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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:46:26 AM EDT
[#1]
Expect drama and lots of it.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:49:53 AM EDT
[#2]
The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:50:23 AM EDT
[#3]
Quoted:
Expect drama and lots of it. Generally speaking, yes...but not always the case. That being said, I wouldn't touch a single mom less than a year out of a divorce. Do you have kids? |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:51:10 AM EDT
[#4]
If she is a stripper, eject.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:51:34 AM EDT
[#5]
Like the man said DRAMA hand over fist worth.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:51:35 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Expect drama and lots of it. This and if there is a crazy ex run like hell |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:54:17 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Expect drama and lots of it. I would never date a single mother, but I lived with a roommate that dated a single mother, and this. Lots of baggage, drama with a baby daddy, drama with the baby daddy family, and more. Single mother is a sign of poor decision making, so there's that. Case I'm speaking of involved a bastard child. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:54:24 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run. Kid definitely comes first and it doesn't bother me. It's very refreshing, actually. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:54:29 AM EDT
[#9]
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:57:09 AM EDT
[#10]
Bang. Rinse. Run.
In that order |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:57:32 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Generally speaking, yes...but not always the case. That being said, I wouldn't touch a single mom less than a year out of a divorce. Do you have kids? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Expect drama and lots of it. Generally speaking, yes...but not always the case. That being said, I wouldn't touch a single mom less than a year out of a divorce. Do you have kids? She's four years divorced, I believe. Three or four. Dad is out of the picture completely and wants nothing to do with the kid. I do not have kids and don't really have much experience with them. I've been told they I'm great with kids, though. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:59:00 AM EDT
[#12]
Her child will never respect you and will walk all over you and treat you like shit
She will always take his side and will never discipline him properly because she feels guilty for splitting with his father Single mothers are more trouble than they're worth |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 5:59:09 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If she is a stripper, eject. Very much not. Has a bachelors degree and is actually using it. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:01:29 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This and if there is a crazy ex run like hell Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Expect drama and lots of it. This and if there is a crazy ex run like hell Been there. Her ex was a sociopath. Had the passwords to every account she had and would monitor everything she did, constantly...even after they broke up. Took a lot of bullshit to get him to realize they weren't together anymore and he had no right to do what he had been doing in the first place. He actually had a friend of his, who was a manager at an AT&T store, block my phone number but put the charge on his account so she wouldn't see it. She had to go to a store the next county over to figure out what was going on. His manager friend was fired the next day 
In retrospect, the writing was on the wall from the beginning but I love me some pie and she was crazy in bed. Of course, her ex continued to inject drama whenever possible because they had a kid together. I ejected after a few months because I got sick of it. It seemed like all we would talk about sometimes was her ex and what he was doing to fuck with her at the moment. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:02:02 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Her child will never respect you and will walk all over you and treat you like shit She will always take his side and will never discipline him properly because she feels guilty for splitting with his father Single mothers are more trouble than they're worth I can see the first part. Unsure on the second. When my mom started dating again it never really bothered me. I was about 13 at the time instead of 4, though. I have seen the kid walking over thing a ton. As for her taking the kids side, that's not something I considered. She has mentioned that it's nice that nobody argues with her parenting. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:03:29 AM EDT
[#16]
Been married 16 years now, you will always come second, no matter what
There will always be the deep rooted "you are not my dad" when it comes to decisions that are way right of your thinking, My son was 5 when I met him, we get along great considering college ruined him....it at least tainted him, we shall see Good luck op |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:03:33 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Her child will never respect you and will walk all over you and treat you like shit She will always take his side and will never discipline him properly because she feels guilty for splitting with his father Single mothers are more trouble than they're worth This is why I never seriously dated girls/women from divorced parents. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:04:59 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Been there. Her ex was a sociopath. Had the passwords to every account she had and would monitor everything she did, constantly...even after they broke up. Took a lot of bullshit to get him to realize they weren't together anymore and he had no right to do what he had been doing in the first place. He actually had a friend of his, who was a manager at an AT&T store, block my phone number but put the charge on his account so she wouldn't see it. She had to go to a store the next county over to figure out what was going on. His manager friend was fired the next day In retrospect, the writing was on the wall from the beginning but I love me some pie and she was crazy in bed. Of course, her ex continued to inject drama whenever possible because they had a kid together. I ejected after a few months because I got sick of it. It seemed like all we would talk about sometimes was her ex and what he was doing to fuck with her at the moment. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Expect drama and lots of it. This and if there is a crazy ex run like hell Been there. Her ex was a sociopath. Had the passwords to every account she had and would monitor everything she did, constantly...even after they broke up. Took a lot of bullshit to get him to realize they weren't together anymore and he had no right to do what he had been doing in the first place. He actually had a friend of his, who was a manager at an AT&T store, block my phone number but put the charge on his account so she wouldn't see it. She had to go to a store the next county over to figure out what was going on. His manager friend was fired the next day In retrospect, the writing was on the wall from the beginning but I love me some pie and she was crazy in bed. Of course, her ex continued to inject drama whenever possible because they had a kid together. I ejected after a few months because I got sick of it. It seemed like all we would talk about sometimes was her ex and what he was doing to fuck with her at the moment. If the ex was out of the picture completely do you think things would have been different? The only time she's mentioned her ex is when I asked her about what she felt about being a single parent (was topical to the conversation). I assumed there was some contact still but the dude peaced out. Doesn't even call or talk to the kid. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:06:20 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Been married 16 years now, you will always come second, no matter what There will always be the deep rooted "you are not my dad" when it comes to decisions that are way right of your thinking, My son was 5 when I met him, we get along great considering college ruined him....it at least tainted him, we shall see Good luck op Can I pop you a message to ask some questions? |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:09:31 AM EDT
[#20]
Sure
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:12:03 AM EDT
[#21]
Back when I used to date single moms the biggest issue was getting a babysitter, and realizing that someone else's kid would always be coming before me to include any decision making. They will always know what's best and have the final word. I've never been in a situation with a "bad dad" or with any kind of extra drama.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:13:44 AM EDT
[#22]
1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents
2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead. 
Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:17:12 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If the ex was out of the picture completely do you think things would have been different? The only time she's mentioned her ex is when I asked her about what she felt about being a single parent (was topical to the conversation). I assumed there was some contact still but the dude peaced out. Doesn't even call or talk to the kid. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Expect drama and lots of it. This and if there is a crazy ex run like hell Been there. Her ex was a sociopath. Had the passwords to every account she had and would monitor everything she did, constantly...even after they broke up. Took a lot of bullshit to get him to realize they weren't together anymore and he had no right to do what he had been doing in the first place. He actually had a friend of his, who was a manager at an AT&T store, block my phone number but put the charge on his account so she wouldn't see it. She had to go to a store the next county over to figure out what was going on. His manager friend was fired the next day
In retrospect, the writing was on the wall from the beginning but I love me some pie and she was crazy in bed. Of course, her ex continued to inject drama whenever possible because they had a kid together. I ejected after a few months because I got sick of it. It seemed like all we would talk about sometimes was her ex and what he was doing to fuck with her at the moment. If the ex was out of the picture completely do you think things would have been different? The only time she's mentioned her ex is when I asked her about what she felt about being a single parent (was topical to the conversation). I assumed there was some contact still but the dude peaced out. Doesn't even call or talk to the kid. Absolutely would have been different. We disagreed a lot on her approach with handling him (the ex, not the kid). She was willing to do whatever just to get him to leave her alone for a day or two. I don't put up with shit from anybody and I hated hearing the way he had treated and continued to treat her. I think she was just happy to be mostly rid of him, i.e. not living with him anymore, and was willing to deal with some bullshit from him, way too much in my opinion. But, like I said, she was really messed up in the head from the whole experience and talked about it a lot. I didn't mind hearing stories of the things he used to do and helping her deal with that trauma. However, when it came to 'He said this fucked up thing or did this fucked up thing to me TODAY', I wasn't dealing with that shit. She always just wanted to talk about it and I felt like I was constantly talking her off the ledge. It wore me out. Her and I still talk occasionally. Nothing too involved, just small talk mostly. Unfortunately, her kid is only 4 or 5 so she's gonna have to deal with the ex for a lot longer. I was never around her kid too much. I think she was afraid he might talk about me around her ex which would just make things worse, if that was even possible. If the ex isn't in the picture, it should be a lot easier...hopefully. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:18:05 AM EDT
[#24]
see posts 1 and 2... let them sink in...
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:18:49 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Kid definitely comes first and it doesn't bother me. It's very refreshing, actually. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run. Kid definitely comes first and it doesn't bother me. It's very refreshing, actually. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:20:30 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents 2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead.
Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. All of this. 5-6 times? Glutton for punishment, eh? |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:31:48 AM EDT
[#27]
Quoted:
So, for those who know, I'm very much against the idea of dating single mothers. To me, it typically shows damaged goods. And, while it could be the case here, so far it looks like a case of a bad dad. She's got a career, she has an education, isn't really looking for a dad for the kid (possibly more of a father figure), and we really seem to hit it off. Similar values, senses of humor, hobbies that intertwine, etc. So, my question is geared more towards those who have dated women with kid(s). What was it like? What should I expect to be different from dating people without kids? How did the kid change things? In the off chance there are any single moms here, what are you expecting? Thanks in advance guys. That is one of the more ignorant things I've heard around here. Please explain how that happens because someone was in a relationship and now isn't? I'd say no, stay away. You aren't mature enough/man enough to be anywhere near someone with the responsibility of taking care of a kid. It's weird enough you had to ask another adult something like this. Then there was the other winner who said expect to always be #2. Well no shit? That's how it should be even if you ARE the father and married to the mother. Wow, just wow. lol It's amazing, some of the shit that actually gets said around here. This whole thread, as short as it is, is effing hilarious. lmao |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:37:11 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents 2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead.
Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. Holy shit you know what you're talking about. I'm reading the whole thing going yep, yep, oh fuck yes, yep. Luckily I only made that mistake twice. Sure there's exceptions to the rule, but the rule is a rule for a damn good reason. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:37:37 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run. This,entirely. My take on this is that you have an excellent means of judging the woman by evaluating her product. The child is the product of the mother; if the kid is a POS, the mother will be, also. If the kid is well-mannered, thoughtful, intelligent-- those are signs of good upbringing. You mention that the father is a bad influence. I have little advice for you there. My story: I met a lady at church, a few years younger than me (I recently turned 60). She has a 14-year-old boy who is a terrific young man! Oh, he goes through the usual teenaged crap, but having been there, I work hard to help him (and her) understand it.In fact, that's a large part of my influence on him. When we discussed marriage, I agreed that his upbringing is the most important part of the marriage, and I told her I'd support her in any way I could. His up bringing is largely her job. I have been a "buffer" between them, I've given her helpful advice on handling him, and given him some advice on handling her. She says that I have made a terrific difference in his life just by being there. He was getting very rebellious when we met;both before and after we married, I roared at him a couple of times, and occasionally growl at him to keep him in line. She's told me that he's very glad to have me in his life, and that is one of the most gratifying things I have ever heard. The child will ALWAYS come first, no matter if it's yours or hers alone. Get used to that, and get used to the fact that your relationship will be very different from what it'd be if there was no child. I'm fortunate that his father is out of the picture; he's mentally damaged due to brain injury and is incarcerated where he'll never get out. At the end of the day, if you insist on viewing her as "damaged goods," you are doing all 3 of you a major disservice. You have the opportunity to gauge the woman for achievement that a non-mother has not yet displayed. You can see how she'll be in a family relationship; Arfcom has plenty of examples of women who change for the worse when a child is born. Good luck! |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:37:56 AM EDT
[#30]
No one here has ever seen me post an unkind word about any man with whom I was in an agreed upon monogamous relationship, nor will they ever. That's all I have to say on the topic of intimate relationships with single parents, other than, in my experience, the juice has been worth the squeeze. The pathologically fucked up, misogynowhining bitchmales who populate Guys' Drama LBAW threads Others may feel differently as is their right.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:40:29 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That is one of the more ignorant things I've heard around here. Please explain how that happens because someone was in a relationship and now isn't? I'd say no, stay away. You aren't mature enough/man enough to be anywhere near someone with the responsibility of taking care of a kid. It's weird enough you had to ask another adult something like this. Then there was the other winner who said expect to always be #2. Well no shit? That's how it should be even if you ARE the father and married to the mother. Wow, just wow. lol Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: So, for those who know, I'm very much against the idea of dating single mothers. To me, it typically shows damaged goods. And, while it could be the case here, so far it looks like a case of a bad dad. She's got a career, she has an education, isn't really looking for a dad for the kid (possibly more of a father figure), and we really seem to hit it off. Similar values, senses of humor, hobbies that intertwine, etc. So, my question is geared more towards those who have dated women with kid(s). What was it like? What should I expect to be different from dating people without kids? How did the kid change things? In the off chance there are any single moms here, what are you expecting? Thanks in advance guys. That is one of the more ignorant things I've heard around here. Please explain how that happens because someone was in a relationship and now isn't? I'd say no, stay away. You aren't mature enough/man enough to be anywhere near someone with the responsibility of taking care of a kid. It's weird enough you had to ask another adult something like this. Then there was the other winner who said expect to always be #2. Well no shit? That's how it should be even if you ARE the father and married to the mother. Wow, just wow. lol No offense dude, but you sound dumb. Adults draw on their experiences to draw conclusions. I know plenty of single moms who are absolute fucking wrecks and it is way above and beyond the norm. Adults also do research and ask for opinions from others to draw information about experiences they have yet to experience so they have some knowledge base to draw from. But no, dude, you may be right. It's very responsible and mature to just jump in to a relationship with a woman who has a kid without looking at all of the possibilities. Because, you know, that's really mature. Weirdo. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:43:51 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No one here has ever seen me post an unkind word about any man with whom I was in an agreed upon monogamous relationship, nor will they ever. That's all I have to say on the topic of intimate relationships with single parents, other than, in my experience, the juice has been worth the squeeze. The pathologically fucked up, misogynowhining bitchmales who populate Guys' Drama LBAW threads Others may feel differently as is their right. If you have something to say, just say it. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:46:06 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Expect drama and lots of it. even if the dad is out of the picture there still will be plenty of drama. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:47:08 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Then there was the other winner who said expect to always be #2. Well no shit? That's how it should be even if you ARE the father and married to the mother. Wow, just wow. lol Actually no, that's not how it should be. Partner should always come first, cause everything trickles down. Unhappy parents don't make for very happy kids. I believe someone much smarter than me on this site, maybe it was Swingset said your partner should always come first. I might have the wrong person. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:48:19 AM EDT
[#35]
OP, one question: Were they married? The answer to this makes a huge difference in how the child custody thing works.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:49:02 AM EDT
[#36]
How old are you OP? How old are the women your dating?
I'm 38 and dating, the odds of finding a woman without a kid or an ex are pretty slim!! |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:51:32 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No one here has ever seen me post an unkind word about any man with whom I was in an agreed upon monogamous relationship, nor will they ever. That's all I have to say on the topic of intimate relationships with single parents, other than, in my experience, the juice has been worth the squeeze. The pathologically fucked up, misogynowhining bitchmales who populate Guys' Drama LBAW threads Others may feel differently as is their right. Well, what's interesting to me about this lady is how she's very much different than the norm in my dating range. It's nice to not have someone who is clingy as shit after a first date. It's also nice to talk to someone who has their priorities straight (kid, herself, etc). It's very much not the norm, even for single mom's, thus my interest and curiosity. I expected many of the results that are in this thread because that is the type of thing I've been seeing and actively avoiding. Also, morning Jane. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:52:20 AM EDT
[#38]
There is lots more that can go wrong.
Maybe she's terrific and it's all on the dad - well, he's in your life as well now. Maybe she is the classic damaged goods. The kids can be a problem as well - if they're problem kids and you aren't treated as an equal parent then that's bad news. Equally, if they're good kids that can be problem as well. I stuck with my ex far longer than I should have and leaving hurt much more than it should have because I loved the kids. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:52:44 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: +1 even if the dad is out of the picture there still will be plenty of drama. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Expect drama and lots of it. even if the dad is out of the picture there still will be plenty of drama. Let's be real here. When is there not plenty of drama anyway? |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:53:49 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Actually no, that's not how it should be. Partner should always come first, cause everything trickles down. Unhappy parents don't make for very happy kids. I believe someone much smarter than me on this site, maybe it was Swingset said your partner should always come first. I might have the wrong person. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Then there was the other winner who said expect to always be #2. Well no shit? That's how it should be even if you ARE the father and married to the mother. Wow, just wow. lol Actually no, that's not how it should be. Partner should always come first, cause everything trickles down. Unhappy parents don't make for very happy kids. I believe someone much smarter than me on this site, maybe it was Swingset said your partner should always come first. I might have the wrong person. Correct , I never put my kids ahead of my wife, when I was married. The parents are the head(s) of the family, the kids are additions. The dynamic of introducing a non parent partner into the mix is tough but not impossible . Lots of communication is the key. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:57:43 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How old are you OP? How old are the women your dating? I'm 38 and dating, the odds of finding a woman without a kid or an ex are pretty slim!! I'm 28 and she's 29. Even at my age, with where I'm at, it's hard to find somebody who doesn't have a kid. It's sort of the culture here, sadly. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 6:59:47 AM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: OP, one question: Were they married? The answer to this makes a huge difference in how the child custody thing works. I'm 99% sure that they were. I didn't ask but she has had a last name change. That, plus the kid makes me think yes. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:00:23 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I'm 28 and she's 29. Even at my age, with where I'm at, it's hard to find somebody who doesn't have a kid. It's sort of the culture here, sadly. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
How old are you OP? How old are the women your dating? I'm 38 and dating, the odds of finding a woman without a kid or an ex are pretty slim!! I'm 28 and she's 29. Even at my age, with where I'm at, it's hard to find somebody who doesn't have a kid. It's sort of the culture here, sadly. lol I had a thread about "You know you're a New Mexican when..." One entry said "...when you think it's weird that your date has no children." |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:00:49 AM EDT
[#44]
That's mostly gonna be the case.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:01:58 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: There is lots more that can go wrong. Maybe she's terrific and it's all on the dad - well, he's in your life as well now. Maybe she is the classic damaged goods. The kids can be a problem as well - if they're problem kids and you aren't treated as an equal parent then that's bad news. Equally, if they're good kids that can be problem as well. I stuck with my ex far longer than I should have and leaving hurt much more than it should have because I loved the kids. Thank you for the insight. Luckily the dad is out of the picture so that's not an issue. I had not considered the end of a relationship if I got along with the kid. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:03:58 AM EDT
[#46]
Thanks for all of the comments guys. I'm going to sit on these and think on it some. Much appreciated.
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:04:46 AM EDT
[#47]
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I'm 99% sure that they were. I didn't ask but she has had a last name change. That, plus the kid makes me think yes. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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OP, one question: Were they married? The answer to this makes a huge difference in how the child custody thing works. I'm 99% sure that they were. I didn't ask but she has had a last name change. That, plus the kid makes me think yes. Okay then, you have plenty of time to figure it out. I've seen many train wrecks involving child custody. Does she receive any child support from him? One thing I cannot stress enough for ANYone who dates someone they marry: If you do propose, make it very plain to her that your engagement is a sort of "trial period." Your status will have changed from that of "single,dating" to "single, gonna be married," and it's not too early to call it off. Your engagement period is an opportunity to grow closer without tying the knot. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:05:29 AM EDT
[#48]
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All of this. 5-6 times? Glutton for punishment, eh? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents 2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead.
Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. All of this. 5-6 times? Glutton for punishment, eh? 
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:16:33 AM EDT
[#49]
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Well, what's interesting to me about this lady is how she's very much different than the norm in my dating range. It's nice to not have someone who is clingy as shit after a first date. It's also nice to talk to someone who has their priorities straight (kid, herself, etc). It's very much not the norm, even for single mom's, thus my interest and curiosity. I expected many of the results that are in this thread because that is the type of thing I've been seeing and actively avoiding. Also, morning Jane. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No one here has ever seen me post an unkind word about any man with whom I was in an agreed upon monogamous relationship, nor will they ever. That's all I have to say on the topic of intimate relationships with single parents, other than, in my experience, the juice has been worth the squeeze. The pathologically fucked up, misogynowhining bitchmales who populate Guys' Drama LBAW threads Others may feel differently as is their right. Well, what's interesting to me about this lady is how she's very much different than the norm in my dating range. It's nice to not have someone who is clingy as shit after a first date. It's also nice to talk to someone who has their priorities straight (kid, herself, etc). It's very much not the norm, even for single mom's, thus my interest and curiosity. I expected many of the results that are in this thread because that is the type of thing I've been seeing and actively avoiding. Also, morning Jane. My observations have led me to believe that dysfunctional people attract, and are attracted to, other dysfunctional people. Good morning, Credge. |
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Posted: 11/29/2015 7:17:11 AM EDT
[#50]
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If you have something to say, just say it. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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No one here has ever seen me post an unkind word about any man with whom I was in an agreed upon monogamous relationship, nor will they ever. That's all I have to say on the topic of intimate relationships with single parents, other than, in my experience, the juice has been worth the squeeze. The pathologically fucked up, misogynowhining bitchmales who populate Guys' Drama LBAW threads Others may feel differently as is their right. If you have something to say, just say it. I just did. |
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