Please hang with me for I am about to tell a tale that few will believe and I really don't know what to do.  I'm at wits end and find this a nightmare.  If you thought you had problems, this will convince you you do not.

I have a true friend that we have been in the shit together and risked life and limb for each other.  Working as an engineer in the oil patch in Houston Texas life was good for my friend.  Twenty years ago his father takes ill so he leaves his career, moves to Memphis, buys a house, and starts his own business so he can be close to mom in order to take care of her.  This is the type guy he is.  Over the years, I've watched this typical suburban neighborhood with your average 1,500 sq ft brick homes turn into a Ghetto with gangbangers walking the streets at night with their baloon pants, gold chains, and drive by shootings.  Much as I tried, I could not convince him to move and leave his mother.

Well about three years ago, my friend meets this girl that is envolved with the gangs and falls for her head over heals.  She moves in with my buddy and life is not the best but good as he tries to get this girl off drugs and into a solid relationship.  This goes on for about six months until the girl goes on a binge and dissapears for 3 days coming back literaly like she had been through hell.  Needless to say, after a rowl, she leaves him for good and goes to FL to live.  I get a call in the middle of the night and use my connections to assertain she has moved in with a guy with a party reputation.  My friend goes into depression, throws one hell of a drunk, wrecks his car, and gets a DUI that thousands of dollars later he gets off with probation but keeps his license.

The neighborhood gets worse, my friend is contantly being mugged, and robbed.  He buys dogs to protect his home and they are poisoned so they can rob his home.  I'm convinced he's not going to survive this neighborhood and tell him so often but dedicated to his mother he refuses to leave.  I mean his teeth have been knocked out by a ball bat as he was rolled coming out of a convienent store.  He's used his sidearm more times than I can mention to ward off would be muggers to the point the local LEOs all know him by his first name and they have recommended him to move.

Well last month there comes a knock on the door and the girl from FL is back.  She gives him a line many of you have heard before how she has changed, realized what a good thing she had, and wants to come back.  Being as he is, he takes her in and their relationship takes up where it left off.  My friend is happy and in love.  Then one day he comes home from work to find his love getting into a blacked out windowed car with a known crack pusher.  She tells him she is leaving him again and an argument follows which climaxes as she admits she has been confirmed to have AIDS and all he has to do is call the health department to confirm it.  He finds out not only does she have aids but has had since before they first lived together.  He's now convinced he's had aids for three years without knowing it.  

Depressed again my friend throws another drunk.  This guy is not an everyday drinker and can't handle his liquer for once again he ends up in an accident and up on charges for DUI. Not amused this time, the judge fines him $5,000 and gives him 90 days in jail.  His aids test results will come back next Thursday and he is schduled to start serving his sentance the following Thursday.

Last night around midnight I get the call and the whole story laid out before me.  My friend is seeking advice and I don't know what to tell him.  He's selling his house that has quite a bit of equaity in it, wants to give my wife his MGB, and my son his fathers KBAR he carried in the Pacific from WWII.  While his health is good, he wants to spend what time he has traveling the country, seeing friends, and saying goodbye.  He wants this even if he has to go on the lamb for even if 90 days become five years he sees it doesn't matter if he's too ill to do anything.

God I don't know what to tell him.  My natural feelings to say do the time is being pulled by my friendship for this guy and the medicading circumstances.  I can't tell you how many times I've shook my head when others who lived the life of a druggie has had something similar happen to them but now I find myself extremely confused as this is a guy who is consersvative, worked his entire life, is not a druggie, and finds himself in the circumstance because of where he lives and a love of a woman.

I don't know what to think or what to say.

Thanks for letting me share.

Tj

I spent much of the night telling him it was time to find God.  His mom is a retired school teacher and pretty much left alone by the gangs since she was either their teacher or parents teacher.  Old she is oblivious of what is happening around her and refuses to give up her home with a lifetime of memories.

It's obvious my friends love for this girl has turned to hate as she has pretty much killed him as sure as if she shot him in the head.  I fear how he will react but have advised him to listen to his lawyer which is a friend.

Tj

BTW, you are right Gunslinger and it's a fine line between supportive and crutch.

if he has "aids" he may well live SEVERAL more years if/when he becomes symptomatic. !st thing is get tested before making all these plans. If it is positive that still doesn't mean he will become ill and die.

Sit down with him and tell him to put these plans on hold for a few weeks. get tested and think things rationally. do some research and look into the average condition of those with the disease and their quality of life and lifespan after diagnosis. He isn't in a good frame of mind right now and only time and some good freinds can help that.

mike

Quoted: TJ First, it's very sad situation and my heart goes out to you and hope you can find the strength to help your friend.  He is gonna have to help himself too though man...take him to a counselor, find out if he has insurance and help him get there.  Right now the guy doesn't know the results yet but he's already giving out his possessions..  He needs help soon.  Get him some, and you might even save his life.

ASAP! this guy is a serious suicide candidate right now.

White knight syndrome.

Taking care of his mother is a good thing, letting her stay in a home that's comfortable to her while risking his and her lives isn't. A rational person would have taken momma out of the ghetto by force if need be.

The girl. When you hook up with a moral less girl don't really be surprised that she'll do anything to anyone. Including steal and expose you to AIDS. Did he test positive yet? There are plenty of women around here that have nice tits and a pretty face. Sounds like that's all it took as the really important part of a lover was over looked by your friend. I mean damn, could he have picked a more screwed up woman to latch onto then her? It's what I call the White Knight Syndrome where the person - normally a guy - latches onto some low life thinking that if he can change her and repair 21 years of screwed up life then the girl will love him forever for saving her. WRONG. Only happens in fairly tales.

Your friend needs professional help to see where his lifestyle is going to lead him.

Sorry.

Quoted: Well, TJ, I'm glad we're talking about someone else, and not you!! Your friend, is JUST as sick as the druggie!  Why else would he fall for her? He is also allowing the actions of others, (over which he has NO control), to have too much influence in his life. He has no boundries, and sounds like a "fixer"..... He, is a sick puppy............. He's gonna have trouble, until he address's his OWN issues...

we have been in the shit together and risked life and limb for each other

You of all people ought to be able to read between the lines where this happened and give you a tad more insight to where his head is at.

Doesn't mean you are wrong but you should understand.

Tj

BTW, Paul you are right on the money on the "White Knight Syndrome".  He's been this way since our service days, always willing to give his life for others.

Quoted: HEED YOUR OWN ADVICE IF THIS GUY GOES ON THE RUN  AND COMES TO STAY WITH YOU, YOU ARE AIDING AND ABETTING! Don't let your love for a friend carry you down with him. You would be doing the exact thing that he did with the girl. Ten foot pole bro. As much as it hurts, you know what's right.

No, I'm afraid my family always comes first.  This won't happen.

Tj

Quoted: Quoted: Your advice for doing the time is good.  With current-day AIDS drugs, people can stay well for 15+yrs.  It's no longer an immediate death sentence like it used to be. I agree with this.  First of all, there are many people than can have HIV for many years before it becomes a medical problem and develops into full-blown AIDS, and second (as C-4 points out) people can live a long time after developing AIDS these days.  Much long than in the past.  (as an example, my fianee's best friend was diagnosed with AIDS in the late 80s, and live over 12 years- and we don't know how long he had HIV before that). Plus, to go on the lam, with a warrant out of you - essentially living as a fugitive - may not be the most fun an relaxing way to "live out" your final years.  I think he should "take his medicine" (no pun or joke intended) and do the 90 days.  (He did after all drive drunk, and could easily have killed someone).  In addition, if the test does come back positive (God forbid) then the 90 days might be a good time for him to reflect and think about what to do.  In addition, may the jail will have access to some kind of health care, in which they can get him started on a variety of HIV drugs.  (I don't know how that works, but it might be worth looking into). In any event I don't think he should be making any decisions BEFORE he knows the results.  For all the knows, the chick didn't really have HIV at all, but was just saying it for some bizarre reason. I'm really sorry to hear about this - it's just a horrible situation any way you look at it     I've got my fingers crossed for the test.

Good advice DK and no he's not the type to avoid paying his dues forever.  He basically has to sell his house to pay lawyer fees and has already posted bail in full.  His feelings was spend some of the money while he can then turn himself in depending on how far along his HIV is.  Negative test or early stages, I have confident he will pull his time.  What has his head where it's at is he's had an upper respiratory for quite sometime now he can't shake and along with the HIV test he took a TB test.

Arowneragain,

I appreaciate your offer and know it is from the heart but wouldn't send anyone in that neighborhood.  The times I have been I have been armed to the teeth and only in daylight.

Tj

Quoted: TJ, I really do think he may be suicidal...giving away personal items is a classic sign of it and it seems like he feels he has nothing to lose, so ending his life may look good for him.  Unfortunately, I don't know that there is much more that you can do.  You have already been a strong shoulder for him, but you can't fix it for him.  I would think keeping in regular contact with him and reminding him of the good things in his life (if you can find some) would be best.  He is lucky to have someone like you.

Thanks Marian and yes this was my first thought and came right out and discussed it at length last night.

The personal property issues really stem from his having to sell his home, I hope anyway.  He knows how much my son loves knives and sees him as almost an uncle and my wife loves small sports cars.  We actually gave him an Opel GT once. He's keeping his dad's .45.  

Still your warning is noted and I am concerned.

Tj

Quoted: Either way. he still owes society for his crime of DUI.  Honor that first. The rest , well....I can't see how he wasn't involved in any drugs himself.... SGtar`5

Well Sgtar, I guess he doesn't figure he owes society shit since he doesn't expect anything from society in return.  The guy he had the accident with was his neighbor and the repairs for his car were paid in cash.

As for the drug comments, I suggest you pull your head out of your rectal orifice for he had already been down that path decades ago and first hand knows what it can do to one.  He is not a druggie!

As for me, I choose my friends wisely and would trust and have trusted this guy with my life. Nuff said.

Tj

Perfect example of Darwin's theory.

Women arent evil, ghetto ho's are.