Try to stay close to him.  Just the fact that he was attracted to this bio-hazard honey, plus all the drinking and driving, means that he has extreme self destructive impulses. He may indeed be suicidal.  Most people would be after going through all that.  He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself, start thinking logically, but of course there is no way to force him.

Some of the most level headed guys I know turn into the most irrational wusses when dealing with woman.  Why is that?

Wemenz can be evil, no dispute, but if you play with a rattlesnake and get bit, what is the point of blaming the snake?  If your friend is blaming that crazy ho, then he is not learning the lessons that he should be.  It was His fault for being the enabler.  Sad but true.  Hot, needy crack ho's undoubtedly have their attractions, but there is a reason that sane people do not fall in love with them....

Ultimately, your friend needs to examine what self destructive impulses got him into this situation to begin with.    Good luck with it. Keep us posted.

If he has power of attorney to sell the home he should do it NOW.  It's easier to take shit from your mom than from a neighborhood bent on your destruction.  But I doubt he's able to make very good decisions otherwise he would have done this a long time ago.  

Most of his behavior would be described as self-destructive (save taking care of momma).  I'm only being slightly facetious in saying have him call Dr. Laura.  He's not listening to your advice so what's to lose.

AIDS isn't a death sentence but the fear and lousy conditions of life he's chosen are.

Sounds like some pretty good advice written here.  I wish you the best.  I would reccomend he do his time.  That way he won't have to spend the rest of his life worrying about getting picked up.  He may be able to get started on needed meds in jail, and that could go a long way toward helping him.  Theres still a chance he doesnt have it, but we wont know for a few days yet.  But HIV definatly isn't the immediate death sentance it once was.  It's expensive, but the drugs can extend his life for potentially decades yet.  But the sooner he knows for sure and can get on the drugs the better.  Either way, he would be well advised to take better care of him self - eat right, excercize, etc.  That way he can help his body along with it.  But I would think he should do his time now, because with potentially limited time left here, he wont want to have to worry every day about coming into contact with police for something little (tail light out or getting into a no fault accident or something) and having his warrant come up.

OMG that really is awful!  Do NOT use this woman as an example for my gender tho.  Yeesh!!

That's really sad. :(

It's similar to a story that a girlfriend of mine went through with the shoe on the other foot. The guy had aids, didn't bother to tell her. He was a real Prince Charming type, but after living with him for a year she began to suspect that he was using drugs as well as selling. (you know the drill) When she confronted him he beat the living crap out of her and took her wallet, credit cards, etc and cashed in all her stuff.

She died about four months ago and as far as I know they never found the guy.

AIDS is scary and a horrible way to die. She went into what's called Full Blown Aids about three weeks after she found out that he was positive. If your friend has aids, he may just be a carrier and if that's the case, he can still live 20-30 years. If he is presenting symptoms then you'll know. Symptoms include big red welts that will fester and bleed, usually on the face and arms. A dramatic weight loss. Inability to recover from common colds, sore throat, or "allergies". He'll get chills when it's warm and sweat when it's cold.  His skin will lose its color and there will be black circles under his eyes.

Those are just a few things that I saw with my friend.

And from what I read in the leaflets that she had ... it's very hard for a woman to transmit the virus to a man.

Some people can't look up until they hit rock bottom -- IMHO your friend is one such person.  I doubt there's any advice you can give him that he'll take.

However, I would advise the following:

1. Do the time.  Most likely it's 90days/do 45 (with a 2 for 1 credit).  Going on the lam will only add another felony charge to his record and increase the likelihood of his doing more time.

2. Move mama to a nursing home and get the hell out of the hell hole he's living in.

3.  Get rid of the broad and find someone else  more worth  of his devotion.  Aside from fighting to protect a loved one, there's no a woman (or man for you ladies) who's worth dying for. She's a street whore  and all the love, care and devotion in the world will not change that.

4. Get tested and assume nothing until the results are in.  Imagination can be worse that disease itself.

And fianlly TJ, you need to brace yourself.  If he's bent on self-destructing you aren't going to be able to stop.  Best you can do is give him what support you can, but realize you can't help him if he won't help himself.

It's a shitty deal, but you can only play the cards you're dealt.

Good luck!  

Maybe this guy should take out the trash.


After the first one, the rest are free.


If he's got Aids, they all are free.

Do a refinance on the house and run with the money, if he's got time.  (or a home equity)


If the neighborhood is that bad, he's not selling it.

Thanks for the update, TJ.

Good news about the neg-Aids test.

Sure hope things fall in line for your friend.  

Prayers sent.

Tagged for later. I've been married three times and I have alot to say on this matter.

For his own safety (and others) ask him to hand over his firearms until everythings back on track.

If he leaves them in the home they would be stolen before he got out of jail anyway from the sound of it.

I have the feeling if that test comes back positive he will do himself in.

<--- Doh wasted it.

Damn man, I've been waiting over a month to hear this. Thank GOD. I'm glad to hear this, BUT remember he needs to be tested every 6 months. Tell him that people he's never met, probably never will meet said a few prayers for him.

Quoted: Just wanted to update you guys.   My buddy has not tested positive for aids.  This has been the straw that's broken the camels back and momma has decided to go into a retirement community.  My buddy will pull his jail time, sell his house, and get the hell out of that gangbanger neighborhood.  Although hardships all the way around, I honestly feel this will be for the best. Tj

TJ...you really are a good duck, you know?  I am glad to hear that your friend is getting his act together (even if it means taking the hard way there).  

What part of Memphis is this?

Curious 'cause I live here.

Quoted: Well about three years ago, my friend meets this girl that is envolved with the gangs and falls for her head over heals.  She moves in with my buddy and life is not the best but good as he tries to get this girl off drugs and into a solid relationship.

We often doom ourselves early in the game. Here is where your friend fucked up.

You cannot fix a woman, you should not attempt it, nor should you believe that her flaws will disappear through the devotion of a relationship.

Your friend was a fool, and has paid for it, sadly.

Glad to hear he is tested negative (so far) and is getting out of the slum.

But I would be almost anything I own that if you keep in touch with this guy, you will see a simular pattern with wacky women in the future.

This guy is a crazy whore magnet (love and sex addict) and a drunk (alcoholic).

He will act out again.  

There will be more drama.

Please keep us updated.



Zen






"This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"  

Quoted: Just wanted to update you guys.   My buddy has not tested positive for aids.  This has been the straw that's broken the camels back and momma has decided to go into a retirement community.  My buddy will pull his jail time, sell his house, and get the hell out of that gangbanger neighborhood.  Although hardships all the way around, I honestly feel this will be for the best. Tj

Real question is, did the woman have it or not?

It's easy to catch AIDS from a guy;  last time I heard, odds were estimated at about 60/40 (slightly harder to catch than to not catch) each time, for unprotected either vag or rear.  It is not easy to catch AIDS from a woman, as long as you avoid the mess during her period.

Damned!  Thought I got bent over by a woman...

Quoted: Yes, the woman has HIV and is on AZT. Yes, my friend has a perpencity for lost cause women and I don't see this changing.  I guess some people are like abused puppies and expect to get kicked. Yes, my friend may have an alcohol problem but then I adopted him as a friend when he didn't.  If you don't understand this, you don't understand friendship.  If he does have an alcohol problem hopefully this will be a wakeup call for he wasn't always this way. Tj

St. Jude's hospital is in Memphis....if I understand correctly, St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. Any relation?

Just kidding....I'm not into the whole 'saints' thing......but I understand the propensity towards lost causes..........boy, do I ever......