What would you call someone who focuses solely on themselves and their personal pursuits, to the exclusion of nearly everything else?  Altruistic?  

Personally, I see nothing wrong with being selfish, admitting you enjoy pampering yourself.  Those who can admit it are fine with me.  They are probably right that they wouldn't make good parents.  

The key is being truthful and accepting that.

I do have kids for some selfish reasons, i.e. the joy it brings me watching them grow and flourish as the mature.  Some not selfish.  I accept and admit that.

ETA: You still don't understand.  It's not the act of creating children that is special, as you point out.  You seem very focused on that, the simple act of insemination (life giving).  Is that all you think there is too it?  That's why we are proud as parents?  It's the raising part, being a father, helping your children grow into awesome little people, being there for them over the years - that's what separates us good parents from the lowliest scum of society.

As for being scared, well, why be scared of the inevitable.  For the most part all ancestors are just names in books, only important to those who knew that person.  It's a fate that awaits us all.  My pride and joy in raising children is not that I will be remembered, but in creating hope for the future.

Looking back, if for some reason I had become single in my early 50s I would have tried to start over and have a family.  Now that I'm over 60 I realize that the odds are if I became a father today the chances are that child would not have me there to see them graduate high school. and today I cannot think of having a kid at my age.

OP, you've got a few years left open in your window of opportunity.  If you think you want to, take the chance and find a younger woman who wants to settle down and raise a family with an older man.  They're out there, you just have to look specifically for them.

Being a parent is the most rewarding thing in life. I know some older people who had kids later in life. They were always NOT FOR ME, now they can't believe they waited so long...

Same here as well.

And I'll opine that a lot of the guys making loud pronouncements about how they're so proud and glad about no kids are going to have that moment where they're going to see some guy their age holding an infant and it will hit them that they really do have a desire to be a father.

I know it really hit me that way when I was hitting 50.  I'd been okay that despite all our trying that there were no kids in our marriage.  But one afternoon I was out and in the crowd was a guy my age or older carrying an infant and out of nowhere I suddenly was close to losing it thinking of what I was missing in my life.

I think every man has that baby craving just the same way women do.  They just haven't seen the right trigger to make them feel it.

This.

My two boys (now 29 and 25) are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Everything that happened before was just play-acting.

Sucks to be you. Not having kids is best decision I've ever made.

If i never have children, i will feel remorse.

The tragedy is not meeting a good woman to settle down with.

To date, there is no woman that i feel has "got away."  All of my ex girlfirends proved themselves to be non virtuous, and i would have regreted choosing them as a mother for my children.

I would rather be alone than settled down with the wrong person. I hope i feel that way in the future, should i find its too late to start a family.

If the responses in this thread are indicative of the average American, then this country is fucked. We'll be a third world Shithole in two generations.

Agreed

My grandfather was 50, father 40, sister 42...  you're fine

The thought of being a terrible father never crossed my mind before having kids. Looking back, I was a shitty dad.

FerFal thinks a lot of stupid shit. Like many breeders, he projects his view of the world onto everyone and believes that ONLY his view could EVER be correct. Not some crazy fucking idea like we're adults who can make our own decisions, and *believe it or not*, some people don't fucking want kids.

ditto

My friend's mom was a grandmother at 27.

i vote that those posting "I regret nothing" include their age

I am the oldest of three at 38 years old. I have no children, neither does my Brother. My Sister wants them and I guess has been trying for some time now. My Mother has been dropping hints to everyone that she wants grandchildren for years. I know she feels bad about not having any at 65.

I don't like children and never had any plans to have them.

How does subsidizing kids fit into it, is a better question.

And you're exactly the kind of man who should be having and raising ,ids. Your post speaks of patience and realistic expectations. I'm a genetic train wreck, have no idea how to be a good parent, and married a woman who already had kids and now has grown kids out on their own.

My wife and I are best friends. When I'm in the garage puttering she's usually down there on her stool bringing me coffee and chatting me up. She likes to talk and I like to listen. My heart breaks for those who wanted kids and can't have them. But to assume we're somehow incomplete or lesser without kids is just plain arrogance.

Who gives a shit? If you're a man and you're consistent in your decisions, a decision you make when you're 20 is still a good decision whether you're 22 or 92.

I'm 30 and got clipped when I was 24. And I've NEVER, for one day in my life, wanted kids. So do you think I'm going to regret this when I'm 80? Because I can tell you right now that I won't. I'm not a stupid pussy who can't stick to my decisions, and I've felt the same way about kids for 30 years now.

Fuck, it's absolutely amazing to me that people who don't want kids don't give a shit about what other people do, but EVERYONE who has kids insists that the rest of us will change our minds one day. Wake up and realize that it is miraculously possible for people to legitimately not want the same wretched existence that you have.

I never wanted them and then I had two. Im almost 40 and my sons are 4 and 7 and now with I started earlier and had a whole bunch more.

Demographics has a weight and power that outstrips all reason, logic, justice and "fairness."

Lol. That's awesome.

Those moments are priceless as a father.

It's fascinating to see the extent to which some will, and do, go - to not only rationalize a decision or circumstance, but to exert their own as superior to others.

I have an 8 year old son and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  My only regret is waiting too long and not having more.  We thought you had to follow the plan, get married, buy a house, then have kids.  So we did that and ended up upside down in a "starter home" with only two bedrooms and we'll be stuck here for a long time.  So no room for more kids.  We should have just started having kids as soon as we got married and waited on the house, it would have worked out much better.

I will say this, I lucked out with my wife.  She's from Ecuador so she has totally different values than the snowflakes I see out there today.  I count my blessings every day.  When I think of some of the lunatics I dated before my wife, it scares me.

If I had known in my 20's how great being a Dad is and how slim the pickings are I think it would have really depressed me.  The hardest part isn't being a Dad, it's finding a woman who is worth starting a family with,  I already fear for my son's future prospects.  Maybe we'll send him to Ecuador after college so he can find a good woman LOL.

Kids get in the way of my future PSQ-36 and cabin in Montana or Wyoming.

And it's not because I can't get a girlfriend




Yeah, parenthood is rewarding until you find out your innocent girl got a train ran on her the first week of college.

Spare me.

I had my first at age 52. Now 61 I can tell you my daughter gives me more joy than anything I have accomplished or purchased. She is just the greatest thing I have ever done!

Nope. Had my first at 52. Unbelievable joy.

early 40's here.  Decided at age 18 that I would never have of my own.  Seen too many awful marriages in my life to want to get married either.  No regrets.

Lots of free time for shooting, gaming, volunteering, etc.

I've never had the slightest interest in having children. Even when your friends in their early/mid 20s start having them or want/are trying to have some, my initial reaction was why do that to yourself?

Ironically, the majority of people I know who had children before 30 are no longer together, and the issues stem mainly AFTER the child's birth. I know some people here will say how awesome their kid is or how they couldn't see themselves without their children, and I'll tell you that's great. However, I've seen countless times, parents who wouldn't say it out loud, but if they had a time machine and the opportunity for a 'do over', well, things would be different.

A lot of people have kids due to the 'its your kid and you'll love it because its yours' rationale we all have heard; I have to say I've seen a ton of buyers remorse when having a kid was mainly based off of 'something special' happening to you and once the new car smell wore off and the realization that it was going to be diapers, destroyed furniture, resentment and worry for the rest of your life, well..yeah. I'm married and while she wants kids, I know 2 things for a fact: she wants them to have them, which is a shit reason. Secondly, I have zero interest in 99% of the things you have to do as a parent and I wouldn't enjoy them. I don't want crayons on my wall. I don't want stains on the floor. I don't want to change your diaper. I don't want to wake up at 4am to deal with you. I don't want fucked up furniture. I don't want the bills that come with children nor the responsibility. I do want to deal with one kid let alone other peoples' children who I'd like even less. I don't want to come to your school and deal with your teachers. I don't want your fingerprints on fucking everything. I don't want crayon art on my stainless SubZero fridge. I don't want to take you to soccer/baseball/whatever practice. I don't have the will and patience required for a child because after 15 minutes of being around the child, anytime that I can remember in my entire lifetime, I was ready to move on to the next thing. I don't want to watch the same cartoon 70000 times. I don't want to have to deal with all the shit and potential life altering garbage that can happen in your teen years. I literally have NO interest, I know it, and I am intelligent enough to know that its not that I don't want children, its that I literally shouldn't have children.

And before Sigmund Freud and friends show up, I had a perfectly happy childhood. Great parents, a brother and probably more things available to me than most, so me not wanting children isn't some weird thing stemmed from childhood or hating my parents or something.

Why don't I have, nor ever want kids? That's easy - I have yet to wake up in the morning with nothing to do and think to myself, 'I think I need some screaming and destruction in my life'. It's really that simple.

P.S. - I do what I want, when I want. I go shooting 3-4 times a week, work out 6 days a week and don't have problems like 'I cant find a sitter' or 'Timmy got an F today'.

Love my kids and dont remember how it was before they came.

Its a lot of work and $$$ but worth it to have some one take care of my ass when im old....lol

And how much they've spent on pets instead. Yearly is fine, and then you can just double it to get a general idea.

My beard is all gray. I was out with Mrs Pilum (younger! than me) a few years ago, she got carded. She laughed, asked the waitress "what about him" and pointed to me.

The waitress ( early 20's) said "Oh, I don't need to see your dad's ID"

She was totally serious

Wrong.

I had my first at 40. Second two years later.

My buddy had his first kids within a few months of me. He was 54 at the time. 

He and his wife had twins....

I love being a Dad, more than I ever thought possible.  I love my kids more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human being.(pretty much just like every other parent. There is before kids, and after; until you have experienced it, it cannot be explained to you)

My buddy is now 61 ish. He is tired, but happy.

Dude, people dont just proselytize for religion. They often do it for life changing experiences.  Including having kids, especially if they did it late and are advocating to like aged peers.


<------Guilty of same

My coworks are the same way. It's annoying. I avoid the subject whenever possible.

Do you even alpha bro??? Knock some chick up and make her take care of it....

Coc edit

I think, many times, your situation is a result of NOT meeting the right woman. I never gave a single thought to children, raising a family, etc.....until I married my wife.  If she didn't want kids.....I probably would have gone along with it. She wanted kids......and I went along with that.....now I have 4 of them.

I used to be a bit like that, especially with people I care. But then you understand that you cant help people that don’t want to help themselves.
I at least used to do it because I lost count over the years of people in their late 30s or 40s  that said they didnt want to have kids, only to greatly regret it a few years later.
My parents knew this couple that owned a real estate company in Florida. Nice overall people, pretty well off, enjoying life and their money and not wanting to be bothered with kids, said they didnt want any.
A few years later still saying they didnt want kids, but I was around 15 and noticed they were getting pretty old even if they did want them.

Last time I saw them was about 10 years after that, they were already an older couple. They had bought a couple dogs and I had my little son sitting over my shoulders.
They said something about congratulations for the kid. I said thanks. Then one of them said "these are our kids now" and they both hugged their dogs and started crying.
That was one of the saddest things I've ever seen, and I’ve seen some sad shit in my life.

So that's why some of us try to help out people we care for, especially when we notice they are not starting a family because they are too scared, but you can tell they want to and that they could be great parents if they just had the balls to go for it.

Some people are just terrible human beings and shouldnt have kids.  In some cases it’s not that they are bad, lazy or stupid, but they are terribly selfish, uncapable of caring for anyone else. We know a woman friend of ours in her early 30s that is like that. She just admits she cant care for anyone else but herself.  I fully agree with her, she should never have kids.

It's pretty much how we all exist with emotions.

^ As a single man, this.  Children vs. childless is putting the cart way before the horse in my stage of life.  For what its worth though, I did change a girlfriend from wanting 6 kids to just 3.

Well Duhhh...That's 87% of the Discussions.   9/45, Glock vs.Other..  Circumcision, percentage for Tipping..Buying Bro Trucks on Credit...  all manner of trivial, frivolous, inconsequential things.

But rationalizing the decision not to have children, is a much more serious thing.      It is changing our very society.  

Idiocracy was the defining Documentary of our Age.

So true.

As a former "I'll never have children" guy, I can say I was wrong for thinking that way.  

It changes you, mostly for the better.  My only regret is not having them at a younger age.

It's clear that you are well on your way to regretting it.   You will be fully there by 50.

Some days I look at all the stuff I have and it makes me a little sad that I don't have any kids to pass it down to. But the more I think about it I think I'm too selfish to devote myself to kids.

Yep...no kiddies here either. It's a shame too. Looking back I think I might have been an OK Dad....I sure got lot's of neat stuff and know how to do lots of neat stuff.

I sort of regret it now.