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Posted: 5/5/2024 2:50:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: chmodx]
[#1]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By diesel1: Quite refreshing to see others with way more severe attention deficit that I have. I read the whole thing, no problem. Even the OP seemed to get the common, running joke frequently posted about walls of text(tldr) here in GD. But you didn't. Good for you. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 2:57:01 PM EDT
[#2]
Say yes to your MIL.
This is a rare opportunity for your kids |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 2:57:11 PM EDT
[#3]
Say yes to your MIL.
This is a rare opportunity for your kids |
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:01:36 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: That's the kicker - she wants to keep the house in her name because her financial advisor said it would be better in the long run for us to inherit it when she does - that this would somehow be a better deal than us buying it and owning it. Wouldn't that bother anyone else? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Originally Posted By Aimless: Originally Posted By DVCER: MIL was being manipulative and it's not the first time. Still, it was a deal. That's the kicker - she wants to keep the house in her name because her financial advisor said it would be better in the long run for us to inherit it when she does - that this would somehow be a better deal than us buying it and owning it. Wouldn't that bother anyone else? What I absolutely can't believe are all the people here calling you an asshole because Arfcom has threads on every day that ends in a "y" about multi-generation homes where suddenly you are under solemn duty to not only build a MIL extension onto your house for every elderly relative, but also let your kids live there too until they die of old age. Idiots are just on the latest bandwagon. They don't live your life, or walk in your shoes. I'm sure most just see their parents as rows of dollar signs, and couldn't even be bothered to read your updates, much less have empathy for your situation. |
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:03:22 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TGE: Bullet dodged. If that's how she is now, just try to imagine what she'd be like once she has the this-is-my-house control hanging over your head. I've always thought the only thing that'd make me consider divorce is infidelity, but the prospect of living like that is making me reconsider. Fuck all that. The concept of infidelity is not limited to the presence of a penis. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:11:07 PM EDT
[#6]
I would hope that your wife had already chosen you over her mother when you got married.
There is no choice. Your family comes first. |
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WY, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:11:10 PM EDT
[#7]
If MIL was that pushy over this, she would be in your space every day trying to run your life. Even if the downstairs suite had separate entrance, or if you built her an ADU, she would always be in your house giving “advice”
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WI, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:14:23 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Dude - it's funny you say this because she absolutely was controlling with my father-in-law when he was alive. There was actually a time when he called my wife telling her he may divorce her mother because of how she treated him at times. That was only like maybe 5 or 6 years ago. He put up with A LOT living with her - especially in his later years. And I saw it (shit, wife saw it too) with my own eyes and will never forget it. In the end, he always tool the high road and somehow was able to move on, but I vividly remember times when she was a controlling nag literally in front of family and friends in the room, right to his face. And that's exactly how I feel now - she's yet again trying to be the one in control and saying, "take this offer" and when I say I feel otherwise I'm somehow insulting her - it's not going the way she planned. That is absolutely the hallmark sign of somebody who has to be in control as much as possible. Why would I allow that shit into my everyday life (even if we now have a good relationship)? Whose to say it doesn't change over time and she does EXACTLY the same thing she did to my FIL but now to us? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Originally Posted By bucko1975: Sounds like after your update that your Mother-in-law proved your point for you. She likely was very controlling of your father-in-law and now that he is gone she is looking for a surrogate. As soon as she was questioned about the house situation she got pissed and shut down, a very typical response for someone like that because now she will turn herself into the victim. Dude - it's funny you say this because she absolutely was controlling with my father-in-law when he was alive. There was actually a time when he called my wife telling her he may divorce her mother because of how she treated him at times. That was only like maybe 5 or 6 years ago. He put up with A LOT living with her - especially in his later years. And I saw it (shit, wife saw it too) with my own eyes and will never forget it. In the end, he always tool the high road and somehow was able to move on, but I vividly remember times when she was a controlling nag literally in front of family and friends in the room, right to his face. And that's exactly how I feel now - she's yet again trying to be the one in control and saying, "take this offer" and when I say I feel otherwise I'm somehow insulting her - it's not going the way she planned. That is absolutely the hallmark sign of somebody who has to be in control as much as possible. Why would I allow that shit into my everyday life (even if we now have a good relationship)? Whose to say it doesn't change over time and she does EXACTLY the same thing she did to my FIL but now to us? Ahh, feels like the old joke: Why do married men die before their wives? Because they want to. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:19:51 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Little update - my wife spoke to her mother a little while ago and told her how I felt about it. She's pissed and said the house is now off the table - she's selling and will find someplace to live. She was real short with my wife and didn't say a word when she left her house. Just said, "Fine - leave." She was the one who forced a decision to be made less than 4 weeks after my FIL's death - I spoke up (for probably one of the few times in my life ever) and said I cannot do it - certainly not now. But now I'm a huge asshole. Just don't be a dick about it and explain as many times as needed to your wife that you're there to help when needed you just want to keep your privacy. Hell even bring up maybe we could buy a big property someday with room for a small detached apartment for her to live in on our terms. Ect. Smooth things out however you can |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:37:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: runcible]
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: ... she absolutely was controlling with my father-in-law when he was alive. There was actually a time when he called my wife telling her he may divorce her mother because of how she treated him at times. That was only like maybe 5 or 6 years ago. He put up with A LOT living with her - especially in his later years. And I saw it (shit, wife saw it too) with my own eyes and will never forget it. In the end, he always tool the high road and somehow was able to move on, but I vividly remember times when she was a controlling nag literally in front of family and friends in the room, right to his face. |
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TN, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:40:58 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By CJ7365: WTF is a twin? How do you live in a mattress? This. I presume duplex but fuck if I know. I'm voting, "Yes."  Fucking twin.
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:42:29 PM EDT
[Last Edit: wayfaerer320]
[#12]
Wife finally came home and we discussed it all.
She seems to be on my side of this (she's not ready for this yet either she said), but her mom refuses to speak with her right now and so naturally she's upset. Surprisingly, she said her mom told her, "He has a right to feel that way." I think what's really happening right now is that her mom is now facing the fact that she will absolutely be alone wherever she lives - whether she stays or goes somewhere else - it will not be with us, and because we're the next closest thing to her husband (who is now gone) she can't accept that right now - she just assumed we'd be fine with this. My wife says she agrees with a lot of how I feel, she's just being pulled in two directions because her mom is upset on the one side and I'm upset on the other. I think I'm just pissed her mom is acting like this - literally guilting her daughter into this like how could we give this up and leave her alone. That's how she's making my wife feel right now. My wife did end by saying she does indeed think she's overreactinf because of her grief and that she'll eventually be OK. Ugh, what a fucking mess. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:42:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1245xx]
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By runcible: TBH, considering all of that, I'm surprised you entertained the idea ar all. Sounds like it would have been disastrous. Glad you dodged the bullet. His wife see it that way? I’m thinking she doesn’t. ETA-just saw the above post. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:45:36 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JoinDatePostCount: If MIL was that pushy over this, she would be in your space every day trying to run your life. Even if the downstairs suite had separate entrance, or if you built her an ADU, she would always be in your house giving “advice” 100% agree But if OP and the wife were so close I don't understand why he is now in conflict with her? OP obviously isn't his wife's dad but, he didn't get rich by being happy. I think OP should of looked at it from all directions. Dream homes and a nice wealthy inheritance ain't nothing no millennial will get unless they started working for it 20 years ago. Sacrifices OP you can manage this entire situation and come out on top. It's going to take patience and intelligence though. Divorce might be a better option than letting someone like me smoosh in on the old bag and take it all, think of the kids  PS I'm just busting balls |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:46:11 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 1245xx: His wife see it that way? I'm thinking she doesn't. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 1245xx: Originally Posted By runcible: TBH, considering all of that, I'm surprised you entertained the idea ar all. Sounds like it would have been disastrous. Glad you dodged the bullet. His wife see it that way? I'm thinking she doesn't. I think she does, but she's just having a hard time being honest with herself right now because of how upset her mom is. She said a lot of what I had to say she understands (my wife), but it's tough because her mom is so upset and obviously she's trying to do whatever she can to comfort her mom after losing her dad. |
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:51:30 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Aimless: This story makes me nervous w/MIL flying off the handle so fast, I'd want that house in my name from the start so she's not holding it over my head. Every month without a mortgage payment is a good month. Just invest the amount of your soon to be eliminated mortgage payment every month as a hedge just incase MIL reneges on the deal. The wife's brother might want some compensation in the will if sis gets the house upon mon's death. That might be another issue. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:51:45 PM EDT
[Last Edit: perfectsilence]
[#17]
The fact that the MIL is acting so petulant and emotionally manipulative over this is probably evidence that it wouldn’t have worked out well in the long run.
Shitty situation all around. I feel badly for everyone for different reasons. I don’t think you made the wrong call, though. Edit: A lot of people, including a lot in this thread, view a home solely through the lens of investment. I disagree; it’s a home for family first, and investment second. Obviously, one should not put themselves in a negative financial position to get a particular house, but at the same time the best home is not necessarily the one that brings the best ROI or is the cheapest. Yes, the MIL’s home would make more sense financially than going off and buying a home with a mortgage, but that’s not the only factor. |
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PA, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:55:37 PM EDT
[#18]
I had the opportunity to have both my MIL and my own mother live with us for a period of time. There was an adjustment period that didn't necessarily go easy...but nevertheless, I would not take back either of those times we did this. Both moved into our home...MIL had cancer and needed daily help...we provided that. Up until that time, she had been our go to baby sitter. When my mother moved in she didn't have much time left. Although this period with her was much more difficult...I have no regrets...neither does my wife or my two kids.
Life is short and the time spend with loved ones goes by fast. Something to consider... |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 3:56:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: JamesJones]
[#19]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: I think she does, but she's just having a hard time being honest with herself right now because of how upset her mom is. She said a lot of what I had to say she understands (my wife), but it's tough because her mom is so upset and obviously she's trying to do whatever she can to comfort her mom after losing her dad. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Originally Posted By 1245xx: Originally Posted By runcible: TBH, considering all of that, I'm surprised you entertained the idea ar all. Sounds like it would have been disastrous. Glad you dodged the bullet. His wife see it that way? I'm thinking she doesn't. I think she does, but she's just having a hard time being honest with herself right now because of how upset her mom is. She said a lot of what I had to say she understands (my wife), but it's tough because her mom is so upset and obviously she's trying to do whatever she can to comfort her mom after losing her dad. Trick her into thinking the dream house is a few years away or better off telling her you guys are living the dream already. Interest rates are up and housing is going up. I'm in the same boat OP. I just don't have a rich mil I could parlay. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:04:55 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: I think she does, but she's just having a hard time being honest with herself right now because of how upset her mom is. She said a lot of what I had to say she understands (my wife), but it's tough because her mom is so upset and obviously she's trying to do whatever she can to comfort her mom after losing her dad. Your decision has been made. That’s final. Kick back on the back porch with a beer for a week or two and hopefully the women will come to their senses. Don’t bring up the subject again until they decide to approach you about it. Then listen, and restate your position if needed. Rinse and repeat as needed. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:07:46 PM EDT
[#21]
We lived with my MIL for about a year and I'd rather live in a cardboard box than go through that again. Came close to ending our marriage.
The MIL will be up in your business non-stop and act like she's in control of your relationship because you're in her house and it's her daughter. Her reaction is exactly why you don't move in with in-laws. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:30:20 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Rebel31: We lived with my MIL for about a year and I'd rather live in a cardboard box than go through that again. Came close to ending our marriage. The MIL will be up in your business non-stop and act like she's in control of your relationship because you're in her house and it's her daughter. Her reaction is exactly why you don't move in with in-laws. This was definitely one of my fears. She's a great person, but from a distance (even if she's only 15 mins away). Living with her is just....I just feel like in the beginning it would be fine, but eventually things would slowly but surely get to be ridiculous and then where do I go? I'm stuck. It's already enough that the relationship between me and my wife is strained because of her being so distant (even from our own kids) while dealing with her father's illness and death. Introducing her mother into the mix I think would not do us any good. My wife agrees with a lot of that too. I think at this point, emotions are way too high given he just passed a month ago - like I said before, this is absolutely the last time right now I wanted to speak up about this, but her mother is in this "I have to do this now - you should sell your house now" mindset and so at that point I felt I had no choice but to speak up (knowing it would hurt her (and my wife by extension because she doesn't want her mom anymore upset than she already is)). |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:33:39 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By AeroE: Say yes to your MIL. This is a rare opportunity for your kids You always struck me as much smarter than this.
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:43:11 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Procyon: Have the MIL put the house in a trust and get you and your wife on there as beneficiaries of the trust upon the passing of your MIL. If mil is not willing to do this it shows her intent further than her current actions have......sounds like she's already laid the hammer down, regardless. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:53:06 PM EDT
[#25]
I think there's a big opportunity for love here. Emotions are all over the place with the added grief. Regardless of the living situation your MIL needs to adjust to her new reality. Love her through it. Take the high road when possible and invite her over and ask to visit. She needs you guys and it sounds like you all care deeply about it. Don't let this snag ruin your trip.
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Posted: 5/5/2024 4:53:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: QueenDeNile]
[#26]
Double tap
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GA, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:07:27 PM EDT
[#27]
Living with a parent is rough so I get it, currently my mother lives with my family but that will be changing this year. I certainly understood your position but how you communicated that was ham-fisted it sounds like.
Living with is one thing but being a caregiver is the real issue, perhaps a middle-ground would’ve been having home healthcare in her own suite. I can tell you though this will make or break your marriage. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:17:34 PM EDT
[#28]
Yup. , you’re the asshole . I already live in a large house but if mine or my wife’s elderly parents or parent needed to move in I’d say yes in a heartbeat. Even if she gets on your nerves you should be taking care of your elders ….
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:50:08 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By home_alone1: Yup. , you're the asshole . I already live in a large house but if mine or my wife's elderly parents or parent needed to move in I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Even if she gets on your nerves you should be taking care of your elders . My MIL is 67 in excellent health - we're 39 with a 3 and a 6 year old - you'd be totally cool changing that family dynamic simply because my MIL feels lonely? She's not in need of any care other than the emotional grief she's going through losing her husband (my wife's father). |
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VA, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:56:17 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By home_alone1: Yup. , you're the asshole . I already live in a large house but if mine or my wife's elderly parents or parent needed to move in I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Even if she gets on your nerves you should be taking care of your elders . 
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:56:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: baitdragger]
[#31]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By home_alone1: Yup. , you’re the asshole . I already live in a large house but if mine or my wife’s elderly parents or parent needed to move in I’d say yes in a heartbeat. Even if she gets on your nerves you should be taking care of your elders …. And you will always upset one of 2 women. Wife or Mother/mother in law….but you are only married to one Which do you want to keep happy? I’d vote keeping the wife happy and if that means moving in with the MIL then maybe you do so for a few years I’ve learned over the years not every hill is worth dying on. MIL has an abusive boyfriend touch your kids, fuck right off. MIL wants to gift you her house, maybe move in. You get a bigger home that you want, wife is happy, mil is happy. What am I missing? Does she hoard? Throw her shit on the walls? |
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 5:57:01 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Johnnymenudo: I just saw this. If the house is in her name, it is not your house, no matter what she says. You are the caretakers, guests, freeloaders, possibly all of the above depending on the day. Imagine if you put your $$ and work into the place and after 10 years grandma kicks your ass to the curb, or worse yet, your wife files for divorce. You have no equity and no recourse. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:04:49 PM EDT
[#33]
If you said yes and decided to give it a try, how quickly could you use the money saved to afford your own single family home?
If "6 months" is the answer, maybe you could try it for 6 months and see how it goes. I'd require setting a lot of... rules first. And your wife would have to know exactly what was going on and be on board. MAYBE your MIL would have to know too and be on board. Give the MIL some time given how poorly she reacted. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:06:19 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: My MIL is 67 in excellent health - we're 39 with a 3 and a 6 year old - you'd be totally cool changing that family dynamic simply because my MIL feels lonely? She's not in need of any care other than the emotional grief she's going through losing her husband (my wife's father). Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: Originally Posted By home_alone1: Yup. , you're the asshole . I already live in a large house but if mine or my wife's elderly parents or parent needed to move in I'd say yes in a heartbeat. Even if she gets on your nerves you should be taking care of your elders . My MIL is 67 in excellent health - we're 39 with a 3 and a 6 year old - you'd be totally cool changing that family dynamic simply because my MIL feels lonely? She's not in need of any care other than the emotional grief she's going through losing her husband (my wife's father). When we lived with my MIL she was in her early 60's but would throw temper tantrums about how she took care of two girls (my wife and SIL) and it was her turn to be taken care of. To this day she talks to my wife about how she's going to move in with us or the BIL/SIL. They have all but cut ties with her and there is no fucking way she's moving in with us after what she put us through. Every MIL is different but if you remotely have a 'crazy' one there is no way you should ever cohabitate with her. I don't care if there is a large financial reward for doing so. It's not worth risking your marriage and a divorce with custody issues over. My MIL is crazy enough that when she sold that place she offered money to my SIL to divorce my BIL. I 100% believe she wants one of her daughters to get divorced and come live with her because she's lonely and bored. Neither one of us son-in-laws put up with her BS so she takes it out on us. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:20:16 PM EDT
[#35]
When I was first married my MIL wanted to move in with us and leave my FIL. I said no. My MIL hated me until her death. Best decision I ever made.
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:31:52 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: She's not in need of any care other than the emotional grief she's going through losing her husband (my wife's father). Your wife should encourage her to go to grief counseling before she ends up pissing off both her kids. |
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USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:36:15 PM EDT
[#37]
You all are missing the point. The OP clearly said his wife was upset at him because of telling the MIL no.
Everyone on here saying how they shitcanned their MIL in some fashion at some point, awesome. Good for you Johnny. I bet you had a wife who was on board or at least was neutral. The OP said he told his MIL no and his wife got upset at him. It’s not whether or not his MIL is mad is the issue, it’s the wife. That’s the main issue here. This is GD anyway, 90% of you aren’t even married or have seen boobies. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:38:35 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JamesJones: OP fumbled a free house If it's still in mil's name it's not a free house. It's a deal breaker. As hard up as I am these days there is no circumstance where I would relinquish my home to live with someone else with no guarantees that I would get something. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:38:42 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: This was definitely one of my fears. She's a great person, but from a distance (even if she's only 15 mins away). Living with her is just....I just feel like in the beginning it would be fine, but eventually things would slowly but surely get to be ridiculous and then where do I go? I'm stuck. It's already enough that the relationship between me and my wife is strained because of her being so distant (even from our own kids) while dealing with her father's illness and death. Introducing her mother into the mix I think would not do us any good. My wife agrees with a lot of that too. I think at this point, emotions are way too high given he just passed a month ago - like I said before, this is absolutely the last time right now I wanted to speak up about this, but her mother is in this "I have to do this now - you should sell your house now" mindset and so at that point I felt I had no choice but to speak up (knowing it would hurt her (and my wife by extension because she doesn't want her mom anymore upset than she already is)). Well done OP. Sounds like you made the right decision. Your family and your marriage should come first. Free house be damned! You guys telling the OP to sacrifice his freedom and happy life for a freebie house are nuts! |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:40:35 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Bubbles: The financial advisor is correct, it will save you tens of thousands if MIL owns the house until she dies and then you and your wife inherit it. The financial advisor is not a relationship advisor. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:41:36 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By GUNSAP: I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck a TWIN is? Does OP live with his twin, does the wife have a twin, is the op shacking up with his twin and now MIL wants in on the action. Maybe I should have read the whole story  I'm guessing a duplex. That's as bad as calling breakfast "brekkie" |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:42:16 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By baitdragger: You all are missing the point. The OP clearly said his wife was upset at him because of telling the MIL no. Everyone on here saying how they shitcanned their MIL in some fashion at some point, awesome. Good for you Johnny. I bet you had a wife who was on board or at least was neutral. The OP said he told his MIL no and his wife got upset at him. It's not whether or not his MIL is mad is the issue, it's the wife. That's the main issue here. This is GD anyway, 90% of you aren't even married or have seen boobies. You're not wrong at all. I think now that my wife has calmed down a bit she's with me on this. She's not ready to outright say it because of how upset her mom is, but we've talked about it this afternoon and she's definitely not coming at me like, "How could you do this to her?" She's telling me I have a lot of valid points that she agrees with. At this point I just don't want my MIL to hate me forever because of this, but then again, if that's how she's going to act then I'm having a hard time being sympathetic towards her right now. It's not like I told her we're fucking moving across the country (which is how she's taking this btw). |
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CA, USA
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:44:07 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By gitarmac: Mil could quit claim it and they would have it now. Trust goes both ways Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By gitarmac: Originally Posted By Bubbles: The financial advisor is correct, it will save you tens of thousands if MIL owns the house until she dies and then you and your wife inherit it. The financial advisor is not a relationship advisor. That's actually a very interesting bluff call: "Hey MIL, deed the house to us so that there's no question about you wanting to 'help' us." |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:46:55 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Sykkone: That's actually a very interesting bluff call: "Hey MIL, deed the house to us so that there's no question about you wanting to 'help' us." Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Sykkone: Originally Posted By gitarmac: Originally Posted By Bubbles: The financial advisor is correct, it will save you tens of thousands if MIL owns the house until she dies and then you and your wife inherit it. The financial advisor is not a relationship advisor. That's actually a very interesting bluff call: "Hey MIL, deed the house to us so that there's no question about you wanting to 'help' us." That's one of the things that has me worried - I was already skeptical from the beginning about this whole idea, but when that was mentioned (it staying in her name until death) I immediately felt really uncomfortable about that. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:51:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: UV18]
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wayfaerer320: That's one of the things that has me worried - I was already skeptical from the beginning about this whole idea, but when that was mentioned (it staying in her name until death) I immediately felt really uncomfortable about that. You are getting a house for FREE, right? Put it in a irrevocable trust and be done. Have that as a term of taking over everything. ETA- she is right keeping it in her name for taxes, as discussed before. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:51:21 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By baitdragger: You all are missing the point. The OP clearly said his wife was upset at him because of telling the MIL no. Everyone on here saying how they shitcanned their MIL in some fashion at some point, awesome. Good for you Johnny. I bet you had a wife who was on board or at least was neutral. The OP said he told his MIL no and his wife got upset at him. It's not whether or not his MIL is mad is the issue, it's the wife. That's the main issue here. This is GD anyway, 90% of you aren't even married or have seen boobies. To an extent. Major life decisions should be approved by both a wife and a husband. Either side gets a veto. Living with outside family can be very stressful and taxing despite the monetary gain involved. Sacrificing your happiness and sanity (and possibly much more like your marriage and relationship with two young kids) because you're making the wife happy is a non-starter. As for other people saying to take care of your elders- my MIL was married, had the two girls, and then divorced. She re-married to a guy that made good money but passed away from cancer. He left her with two paid off cars, a house, lots of cash in the bank, and his benefits. She's now broke and goes around to various family members asking for money. There is no fucking way I'm going to sacrifice my household because she squandered all of that away and thinks she's too good to go live in assisted living or a nursing home at some point. She thinks she's entitled to live with one of her daughters getting waited on like we owe it to her. Fuck all that. People should set themselves up for their later years to not be a huge burden on their kids at the very minimum. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:51:26 PM EDT
[#47]
Me and mil are the same age, any chance she might hop the fence?
I could save the OP and family a place until she (we) kick the bucket 
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Posted: 5/5/2024 6:53:42 PM EDT
[#48]
I'm so sorry brother.
My wife and I buried her Mom two months ago. Her health took a turn a few months before Christmas. She moved in with us. Since I'm retired and have an EMS background I took care of her so my wife could work. Betty died peacefully and I held her hand as she passed. That said, I understand the headspace you are in. It's a tough call, because you don't want to alienate your own family. If it would be helpful to talk, just reach out. I'll shoot you my phone number via DM 
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Posted: 5/5/2024 7:02:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: JamesJones]
[#49]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By UV18: You are getting a house for FREE, right? Put it in a irrevocable trust and be done. Have that as a term of taking over everything. ETA- she is right keeping it in her name for taxes, as discussed before. That's basically how I read OP I can be wrong but to be on OPs side, piece of mind is priceless. But interest rates are high and the stock markets low so unless OP is country boy I'd take the deal. If he owns his half a house even better. Boot straps aren't a saying for just welfare people. I'm op's age and I just started getting my shit together and I'm in the same situation as him. Only difference is I have to hustle in my work life and have no rich mil. Make the wife happy, get the house, get the money, and then you get the power. |
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Posted: 5/5/2024 7:06:08 PM EDT
[#50]
TLDR. If you have to ask, the answer is yes.
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