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Darth Vader dressed better than anyone else.

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I'm sorry, they're called The Resistance and The First Order...

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My Stormtrooper armor kit will be here this winter...

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Say what you will about the Empire, but it never sat on its ass while one of its planets was being invaded by what were basically galactic teamsters...

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Mandalorians for the motherfucking win!!



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Mandalorians for the motherfucking win!!

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Nonsense, the Empire is pure evil.   The others had their flaws but they were not evil.

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The Rebel Alliance was and are the actual Bag Guys in the Star Wars series.

What? How can I say that?






First let's discuss the Jedi Order.


The Jedi Order was and is a religious theocratic quasi armed force. They stole property, siphoned government funds (tax payer money), randomly killed citizens, started wars, interjected themselves into private business disputed and acted as official government agents when they weren't appointed or elected into power. They supported the removal of a legally elected government leader due to his religious beliefs (Palpatine was Sith). They are against the Sith so much that in their past the Jedi Order waged a war and literally exterminated the Sith. The Sith were originally Jedi that didn't agree with the Order due to the restrictions placed on having families and relationships.

Supported a war against Planetary Systems wishing to leave a corrupt government. The Confederacy of Independent Systems left the Republic due to the assassination of a Senator that wanted to submit a financial reform bill lowering taxes and business regulation. Yup... the CIS in the clone wars were the good guys. They kidnapped children and forced them into a brainwashing academy that warped their entire mindset and did not allow them to see their families. They then spoon fed these kids that the best thing that can happen to them is to "Die and Become One with the Force". That's like the Taliban telling kids, "Hey, if you die you get 72 virgins!"

The Order kept their own armed forces and used them without the discretion of the People. They acted outside the law and faced no legal repercussion for their actions.

The Jedi Order is the ISIS of the Star Wars Universe.






And now the Galactic Republic


A Government so bloated and corrupt that it was all levels of fucked up. They hated Free Trade Capitalism to the point that they got Jedi to get involved between a trade dispute and forced their political policies on a Trade Organization that had a legal contract with the Planet of Naboo. They used the Jedi as Stasi and had them run around the galaxy fucking with people. They claimed they were for Freedom and Liberty yet they supported slavery. Anakin was a slave himself and the Jedi only freed him and no the whole fucking planet? Why? because he was talented in the Force. Then to top it all off, the Republic clones millions of living beings and make them fight a war. Last I checked... that looks like slavery to me.
   

They are so corrupt that and dirty that they hide entire Star Systems from public Databases and don't know what their own members of Government (and Jedi) are doing, including the part about building a clone army. The only ones armed are Government Agents and the Jedi. Their policies are socialistic in practice and the Republic was nothing more than the USSR in a failing state of disrepair.

They fought a war against Systems that simply wanted to leave the Republic for Economic and Political Reasons. They didn't start the conflict. The Republic did. The CIS was like the American South, except they didn't fire the first shot at Fort Sumter. With the Republic, they fired the first shot and that was during Naboo with the fucking Jedi.






But what about Palpatine and the Sith you might ask?


Palpatine was a duly elected leader of the Republic and was vested with authority and power bu tthe bloated fucked up system that it is. The Jedi wanted to overthrow him simply because he wasn't one of "them". He was a Sith, he belonged to a religious order that believed in bettering the one's self and allowed members to experience emotion such as love, anger, etc... it even allowed families. The Jedi started the whole coup simply because Palpatine was against the nutty shit that was the Jedi Order.






And now we get to the Galactic Empire


The Empire was for the most part a pretty good government. It believed in free enterprise, self governance and devolution for political subdivisions, the right to private property, the right to keep and bear arms, and pretty much stayed out of the way for the general populace.


Examples you ask? Han Solo.... he owned and openly carried a blaster and had a heavily armed ship. He only got in trouble with the law for two reasons. He was a smuggler and he supported terrorists. Smuggling a highly addictive drug called Spice, which was mined in the tunnels of Kessel and sold by Hutt Crime Rings. The Empire was against that simply because hey, you have an organized crime ring slinging dope that was harvested by using slave labor. Yeah, I'd hope my government had an issue with that.


But let's look at Lando. Here you have a man that worked his way into economic prosperity due to free market capitalism. He ran and owned Cloud City. One of the largest Tibanna gas plants in the galaxy. He had an armed security force that didn't answer to the Empire, everyone was armed, and he made a jack load of cash. If the Empire was sooooo mean then how the fuck did that happen? Oh, but the Empire took over? Yeah, no shit. He was harboring fugitive terrorists.


You had private ownership of space crafts, entire systems could run their own affairs, and the Empire even still have a Senate running.


But Alderaan was blown up!


Yeah, it was a hot bed of terrorists. The Royal Family sided with and supported terrorists. The majority of the population were like liberal Californians. Hell, Alderaan stocked piled all their weapons and sent them off world to support the terrorists. But strange.... before the Royal Family got the planet all mixed up, the Empire didn't give a rat's ass on how they ran things. Same with Tatooine, Corellia, etc...


But the Empire supported slavery and was pro towards humanist first policies!


No, sorry folks but that's not the case. The Empire favored the end of Galactic Affirmative Action. Humans were one of the largest numbered species in the galaxy. Simple as that. When Humans make over 70% of the known population of the galaxy.... tough shit. The Chiss rose to great prominence within the Empire. They kicked ass and took names.


But Wookies were enslaved!


Yeah, no shit! Wookies aren't intelligent enough. While the Chiss were forming their Empire, the Mandalorians were fucking being Mandos, the Wookies were living in trees picking lice out of each others' fur like chimps in the zoo.


The Imperial Armed Forces even ended the use of clones. The enlisted and officer corps were all volunteers. Luke even said it himself. Some of his friends went off to join the Empire to be pilots. They had training academies all over the galaxy.
   






TL;DR


Empire
-Uses a volunteer army
-Hires well vetted Private Military Contractors
-Takes a hard stand against radical fundamentalist terrorism and piracy
-Conducts peacekeeping operations throughout the universe that respect sovereignty but don't tolerate tribal warfare

Rebellion(and Jedi Council)
-Uses child soldiers
-Hard line religious fundamentalists
-Buys Soviet made military equipment and hides out in third world worlds
-Makes deals with criminals
-Tries to reinstall a space caliphate with their monarch in exile.












As a fellow Arfcomer can put it....


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Empire are the good guys.

And here's why...

The Republic was propped up and based around a cult that stole kids from their parents to bring them up in their hokey religion. The kids were all taught in basically madrasahs until they were brainwashed into thinking that their way was the only way. Then once these Jedi were graduated they went out to "fix problems." What sort of problems? Oh little things like trade disputes. Yeah see the Trade Federation was making a profit, can't have that so the Republic sends Jedi out there to sort them out. Seriously, they were like Taliban Communists. Oh hey rich guy getting rich, lightsaber to the face. Yeah that's fair.

So this secret religious police runs around "doing good." Like what sort of doing good? Oh ignoring slavery except in the case of one annoying kid that can't act because he's special. Yeah you supposedly run the galaxy, and are the good guys, but you ignore an entire planet's worth of slavery except for this one little shithead. Really noble of you dudes. Not only that, but they roll heavy like they're the Feds. But guess what, they're Feds that can read minds and make you do stuff you normally wouldn't do by using Jedi Mind Tricks. What happened to due process motherfuckers?

If that isn't bad enough they realize that their crack commando Jedi religious kook order isn't big enough or bad enough to fight this war that they sort of put themselves into, so what do they do? Draft the eleventy billion people on Coruscant alone that seem to do nothing more than hang out drinking glowy blue drinks and acting all space-hipster-y? Oh hell no, they go and hire some black ops outfit to clone them an army. Yeah nothing morally odd about that one is there? Clone. Slave. Army. Way to keep it Light Side...

Now yeah, this is all ancient (and poorly acted and plotted) history so let's get a little more modern here and talk about the Rebellion against the Empire. First off they lose points from the get go by trying to bring back the Republic. The Republic failed because it was half space Taliban and half Free Shit Army that not only got to vote but got put in the Senate. Senator Jar Jar? Yeah that's something I'd fight to bring back.

The Jedi got miffy when anyone but a Jedi or one of their sympathizers was armed. At the Cantina the bartender said "No blasters, no blasters" when the Hajji Kenobi gave the chop to Walrus Man but that was when it was fighting time and his business, his rules. Did the Stormtroopers tell Han hey no blasters when they checked his table out? Nope. Why? The Empire respects the 2nd Amendment rights of its citizens is why.

Speaking of that in Empire Strikes Back when Han was lost and the Empire was having trouble finding them what did they do? Called in bounty hunters. This just shows that in the Empire there are all sorts of cool job opportunities that are not only permitted, but encouraged. I mean Dengar and Bosk had to have been thinking *ca-ching!* when they got the call to show up to the Executor. The Empire subcontracts. Why? Because they ain't commies like the Rebels/Republic.

Also on the job opportunities front we have Han himself, a smuggler. Yes in the Empire you could make a good living smuggling. If he was around under the Republic the Puritanical Jedi would have had his head on a stick. They hate free trade remember? They're Commies. Lando was able to become a self made man going from...whatever the fuck the only black guy in the galaxy at the time does...to gambler, to running the largest Tibanna Gas Mine in the galaxy. That's upward mobility there Jack! What sort of jobs did they have under the Republic? Brainwashed religious zealot, Queen for a Year, slave, slave soldier, FSA and service industry. Yeah the win goes to the Empire by a long shot.

"But the Empire blows planets up!" some people will say. Why yes, yes they do. They blow up dumb planets. Planets that are full of unwashed hippies that throw their lot in with a Rebellion, including having their royal family be all insurgent-y, and still don't have any weapons. Here's a note for the smart planets of the galaxy: if you're going to become state sponsors of terrorism...fucking arm yourselves first. Alderaan was too stupid of a planet to be allowed to exist after that idiotic decision. I guess they felt that being unarmed would be some sort of stellar point in their favor. Guess what? Feelings are for hippie liberals. Now all you hippie liberals are space dust. Good riddance I say.

Granted the Emperor may as well have been named Creepy McCreeperson, he was not a nice guy, but sometimes you need a not-so-nice-guy to get shit done. Who did the Rebels have for a leader? A chick with a couple donuts on her head, that granted looked good in a metal space bikini...or so we thought for 2 movies. Oh but no, there's an actual real leader of the Rebel Alliance, Mon Mothma as we find out in Return of the Jedi. Wait, Mon Mothma? Where there fuck does Lucas go to come up with these names? But anyhow yeah Leia isn't in charge (but we'll get to her in a minute) but instead it's this "I speak like someone just rufied me" Sharron Osborne looking chick with a bad haircut. Her entire plan? Do exactly what the Empire expects them to do because it's a trap! Yeah good leadership skills, now shut up and go make Ozzy a muffin Mon. And you better hope there aren't any Sicilians with the Imperial fleet or else your admiral is gonna get fried and eaten for Thanksgiving. Mon Calamari indeed.

And so we come to Leia. Yeah she's perky, she's pixielike, she shoots at Stormtroopers and has some snappy one liners. All that is good, and yet moot and here's why: Endor. It all comes down to Endor. Lucas said that Endor was an allegory for the US in Vietnam. Okay the "evil" Empire is filling in for the "evil" US that makes the Ewoks the VC...and Leia goes and gets them on her side. And lets them braid her hair. Yeah Leia is Endor Jane. Fuck her.

So as anyone can see the Rebellion are not the good guys. They want to steal your kids and put them in Madrasahs. They want to have dudes that can read your damn mind looking over your shoulder. They want to enable the FSA to steal more of your hard earned taxes. They are terrorists, ne'er do wells and have piss poor strategical thinking skills. Oh and they're Communists who also support slavery, which means they're so stupid they don't even understand communism properly. It's like Maxine Waters was put in charge of the Rebel Alliance Charter Committee or something. Yes their belief system really is that fucked up.

Everyone says the Empire is evil, well the only time we ever see the Empire doing much of anything is when they're fighting the Rebels and there I see less of an evil thing and more of a smart rules of engagement thing going on. The Empire also has snappy uniforms and the best national anthem that any spacegoing polity ever could have hoped for. They allow their subdivisions to run themselves, they're anti-slavery, pro-gun and pro-capitalism. They fight communists, hippies and whiney entitled feeling brats.

To sum up, the Empire is not only not evil, but they are a galactic force for good, while the Rebellion is more like a trainwreck of bad ideas, conflicting ideologies and piss poor execution. By all logical metrics the Empire is the better of the two.

         

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GD...where small government advocates promote a tyrannical space empire.



I'm just a simple moisture farmer.

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GD...where small government advocates promote a tyrannical space empire.

I'm just a simple moisture farmer.

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GD...where small government advocates promote a tyrannical space empire.

I'm just a simple moisture farmer.

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Rebel scum here.