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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:29:38 PM EDT
I expected you to read my mind. 
Oh my god, I pooped a baby.  
Share yours. 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:30:51 PM EDT
[#1]
Mama's Rights
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:31:03 PM EDT
[#2]
Not tonight, I'm tired.
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:33:11 PM EDT
[#3]
"Do you need me to add more Dr. Pepper to the crock pot?"
"Your not listening to me when I feed my fish!" "Do we need cat food? The car needs gas so we should get cat food" Yes, it really is as outlandish as it sounds. Yes, there are times she really is checked out of whatever reality the rest of us are living in. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:41:14 PM EDT
[#4]
It's all good
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:41:35 PM EDT
[#5]
"what heppens on deployement stays on deployement"
"unless something comes home, then people die!" |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:42:21 PM EDT
[#6]
"I just love it when you chase the chickens around the yard with a leaf blower and an ATV."
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:44:13 PM EDT
[#7]
I try not to remember.
Two of us having perfect memories would be stressful. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:46:14 PM EDT
[#8]
What did I say? huh
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:48:42 PM EDT
[#9]
I've mentioned it before.
I knew I had a keeper when she looked me in the eye and said ... "If you're man enough to get it up, I am woman enough to get it back down!" 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:50:07 PM EDT
[#10]
my wife says things daily that cause me, my son and both Labradors to pause what we are doing and look at each other as if to say " what did she just say?"
then the Labradors just walk off and go lay down in the corner. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:55:50 PM EDT
[#11]
She does not have the words "yes or no" in her vocabulary. Her standard answers are: "I guess", "I suppose", "huh", "what" or "I could care less". Yes, I know that she means she couldn't care less, but for some reason she always cares.
When we are out and I ask her where she wants to stop and eat, she never knows. 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 12:57:17 PM EDT
[#12]
" Not tonight, maybe tomorrow"
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:02:32 PM EDT
[#13]
I have no fucking clue what she says
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:04:44 PM EDT
[#14]
"Hillary? Lol women shouldnt be leaders"
Her words not mine. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:17:26 PM EDT
[#15]
" repeat what I just said "
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:21:58 PM EDT
[#16]
Why dont u listen to me!
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:22:05 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"I just love it when you chase the chickens around the yard with a leaf blower and an ATV." We will need video of this, pretty sure i'll love it too. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:24:20 PM EDT
[#18]
If I let you do anal will you shut the hell up.
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:25:10 PM EDT
[#19]
Don't be an asshole
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:26:08 PM EDT
[#20]
why don't you sell some of your guns?
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:26:36 PM EDT
[#21]
Bye
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:28:15 PM EDT
[#22]
"not tonight, im sore"
"no, im still bleeding" |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:29:14 PM EDT
[#23]
Q-pon
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:32:21 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"Do you need me to add more Dr. Pepper to the crock pot?" "Your not listening to me when I feed my fish!" "Do we need cat food? The car needs gas so we should get cat food" Yes, it really is as outlandish as it sounds. Yes, there are times she really is checked out of whatever reality the rest of us are living in.  you really should listen when she feeds her fish! Lmbo!!!
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:34:51 PM EDT
[#25]
"Come out from underneath the coffee table & fight me like a man........."
"I've beaten you for less....." "Crap Mitler....." (mispronounced Crepe Myrtle) "What is the hell ?" ( mispronounced "What in the hell" ) |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:35:22 PM EDT
[#26]
Mine never says yes or no, its maybe.
Even when I ask a question where the answer can only be yes or no its always maybe. And lately she has been really gullible so I have been having fun with that
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:38:42 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"what heppens on deployement stays on deployement" "unless something comes home, then people die!" Good one. 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:39:56 PM EDT
[#28]
Me: "What do we wan't to do for dinner?"
Her: I don't care, you decide" Me: Insert any restaurant/food type here Her: "I don't want to go there" Me: 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:40:57 PM EDT
[#29]
Wrong hole.
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:47:56 PM EDT
[#30]
it's all just mid-volume buzzing to me.
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:49:56 PM EDT
[#31]
What we are supposed to listen to what are SO says what kind of bullshit is this.
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:51:24 PM EDT
[#32]
"i dont like it in the butt"
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:57:07 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Me: "What do we wan't to do for dinner?" Her: I don't care, you decide" Me: Insert any restaurant/food type here Her: "I don't want to go there" Me: My wife does the ssme shit. It isn't that they don't care. It is that they don't want to make the choice but still want to eat what they want. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 1:58:47 PM EDT
[#34]
She is the only filipina that does not cook.
"The way you have the chicken in the pan makes it look like some kind off bird". "Pork doesn't have legs"
After hearing a revolver cock behind the bedroom door, I say "its me", her reply "No its not, you are at work".
CW |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 2:04:26 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She is the only filipina that does not cook. "The way you have the chicken in the pan makes it look like some kind off bird". "Pork doesn't have legs" After hearing a revolver cock behind the bedroom door, I say "its me", her reply "No its not, you are at work". CW |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:00:11 PM EDT
[#36]
"You're nasty"
"You're sick" Says nothing, flips me the middle finger |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:10:00 PM EDT
[#37]
"Its too big for that."
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:11:35 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: "I just love it when you chase the chickens around the yard with a leaf blower and an ATV." |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:11:49 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Me: "What do we wan't to do for dinner?" Her: I don't care, you decide" Me: Insert any restaurant/food type here Her: "I don't want to go there" Me: Oh, yes...all the wins. Followed up by Me: How about <restaurant> Her: No Me: How about <restaruant> Her: No Me: So where would you like to go? Her: Why can't you just make a decision!?!? Honey, I'm ballin 10k a day CEO Millionaire. I make decisions that cause economies to crumble and companies to make money. I can make a decision. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:18:36 PM EDT
[#40]
"If he wore bigger shorts he could fit more sponsors."
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:18:59 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Huh Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"I just love it when you chase the chickens around the yard with a leaf blower and an ATV." Exactly what it sounds like. Username and all that. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:25:11 PM EDT
[#42]
" I never know what is going to come out of your mouth next"
" My eyes are up here" "No" |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:29:48 PM EDT
[#43]
Her-"You pick where we should eat"
Me-says random place I enjoy Her-" I don't want to go there" Me-"Then you pick" Her-"I always pick" Me- 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:31:03 PM EDT
[#44]
I was watching NCIS with the wife on netflix today and she was eating some potato chips when i asked for her to share she said sharon don't live here.
I guess she is mad at me again. 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:43:09 PM EDT
[#45]
see where the kids get it from?
I swear i'm gonna start recording our conversations (apparently I never remember our conversations correctly) |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 3:52:38 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Huh Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"I just love it when you chase the chickens around the yard with a leaf blower and an ATV." I'm gonna consider that vote number two for video evidence... |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 4:18:59 PM EDT
[#47]
"That would solve so many of my headaches"
- when I informed her it was 11 years since my tetanus shot and I stepped on a nail yesterday .
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Posted: 7/19/2015 4:27:46 PM EDT
[#48]
"I love you, night night, sweet dreams!"
Every night. And I say the same to him. 
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Posted: 7/19/2015 4:30:25 PM EDT
[#49]
"So a couple things..."
Usually followed by a bunch of shoi she wants me to do or that will take up the hope of any free time I had. |
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Posted: 7/19/2015 4:32:23 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Good one. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
"what heppens on deployement stays on deployement" "unless something comes home, then people die!" Good one. Still not sure if she meant me or her, but either way........ So far, we've both deployed and nothing came home that shouldnt have. |
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