As a 2Lt in Germany, I got two good ass reamings from the Battalion Commander.  One came after I got tired of listening to our worthless Intel officer cry about his track (M113) not having a heater and it was going to be damn cold on the upcoming FTX.  I told him to quit bitching and take the heater from the dog and pony show track that never goes anywhere, HQ6.  Well, some of you may know that HQ6 is almost always the bumper number for the Battalions Commanders command track.  Everybody knows that except for our dumbshit Intel officer who took the heater from the LTCs vehicle and put it in his, and then ratted me out when he got caught.

The second reaming came as a result of a "morale boosting" dining in we had with another Battalion in Germany.  I was in the 2/30th Inf and the 1/30 Inf was next door.  The two battalion commanders thought it would be a good idea to have a dining in ( a formal dinner wearing dress blue uniforms, etc) in order to build comradship between the 30th  Inf battalions.  Well, we didn't like those fuckers and they didn't like us.  After the dinner, the plan was to view "To Hell and Back" starring Audie Murphy ( he was in the 3rd ID so that is why we had to watch it).  SHTF when the lights went out to see the movie and when they came back on, every LT in the 2/30, including me, was gone.  That next monday morning the Battalion Commander called each one of us into his office and ripped our asses, one at time.  We were accused of being in a group called JORF, or Junior Officers Revolutionary Front.  It was a major bad time.  

The commander for both ass chewings was Barry R MaCaffery, who went on the be Clintons Drug Czar.

The other bad ass chewing I got was delivered without word being spoken.  As a new 2LT, I once put my foot on the Battalion Sergeant Majors desk in order to tie my boot.  He saw me do it and gave me the look of death.  I looked at him and said, "I just fucked up, didn't I Sergeant Major?"  He said "yes sir."  That was all he had to say.


The only other time I was really in trouble was when I went to IOAC at Ft Benning (Infantry Officers Advanced Course). It was a 9 month course for 1Lt's and Captains.  Well, at 6'5 I sucked at push-ups.  During the first PT test I was almost done with my push-ups when the Senior Class Faculty Advisor, some ass hole Colonel, saw me and told the grader the my push-ups sucked and I had to start over.  Son of a Bitch. I started over and got to 20 or so and he said that they sucked too so start over again. Kiss my ass, but my arms were getting wobbely.  I started over for the third time a did a bunch more that didn't count and then time ran out and I was a "no go."  Well piss,  that means I was now of "fat boy PT".  I was a little pissed and my arms were like jelly.  The Colonel sperms out "LT, I'm going to show you how to do a proper push-up."  He jumps into the leaning rest and does one perfect push-ups and yells up to me "see that?  That's how it's done!"  I was pissed and said "Shit sir, anyone can do one.  Now do 39 more."  He jumped up and asked me "WTF did you just say?!?!?"  I just said nothing sir and fortunately it died there, but that was a close one for 1LT cool e.

Quoted: Quoted: LOL!  When I was a Private E-nothing, still in training, I had a brain cramp and waved at a 1-Star instead of saluting.   I'm not up on military ediquette, but that's damn funny!

ETIQUETTE is how you spell it!  


30% of us care enough to let you know too!!!!

some funny shit.

Got REAMED by a Major USMC and indirectly reamed by a 2 star General from the Air Force.

Slug-O

It wasn't so much of an ass-chewing as the scare of my life. I was on watch as supervisor of the watch in the electrical plant on an aircraft carrier. It was the mid-watch, 00-04 and it was a real challenge to stay awake. Our watch station was on the 5th deck and you could hear anybody coming down the ladder in plenty of time to open your eyes and pretend to be awake. Our task force commander, a rear admiral, was a former CO of the ship and knew the ship very well. He was also a night owl and he liked to walk around at all hours and talk to the crew and sit on the mess decks and have coffee with the enlisted guys. I had been up for a couple days due to round the clock flight quarters and broken equipment so I figured that it was pretty safe to close the eyes for a little bit. Besides, my trusty, loyal electrical switchboard operator was awake, right ? Well, maybe not. I woke up to seeing a khaki uniform and brown shoes standing in front of me and I thought that odd because only aviators wore brown shoes, not the chiefs and officers in engineering. Then I looked up and saw the two stars on the collar and knew that I had made the worst mistake in what was going to be a very short career. I shouted "ATTENTION ON DECK" and my switchboard operator leaped out of his chair and the machinist mate sleeping behind the switchboard ( he wasn't on watch, just tired)banged his head into a transformer getting up. Rear Admiral Brown just smiled and chuckled a little. He said that he wasn't really being fair coming down to the holes on the midwatch and then asked if we had any coffee. He asked how we were doing and how the ongoing operations off Iran were affecting our equiptment and our ability to get enough rest. He asked our messenger to go up and get some coffee and maybe some rolls from the bake shop, 2 decks above us and he had a cup with us and went on his way. He was barely out of our space and we called Main Control and warned them that he was wandering around the plant unescorted. The EOOW freaked and sent the duty water/oil messenger to walk around the plant with him. The bottome line is that I thought for sure that I was looking at serious brig time for sleeping on watch and all I had was a cup of coffee with a rear admiral.

I know that, I was a Loadmaster on LC-130F/R's and EC-130Q's.

Quoted: Here is a little ditty to remember. Our GTC's/ APU's were built into our plane. "GTC, APU they both blow hot air at you" or "APU, GTC, they both blow hot air at me" On the Herk's they are next to the #2 Motor, so most everyone stayed clear. And they whined pretty good when starting up..But we had the 85's on our F's and early R's.

Quoted: One time when I was in school, at 29 palms, I got stuck on a work detail, helping a chaplain out moving some furniture, stuff like that.  The Chaplain was a Navy Captain, O-6 by the way.  The Chaplain decided that we needed some things from a local hardware store, and needed me to help carry some stuff, so he and I got in his POV and went out in to the town of 29 palms to the hardware store. The problem came, when I noticed that we were both in cammies.  I was always taught that it was a mortal sin to be out in public in cammies.  I was intimidated enough as a E-1 fresh out of bootcamp to be working around an 0-6 all day. Anyways, we were in the hardware store, I was getting some stuff from the shelves, while the Chaplain was talking to one of the employees there.  Then all of a sudden this CWO-2 in Charlies comes from nowhere, and started giving me the ass-chewing of a lifetime, for wearing cammies in public.  I think I did learn some new colorful swear words, and I thought I was screwed. Then the Chaplain walked up behind the Chief Warrant Officer, and asks if there is a problem.  The CWO turned around, and the Chaplain told him that I was with him, and he looked at his collar on his own cammies, and told the CWO that he was pretty sure that his insignia beats a CWO insignia.  Pwn3d --------------------------------------- I also got a pretty good asschewing from my Gunny that ranks right up there, because I did not stop some underage drinking that was going on in the adjoining barracks room (we shared a head, but had seperate barracks rooms).  I dont think he liked my attitude when I explained that my sleep was a helluva lot more important than those idiots and their bottle of cheap crappy rum.

I don't care what rank you are, that is FUNNY!

ben

Quoted: It wasn't so much of an ass-chewing as the scare of my life. I was on watch as supervisor of the watch in the electrical plant on an aircraft carrier. It was the mid-watch, 00-04 and it was a real challenge to stay awake. Our watch station was on the 5th deck and you could hear anybody coming down the ladder in plenty of time to open your eyes and pretend to be awake. Our task force commander, a rear admiral, was a former CO of the ship and knew the ship very well. He was also a night owl and he liked to walk around at all hours and talk to the crew and sit on the mess decks and have coffee with the enlisted guys. I had been up for a couple days due to round the clock flight quarters and broken equipment so I figured that it was pretty safe to close the eyes for a little bit. Besides, my trusty, loyal electrical switchboard operator was awake, right ? Well, maybe not. I woke up to seeing a khaki uniform and brown shoes standing in front of me and I thought that odd because only aviators wore brown shoes, not the chiefs and officers in engineering. Then I looked up and saw the two stars on the collar and knew that I had made the worst mistake in what was going to be a very short career. I shouted "ATTENTION ON DECK" and my switchboard operator leaped out of his chair and the machinist mate sleeping behind the switchboard ( he wasn't on watch, just tired)banged his head into a transformer getting up. Rear Admiral Brown just smiled and chuckled a little. He said that he wasn't really being fair coming down to the holes on the midwatch and then asked if we had any coffee. He asked how we were doing and how the ongoing operations off Iran were affecting our equiptment and our ability to get enough rest. He asked our messenger to go up and get some coffee and maybe some rolls from the bake shop, 2 decks above us and he had a cup with us and went on his way. He was barely out of our space and we called Main Control and warned them that he was wandering around the plant unescorted. The EOOW freaked and sent the duty water/oil messenger to walk around the plant with him. The bottome line is that I thought for sure that I was looking at serious brig time for sleeping on watch and all I had was a cup of coffee with a rear admiral.

That is a leader.

I got booted from the U.S. Coast Guard Academy by Rear Adm. Matteson himself.  Not much of an actual ass chewing, but a "your grades are disappointing".

I knew a man (now deceased)  was a navigator in Jimmy Stewart's squadron.  He once made a navigation mistake on a cross country training flight and got chewed out by Col. Stewart.

Quoted: Quoted: i got dropped in the parking lot on my way in to work by a 2 star. he walked past while i was dismounting my motorcycle and i didn't see him / didn't salute. on the bright side i was in charge of his tour of the facility for the week and he was a fun guy to be around. Treated us DAMN well. LOL!  When I was a Private E-nothing, still in training, I had a brain cramp and waved at a 1-Star instead of saluting.

Holy shit, now that's something I would do!  

I never served, thanks to al that did...BUT

My dad is/was a Major General, USAF(ret).

I got some asschewings, alright.  He was not confined to punishments set forth in the UCMJ, either.  

Quoted: Quoted: It wasn't so much of an ass-chewing as the scare of my life. I was on watch as supervisor of the watch in the electrical plant on an aircraft carrier. It was the mid-watch, 00-04 and it was a real challenge to stay awake. Our watch station was on the 5th deck and you could hear anybody coming down the ladder in plenty of time to open your eyes and pretend to be awake. Our task force commander, a rear admiral, was a former CO of the ship and knew the ship very well. He was also a night owl and he liked to walk around at all hours and talk to the crew and sit on the mess decks and have coffee with the enlisted guys. I had been up for a couple days due to round the clock flight quarters and broken equipment so I figured that it was pretty safe to close the eyes for a little bit. Besides, my trusty, loyal electrical switchboard operator was awake, right ? Well, maybe not. I woke up to seeing a khaki uniform and brown shoes standing in front of me and I thought that odd because only aviators wore brown shoes, not the chiefs and officers in engineering. Then I looked up and saw the two stars on the collar and knew that I had made the worst mistake in what was going to be a very short career. I shouted "ATTENTION ON DECK" and my switchboard operator leaped out of his chair and the machinist mate sleeping behind the switchboard ( he wasn't on watch, just tired)banged his head into a transformer getting up. Rear Admiral Brown just smiled and chuckled a little. He said that he wasn't really being fair coming down to the holes on the midwatch and then asked if we had any coffee. He asked how we were doing and how the ongoing operations off Iran were affecting our equiptment and our ability to get enough rest. He asked our messenger to go up and get some coffee and maybe some rolls from the bake shop, 2 decks above us and he had a cup with us and went on his way. He was barely out of our space and we called Main Control and warned them that he was wandering around the plant unescorted. The EOOW freaked and sent the duty water/oil messenger to walk around the plant with him. The bottome line is that I thought for sure that I was looking at serious brig time for sleeping on watch and all I had was a cup of coffee with a rear admiral. That is a leader.

+1.  He knew full well that his after actions as well as just showing up in the first place would spread the word and would take care of the problem on its own....without all the huffing and puffing.  Good man.

Quoted: The other bad ass chewing I got was delivered without word being spoken.  As a new 2LT, I once put my foot on the Battalion Sergeant Majors desk in order to tie my boot.  He saw me do it and gave me the look of death.  I looked at him and said, "I just fucked up, didn't I Sergeant Major?"  He said "yes sir."  That was all he had to say.

Gotta love those senior enlisted types!

Got a Good one by my 1SG back in 94 at Ft A.P. Hill. That one was enough. Got one by my PSG in 98 while in the UK on a FTX, but that one was nothing and I still stand by my decision. enough said.

Quoted: As a 2Lt in Germany, I got two good ass reamings from the Battalion Commander.  One came after I got tired of listening to our worthless Intel officer cry about his track (M113) not having a heater and it was going to be damn cold on the upcoming FTX.  I told him to quit bitching and take the heater from the dog and pony show track that never goes anywhere, HQ6.  Well, some of you may know that HQ6 is almost always the bumper number for the Battalions Commanders command track.  Everybody knows that except for our dumbshit Intel officer who took the heater from the LTCs vehicle and put it in his, and then ratted me out when he got caught. The second reaming came as a result of a "morale boosting" dining in we had with another Battalion in Germany.  I was in the 2/30th Inf and the 1/30 Inf was next door.  The two battalion commanders thought it would be a good idea to have a dining in ( a formal dinner wearing dress blue uniforms, etc) in order to build comradship between the 30th  Inf battalions.  Well, we didn't like those fuckers and they didn't like us.  After the dinner, the plan was to view "To Hell and Back" starring Audie Murphy ( he was in the 3rd ID so that is why we had to watch it).  SHTF when the lights went out to see the movie and when they came back on, every LT in the 2/30, including me, was gone.  That next monday morning the Battalion Commander called each one of us into his office and ripped our asses, one at time.  We were accused of being in a group called JORF, or Junior Officers Revolutionary Front.  It was a major bad time.   The commander for both ass chewings was Barry R MaCaffery, who went on the be Clintons Drug Czar. The other bad ass chewing I got was delivered without word being spoken.  As a new 2LT, I once put my foot on the Battalion Sergeant Majors desk in order to tie my boot.  He saw me do it and gave me the look of death.  I looked at him and said, "I just fucked up, didn't I Sergeant Major?"  He said "yes sir."  That was all he had to say. The only other time I was really in trouble was when I went to IOAC at Ft Benning (Infantry Officers Advanced Course). It was a 9 month course for 1Lt's and Captains.  Well, at 6'5 I sucked at push-ups.  During the first PT test I was almost done with my push-ups when the Senior Class Faculty Advisor, some ass hole Colonel, saw me and told the grader the my push-ups sucked and I had to start over.  Son of a Bitch. I started over and got to 20 or so and he said that they sucked too so start over again. Kiss my ass, but my arms were getting wobbely.  I started over for the third time a did a bunch more that didn't count and then time ran out and I was a "no go."  Well piss,  that means I was now of "fat boy PT".  I was a little pissed and my arms were like jelly.  The Colonel sperms out "LT, I'm going to show you how to do a proper push-up."  He jumps into the leaning rest and does one perfect push-ups and yells up to me "see that?  That's how it's done!"  I was pissed and said "Shit sir, anyone can do one.  Now do 39 more."  He jumped up and asked me "WTF did you just say?!?!?"  I just said nothing sir and fortunately it died there, but that was a close one for 1LT cool e.

That's some good stuff.  

I was a PFC in the 82nd. We were at the M203 range one time shooting up a few cases of ammo. I got the hang of it real good and was wearing out a few targets. One guy was handing me rounds and I was snap shooting a scrap pile at about 125m. In between shots I hear a voice behind me say "You're pretty good at that"
I replied "You're damn square" Looked around about that time and saw 2 stars. I quickly added "Sir"
It was the Division CG. The Division Sgt Major was laughing, the CG had a little smirk on his face. The Company CO and XO looked like they were gonna faint.

After we got back to the comapany area and was cleaning weapons, the CQ runner comes up stairs and asks me to come down to the CO's office. Locked heels and took a royal ass chewing over it.

I didn't see the big deal about it.


______________


Fast forward about 6 yrs to 1991, we found a T72 abandonded in the desert. A few of us where monkeying around with it. I was sitting in the drivers seat trying to figure out how to crank it. Thought it would be funny. 1st Sgt thought otherwise. He jumps up on the hull and is looking down at me and cussing up a blue streak.
He failed to find the humor in the moment.

I heard about that one again when we got back to Bragg.

Lt. cool-e’s story reminds me of this little incident:

My Lt. came into the Platoon room for something, don’t remember what, it doesn't matter anyway. But what he said kinda t’d me off so I told him, “Sir I have more LES’s than you have days in the Army!” Well Lt. quietly left the Platoon room and a moment later the office door pops open and the 1SG peeks his head in the door, “Sgt. Quib!”.

LT was grinning ear to ear as I stood at parade rest and received an ass chewing from the 1SG in the middle of the entire hanger!

Dang LT ratted me out, that winer!!!!

In our platoon in Jump Shool, there was such a thing as fucking up bad enough to have to "go see the wings".  

Now, nobody that I knew, was exactly certain what "going to see the wings" entailed, but it was supposed to be the worst thing that could happen to you.

I was a PFC when I was in JS, and as a result, was put in charge of collecting and passing out the flash lights, and orange vests in the morning before PT, and turning them back in after PT.  BIG RESPONSIBILITY, I know.

Well, one morning, I knocked on the door of the office that belonged to the E7 that I got the key from and turned it back into every day.  I could hear voices talking in the office, so I just stood there for several minutes.  Well, I got bored, and started twirling my cover on my finger.  All of the sudden, the door flew open.  Inside were the Plt Sgt, the 1st Sgt, and the Battalion XO.  Man they started screaming at me because I wasn't at Parade Rest while I was waiting.  Then one of them yelled "Get your ass in here.  It's time for you to "see the wings".  I was already in the front leaning rest position, and they wouldn't even let me up.  I had to bear crawl my way over there, all the while in the front leaning rest position.  

On the front of the desk, there was the Airborne Creed.  It was a poem.  I had to read it, while they fucked with me the whole time.  Push ups, sit ups, flutter kicks, hello dolly's, you name it.  Every time I fucked up, or missed a beat, I had to start over.  I think I read that thing twenty times before I finally got done.  Not to mention we had just finished PT so I was already kind of tired.  I was scared shitless and thought they were going to kick me out of Jump School.  

Without going into any details, I went before THREE different disciplanary boards at USAFA when I was a cadet. Seems like most of them had at least one general, two full bird colonels, and either a major or captain, along with the highest ranking cadets from the cadet wing (such as the wing honor officer).

Not fun.

LOL! When I was a Private E-nothing, still in training, I had a brain cramp and waved at a 1-Star instead of saluting

Which reminds me...

I'm not one for dressing down people. I usually just have a word on the side with the sergeant, believing that discipline is best left in the hands of the NCO corps, but sometimes there's no sergeant around.

So, I'm wandering around Ft Knox at OBC. On the way back from the simulators, one passes through Disney Barracks. Basic Training Land. There's a little PX there, so sometimes I'd stop off for a snack or whatever.

When I went through Basic in Knox, officers were people that you never saw unless you were in trouble, or were graduating. They were a High Stratosphere, and I assume that such was still the case when I passed through as a 2LT. So I'd walk around the corner, meet up with a couple of recruits and I swear you can see the cogs turning in their heads. Slowly. Saying "Oh Crap. He's got a shiny thing on his hat. I'm supposed to do something. What was it again?"

They'd rarely get it right. Usually they needed a little prodding. "Aren't you forgetting something?" sort of thing. And then the light dawns, and they uncertainly raise their arm for a salute. "There you go"

Best was some chap waiting to use the phone. He had his wits about him, and as I passed, he snapped to attention. "You're missing something there, troop" "Umm... Good morning, Sir!" "Well, getting better...."

The odd thing is that in that environment, it's a case of "Oh, Crap. It's an LT". As soon as they get to the unit, it's "Oh, it's  just an LT"

NTM

Two stars.

It wasn't really an ass chewing, though.

There was a HUGE brawl downtown between some Brit outfit visiting the post and a bunch of idiotic cowboys.

Beaucoup damage, big bucks.

I was a liason NCO and also witnessed it.

I'll post the tale of woe sometime.

A brawl in a Cowboy bar with the band playing C&W behind chicken wire and the Brit bagpiper, guarded by 2 stocky little Scotsmen in a corner, piping the boys on.

Oddly enough, after I finished my report, he bought me a drink.

I'll say this about General Officers, they do their homework. Top later told me he checked up on me beforehand and found out I liked Scotch.

Wow, he let you stand at parade rest while you were getting your ass chewed?! Wow, you guys sure had it easy in the Army! I was a Corpral in the Marines getting thrashed by a 1st.Lt. for handing him his keys and saying " here you go ,Sir." Thrashed for those of you who didn't know was doing a series of excersizes ( push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks etc ) one after the other as fast as you can go until the one thrashing you was tired.

Quoted: He jumps into the leaning rest and does one perfect push-ups and yells up to me "see that?  That's how it's done!"  I was pissed and said "Shit sir, anyone can do one.  Now do 39 more."  He jumped up and asked me "WTF did you just say?!?!?"  I just said nothing sir and fortunately it died there, but that was a close one for 1LT cool e.

Shit in a sack!  You didn't!  

After Desert Storm, our unit goes to Northern Iraq for Op Provide Comfort. All we had was desert cammies. We had to go to an issue point on Incirlik AFB in Turkey to get woodlands to wear while in the north of Iraq. Bunch of us standing around outside the issue point when some older guy comes jogging past. He stops and just starts looking at us like he's expecting something. I ask him what he wants. He looks at me like I just grew a second head. He starts in with some "respect" spiel and I just gaff him off and turn around and start talking with my guys.
He comes around to the front of me and starts again. I ask him who the fuck he is. He starts in with "I'm Brigadier General whoever in the fuck" I told him to prove it. He was in jogging clothes, no ID at all. He could have been the gym janitor for all I knew and didn't care.

I found out from the CO and 1st Sgt that he indded was a 1 star and didn't like being talked down to by an E7 groundpounder. Luckily we flew into Zahko, Iraq later that day and it was forgotten about.

On the way to the mess hall (regular US Army), we got passed by a NJROTC Captain who asked why we didn't salute.  BFD, a retired O-6 and we never learned Navy rank.  It made it to the post commander.  The entire post got training on Navy rank.  

Fortunately, the old salty either couldn't read or remember names as we were not singled out.  After that, I started riding my bike to the mess hall.

Quoted: The bottome line is that I thought for sure that I was looking at serious brig time for sleeping on watch and all I had was a cup of coffee with a rear admiral.

"Well, get back down there, son. You're the only son of a bitch in this headquarters who knows what he's trying to do."

:)

Quoted: One time when I was in school, at 29 palms, I got stuck on a work detail, helping a chaplain out moving some furniture, stuff like that.  The Chaplain was a Navy Captain, O-6 by the way.  The Chaplain decided that we needed some things from a local hardware store, and needed me to help carry some stuff, so he and I got in his POV and went out in to the town of 29 palms to the hardware store. The problem came, when I noticed that we were both in cammies.  I was always taught that it was a mortal sin to be out in public in cammies.  I was intimidated enough as a E-1 fresh out of bootcamp to be working around an 0-6 all day. Anyways, we were in the hardware store, I was getting some stuff from the shelves, while the Chaplain was talking to one of the employees there.  Then all of a sudden this CWO-2 in Charlies comes from nowhere, and started giving me the ass-chewing of a lifetime, for wearing cammies in public.  I think I did learn some new colorful swear words, and I thought I was screwed. Then the Chaplain walked up behind the Chief Warrant Officer, and asks if there is a problem.  The CWO turned around, and the Chaplain told him that I was with him, and he looked at his collar on his own cammies, and told the CWO that he was pretty sure that his insignia beats a CWO insignia.  Pwn3d

My plt sgt and I were on the way out to the range early one morning in his POV and stopped to go through the drive-through at McDonald's.  So we get up to the window, pay, and are waiting for our chow, and the SSgt sees some Marine in line INSIDE the McDonald's in cammies.  Holy Shit, the SSgt climbed out of the window of his car and halfway into the drive-through window, points at this poor Devil Dog and yells at the top of his lungs "YOU, GET THE FU** OUT!"  Then the little McDonald's girl is freaking out so he chews her ass b/c everyone in town knows the rules and they should have told the Marine not to come in in cammies too!  I was laughing my ass off.  the SSgt had was a former DI and was a real stickler for the uniform regs to say the least.

Great stories, guys!

I have one from back in my days of being a squid.  On my first Med-cruise we did 89 days at sea before we hit our first port in Rhodes, Greece.  I was on an aircraft carrier, so we had to take liberty boats to get on and off shore.  First night, I go out and get stupid drunk.  I wander off from my group of friends and decide to head back to the ship.  I found officer's fleet landing, and decided I was too drunk to find enlisted fleet landing.  I yelled at the gate guard when he asked for my ID, and intimidated him enough by telling him I was an officer that he let me in.  They put me on an officer's gig to go back to the ship.  While I was waiting I hurled all over the boat.  Everyone knows that if you vomit on a liberty boat you will clean it up, nomatter who you are.  By this time, these guys were so intimidated by me the sent me back to the ship on another officer's gig without me having to clean it up.  When I got to the ship two Master-at-Arms escorted me down to Medical Department.  The duty officer was woken up to check me out.  He looked me over for awhile then asked to see my ID.  He about hit the roof when saw I was an E-5.  He screamed "This guy's not a Lietenant."  He laid into me for a little bit until he saw I was too drunk to care.  He sent me to my berthing, and had the berthing watch check on me every hour to make sure I was still alive.  Never got into any trouble, just the worst hangover of my life.

I do not remember most of the story myself.  I just remember being caried from one officer's gig to the other, and getting screamed at by the medical officer.  The rest of the story has been filled in by friends and one good buddy in the Master-at-Arms who kept my ass out of trouble.

I've never been in the military, But have an uncle who is a Master Chief, retired.

He chews my ass for something everytime he's in town.

Quoted: Great stories, guys! I have one from back in my days of being a squid.  On my first Med-cruise we did 89 days at sea before we hit our first port in Rhodes, Greece.  I was on an aircraft carrier........

That's a good one!

Reminds me of the time in Germany that I got plastered at the German-American Fest on post. A non-drinking buddy of mine found a German trying to remove my passed out ass from his amusement park ride. As my buddy was dragging me back to the barracks the MP’s stopped with their VW van and wanted to help out by giving us a ride back to the barracks.

My buddy said as soon as the van stopped in front of the barracks I leaped forward grasping the fence separating us from the MP’s and projectile vomited into the front of the van.

I heard it from the CQ that next morning.......he and the runner had to wash out the van with buckets of water!

(Not really an ass chewing story, but funny just the same!)

Brigadier General Frederic Davison in about April 1969 at an abandoned fish net factory.

I remember it well!  

CO of Sub Base Groton(0-6) in 1982. Because of my crappy beard when we could still have them, hell I was only 18, bad time to figure out I could not grow one.

There I was, Ft. Campbell, KY, sitting around a Heavy PZ, at night, as part of a hook-up team.  We're waiting for the birds to arrive and have about 30 minutes or so until they're due.  So, SGT OEF_VET decides it's a perfect time for a cigarette.  Heck, the OPFOR isn't anywhere around for miles, so it's not like anyone is going to notice the cigarette glowing.  As if anyone would notice that, but not see all the vehicles lined up, all over the open field we were sitting on.  

So, anyways, as I'm puffing on my Marlboro, I see someone walking up, who says something to the effect of "Extinguish that cigarette, soldier."  As he gets a little closer, I notice the nice, shiny General Officer's buckle around his waist.  It turns out to be none other than the CG of the 101st ABN DIV.  He quickly reminded me about light discipline and setting an example for my soldiers.

I don't think I smoked another cigarette all night.  Luckily for me, he left it there and didn't see any need in informing my chain-of-command.  Let me tell ya, having your ass reprimanded by a Major-General will surely make you deicde to do the right thing.

during basic, i left the barracks to find my family before graduation and my one female DS caught me playing video games with my brother.  oops.

The scariest one(burned into my memory) happened in basic. I had stomach flu one day and was unable to hold anything down so naturally I got picked to guard the weapons in the barracks at each mealtime. By evening meal I was feeling a lot better and had apparently been forgotten about for over two hours.

All the platoons' weapons were kept in the big squad bay of our barracks, laid out nicely on the floor in groups of ten for ease of counting and all the empty bunks pushed against the wall. Well, I got bored and climbed up on a top bunk, kicked back reading a Newsweek or some other contraband magazine when I heard the door downstairs slam. I jumped off the rack and my belt snagged a spring so I was dangling about a foot off the ground.

I was greeted by the battalion commander who just burst out laughing and left. I managed to get down and a few minutes later the company commander and head drill sergeant showed up all sweaty like they had hauled ass over there. It was horrible I don't even remember everything they said to me but 14 years later I still think about it at night before I go to sleep.

When I was in NROTC we had a full Colonel Marine type for a CO.  He came zipping on in after thinking he was going to CO of the Basic School and got our ROTC unit instead.  He had started  as  a "Join the Marines or go to jail" at 16  and was a rifleman at Guadalcanal. Our XO was a CDR USN type that had received the job after putting his ship, it was an equipment failure and not a personnel failure but he still got beached.  So both the top two guys had major attitude problems, that were not conducive to good morale at a major universtity ROTC unit in the early 70's.  The CO had the 4 NO M's,  no motorcycles, no mustaches, no married Middies, and no masters degrees.  All of which were grounds to be on his bad side and all of which were theoretically permissible.  His bitch with motorcyucles was that too many young servicemen got hurt or killed on them, marriages were not good for either young enlisted or officers,  didn't think mustaches were military, and his job was to turn out young officers with Bachelors degrees, not grad students.  The prior XO had been a Marine Lt. Col, with a mustache that was as extensive as allowed under the uniform regs and rode a Harley.  Needless to say this was a major cultural change.

He also didn't like blue jeans, only hippies wore blue jeans.  I got on his bad side for some reason, and he ripped on me for a while..  I answered him with a "With all due respect Sir, you are mistaken, I was directed to do that, and we have been doing that for many years here.  If it is now no longer our standard procedure, it has not been communicated to the Battalion Chain of Command.  If I had failed to perform as ordered, you would have been ripping me for failure to obey a lawful order.  In any case, I will be picking up my resignation papers immediately."  Since about a quarter of the unit had submitted requests to be terminated from the program, the shit was beginning to hit the fan.

Most guys ended up staying, the choices for most being - repay 1-3 years of tuition, books and fees to USC and enter the service as an E-3, or stay in the program on a full scholarship, get a degree and a commission.  hmm,  We finally ended up getting an advisory board of several local senior retired officers, most of which out ranked him, including the president of the university to advise on what was customary in a university environment.  In other words, we were university students, in a candidate program and not in boot camp, and we better be treated that way.

The most interesting chewing out I ever witnessed was when our ship's HMC threw one of the sailors  medical records overboard pierside.  GMCS"If I was treated by an E-4 that way, I'ld throw his records overboard."  HMC, "Hell, yes" and tossed them overboard in front of the sailors division officer, a crusty mustang LT.  After the verbal pleasantries the HMC went over the side and fished out the records and also personally reconstituted the records.

The CO talked to him later.  Seems the "tardy" sailor had been duty driver and driving the CO at the time he was "late" for the HMC.

1.)  "There was this one time, at bootcamp..."


2.)  This incident took place at Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, SC.  

You know how some of us like to mess with the FNGs.  We had this PFC right out of "A" school, all motivated and everything.  Since he had nothing to do at the time, I got the bright idea to mess with him.  

Now you know about sending FNGs on bullshit runs... for example...  batteries for chem-lights, ID 10 Tango Forms ('Idiot' forms), etc.  I sent him out to get me a yard of flight line.  Now for those of you who didn't serve... there is no such thing as a yard flight line... or so I thought.

So I sent the PFC (E2) to get me a yard of Flight Line, and I went to chow.  When I came back, I had this huge piece of asphalt... not only on my desk, but also on top of my Gunny's desk.  A few minutes later, Gunny walked in... saw the chunk of rock, and blew a fuse.  It turned out on that particular day, the base was tearing up the runway (aka Flightline) to extend it out further.  This bright PFC literally got a yard of flightline and brought it back.  

Of course, the Gunny chew my ass, but he chuckled and said I was played on my own game.

Semper Fi!

PS  It also turns out that we can't do that anymore because "Higher-ups" now consider it hazing...  Thanks to "Mother's-of-America" and the whiny brats.

Got chewed out by the Flight Engineer Chief the other day.  Guess he took offence to an E-6 calling his R.O.A.D. ass out along with the rest of his slack-assed FE's.  Oh well, such is life.  My Chief thanked me for voicing my opinion so that helped ease the ass pain.

~Dg84

Quoted: The scariest one(burned into my memory) happened in basic. I had stomach flu one day and was unable to hold anything down so naturally I got picked to guard the weapons in the barracks at each mealtime. By evening meal I was feeling a lot better and had apparently been forgotten about for over two hours. All the platoons' weapons were kept in the big squad bay of our barracks, laid out nicely on the floor in groups of ten for ease of counting and all the empty bunks pushed against the wall. Well, I got bored and climbed up on a top bunk, kicked back reading a Newsweek or some other contraband magazine when I heard the door downstairs slam. I jumped off the rack and my belt snagged a spring so I was dangling about a foot off the ground. I was greeted by the battalion commander who just burst out laughing and left. I managed to get down and a few minutes later the company commander and head drill sergeant showed up all sweaty like they had hauled ass over there. It was horrible I don't even remember everything they said to me but 14 years later I still think about it at night before I go to sleep.

You sir are one helluva man to own up to that one!

Full Bird than a Lite Bird / Capt tag team than a Chief than my Super and an LOR To long of story to repeat here but I got what I deserved !

Quoted: On the way to the mess hall (regular US Army), we got passed by a NJROTC Captain who asked why we didn't salute.  BFD, a retired O-6 and we never learned Navy rank.  It made it to the post commander.  The entire post got training on Navy rank.   Fortunately, the old salty either couldn't read or remember names as we were not singled out.  After that, I started riding my bike to the mess hall.

When I was at an Army post a few years ago going through a course, some Marine buddies and I were walking from the Marine Det building to our classroom building.  We passed a gaggle of soldiers who appeared to be the broken stragglers from one of the many AIT school classes there at the same time.  there was no drill sergeant or NCO with them and none of the soldiers saluted.

My buddies and I were like, oh well no big deal, we can't fix the whole nasty Army.  But then, we hear one of the soldiers say "Were we supposed to salute them?"  Another soldier replied "no, they were just Marines."  Holy shit.  I lost my mind, turned around and gave a brief period of instruction on military courstesies to these soldiers.  the next day at lunch, we are again walking to our class and see this same gaggle standing across a grinder at a range of about 100-150 yards...standing at attention, saluting us.

Quoted: 1.)  "There was this one time, at bootcamp..." 2.)  This incident took place at Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, SC.   You know how some of us like to mess with the FNGs.  We had this PFC right out of "A" school, all motivated and everything.  Since he had nothing to do at the time, I got the bright idea to mess with him.   Now you know about sending FNGs on bullshit runs... for example...  batteries for chem-lights, ID 10 Tango Forms ('Idiot' forms), etc.  I sent him out to get me a yard of flight line.  Now for those of you who didn't serve... there is no such thing as a yard flight line... or so I thought. So I sent the PFC (E2) to get me a yard of Flight Line, and I went to chow.  When I came back, I had this huge piece of asphalt... not only on my desk, but also on top of my Gunny's desk.  A few minutes later, Gunny walked in... saw the chunk of rock, and blew a fuse.  It turned out on that particular day, the base was tearing up the runway (aka Flightline) to extend it out further.  This bright PFC literally got a yard of flightline and brought it back.   Of course, the Gunny chew my ass, but he chuckled and said I was played on my own game. Semper Fi! PS  It also turns out that we can't do that anymore because "Higher-ups" now consider it hazing...  Thanks to "Mother's-of-America" and the whiny brats.

I was in the supply room when a newbie got sent in for fallopian tubes for the radar. My off post neighbor was a nurse and a capt to boot. I called her up and told her what was going on. She arrived at the supply room just a few minutes later and took the newbie by the hand and went in to the Radar section room. Top and the BC got wind of her arrival and followed in hot pursuit. She

said to the section chief:"I've got a working set of fallopian tubes I'll donate if you promise to be gentle with them. I've grown accustomed to them, but if is important to National Defense, I'll let you use them to get your radar working."

The red faced Staff Sergeant looked at her speechless.

Top arrived in time to hear it all.

All Top said was this: "Get Piccolo in here RIGHT NOW!!"

The ass chewing I got wasn't very serious. It's hard to chew ass when you keep busting up laughing.

The BC didn't even try reprimand me. He was laughing too hard.




ETA: I got a skyhook for a guy once, I'll post that later.

Never got any ass chewing but gave a few.

When I was an 0-2 and had 2nd PLT, ACo, 2/142INF 49th AD I had one private who was a chronic dumbass.
One year on the way to AT at Ft Hood he tried to commandeer the chartered bus his he and his platoon were riding on to pull over for beer, grabbed the steering whel and proceeded to try to wrestle it away from the bus driver. The bus driver almost drove it into the bar ditch.

I usually let my Platoon Sergeant, SFC Brannon, do the ass chewings, but this one just burned me up.
Once we got to Hood, I pulled him over out of sight and earshot of the rest of the platoon and jacked him up. I must have yelled for 5 minutes. I wanted to have the MPs pick him up, but the First Shirt talked me out of it. He got an article 15, that's the least I would let him get away with. The guy was a hazard.

Another time I had an APC driver who was stoned on hash while training at Fort Hood. He broke two of the TC's ribs and banged up his squad when he nose-ended the '113 in a culvert at 25mph. We had him out of there so fast it made his head spin, but not before I gave him a personal ass-chewing.

I served with a lot of outstanding soldiers and NCOs, but I'll never know where they found these ass clowns.

The Skipper (Navy Commander) and the CMC had their way with me for something I didn't do, or had no clue of what they were even yelling about. After 20 minutes of severe ass chewing, They called me by another Orddy's name
I asked the skipper If I could speak freely and asked him if he could read  the name on my name tag.
I never did find out what the hell is was all about.

The highest "ranked" ass chewing I received was from a LTC that I threatened to buttstroke with my rifle.  He was trying to violate the two man rule and kept insisting that I and my partner let him through.  Needless to say, a Full Bird Colonel overheard the exchange and went ballisitc on the LTC.

The best ass chewing was from the 18th MP Brigade CSM.  The best part is that the ass chewing wasn't for me. I was off shift hanging around and the Desk Sergeant informed me that the CSM had called because someone had parked in his parking spot.  The road units were busy and the desk asked if I would go over and boot the offending vehicle.  

I walked over, set the boot on the ground when the CSM saw me by the vehicle.  He came out of HQ, called me over and tore in.  After explaining, in length, his entitlement to the marked parking space, I managed to get in the fact that the vehicle wasn't mine and that I was making sure the guy didn't go anywhere.  The CSM actually apologized and said to make sure to inform him when the individual called the MP station to have the boot removed.

The next day while on patrol, I get a call to report to BDE to "make meet" with the CSM.  I roll up and the CSM has a freshly reamed, V Corps, SFC at parade rest.  Needless to say, the CSM made sure the SFC apologized to me for the reaming I received the day before.  By the looks of the Sergeant, his was far worse than mine.

FWIW, I hate the term "Full Bird". Because the other one, is not a colonel

Full Bird Colonel.
But he was my dad.

It was not me but while I was stationed in Korea we were participating in a joint operation live fire training exercise and had a newly appointed CPT making decisions were to send some of us grunts when a decorated 1SG told him that if he made that call that he could cause us and another company to get into a crossfire and actually fling allot of lead at each other.  The CPT went off on this 1SG and the entire time Warrior 7 was standing there with our Battalion Commander watching and listening to the going ons and he knew the 1SG was right so he called on the radio for a complete stand down and ceasefire.  

Now Warrior 7 was the Division Command Sergeant Major for 2nd Infantry Division so basically the second highest ranking person in Korea.  He walked over to this CPT and let into him.  Even though technically he did not outrank this CPT the CPT come to the quick realization that he did when the Battalion Commander locked him up so the CSM could finish.  

It embarrassed me and I was not even getting the ass chewing.

I'll be getting one in a couple of hours from a 1SG, apparently for something one of my subordinates did this week.  

Not sure what's going to happen, I'll post about it afterwards.