.

Quoted: physco?

It's short for PHYSICAL COMEDY. You know, like COMINT - Communications Intelligence

Maybe she's just craving some Peter Sellers, John Belushi, or Chris Farley films.

Quoted: Cabin fever?

How about Wrong Turn

Quoted: The problem is that women are fucking crazy, unfortunately we let them vote. Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy. I could go on.

As a stay at home dad I can attest that some days are MUCH MUCH more stressful at home with the kid than at work. Shit -I had fun when I was at work. Joked around with people. Had conversations at lunch.

So anyway - staying at home can be as stressful if not more. You have no 'alone' time and you feel everything you do is centered on that little bundle of joy.

just go to the bar every night for 4-5 hoursyour happy and relaxed, she's well just dont think about her

It's completely normal for kids to drive parents nuts.

Your wife is there.

YOU have to adjust.

Yes her to death, give her a foot massage once in awhile and ignore her the rest of the time.

Once it's over (it will end) quit with the massages, yes her to death and act like you're listening.



ETA: to answer your question, not really, but I still did all the above just in case.

Welcome to my world.  Then they get to be teenagers and you become totally stupid.  

Quoted: Mom syndrome.  It gets better as the kid gets a little older, and then when they hit toddler age, it gets worse.  1/2 the time I don't even want to go home after work anymore because I don't know what I'm in for until I get through the door.  Usually my wife is pissed off at something, and takes it out on me.  Also, even though I've been at work all day, I'm not allowed to relax (well, I can, but only if I want her even more mad) when I get home.  I'm expected to be either playing with my daughter (which is fine, she's fun to play with), or cleaning from the time I get home to when we go to bed.  It's sad, but as much as I hate my job, 1/2 the time I'd rather be here than home.  I hope it gets better.

I was going to post a response, but this gentleman just posted my whole life in a nutshell

Postpartum - she needs to see a doctor asap with no guilt attached.

StagPower

Quoted:  here is what is bugging me...as soon as i get home from work, i get a crying baby (she gets cranky towards the end of the day) shoved into my arms along with something to the effect "i can't take this anymore."  i am evidently supposed to play with her non-stop until it is time to put her to bed.  if i don't, i get either the silent treatment or "why don't you like your baby/want to spend time with her?"

It is your kid too. Help her out with raising it.
You guys need to talk. I wouldn't be asking this place for advice on this issue.

Quoted: O please, this "I have been with the kid all day, and it is your turn when you get home" makes me sick.  I am sure that you spend 8 hours a day fishing and playing golf?  When do you get YOUR free time?

This in my very humble opinion is the crux of many divorces.
Raising kids on your own, when custody is at least shared, just looks like a better deal: you KNOW you're gonna get a break when the kid is with the ex.

Listen up children, once that stick turns blue, life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME!!!

Read that again.

Now again.
Now proceed.

She isn't crazy and probably doesn't have hormone issues right now. She has to adjust to the "life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME" part.
So do you.
Those who think the wife is nuts or the hubby isn't helping enough think like this because they haven't adjusted.
Children are exhausting.
I have 2 boys, shortly after both were born and for a few months later, Mr. PMM and I were ready to flip each other off permanently.
There are still times when it isn't "balanced."
My theory?
People think marriage is 50/50 every day.
Kids, that's an average.
Before kids, it might be 70/30 her on day.
Next, 60/40 you.
After kids, it's 100/0 kid vs you both. Nearly every day.
That last one...THAT'S why alot of marriages fail.
You gotta figure it out. Find a way to balance parenthood with marriage.
If you can get sitters, get them. Praise God for them (I had NONE) and spend time alone.
If you can't get sitters, regardless of how frikkin exhausted you are, TRY to re-connect when the baby is asleep.

Or get a divorce.
Really, those are the choices.
Good luck.

Quoted: Quoted: The problem is that women are fucking crazy, unfortunately we let them vote. Yes, your woman thinks she's been "working" all day, and you have not.  Sure, you've been "at work", but you've been taking a break from the baby, so you deserve to watch the baby and give her a break when you get home.  You don't get a break, because you just had one, get it? Also, when you're watching the kid and she's relaxing, it doesn't count as "work" for you because that's just your duty as a father to spend time with your kids. Add in the fact that she does housework during the day and you don't.  So: HER VERSION You: 9am - Rest at Desk - 6pm - Relaxing drive home - 6:30pm - Play with the baby Her: 9am - Shed blood sweat and tears taking care of YOUR baby, it's SO HARD!! Do laundry (SO HARD), do dishes (HARD!!) clean up the house (OMG!!) - 6:30pm - Take a break You did nothing, she did "everything". REALITY: You: Work all day, come home, watch the kid, go to sleep. Her: Play with the kid that SHE WANTED, do a little chores around the house, free to come/go as she pleases, passes the kid off to you when you get home and takes it easy. I could go on. As a stay at home dad I can attest that some days are MUCH MUCH more stressful at home with the kid than at work. Shit -I had fun when I was at work. Joked around with people. Had conversations at lunch. So anyway - staying at home can be as stressful if not more. You have no 'alone' time and you feel everything you do is centered on that little bundle of joy.

I am not a stay at home, but I do watch the kids by myself often enough (depending on my schedule) and I will have to say that being a stay at home parent IS harder than most jobs...it may get easier as the kids get older, but right now I have a 2 yr old and a 12 week old, and the day MUST be revolved around them at all times except from maybe 1 PM to 3:30 PM when they are both napping...but I don't mind watching them either, I count ANY time spent with them as a blessing I need to take full advantage of, because they grow up REALLY REALLY fast and you will miss those times...

Quoted: Quoted: O please, this "I have been with the kid all day, and it is your turn when you get home" makes me sick.  I am sure that you spend 8 hours a day fishing and playing golf?  When do you get YOUR free time? This in my very humble opinion is the crux of many divorces. Raising kids on your own, when custody is at least shared, just looks like a better deal: you KNOW you're gonna get a break when the kid is with the ex. Listen up children, once that stick turns blue, life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME!!! Read that again. Now again. Now proceed. She isn't crazy and probably doesn't have hormone issues right now. She has to adjust to the "life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME" part. So do you. Those who think the wife is nuts or the hubby isn't helping enough think like this because they haven't adjusted. Children are exhausting. I have 2 boys, shortly after both were born and for a few months later, Mr. PMM and I were ready to flip each other off permanently. There are still times when it isn't "balanced." My theory? People think marriage is 50/50 every day. Kids, that's an average. Before kids, it might be 70/30 her on day. Next, 60/40 you. After kids, it's 100/0 kid vs you both. Nearly every day. That last one...THAT'S why alot of marriages fail. You gotta figure it out. Find a way to balance parenthood with marriage. If you can get sitters, get them. Praise God for them (I had NONE) and spend time alone. If you can't get sitters, regardless of how frikkin exhausted you are, TRY to re-connect when the baby is asleep. Or get a divorce. Really, those are the choices. Good luck.

Wow...that was put very well, bravo.  

The more I read ARFCOM, the more I appreciate having a great wife who is one heck of a mother too...

Quoted: Quoted: O please, this "I have been with the kid all day, and it is your turn when you get home" makes me sick.  I am sure that you spend 8 hours a day fishing and playing golf?  When do you get YOUR free time? This in my very humble opinion is the crux of many divorces. Raising kids on your own, when custody is at least shared, just looks like a better deal: you KNOW you're gonna get a break when the kid is with the ex. Listen up children, once that stick turns blue, life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME!!! Read that again. Now again. Now proceed. She isn't crazy and probably doesn't have hormone issues right now. She has to adjust to the "life isn't EVER THE FUCKING SAME" part. So do you. Those who think the wife is nuts or the hubby isn't helping enough think like this because they haven't adjusted. Children are exhausting. I have 2 boys, shortly after both were born and for a few months later, Mr. PMM and I were ready to flip each other off permanently. There are still times when it isn't "balanced." My theory? People think marriage is 50/50 every day. Kids, that's an average. Before kids, it might be 70/30 her on day. Next, 60/40 you. After kids, it's 100/0 kid vs you both. Nearly every day. That last one...THAT'S why alot of marriages fail. You gotta figure it out. Find a way to balance parenthood with marriage. If you can get sitters, get them. Praise God for them (I had NONE) and spend time alone. If you can't get sitters, regardless of how frikkin exhausted you are, TRY to re-connect when the baby is asleep. Or get a divorce. Really, those are the choices. Good luck.

Nice to actually hear a woman's opinion on the matter.

Mine was a little crazy but nothing really bad.

She had quite the few mood swings early on but it smoothed out after eight months.

If i've been earning the bucks all day, and she's been chasing the kid all day, then we're dead even when I walk in the door, and SPLIT the childcare duties for the rest of the evening.

If SHE'S got chemical problems, then SHE needs to take care of them.

If SHE wants to be an equal partner, then SHE need to be one.

Fuck a bunch of double standards.

Quoted: If i've been earning the buicks all day, and she's been chasing the kid all day, then we're dead even when I walk in the door, and SPLIT the childcare duties for the rest of the evening. If SHE'S got chemical problems, then SHE needs to take care of them. If SHE wants to be an equal partner, then SHE need to be one. Fuck a bunch of double standards.

GM Sucks, man.

And the rest of your post totally supports my case.
Welcome to fail at marriage/raising children.

Quoted: Quoted: If i've been earning the buicks all day, and she's been chasing the kid all day, then we're dead even when I walk in the door, and SPLIT the childcare duties for the rest of the evening. If SHE'S got chemical problems, then SHE needs to take care of them. If SHE wants to be an equal partner, then SHE need to be one. Fuck a bunch of double standards. GM Sucks, man. And the rest of your post totally supports my case. Welcome to fail at marriage/raising children.

I don't mind playing daddy for a woman who can't or chooses not to be an adult.

Course, we are NOT equals at that point.

I don't mind covering her back when she needs it, IF she does the same for me.

At that point, we ARE equals, just not every minute of every day.

Anything else is bullshit, and will wreck the marraige just as quick as me being responsible for  ALL the money and HALF the childcare.

There's a real good reason the ERA didn't pass, and that reason wasn't men.

Best of luck to your double standards, elsewhere, not in my castle. Play fair or hit the road.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: If i've been earning the buicks all day, and she's been chasing the kid all day, then we're dead even when I walk in the door, and SPLIT the childcare duties for the rest of the evening. If SHE'S got chemical problems, then SHE needs to take care of them. If SHE wants to be an equal partner, then SHE need to be one. Fuck a bunch of double standards. GM Sucks, man. And the rest of your post totally supports my case. Welcome to fail at marriage/raising children. I don't mind playing daddy for a woman who can't or chooses not to be an adult. Course, we are NOT equals at that point. I don't mind covering her back when she needs it, IF she does the same for me. At that point, we ARE equals, just not every minute of every day. Anything else is bullshit, and will wreck the marraige just as quick as me being responsible for  ALL the money and HALF the childcare. There's a real good reason the ERA didn't pass, and that reason wasn't men. Best of luck to your double standards, elsewhere, not in my castle. Play fair or hit the road.

"Playing Daddy?" WTH is THAT about? You created a baby...you aren't PLAYING Daddy you ARE the dad!
And double standards?
I don't play that...re-read my original post--page back.
If you have comprehension issues, that's your problem...my guess is, judging from your posts, is that if it isn't YOUR way, it isn't the RIGHT way.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: If i've been earning the buicks all day, and she's been chasing the kid all day, then we're dead even when I walk in the door, and SPLIT the childcare duties for the rest of the evening. If SHE'S got chemical problems, then SHE needs to take care of them. If SHE wants to be an equal partner, then SHE need to be one. Fuck a bunch of double standards. GM Sucks, man. And the rest of your post totally supports my case. Welcome to fail at marriage/raising children. I don't mind playing daddy for a woman who can't or chooses not to be an adult. Course, we are NOT equals at that point. I don't mind covering her back when she needs it, IF she does the same for me. At that point, we ARE equals, just not every minute of every day. Anything else is bullshit, and will wreck the marraige just as quick as me being responsible for  ALL the money and HALF the childcare. There's a real good reason the ERA didn't pass, and that reason wasn't men. Best of luck to your double standards, elsewhere, not in my castle. Play fair or hit the road.

You are going to fail at any relationship you are in unless the woman is into allowing herself to be walked all over.

Quoted: All I can say is: Who are you guys? And when did you follow me around before my divorce.  It's bad when you no longer want to come home after work, I used to (and I still do) get accused of "Living the Life of Riley" because I wasn't at home with her.  SNorman hit the nail on the head.  I understand everything that has been said here about not being able to get or do anything right in the wifes eyes when it comes to the kids, her being a stay at home mom etc.  To those that say take her out, it's cabin fever, the guy should give her a break etc, thats all well and good, but it doesn't work.  It's makes it feel better for a while, but it never really solves anything.  The Dr. Phil and Oprah manuals only make it worse.  My ex and I tried all the above, plus professional counseling and still I was wrong for going to work, supporting a family of 3 and occasionally wanting to go to the gym.  When I took a new job that would virtually doubled my income within 2 years, I had to go away for 3 months for training in another state.  She accused me of "abandoning" her.  It didn't matter that my paychecks were all sent home, we talked nightly on the phone and she spent half the time with her family in New York.  In her eyes I left her at home with a new baby.  Forget the fact that she agreed that I should take the new job, so we could move back to he hometown.  We legally separated within six months of me getting out of training. Now I have an ex-wife that thinks I owe her the right to continue to be a stay at home mom, I should pay all her bills and she is even more pissed off at me now that she had to go back to work.  Our daughter is almost 9.  We separated when she was three.  And I still get grief from my ex about how I don't do things right.    I ruined her dream.  I took away her financial security.  Yet she wanted the child and the job of stay at home mom and pretty much demanded that.  She loved the idea of it, until the reality of the responsibility hit her.  Then the problems were my fault.  I feel for you Matt.  I wish you well.  Just remember the kids are yours too.  They know who their dad is.  In their eyes you are the man.  I think that is one other thing that pisses my ex off, is that my daughter still thinks the world of me and I think the world of her too. ETA: The other thing that really pisses her off is the fact that I have moved on and I am again happy in my life.  She is where she was when we met.  Still living in her sisters basement, 3 doors down from her mothers and next door to her other sister.

Wow, that sounds so familiar.  I'll bet if we compared notes we'd swear we were married to the same woman .

Just to give you guys an idea of where I'm coming from, I've now been married almost 11 years, and have two kids 4yo and 7yo.

Things got so bad last year I couldn't stand it.  I hated going home because it was more stress than work.  My wife would lecture me about how I didn't make enough money (I make 6 figures ), my bonus wasn't big enough, my raise wasn't big enough, I didn't spend enough time with them even though I rarely worked OT, I was also supposed to magically find more time to work on the house doing all the stuff she wanted done, she wanted this and that (bigger house, bigger car, bigger ring).  On and on and on. Completely disregarded my feelings toward anything in the family like how to raise the kids.

I ended up falling out of love with her and in love with someone else.  I didn't even go out trying to make something like that happen, it was just a friend who felt like my only quiet safe place to get away from work and home stress at first.

We decided to divorce earlier this year, and right before signing papers changed our minds.  Somehow we got lucky and through this whole trying period both realized we needed to make changes (mostly her), and we have and things have been OK so far.  I just wish she could have come to this realization years ago so I wouldn't have had to go through 10 years of hell.

It's supposed to be a 50-50 partnership. If it's not....the lacking partner needs to seek mental health care. A child's well being hangs in the balance.

Well, TSHF last night around our house.  Apparently "stay at home mom" means "i have to go somewhere/do something entertaining everyday/i'm on a five year vacation."  we were scheduled to go to pensacola this weekend to visit my grandmother.  she's never met our daughter, and we have had it planned for a month or so.  gustav has unfortunately put a damper on those plans, as i don't think it is prudent to travel down there when we don't even know where the thing is going yet.  she called me at lunch yesterday, and i explained this, but it put her on edge anyway.  she was already pissed when i got home last evening, and when i asked her about making multiple trips to do the same thing, (she's been to the same store 3 times this week) she let me have it.  by the time she got done, i learned:

a) i have never been a great husband, but she hoped that i would be a good father. i suck at that too.

b) people told her that she'd be unhappy marrying me, but she "settled" for me anyway.

c) she wants to take "her" baby, and get the hell away from me (her words) because i am a selfish, horrible person that does not care about anyone but myself or my dogs.

to cap everything off, she threated to call the cops if i didn't give her **her** baby. (i happened to be holding her at the time.)  at this point, i was pretty angry, and said a few things that were neither nice nor complimentary.  i in know way threatened her, just let her know that i thought she was being a crazy wench...except in much coarser terms.  at that point, i left, and didn't go home until about 2:00 a.m.  she didn't talk to me when i got home, nor when i was getting ready for work this morning.  i'm currently running on about 3 hours of sleep, and feel like i have been beaten by about 3 or 4 strong guys.

so it looks like we're done.  i hate it for me little girl, but her mother seems bound and determined that it will be easier to raise her by herself.

so arfcom, what is the next step.  i know i need to get a lawyer asap.  i don't want to rake her over the coals, but i want to prevent being raped as well.

-matt

Quoted: so it looks like we're done.  i hate it for me little girl, but her mother seems bound and determined that it will be easier to raise her by herself. iso arfcom, what is the next step.  i know i need to get a lawyer asap.  i don't want to rake her over the coals, but i want to prevent being raped as well. -matt

Well get that bullshit thinking out of your head NOW. She is going to try and fuck you right over.  You have to beat her to the punch and at full throttle.  Don't pussy foot around it.

Get plugged into a church community for support.  There will be plenty of moms with their heads on their shoulders there.  It's best to have good mentors around.

I know this isn't popular, but you're trying to live a traditional lifestyle that your wife has likely been taught by cultural osmosis makes her less of a woman when nothing could be further from the truth.  Child rearing is hard work, but the most rewarding thing.

Quoted: Well, TSHF last night around our house.  Apparently "stay at home mom" means "i have to go somewhere/do something entertaining everyday/i'm on a five year vacation."  we were scheduled to go to pensacola this weekend to visit my grandmother.  she's never met our daughter, and we have had it planned for a month or so.  gustav has unfortunately put a damper on those plans, as i don't think it is prudent to travel down there when we don't even know where the thing is going yet.  she called me at lunch yesterday, and i explained this, but it put her on edge anyway.  she was already pissed when i got home last evening, and when i asked her about making multiple trips to do the same thing, (she's been to the same store 3 times this week) she let me have it.  by the time she got done, i learned: a) i have never been a great husband, but she hoped that i would be a good father. i suck at that too. b) people told her that she'd be unhappy marrying me, but she "settled" for me anyway. c) she wants to take "her" baby, and get the hell away from me (her words) because i am a selfish, horrible person that does not care about anyone but myself or my dogs. to cap everything off, she threated to call the cops if i didn't give her **her** baby. (i happened to be holding her at the time.)  at this point, i was pretty angry, and said a few things that were neither nice nor complimentary.  i in know way threatened her, just let her know that i thought she was being a crazy wench...except in much coarser terms.  at that point, i left, and didn't go home until about 2:00 a.m.  she didn't talk to me when i got home, nor when i was getting ready for work this morning.  i'm currently running on about 3 hours of sleep, and feel like i have been beaten by about 3 or 4 strong guys. so it looks like we're done.  i hate it for me little girl, but her mother seems bound and determined that it will be easier to raise her by herself. so arfcom, what is the next step.  i know i need to get a lawyer asap.  i don't want to rake her over the coals, but i want to prevent being raped as well. -matt

Guns/Ammo out now, legal help should be consulted immediately and prepare for the ass raping...

Start canceling credit cards right now.

Yet another example of why I am 31 years old and elect to remain single.

Quoted: Quoted: so it looks like we're done.  i hate it for me little girl, but her mother seems bound and determined that it will be easier to raise her by herself. iso arfcom, what is the next step.  i know i need to get a lawyer asap.  i don't want to rake her over the coals, but i want to prevent being raped as well. -matt Well get that bullshit thinking out of your head NOW. She is going to try and fuck you right over.  You have to beat her to the punch and at full throttle.  Don't pussy foot around it.

Lol, so true, so true.

This woman has become your worst nightmare.

DO NOT Listen to a word she says without the understanding that she is going to fuck you over.

DO NOT Ever think for a second that she is that cute cuddley girl you fell in love with, she is gone, replaced by a bitch who is looking for you to finance her for the rest of her life.

Get your head out of your ass or you will live the rest of your life in misery.

Remove all ammo and guns to safe location, if not already split, split the bank account NOW, cancel all credit cards that she has access to, lawyer up ASAP, you will be raped. Tennessee I think is 33% of your pay for 1 kid, I could be wrong, but it is a high number. Fight, fight, fight for custody, if your going to get a divorce, prepare for war and hope for the best, and a good judge....hire a detective to follow her, are you sure she is going where she says she is going all the time, it just does not add up. God be with you.........

Quoted: i know i need to get a lawyer asap.  i don't want to rake her over the coals, but i want to prevent being raped as well.

That is the funniest thing I have read on this site in a long time.  As someone who was married for only 7 months before I found out about my cheating wife and was looking at divorce, I can assure you that there is no way possible for you to rake her over the coals and you will most definately be raped over and over.

What I learned about divorce.  It strongly favors the poor and lazy person in the relationship.  I'm not sure what the specific laws are in your state but get ready to lose everything you have ever worked for, built, or saved in the last 5 years.  Also you said you have a child, you will be stuck with a huge child support bill.  You have been providing for your wife for the last 5 years, so you will have to provide her some type of maintence, meaning you will have to continue to pay for her to live in the lifestyle that she is accustom.  That means you need to pay for a place for her to live and give her money for all the bills she currently has.  Also, you will need to provide her and your child with healthcare.  Any possessions you have bought are half hers.  Of course she won't want them, so you have to sell them and give her the cash.

What pissed me off the most about my situation is the following.  I live in a 100 year old house and have done a lot of work to the house.  I do the work myself to save money.  Right now I'm finishing up an electrical service move and upgrade.  It cost me about $500 in parts and took me months.  Quotes for the job range anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000.  Using $5,000, that is $4,500 in labor that I saved.  If I get divorced and the value of the house went up $5,000, even though it went up solely because I busted my ass while my wife was laying on the couch watching TV.  I would have to pay her $2,500 for the value increase.  How screwed up is that.  I bust my butt to save money and in the end I have to pay her for the work I did.

If your situation is as bas as you claim, then the old saying applies.  Why is divorce so expensive?  Because it is worth it.  Seriously, your divorce will be very costly to you.  But it is better than being with a batt shit crazy woman.

I would suggest you pull your and her credit reports to see what is on there.  Plus put a fraud alert on your credit report so she can't forge your name and get a credit card under your identity.  That has happend to many people that I know.

Without reading all 7 pages, I would suggest you talk to her doctor about it. Sounds like a BAD case of post partum. My wife had it, but not quite that bad. They make some good drugs now for it.

You both might want to seek counseling also.

GR

Guns out of house NOW!

Quoted: Guns out of house NOW!

Cancel Credit Cards and Close Joint Accounts.

Quoted: What I learned about divorce.  It strongly favors the poor and lazy person in the relationship.  I'm not sure what the specific laws are in your state but get ready to lose everything you have ever worked for, built, or saved in the last 5 years.  Also you said you have a child, you will be stuck with a huge child support bill.  You have been providing for your wife for the last 5 years, so you will have to provide her some type of maintence, meaning you will have to continue to pay for her to live in the lifestyle that she is accustom.  That means you need to pay for a place for her to live and give her money for all the bills she currently has.  Also, you will need to provide her and your child with healthcare.  Any possessions you have bought are half hers.  Of course she won't want them, so you have to sell them and give her the cash.

Take that advice to heart because it's true.

Quoted: What I learned about divorce.  It strongly favors the poor and lazy person in the relationship.  I'm not sure what the specific laws are in your state but get ready to lose everything you have ever worked for, built, or saved in the last 5 years.  Also you said you have a child, you will be stuck with a huge child support bill.  You have been providing for your wife for the last 5 years, so you will have to provide her some type of maintence, meaning you will have to continue to pay for her to live in the lifestyle that she is accustom.  That means you need to pay for a place for her to live and give her money for all the bills she currently has.  Also, you will need to provide her and your child with healthcare.  Any possessions you have bought are half hers.  Of course she won't want them, so you have to sell them and give her the cash.

is this true?  she has worked the entire time we have been married. we paid cash so she could go back to school and get her master's degree (for all the good it did).  i have in no way prevented her from developing her career. she has only stayed home for the last 7 months, and 3 of that was summer (she's a teacher).  i realize i am going to have to pony up for my daughter.

Quoted: Quoted: What I learned about divorce.  It strongly favors the poor and lazy person in the relationship.  I'm not sure what the specific laws are in your state but get ready to lose everything you have ever worked for, built, or saved in the last 5 years.  Also you said you have a child, you will be stuck with a huge child support bill.  You have been providing for your wife for the last 5 years, so you will have to provide her some type of maintence, meaning you will have to continue to pay for her to live in the lifestyle that she is accustom.  That means you need to pay for a place for her to live and give her money for all the bills she currently has.  Also, you will need to provide her and your child with healthcare.  Any possessions you have bought are half hers.  Of course she won't want them, so you have to sell them and give her the cash. is this true?  she has worked the entire time we have been married. we paid cash so she could go back to school and get her master's degree (for all the good it did).  i have in no way prevented her from developing her career. she has only stayed home for the last 7 months, and 3 of that was summer (she's a teacher).  i realize i am going to have to pony up for my daughter.

Sorry, but it is a good possibility.

All she has to do is shake her gender at the court and they'll dance to her tune.

Having lived long enough, I can tell you to the following:

1.  if a person wants to address the main source of his/her problems directly, all he/she has to do is to look into the mirror;

2.  the next spouse/significant other will have the same defects as the current one;

3.  I was lucky because I married my best friend.

It's so NICE that everyone is worried about what APPEARS to be the battle between two immature, asshole "adults", so that one can screw the otehr, or converslely, avoid being screwed, and yet no one seems concerned about the innocent child, and what's best for it.

Quoted: Without reading all 7 pages, I would suggest you talk to her doctor about it. Sounds like a BAD case of post partum. My wife had it, but not quite that bad. They make some good drugs now for it. You both might want to seek counseling also. GR

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