What's the stupidest way a co-worker ever got themselves unemployed?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - What's the stupidest way a co-worker ever got themselves unemployed? (Page 1 of 19)

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:36:03 PM EDT

I once worked with a guy that decided to sell a company trailer for scrap and keep the money.

We had an ancient roll off trailer that we hardly used that was parked at an off-site drop yard. No one really wanted to use it anyway since it was a piece of shit. It was similar to this one hooked to my old truck back in the day:

Well, this genius decided that since we didn't use it much no one would miss it, so he just hooked it up to his company truck one Saturday and took it to a scrap metal place and sold it for a few bucks.

His plan might have worked for a while except the scrap metal company thought they might be able to use the trailer themselves to haul their own scrap containers. They called my company and said, "Hey, you guys sold us that trailer for scrap but we thought we might be able to get some use out of it. You wouldn't happen to have the paperwork for it so we can register it, would you?"

After some basic investigative work (Mr. Dumbass had used his own name and license to sell the trailer), they called Mr. Dumbass in for a chat.

He said, "We'll, I really don't want to talk about it. I quit."

What have you got, ARFCOM?

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:40:30 PM EDT

[#1]

Fucking an inmate
Stealing from the coffee money jar

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:42:05 PM EDT

[#2]

Had a coworker who was canned for various reasons, but the icing on the cake was she was always chatting online with her internet husband from Pakistan.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:42:45 PM EDT

[#3]

Pissing out side the employee entrance in FULL VIEW of cars and other employees.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:42:46 PM EDT

[#4]

Had a boss on april fools day send out resignation emails.
His superior got on a plane to meet with him.
The guy said "april fools" it was just a bad joke.
They fired him

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:43:09 PM EDT

[#5]

Had a guy that would forge his supervisor's signature on a blank time sheet and add OT. He would then swap out the real time sheet. He got away with this for almost a year.

One day he missed his chance and payroll ended up with two.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:44:13 PM EDT

[#6]

In college I worked at a Starbucks for awhile. One of the girls who worked there in the mornings bar tended at night. She served our underage starbucks co-workers one evening and one of them got a DUI on his way home.

She lost the bar tender job, but actually got to keep the Starbucks one. I think enough people kept their mouth shut that Starbucks management never found out who served the kid who got the DUI.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:45:23 PM EDT

[#7]

Earlier this year, had our branch sales manager escorted out the door-seems he was conducting his realtor activities on company time, and in several cases, during times he was supposedly making sales calls for us according to his activity logs.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:45:41 PM EDT

[#8]

weed.

Its pretty dumb

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:46:10 PM EDT

[#9]

Warehouse manager used the company forklift and company straps to load a company-owned 350 gallon fuel tank onto the back of a company truck. Took the tank to the same gas station where the entire company filled up their fleet vehicles, and filled the tank up to the brim with unleaded, paying with the company gas card. He then proceeded to pull over to the back of the gas station parking lot where he sold the gas for half price to any and all comers, five gallons at a time.

Different company, a guy had several of his friends all line their cars up at a single pump, then used the company gas card to fill them all up, one at a time.

Stupid people...

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:47:02 PM EDT

[#10]

Had a guy invest his 401 k cash in his pension and invest it all in a penny stock. He left the company on bad terms with everyone and within months the penny stock crashed.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:47:08 PM EDT

[#11]

Most illegal, was reimbursing their own insurance claims that weren't even real. Also they were submitting fake expenses to get re funded with pre-tax dollars and refunding them selves.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:47:27 PM EDT

[#12]

Not me, but a buddy's company fired an entire sales team after their in house competition got a little carried away.

They set up a pool to send the tops sales guy to a Las Vegas weekend with a hooker. The winner sent a pic back of him and hooker wearing the company's logo on custom shirts they made up.

One of the runner's up bitched to management.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:47:43 PM EDT

[#13]

DBA-type told one of the head traders/operating officers "It doesn't work like that, you're on crack!" in a meeting, when someone said they wanted to make some changes to the database for whatever reason.

As it turned out, yes, it did actually work like that.

Yeah, he wasn't there the next day

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:47:57 PM EDT

[#14]

Sending dick pics to one of his female underlings.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:48:26 PM EDT

[#15]

Program Manager needed a higher level clearance for job.

He did the paperwork.

Cocaine use came to light.

Stripped of all clearances and fired.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:49:44 PM EDT

[#16]

Guy came in on Monday morning limping. Told everyone that he twisted his ankle playing football over the weekend.

Someone jokingly told him, in front of everyone, including his boss, that he should have kept his mouth shut and just gone out to the parking lot and claimed he twisted it there and then be able to claim workman's comp.

Not one hour later, he did exactly that, and was fired later that day.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:50:02 PM EDT

[#17]

Former housemate

Lost job one because of his habit of hitting snooze on his alarm every 5 minutes... For hours. Ended up with enough late to work write-ups they canned him

He lost his second job (at a resturant) after a druggie friend of his came storming into the place shouting 'where is [house mate's name]?'. The wacked out idiot broke a door and fled. Housemate wasn't even working that night.

Shortly after second incident I kicked him out for various reasons. Shame really, he was one of my closest friends before he let his life go to shit.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:50:19 PM EDT

[#18]

Had a coworker get 2 DUI's. Second one was felonious in a work truck.

Had another guy wreck while drunk with a nuke device in his truck. Accelerator produced nuclear sources and unconscious drivers freak the ever loving hell out of local PD's.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:50:32 PM EDT

[#19]

32 people fire for mis-charging time on a naval contract. Blanking ot, reusing steel scrap and keeping the good pieces for home projects, making stainless grills out of 3/8 stainless plate and selling targets made out of ar500. Bunch of other items stolen and time mis-charged but that's what I remember, none were jailed FYI.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:50:40 PM EDT

[#20]

Lately it's been retards getting caught sleeping by the foreman.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:50:41 PM EDT

[#21]

I had a female co-worker busted fucking a female security guard in the restroom. Her boyfriend was a local cop. She must have had a thing for uniforms.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:51:15 PM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
weed.

Its pretty dumb

View Quote

Coworker dropped a small bag of weed while getting his keys out to lock up one night. Didn't notice he dropped it. Was sitting smack dab in the middle of the floor just past the front door when the boss opened up in the morning.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:51:42 PM EDT

[#23]

Career:
Stealing meds
Swearing at staff
Damaging equipment
Threatening staff
Quitting and abusing our return to work policy multiple times

Part time:
Drug abuse
Alcohol abuse
Flirting with under age girls
Stealing from the till

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:51:48 PM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:
weed.

Its pretty dumb

View Quote

At the auto parts store -

We had a coworker who went into the customer bathroom (literally 8 feet from the counter, in plain view of the entire store) and tried to take a few hits from his pipe. There was no ventilation so it all wafted out into the store. Canned. He could have taken two minutes to walk out to his car and fire up and nobody would have noticed.

In a professional office environment -

Had a coworker constantly hammered. He had bottles of MtDew in the freezer that never froze. They were about 50/50 Dew and vodka. He had the slowest, most deliberate shuffle you could imagine...because he was fucking hammered all day.

Also had a guy sitting at his desk mixing himself a drink, spilled the 750 of Bacardi all over his computer. He bolted away from his desk, out the door, and we never saw him again.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:52:38 PM EDT

[#25]

Fat lady who worked for me died on the shitter during the workday.

I was ready to fire her because she was awol for a couple hours

but she died

now she's with Elvis in the great porcelain throne room in the sky

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:53:04 PM EDT

[#26]

Back in the 80's me and my girlfriend got fired for having sex in the walk in fridge at McDonalds.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:53:18 PM EDT

[#27]

We had a guy that would come in from time to time drunk from the night before. It caught up to him when he was selected for a random drug/alcohol test and pissed hot. They gave him the option of attending counseling but he decided to quit, said he didn't want to quit drinking

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:53:39 PM EDT

[#28]

Quote History

Quoted:
I had a female co-worker busted fucking a female security guard in the restroom. Her boyfriend was a local cop. She must have had a thing for uniforms.

View Quote

Would it even be worth it asking for pics?

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:54:08 PM EDT

[#29]

Had a TV Assignments Editor charge four new tires for his GF on a company credit card.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:54:45 PM EDT

[#30]

He spoke his mind. He thought his bosses wanted his opinion. they didn't.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:54:50 PM EDT

[#31]

Finding a passed out drunk coed, on his front porch, and bringing her inside to keep her "safe".

And yes, this was a LEO.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:55:47 PM EDT

[#32]

16 year Old lot kid at the Car dealership was taking a brand new Durango home at night, and held up chuck-cheese with a BB gun while driving it and got ID'ed because of the dealer plate on it.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:56:11 PM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:
We had a guy that would come in from time to time drunk from the night before. It caught up to him when he was selected for a random drug/alcohol test and pissed hot. They gave him the option of attending counseling but he decided to quit, said he didn't want to quit drinking

View Quote

you worked with my stepdad?

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:56:31 PM EDT

[#34]

Pill head with a weakness for skanks. He passed out in the bathroom one morning. Buh bye.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:57:50 PM EDT

[#35]

An old armor battalion of mine had a scout platoon that had quite a few members selling drugs. As is the circle of life, they started getting popped by CID and the Article 15s and discharges other than honorable started coming out. Lots of scouts dealing, only one of them went to Leavenworth and the rest all got quietly shuffled out. A PFC in the scout platoon decided he'd turn himself in and try and get one of the "other than honorable" discharges because he was tired of Army life and wanted to go home.

Walks into the BCs office and declares himself a drug dealer and says he wants to confess.

Now, mind you, he wasn't being investigated and didn't seem to be part of the "inner circle", so the BC said "Great. Let's get you packed up and out quickly. I'll talk to your chain of command, in the meantime, you go with these MPs".

Now, because he'd gone to the BC, and the BC was already feeling a little uncharitable toward his 19Ds, he got jammed up with the max they could do on a field-grade. 60 days of restriction, bust to E1, 45 days extra duty and half pay for two months. So this dude was doing every shit extra detail for 45 days while he was told his outprocessing paperwork was being pushed through. Just as he got off his 60 days, he was told his paperwork was lost and they'd have to start it over. Then they hit him with a company grade for being late to a formation. 14 & 14, extra duty and restriction and loss of 7 days pay. Then they lost his outprocessing paperwork again, so he got to go back to work as an E1. After that they hit him with summary Article 15s for little shit for another couple of months, all while continually "losing" his discharge paperwork and starting it over.

Finally they kicked him out with a bad conduct discharge.

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:58:01 PM EDT

[#36]

Quote History

Quoted:

Fucking an inmate

View Quote

This. After almost 11 years, I've seen multiple officers fired for screwing inmates. Mostly female officers screwing male inmates. I've also seen officers smuggle in contraband, like tobacco, pills, etc..

Posted: 8/17/2016 12:58:07 PM EDT

[#37]

Quote History

Quoted:

Would it even be worth it asking for pics?

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I had a female co-worker busted fucking a female security guard in the restroom. Her boyfriend was a local cop. She must have had a thing for uniforms.

Would it even be worth it asking for pics?

She was as round as Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:00:10 PM EDT

[#38]

A coworker got caught on hidden camera choking his chicken in the elevator maint room.
Camera was installed because someone wasn't cleaning up their spooge and house keeping slipped in it
DTFR PDQ

another guy was smoking weed while mopping the mens locker room, the guards were getting ready for a shift change at the time. DTFR PDQ

yet another guy barfed outside the guardhouse in the protected area. More vodka than barf. He just turned around and went out the egress, never came back.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:00:39 PM EDT

[#39]

Manager ordering IT equipment, Computer, laptops, server etc... shipping said equipment to family in Vietnam using company FedEx account.
Running a business on company time
not showing up to work because of being in jail
Femal manager was having sex with multiple other managers
the list goes on

EDT: I had a roommate lose a cushy job on a private Yacht (120 Palmer Johnson) He was banging chicks in the owners suite when they came aboard.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:00:55 PM EDT

[#40]

Quote History

Quoted:
In college I worked at a Starbucks for awhile. One of the girls who worked there in the mornings bar tended at night. She served our underage starbucks co-workers one evening and one of them got a DUI on his way home.

She lost the bar tender job, but actually got to keep the Starbucks one. I think enough people kept their mouth shut that Starbucks management never found out who served the kid who got the DUI.

View Quote

When I worked at Starbucks one of the baristas applied/auditioned/whatever to be in Playboy's "Women of Starbucks" issue. Management found out she was trying to do it and threatened to fire her if she wound up having a picture in the magazine. She didn't (major league butter face), but wound up quitting a little while later anyway for some other dumb reason.

ETA: Apparently that was a video?

ETA2: I'm not sure. It was whatever this was about: http://edition.cnn.com/2003/US/West/02/28/offbeat.playboy.starbucks.reut/

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:01:50 PM EDT

[#41]

SJW got into a political argument with a buddy of mine during a lunch meeting in the conference room and threw a sandwich at him.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:02:21 PM EDT

[#42]

Doc and Nurse were caught fucking in the on call room.

Too stupid to lock the fucking door.

She was a nasty skank by the way too.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:04:33 PM EDT

[#43]

Doing a burnout in a company truck while his boss and the owner was standing right there watching.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:05:03 PM EDT

[#44]

I got nothing really good. In my line of work you really have to fuck up to get fired, like do something illegal or just fail to do your job. I did see a coworker get fired for failure to do their job.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:05:52 PM EDT

[#45]

Pissing hot was the most common. Aside from that:

One guy couldn't control his bowel movements, shit himself on the reg, everyone refused to work with him. I don't know exactly what happened but I went on a deployment, came back, and he was gone. I didn't miss him enough to ask.

One woman claimed PTSD from a helicopter accident (legit, even people who didn't like her confirmed she was on a UH-60 that crashed and only her and a few other people lived; most of the people on the bird died) but she said she required a "therapy dog". The "therapy dog" shit in the corner of a room during a meeting with an important customer. After that, management looked into the "therapy dog" and saw that no medical professional had recommended a therapy dog and the therapy dog she had was just a rescue she bought a collar for. Fired.

One guy refused to go TDY unless it was to Hawaii or Florida. He even refused Long Beach, CA. A new manager saw that all he did at work was lobby for an non-profit, do online work for a graduate degree that wasn't required by the employer, and write letters to Sen. McCain to get his end of tour award upgraded to a Bronze Star. Gone.

One guy was just never there. He said he was gong to meetings with other companies or customers but never was. He left his jacket on the back of his chair to make people think he was in the office. That didn't last long. Gone.

One guy was fired after he tried to fraudulently get reimbursed for the porn he rented on a hotel PPV.

One guy decided to run for mayor and was doing election/campaign stuff on the company's dime. Gone.

One girl would watch movies on her shift. After being warned about not doing this she continued to do it. A customer saw her and complained to the manager. Gone.

One guy would purposefully create poor records into the database we were supposed to be maintaining so he could go back in an "fix" them. Gone.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:06:16 PM EDT

[#46]

Murder.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:06:50 PM EDT

[#47]

I have a twofer. Someone was making 900 number calls from the office areas at a factory during off shifts. Not just one or two calls but hours worth of calls a week costing thousands of dollars. They set up surveillance cameras in several cubicles to catch the person in the act. Instead of catching the perv the caught a third shift maintenance guy taking his nightly mid-shift 3 hour nap. They did eventually catch the 900 number bandit but they both got canned.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:07:31 PM EDT

[#48]

riding with our CEO one day and he gets a call from the police
they caught a guy siphoning gas out of a company truck out in front of the building

guy siphoning the gas was a employee siphoning gas out of his own work truck
the guy had a gas card and a company card and even could have filed his personal expenses
hell his hourly pay was more than the gas he stole

we suspected drugs, no other logical explanation for that one

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:07:34 PM EDT

[#49]

Outside the standard booze and drugs BS, once knew a guy who routinely slept on the job. I'm not talking about dozing off in the chair but using a roll out mat, blanket and pillow. ive seen more than a few people get fired for viewing porn on company networks/computers.

Posted: 8/17/2016 1:09:27 PM EDT

[#50]

Quote History

Quoted:
Fat lady who worked for me died on the shitter during the workday.

I was ready to fire her because she was awol for a couple hours

but she died

now she's with Elvis in the great porcelain throne room in the sky

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile

View Quote

Did you pay her for the whole day?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - What's the stupidest way a co-worker ever got themselves unemployed? (Page 1 of 19)

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