User Panel
Posted: 4/14/2010 6:10:01 AM EDT
This is a Shorts Story ... top heavy with TMI.
Okay, I have hesitated to tell this tale, but in the interest of public good ... So, a while back, there in the restroom, I felt a bit of a tickle down below ... No worries, there in the bathroom was a fresh pack of baby wipes, ripe for the pickin'. Common sense said they were the perfect item to prevent a forest fire. They stung a bit, but I figured anything a baby could handle, well, I too was up for it. The more I used them, the more I needed to use them. A forest fire broke loose and raged below. There came a time near the end where just the touch of the damn damnable things had me shaking like a cat sh*ttin' on a sheet of ice. But if babies could take it .... Then Mrs. L noticed my exaggerated walk, and being her astute self, said "WTF?" ... Busted. I went on to explain to her that I had encountered trouble down below and everything was going to be alright, as I was using the baby wipes she had so graciously supplied there in the bathroom. She gave me her old and familiar " You are dumber than a rotten stump " look and headed off towards the bathroom like a CDC scientist. Okay, Apparently successful in her research, I hear her howling in the back. She emerges with said "baby wipes" in hand. Now, let me explain that she never served in the Navy, but she took a language course in it ... which she used to yell to me that there is a blankety-blank-blank- - -blank - - blank difference between "Wet Ones" and Clorox Cleanups" Uh, who knew. In my defense, they were unmarked - label removed. Yes, yes, it was molded into the lid, don't get technical. Anyhow, the recovery period I won't bore you with the sordid details, but you can suffice it to say this ol' owl won't make that mistake again. If the telling of this prevents just one similar episode ... |
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OMG, everybody in the office was wondering why I was laughing so hard !!!!!
More "wisdom" from LaRue. I count on it. |
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We ran out of TP here (college house) in our upstairs bathroom and my roommate resorted to doing the same thing.
Only he was FULLY AWARE that they were Clorox wipes. His was a one time use kinda deal...but still had a similar experience. Said it was not very comfortable. |
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the burning sensation you experienced was the disinfectant working |
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Congratulations, Mark. You just announced that you are likely the only person on Arfcom who has bleached their bunghole
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"...down, down, down, in a burning ring of fire........ " - J. Cash
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you have a bleached donut hole!!!
actually heard on the radio in a large city, might have been LA where they had donut hole bleaching as a service!!! |
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I once used a Mr Clean Magic Eraser. Those sons of bitches don't flush, either.
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I read this out loud at work a few minutes ago and there is not a dry eye in the house!! No ... not from heart felt sympathy pains as you might expect but from HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!! ... ... ... eta: The folks that were trying to maintain some composure lost the battle with this line... Now, let me explain that she never served in the Navy, but she took a language course in it ... |
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you have a bleached donut hole!!!
actually heard on the radio in a large city, might have been LA where they had donut hole bleaching as a service!!! |
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I've looked at those Clorox wipes before and knew that no good would come of them.
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Imagine how bad it would have been if you weren't a Texan, and instead some Yankee who's not used to spicy food etc.
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Quoted:
Congratulations, Mark. You just announced that you are likely the only person on Arfcom who has bleached their bunghole ......OMFG......that is too funny..........and it would make a great sig line!!!!! |
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Quoted:
Imagine how bad it would have been if you weren't a Texan, and instead some Yankee who's not used to spicy food etc. Ah, inevitably, a thread about a top tier AR accessory manufacturer's sphincter turns into a N vs S thread. |
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I came VERY close to making that mistake myself once.
Now I keep Tucks in my Tactical Leather Carry Bag Of The Ooooold West. Always prepared. :) |
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wOw, not what I expected to read this morning.
But thanks for the laugh just the same. |
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I knew where you were headed right off the bat.
My wife has those sitting on the top of the toilet also. Too funny! |
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Wow. I think im going to go to bed on that note. Nothin like a little comedy, after coming home from a long 3rd shift!
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Imagine how bad it would have been if you weren't a Texan, and instead some Yankee who's not used to spicy food etc. Ah, inevitably, a thread about a top tier AR accessory manufacturer's sphincter turns into a N vs S thread. Oh come on, I'm from Wisconsin, further north than you, I was just trying to make him feel better about it. |
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Well, I would say "it happens to the best of us" but i'd just be lying LMAO
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ETA: Did you not smell the chlorine, though? Must've been a BAD one! hahahah |
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Oh fuck a duck, that is funny! Almost as funny as the guy who came into my ER a few weeks ago with wifey in tow, haranguing him for letting the vibrator (still on, by the way) get too far up his poop-hole and getting sucked up inside. It was a very interesting surgery, considering that after 2 hours it was STILL on - LOL.
The x-ray was priceless. |
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Quoted:
Oh fuck a duck, that is funny! Almost as funny as the guy who came into my ER a few weeks ago with wifey in tow, haranguing him for letting the vibrator (still on, by the way) get too far up his poop-hole and getting sucked up inside. It was a very interesting surgery, considering that after 2 hours it was STILL on - LOL. The x-ray was priceless. Oh come on, I have dropped lincoln logs sized turds that I thought would bust open the sewer pipes...and this guy couldn't just shit it out? |
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Now I can claim that not just porn stars bleach their asshole. Mark LaRue does it too.
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Sometimes ya just gotta pay attention to the voices in yer head.
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Add to all the comments, that nothing will grow back there either after using those wipes.
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i'm not going to laugh...
the sad thing is that i too have made the same mistake... i just didn't post it on arfcom... on a side note, i didn't rewipe more than time or two before i deeided to blade at a 45 and change course of action, mine still had the label attached and at the first "tingle" i read it... those damned clorox wipes should come with a big fucking warning right next to the dispenser holes, so that we don't mess up our dispenser holes... K. |
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"You leave something in a bathroom long enough, a man will eventually wipe his ass with it." Adam Carolla
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He, SIIHPADPP (Stuck it in his pooper and didn't post pics)
Thank gawd 10/10 for colorful and creative use of metaphors |
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Quoted:
snip there is a blankety-blank-blank- - -blank - - blank difference between "Wet Ones" and Clorox Cleanups" snip Now you know, and knowing is half the battle! |
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