Dispatch:. Sector seven, respond to the parking lot of St Paul's church, report of a person in the lot chasing an ostrich.  

Several minutes later.  

Sector three to dispatch, show me out at the church with seven...  Animal in question appears to actually be an emu.  Has animal control been notified?

Choot it!

ETA:  What round for emu?

I was secondary in pursuit of one of those railroad maintenance pickups, with the railroad wheels deployed and on the tracks. Idiots stole it without a plan as to how to lift the railroad wheels and get onto rubber tires. We began by paralleling the tracks on a service road, but that didn't go far. Thankfully the suspects kept going back and forth over the same mile or so of track and didn't take off. We kept an eye on them from side streets as best we could, then the state police air wing showed up pretty quickly. Residents were awakened by the spotlight from the bird, then one onlooker took it upon himself to stop the pursuit with some large piece of debris.

Paramedic holds his stomach while walking slowly back to the ambulance parked about 50 ft behind the subjects vehicle. He gets to the door where I and the other medic are waiting.

Through his laughter we hear....glass.....coke bottle...stuck...up.....his.....ass.....won't.....come.......out!

He slipped and fell on it didn't he?

Yeah, face first into a mattress.

I had a patient once with male genitalia and female breasts completely naked standing on a dresser, with a big umbrella top taped to his arms like wings, screaming at the top of it's lungs ... "I am the arch angel of death"... we were all laughing and the NYPD ESU officer says "we'll fly your ass over here so we can talk"

The guy black Cherokee on the side of the fdr is always good for a chuckle.

While working the ER we had a very hostile and anxious rather famous (locally) ambulance chasing lawyer come in with abdominal pain. While very reluctant to answer questions, or even having us treat him, an x-ray revealed the cause of his pain. A large double headed dildo stuck in the transverse portion of his large intestine.

Aimless?

My old partner has got a good one, that I am torn or whether or not I am sad I missed it ( vacation day )

They get dispatched to a Dr's office after hours on an assist. No other info other than caller will explain on your arrival. They show up and the doc meets them at the door, ushers them in and back to an exam room. Drops his pants and has a metal cock ring on and his pecker is so swollen he can't remove it. One of the guys on the engine gets a ring cutter and some lube and goes to work. Gets one side cut, but the ring is solid enough not to budge. He starts working on the other side to cut it into two pieces. Just as he is getting to the point of completion, the door busts open with the doc's wife barging in yelling "wtf is going on in here?" Apparently the doc never came home from work, but met his man lover for an evening session. Just as this is happening the ring seperates and the FF doing the cutting gets a healthy nut across his chest when the flood gates are opened.

My buddy still laughs so hard he cries when he tells the story.

Report of a tanker truck on fire.

Respond to find a truck that had hit steel post turning and smashed the back two wheels together on the passenger side. The twist was that the driver backed up and drove off, dragging the locked up wheels and crab tracking down the road and they had caught fire. He must have thought if he made it to his destination that somehow everything would be ok?

Anyways on that day, the quint was engaged in a slow speed chase, along with PD, of an on fire tanker truck carrying an unknown substance through a mostly residential area.

Thankfully the cops blocked the road and he finally stopped and we were able to knock down the fire before it spread to the product.

we had a guy do that. ended up in the "seeking after employment" line

i know a guy that did that. ended up in the "seeking after employment" line