A friend is turning into a woman, how to react? - Page 1

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - A friend is turning into a woman, how to react? (Page 1 of 3)

Posted: 1/23/2010 7:58:33 PM EDT

OMG, this is so strange. A very long time friend of mine who we will call "john" has been getting more and more weired over the last few years. He grew up hunting and drank beer and was a football fan. Then he began wearing long skirts that where kinda like kilts (OK whatever dude) then the big baggy sweaters, then both at once, then blue eyeshadow, then womans earrings and hair clips. this happened gradually over the course of about three years. All of us who know him where wondering what the hell was going on when it could no longer be ignored. So a few weeks ago he asks me if I am familiar with the term "transgender" and so it goes. In a few months he is getting his junk lopped off and I am to start calling him, we will say "Sarah". How the hell do I ask him/her to tell me about the black bear he shot once when he was younger, when he is now almost a she. On top of that he/she is married (to a woman) and has a son, and they plan on staying together. My brain is too simple for this complex social situation. BTW This is real, I know enough AR15 people personally to lie about anything.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:02:13 PM EDT

[#1]

Must............resist.................comments...............

Shit dude, I can't touch this one!

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:06:41 PM EDT

[#2]

Fuck.......this thread needs some fore-warning in the title, I had to hop to GD - BOTD to recover.

....damn, man!!

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:13:49 PM EDT

[#3]

You should ask is this what God would want him to do. Then tell him if god wanted him to be a woman he would have been born one and he should spend the next year with a christian counselor before he gets his junk cut off. After that I would tell him do that and I don't want you around my friends and family anymore. Seems you are going to have to find a new klan to hang with. Nuff said.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:22:53 PM EDT

[#4]

Blue eye shadow?

OMG

Are you comfortable with "he" becoming a "she"? If not, let him know early (before the junk is off)....Something like, "Sorry guy, this is just a bit uncomfortable and/or freaky for me....hope you don't mind, but we're gonna have to go separate ways. Wish the best for you..."

If you stay friends....don't talk ("debate") about his/her situation. Accept it 100%, or not at all.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:22:58 PM EDT

[#5]

I watched this behavior in two individuals over the course of time, as told by the OP.
One carried through with it; the other did not.
It was unsettling and puzzling, as described in the thread here.

I agree that a suggestion to go for a year of Christian counseling is a good idea.
I also agree that if John turns into Sarah, you've lost a friend...he's dead and I'm sorry about that.

Lastly, pray for your friend and his family.
WOW. Tough situation.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:29:53 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
You should ask is this what God would want him to do. Then tell him if god wanted him to be a woman he would have been born one and he should spend the next year with a christian counselor before he gets his junk cut off. After that I would tell him do that and I don't want you around my friends and family anymore. Seems you are going to have to find a new klan to hang with. Nuff said.

First off, I won't be telling him anything other than "wow your new tits look great" He is a Catholic and already familiar with his/her impression of God. I feel sorry for him, it is beyond my ability to understand this. He likes women, but wants to be one and expects his six year old son and wife to understand. I have never met a woman who would be OK with this until now, my wife is good friends with her (his wife) also. Funny thing is, here in Seattle where I live, I am considered weird because I like T&A and hunting, it's all about location I guess.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:36:06 PM EDT

[#7]

I'd hit her.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:39:19 PM EDT

[#8]

Just wanted to add something. His son, who we will call "Jack" is a really cool kid who is about to get hit with a fucking sledge hammer. I wish I could adopt him and take him duck hunting or something, he will be in therapy for the rest of his life and his new second mother will wonder "why" years from now. This should be the new definition for FUBAR.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:48:25 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Blue eye shadow?

OMG

Are you comfortable with "he" becoming a "she"? If not, let him know early (before the junk is off)....Something like, "Sorry guy, this is just a bit uncomfortable and/or freaky for me....hope you don't mind, but we're gonna have to go separate ways. Wish the best for you..."

If you stay friends....don't talk ("debate") about his/her situation. Accept it 100%, or not at all.

I am gonna get shit for this but here goes. I won't debate it, I won't judge it (at least not in front of him, I am only human after all) I will still give him/her a call once in a while and ask how life is going. He really was a cool guy. I am not comfortable with it but I can never look away from a train wreck either. And like I said his son is the biggest concern. I grew up with Marines and U.S. Forest Service guys, he will grow up with..................... I don't know how to finish that sentence:(

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:49:02 PM EDT

[#10]

I retract my previous post...

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:53:51 PM EDT

[#11]

I think I broke my brain reading this one

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:55:12 PM EDT

[#12]

Holy cow, that's worse than being a fag.

I don't think I'd be able to be business as usual with someone that unstable.

Sorry you lost a friend.

I hope you can be cool with it one way or the other.

Posted: 1/23/2010 8:55:58 PM EDT

[#13]

I will never understand how the wife and kids can deal with this. Similiar situtation but nto with a close friend. Didn't see him for a couple years and saw him her last year. He was a kind of goofy guy adn not an attractive woman. I don't have anything to say to him and likely never will. You seem to have the same concern I do... the kids.

Good luck in the future with that one. No easy answers there.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:01:30 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
I will never understand how the wife and kids can deal with this. Similiar situtation but nto with a close friend. Didn't see him for a couple years and saw him her last year. He was a kind of goofy guy adn not an attractive woman. I don't have anything to say to him and likely never will. You seem to have the same concern I do... the kids.

Good luck in the future with that one. No easy answers there.

This is so new that it is very much undetermined about the wife and son, the wife may move on but the boy is in a world of hurt no matter what. I was kinda OK with this shit storm before, but the more I think about it this is seriously fucked up, I will keep the ARFcom train wreck watchers posted in the months to come.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:13:27 PM EDT

[#15]

I don't have any experience with anything like this, but it is a slightly intriguing topic.

No advice from me on how to handle your friendship with him. No envy either.

I suppose if there was a way to talk him out of it, (if not for himself, for his child and wife), it would have already occurred to those who care about him.

His decision is extremely selfish and possibly delusional IMO. Desperation for attention maybe?

Good luck to you and his family. Not sure I give a shit about him though. My opinion is that only a piece of shit would let everyone around him down. But maybe he really does just need some help...?

Dunno. Again, no envy.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:19:06 PM EDT

[#16]

Poor kid.

Keep an eye on the news headlines in the future for his name. Hope he doesn't get too screwed up by this.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:42:30 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
You should ask is this what God would want him to do. Then tell him if god wanted him to be a woman he would have been born one and he should spend the next year with a christian counselor before he gets his junk cut off. After that I would tell him do that and I don't want you around my friends and family anymore. Seems you are going to have to find a new klan to hang with. Nuff said.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:55:02 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
I don't have any experience with anything like this, but it is a slightly intriguing topic.

No advice from me on how to handle your friendship with him. No envy either.

I suppose if there was a way to talk him out of it, (if not for himself, for his child and wife), it would have already occurred to those who care about him.

His decision is extremely selfish and possibly delusional IMO. Desperation for attention maybe?

Good luck to you and his family. Not sure I give a shit about him though. My opinion is that only a piece of shit would let everyone around him down. But maybe he really does just need some help...?

Dunno. Again, no envy.

Your my hero Odt, now you would be god like if you checked out the pit next week?????????????????????

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:58:21 PM EDT

[#19]

look at the bright side, in a few months he'll have one less thing for you to worry about if you have to bend over in front of him

He has some pretty severe mental issues if his mind is in a state where it thinks it is or was meant to be a woman.

Posted: 1/23/2010 9:58:52 PM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:

Your my hero Odt, now you would be god like if you checked out the pit next week?????????????????????

I can do that. Please remind me if I don't post about it by Wed.

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:04:49 AM EDT

[#21]

Meh.

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:05:38 AM EDT

[#22]

I didn't read the thread, but given the title and my alcohol intake...

SIHPAPP

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:09:30 AM EDT

[#23]

I say you get a porno at the exit 77 shop, a bottle of Makers, a motel room at ODT's place, invite PCR over and have 1Nutgummer provide the running commentary while you discuss his/her/its life changes.

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:10:15 AM EDT

[#24]

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:31:37 AM EDT

[#25]

Okay let's break it down for your "little brain".

Your friend "John" is going to have the naughty bits surgically modified so they look like a woman's. "John" will also be taking hormones to help get hips, tits, and zits. I would ask him if he wants to be called "Sarah" now or after the surgery.

Or you can be a former friend.

Be honest with "Sarah" and tell her this shit is freaking you out a little, and you apologize for your behaviour which you can grantee will barely be PC at any point. Then tell her to get you a sandwich and a beer.

And you have had several years to figure out the blatantly fucking obvious. So go with it. Doesn't matter what the outsides look like. And that black bear he shot? He was probably wearing panties. Nice little pink ones with a small little bow in the front and the word "SAUCY" splashed across the ass.

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:44:50 AM EDT

[#26]

Just admit it...

You want to know if she is going to put out?

Posted: 1/24/2010 12:48:02 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
Just admit it...

You want to know if she is going to put out?

Posted: 1/24/2010 2:17:01 AM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:

Shit dude, I can't touch this one!

You would.

See sigline for details.

Posted: 1/24/2010 2:38:25 AM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Shit dude, I can't touch this one!

You would.

See sigline for details.

HA! Ya got me there dude.........I'm outed.

But..........damn.....................the wife's gonna stay with him her...................think about it...................that could be HAWT! I think..............maybe...........now I'm confused.......................wait............no..............uh..............damn...................

Posted: 1/24/2010 2:39:38 AM EDT

[#30]

Quoted:

I say you get a porno at the exit 77 shop, a bottle of Makers, a motel room at ODT's place, invite PCR over and have 1Nutgummer provide the running commentary while you discuss his/her/its life changes.

But that right there makes this thread much easier ta masturbate to.................I think...............wait...............I'm still confused............................

I'm................gonna...............go..........take a shower......................................

Posted: 1/24/2010 5:49:12 AM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:

Just wanted to add something. His son, who we will call "Jack" is a really cool kid who is about to get hit with a fucking sledge hammer. I wish I could adopt him and take him duck hunting or something, he will be in therapy for the rest of his life and his new second mother will wonder "why" years from now. This should be the new definition for FUBAR.

The why is should be obvious I think.

I dont think if I live to be a hundred years old I will ever understand the west coast moonbat types. I feel like a damn alien from another solar syste, sometimes.

Posted: 1/24/2010 6:32:11 AM EDT

[#32]

Yeah, from a guys perspective, if he/she turns out to become FILF

then that's your prerogative.

Personally that kind of gives me the heebie jeebie

But beyond that a friend is still a friend.

Posted: 1/24/2010 7:37:18 AM EDT

[#33]

<comment removed due to an insight from Jasonfinn....> I had a friend in high school that when from John to Jane. It was a little weird at first, and it was tough being his/her friend (think small town in the south), but he/she was always a good friend, someone I could depend on no matter what. I don't just abandon someone just because they make a life choice.

As for OP. It's hard to give you advice here. Everyone has different standards. If it were me, and I had grown up with said friend, I wouldn't drop them just because they change their physical appearance. It's still the same kid that shot that black bear, still the same guy you've had a bunch of beers with, and still the same guy you see and or talk to fairly often now. Be honest with him and let him know that you're a little freaked out by this, but you'll try to get past that. Lighten the mood by making feminist jokes....ask if her feet are going to be surgically shortened so that she can stand closer to the sink...tell her she has to give up her watch since there is a clock on the stove, and then tell her you're hungry and to go make you a sammich.

Posted: 1/24/2010 7:38:19 AM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
I say you get a porno at the exit 77 shop, a bottle of Makers, a motel room at ODT's place, invite PCR over and have 1Nutgummer provide the running commentary while you discuss his/her/its life changes.

Quoted:

KA3B I think you left out GMW ......

Posted: 1/24/2010 7:54:32 AM EDT

[#35]

Tim and Sally were resting after making hot passionate love.
While Sally was waiting for Tim to catch his breath she was softly playing with his wily. In fact, she never stopped foundling it.
Tim didn't mind this at all and was actually intrigued by this activity. He finally asked Sally why she liked to play with his willy so much.
Sally answered... I miss mine.

Posted: 1/24/2010 8:00:00 AM EDT

[#36]

Good luck John

Posted: 1/24/2010 8:01:54 AM EDT

[#37]

Will he make a hot she?

Posted: 1/24/2010 8:31:36 AM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

I didn't realize so many of you guys were so closed minded.

That statement begs to ask the obvious. Are some so close minded they cant accept change, or are some so open minded their brains have fallen out?

The OP already stated the obvious, this will fuck the son up in the worst way. Please tell me how any rational adult can legitimize supporting deviant behavior that causes irreparable harm to an innocent child?

If supporting any harm to an innocent child to support some grown ups selfish mental malfunctions is close minded, Im fucking guilty. Twice.
ETA: I just ran this past my sometimes moonbat Wife, "And if he didnt have any kids?". Me with NO hesitation-"If he doesnt have any kids I dont give a fuck what he does."

Posted: 1/24/2010 8:39:07 AM EDT

[#39]

"And if he didnt have any kids?". Me with NO hesitation-"If he doesnt have any kids I dont give a fuck what he does."

This sums up the whole thread.
It's still up to the OP whether or not he remains friends, though.

Posted: 1/24/2010 8:45:43 AM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:

tell her to get you a sandwich and a beer.

I gotta go with this here.

Posted: 1/24/2010 9:07:36 AM EDT

[#41]

That is a tough one. It makes you really worry for the kid...

Whether or not that is a friendship killer is up for the OP. We get to pick and choose our friends and in turn choose to shut someone off when their cycle of life choices is beyond repair. There sometimes comes a time when you have to say "Due to your current lifestyle, I can no longer be close to you. However, if you need me, you know where to find me."

At the very least, someone needs to man up and have a role in the son's life. Whether that is a family member or a family friend, the focus should now be on saving the son.

Quoted:
I didn't realize so many of you guys were so closed minded.

These statements always bug me. People have values and have the freedom to make value judgments as part of a free thinking society. Questions of "closed mindedness" really are circular arguments as the follow up question always becomes why is the "open minded" person so closed minded to the views of the person they say is closed minded. Just a thought.

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:00:47 AM EDT

[#42]

Before and after pics?

Aloha, Mark

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:11:19 AM EDT

[#43]

I started my current job 7 years ago. The place I work likes to buy equipment from at least 2 vendors to play them off each other. We have to work with our competitor since our machines feed each other.

One of the competitors FSE's ( Field Service Engineer) is/was a short little guy 4'5" 110 lbs. He had the little guy syndrome bad, always an asshole always a tough guy. Kinda funny coming from him.
I would always walk away from him when around the customer as he was always on the edge of saying something to get in trouble. He is retired from 20 years in the Air Force, was married and had kids, and collected ejection seats as a hobby. He had 6 or 7 of them.

I moved into a different position about 5 years a ago and he went to another site. I went in for pass down one morning and he was back, we chatted for a minute and that was that. I had heard from my techs that the competitor had to take a mandatory Diversity class. Never thought anything about it as I have to give the same training every year to everybody.

A couple days later I learned that the reason for the class was because Tom had addaclittome surgery and now goes by Thomasina. "It" was the last person I would have thought that would have done this.

I have no advice as I have no friends that have done this, I'm just sharing a story. To say I was shocked would be an understatement and it makes me very uncomfortable.

Which bathroom do they use.

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:17:35 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:

Which bathroom do they use.

The same one your daughter would use...

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:20:37 AM EDT

[#45]

I would request that you ask your friend to make their new name "Amanda".

The when it enters a room you can say "Oh look, it's "A Man DUH"

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:26:37 AM EDT

[#46]

There are some seriously insensitive and hypocritical people in here.

Do you think it's easy for this guy to be confused as fuck as to how he feels? Do you think it's normal for a guy to want to become a woman or vice versa? Do you think it's been easy for him to try and talk to people about it or discuss with loved ones?

Hell no. Why? Because of the exact kind of comments people in this thread have made.

And to everyone who immediately says "part company" or "worse than being a fag"... right, because you've never done anything that wasn't socially acceptable. But then again, you're too high and mighty to give a shit, but you'll happily be the first to throw stones at someone who does something you disagree with.

It amazes me how short-sighted and judgmental people can be at times.

***edit***

To the OP: If you really aren't comfortable with it, then do what you feel is best. You are indeed in control of your interpersonal relationships.

My frustration is aimed to those who claim to be lovers of freedom and individual choice, but would deny others personal freedom and choice because their opinion differs from their own.

Posted: 1/24/2010 10:38:26 AM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:

There are some seriously insensitive and hypocritical people in here.

Do you think it's easy for this guy to be confused as fuck as to how he feels? Do you think it's normal for a guy to want to become a woman or vice versa? Do you think it's been easy for him to try and talk to people about it or discuss with loved ones?

Hell no. Why? Because of the exact kind of comments people in this thread have made.

And to everyone who immediately says "part company" or "worse than being a fag"... right, because you've never done anything that wasn't socially acceptable. But then again, you're too high and mighty to give a shit, but you'll happily be the first to throw stones at someone who does something you disagree with.

It amazes me how short-sighted and judgmental people can be at times.

***edit***

To the OP: If you really aren't comfortable with it, then do what you feel is best. You are indeed in control of your interpersonal relationships.

My frustration is aimed to those who claim to be lovers of freedom and individual choice, but would deny others personal freedom and choice because their opinion differs from their own.

Nobodys being insensitive. Anyone is free to have a sex change.

But remember....If he can take a dick, he can take a joke.