A man was watering his lawn one day when he saw two hearses followed by a man, his dog and a single file line of about 200 men. He thought this was very strange so he asked the guy (with the dog) what was going on.

"That's my wife in the first hearse, my dog bit her and she died,"the man answered.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that," the guy watering his lawn said. "What about the second hearse?"

"Well that's my mother-in-law, my dog also bit her and she died."

The guy watering his lawn thought for a minute and said, "Can I borrow your dog?"

The man with the dog responded, "Back of the line!"

Funny!

This guy goes into a bar looking real depressed, and orders a
drink.  As soon as it hits the bar, the man shoots it down and
orders another.  The sympathetic bartender asks, "Any thing you
want to talk about?"
 The depressed man replies "Well for the last couple months, I
suspected my wife was cheeting on me.  So today, I took the day
off work to follow her.  When I came home for lunch, I caught her
screwing my best friend."
 "Wow" replied the bartender, "If you don't mind me asking, what
do you say to your best friend in that situation?"
The man replied, "Well I looked him right in the eye, and I
yelled, BAD DOG!!!"

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Woman walks into a bar with a dog under her arm
barman - Where'd you get the pig?
woman  - That's not a pig, it's a dog!
barman - I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the dog.