My daughter ruined me. - Page 1

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - My daughter ruined me.

Posted: 2/10/2016 1:58:23 AM EDT

I work in .gov. I was in the Navy. I've been actively trying to get on with a few departments for the last year or two. In my job currently I handle a lot of direct public contact BS and deal with some of the lesser upstanding citizen types (I know it's not the same).

I never took anything personally. I felt I was about as thick skinned as anyone and knew how to distance myself from the shitty parts of life pretty well. Knew how to swallow some things and how to deal with other stuff.

Ever since my daughter was born that all changed. I was watching a couple arguing pretty badly about about separating with their two year old girl between them. Something clicked. It was like I got kicked in the nuts. Everything dealing with kids has now become personal. Can't disconnect myself from it.

It's a weird feeling, recognizing that I can't hack it now. I'm withdrawing the apps I have out. I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this.

Posted: 2/10/2016 3:42:10 AM EDT

[#1]

I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

Posted: 2/10/2016 3:58:54 AM EDT

[#2]

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Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

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I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Posted: 2/10/2016 4:14:27 AM EDT

[#3]

I recently left a volunteer fire dept over kind of the same thing.

2.5yr old boy now a 2wk old daughter.

#1 I could no longer put up with the Busch league, weekend warrior, want to be, bullshit.
#2 Lack of safety was concerning, I have a family to look out for.
#3 It took time away from my family.

When my boy was a few months old I worked a child fatality that ate me the fuck up. I didn't ever want to do that again.

Posted: 2/10/2016 4:36:36 AM EDT

[#4]

I'll take any of those over the child porn cases. That shit will steal your soul.

Posted: 2/10/2016 4:46:52 AM EDT

[#5]

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I'll take any of those over the child porn cases. That shit will steal your soul.

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That is one major reason I could never be LE.

I'd brain hole a mother fucker on the spot.

Posted: 2/10/2016 9:18:42 AM EDT

[#6]

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Quoted:
I'll take any of those over the child porn cases. That shit will steal your soul.

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Yea those suck. And kiddie diddlers, if you actually deal with and talk to these people... You can never Unhear and see it, it's almost like you lose a part of yourself. Chasing convictions for them seems like it will help but it's never as satisfying as it seems it should be.

Posted: 2/10/2016 9:25:30 AM EDT

[#7]

You did the right thing withdrawing OP
This shit is not for everyone and if you can't seperate it from your personal life it will destroy you and everyone around you.

Posted: 2/10/2016 9:41:49 AM EDT

[#8]

Quote History

Quoted:

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

Posted: 2/10/2016 9:54:21 AM EDT

[#9]

Let's change the narrative here. Your daughter didn't "ruin" you. She helped you gain some clarity and perspective about your changing personal values. Good for you to recognize that family is the real priority in your life as opposed to a job.

Posted: 2/10/2016 10:10:47 AM EDT

[#10]

I felt kind of the same way going in.

As time passed though, I felt that I could share that protective feeling with some of those kids who have no support, no protection, and no love at home.

It's not their fault, and if someone doesn't reach out to them and show them early on that the police are the good guys, when they get older they'll be everyone's problem.

Posted: 2/10/2016 10:12:35 AM EDT

[#11]

Quote History

Quoted:

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

What's with the dogpiling?

The man just realized that wearing a badge ain't for him. Give him a break.

Posted: 2/10/2016 11:55:22 AM EDT

[#12]

Quote History

Quoted:
I felt kind of the same way going in.

As time passed though, I felt that I could share that protective feeling with some of those kids who have no support, no protection, and no love at home.

It's not their fault, and if someone doesn't reach out to them and show them early on that the police are the good guys, when they get older they'll be everyone's problem.

View Quote

Maybe it'll change down the road. It's just weird to me how much baggage appeared overnight after she came.

Posted: 2/10/2016 12:13:13 PM EDT

[#13]

Quote History

Quoted:

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Ok, now I'm following you. Nothing wrong with getting in touch with your feelings and doing what's healthy for you and your family.

Posted: 2/10/2016 4:13:46 PM EDT

[#14]

Quote History

Quoted:

What's with the dogpiling?

The man just realized that wearing a badge ain't for him. Give him a break.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

What's with the dogpiling?

The man just realized that wearing a badge ain't for him. Give him a break.

Yeah, no sh*t. I'd rather someone find that out before going OTJ than after, or during a critical call.

Posted: 2/11/2016 2:49:33 AM EDT

[#15]

You chose wisely.

Posted: 2/13/2016 10:30:59 AM EDT

[#16]

The job isn't for everybody. That's why you always see an exodus about the 4-5 year mark.

Good on you for recognising it. The peer pressure to hang with it is pretty rough.

Posted: 2/13/2016 11:17:52 AM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

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View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Did you lose the ability to think rationally?

In some ways certain jobs require you to act in ways that are NOT rational, particularly when it comes to kids.

Posted: 2/13/2016 1:35:20 PM EDT

[#18]

Quote History

Quoted:

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Coming from a father of 2 girls what your feeling is normal. Maybe not 100 times more emotional but ...........................

Posted: 2/13/2016 10:04:30 PM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:

Let's change the narrative here. Your daughter didn't "ruin" you. She helped you gain some clarity and perspective about your changing personal values. Good for you to recognize that family is the real priority in your life as opposed to a job.

View Quote

Congratulations Mr. Bear. That was well said, and probably more along the lines of the reality. There's no shame in realizing your priorities, and saves you fearing you may lose your soul by ignoring that inner guidance.

OP: good for you for recognizing whats important to you.

Posted: 2/13/2016 10:09:33 PM EDT

[#20]

Quote History

Quoted:

That is one major reason I could never be LE.

I'd brain hole a mother fucker on the spot.

View Quote View All Quotes

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I'll take any of those over the child porn cases. That shit will steal your soul.

That is one major reason I could never be LE.

I'd brain hole a mother fucker on the spot.

I've actually seen something worse than that. Will never be unseen. Ever.

Posted: 2/13/2016 11:53:42 PM EDT

[#21]

I hate attending autopsies of little girls that are the same age as mine...

Posted: 2/15/2016 10:57:50 PM EDT

[#22]

Having kids makes anything to do with kids more personal.

There are other LEO jobs out there that might fit you better ....Federal agent, Corrections, City/County investigator.

Posted: 2/15/2016 11:08:47 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
I work in .gov. I was in the Navy. I've been actively trying to get on with a few departments for the last year or two. In my job currently I handle a lot of direct public contact BS and deal with some of the lesser upstanding citizen types (I know it's not the same).

I never took anything personally. I felt I was about as thick skinned as anyone and knew how to distance myself from the shitty parts of life pretty well. Knew how to swallow some things and how to deal with other stuff.

Ever since my daughter was born that all changed. I was watching a couple arguing pretty badly about about separating with their two year old girl between them. Something clicked. It was like I got kicked in the nuts. Everything dealing with kids has now become personal. Can't disconnect myself from it.

It's a weird feeling, recognizing that I can't hack it now. I'm withdrawing the apps I have out. I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this.

View Quote

The cop job is not for everyone. Better you found out before you committed. Go, find a profession that makes you smile and enjoy. Don't look back and have no regrets.

Posted: 2/21/2016 4:21:50 AM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I'm not really following. It's like you're avoiding actually telling us how you feel. You're talking around it.

I've become about 100 times more emotional about some things.

Brother, it means you are a good man who loves his daughter. You are subconsciously seeing your daughter being in the position that the folks you work with are putting their kids.

I supervise people and can't tell you how many beautiful kids I see growing up in mom or dads fucked up world and wished I could take them home with me to save them from their future. You do the best you can and move on. Yeah, it sucks but every now and then one of them break free and turn into something. When it's a kid you watched grow up and they cite you as their inspiration, then it's even sweeter.

Ask me how I know.

Posted: 2/21/2016 11:33:17 AM EDT

[#25]

Yep, the child abuse or death cases get me. I had to leave CSI and go to a desk job because I just couldn't handle the child cases. I handled them as a regular patrol officer, but I had coworker friends that would jump those calls for me, knowing how I felt (I had to repay the favor by taking homicides, sexual assaults, etc against adults for them). CSI was more in depth with measuring, photos, more detailed reports, and assisting detectives, M.E., etc. The worst was the mom's boyfriend that decided to make the baby quit crying that of course made it cry more, that I won't go into. Baby lived, but is scarred for life, as am I. If I had it to do over again, I would not be a cop. I was a cop first and fully invested before I had children.

Posted: 2/21/2016 1:54:05 PM EDT

[#26]

Quote History

Quoted:
The cop job is not for everyone. Better you found out before you committed. Go, find a profession that makes you smile and enjoy. Don't look back and have no regrets.

View Quote

Very much this.

I have posted here for quite some time that there is no way in hell I could be a cop. None.

I certainly don't have the temperament for it.

I did take several of police science courses in the 70s but even back then I had no desire to be a cop whatsoever.

(I took the courses as background for a totally different career field.)

Posted: 2/21/2016 2:39:58 PM EDT

[#27]

I know a guy who quit after 8 years of being a cop, he said he was too close to wanting to physically abused the child abusers and it was afraid he would go to far.

Posted: 2/21/2016 2:58:21 PM EDT

[#28]

My career spanned 36 years counting my military time. For me it never ceased to amaze me just how stupid and wicked people could be.

Law enforcement cost me two failed marriages, a bout with alcoholism, and several rounds of depression. Its a tough career and certainly not a job for everyone. There is no shame in being reflective or reconsidering going down this path.

As I look back I often wish I would have made better career choices, but now that I am retired life is good.

Hang in there OP and do whats best for you and your family.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - My daughter ruined me.

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