Besides an all white people wedding performed by a Mexican judge and none of us crackers spoke Spanish. Followed by entertainment by a mariachi band and when I ordered a spicy Caesar drink I got salad dressing (should have said spicy Bloody Mary).

Anything crazier than that happened after the wedding at the after parties

The crazy bastard actually said yes, haha 

A just God protects drunken women.

YES

A wealthy doctors favorite daughters wedding reception - over 2000 guests and many extra +1's.

The buffet table was rigged to collapse and shatter a $2000 fine crystal punch bowel holding about 16 gallons of punch. When the DJ called the people away from the table that was the que for the bride and groom to make towards the side passage to be wisk away by a incoming limo. The trip cord was yanked and the dance floor was covered in punch and floating sorbet scoops ( and glass shards ).

Was almost 10 minutes before the crowd figured out the guests of honor had flow the coup.

My Mother & I worked for this doctor and we we among the guests.

Buttons and poles, girls have button, boys have a pole.  Diirty touching takes it toll.
My wife is a mininister.  

Boom.

That is how you officiate without saying, my wife married her sister and will marry her other sister next month.  This sounds like incest, or your wet dream.

 Real deal, she married him because he owned a bar , and he was a lonely good guy that like getting laid on the pool table.

  Guy she was married to before, killed himself, couldn't take it no more.  Sketchy circumstances though.

 And after my friend divorced her or annuled or whatever it was,  she went to Ca. somewhere with some guy.

And she Ended up riding a bicycle  right into a busy 3-4 lane road and was splatted.

I was 12 and ushering at my Catholic cousins wedding.  At the reception I had to serve food.  I noticed 5 or 6 kids 8 year olds sleeping around 7 at night on the garage floor.  Turns out they had 2 margarita machines  and these kids had drained them both while the wedding took place.  I was to young to know anything bad had happened so I didn't tell anyone.  They all ended up in the hospital an hour or so later, they all made it.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a real bitch, although not as big of a bitch as going through a windshield on a bike.

Remember his name?

Got a call for a major disturbance at a reception, started by the mother of the groom starting her toast with " Here's to the slut who married my son"

A Catholic priest/minister drunk (LOL, yeah, right?  I mean....) enough to not even pronounce the bride's name correctly.  Shortened it up by a syllable.


A Catholic priest/minister read off the bride's/groom's names and then peel the yellow post it note out of his bible/wedding instruction booklet, wad it up and put it in his robe pocket after each name/sequence.

Where have you been?

Back in the 70's my cousin got married in Philly. Groom's side could best be described as a bunch of weirdos, our side all straight laced squares. Anyway, they had the reception outside at the groom's parent's house. The groom's friends kept smoking these funny smelling, funny looking cigarettes. Also they kept making lines on a mirror out of a white powder, then snorting it up there noses! Strange.
One of the bridesmaids at my best friends wedding (I was best man)had broken up with her boyfriend just a couple of days before. After the ceremony she would grab a single guy, take him out to the parking lot and proceed to give him a beej complete with swallow. She did this at least 8 or 10 times. She had planned on doing this to get back at her ex for screwing around on her and he was going to be at the wedding. The maid of honor told me about it, no I didn't participate, but I did lay the mack down on the maid of honor with great success.
At the reception after my first wedding one of my newly minted bride's uncles hands me a rather large bag of some really sticky looking buds. BTW, I was in Class A's.

I was at an outdoor,hippie type wedding in southern Oregon back in the early 70s and one of my buddies got shanked by the groom.

My daughters wedding. Beautiful fall afternoon, waterfront, San Juan Islands. Goes off without a hitch, and off to the reception dinner. Not even the Tarheels are TOO drunk...

Gift table is on the beachfront patio. A group of 6-8 sea otters come in on the tide, across the patio, and just trash the gift table. attacking packages. Pissing and shitting everywhere. Five minutes of OMG what the HELL is happening. Crying bride. Laughing father Angry wife and mother. Tears and laughter everywhere.

It's extended family lore. I still laugh when I think of it, but I keep a straight face in front of both my daughter and wife.

At my wedding, my wife's mom's cousin tried to hit on me. She's classy like that. Luckily one of my wife's bridesmaids came and rescued me.

At the wedding of one my wife's family members, a relative got stinking drunk and called me the N word (both of us are white), then proceeded to tell people I wasn't really family because I married in to the family (so did he).

Went to 500+ weddings, from start to finish, as the wedding photographer.    I could tell you stories for hours.

Some brides were okay with getting dressed with the photographer present, and  I saw more than a few nearly naked.    I walked into the girls dressing room, the door was open halfway, and saw a bridesmaid going down on the bride.

Upper class wedding, easily $100,000.   Bride and Groom’s first dance.   It ends and an ex-girlfriend of the groom, wearing an ultra short minidress, jumps onto the groom and starts dry humping him.   He tries to pry her off but she won’t let go.  It takes three groomsmen to pull her off.

Reception dancing gets a little wild and the groom accidentally knocks out the front teeth of the best man.  There are teeth on the floor and blood all over the best man’s white shirt.

Standing outside the church waiting for people to arrive.   A carload of guests stops suddenly and is rear-ended by another group of guests.   People get out, voices raised, and they start fighting.   The wedding takes place and the bride walks down the aisle to see some of her guests with ripped dresses and suits, bruised and bloody faces.

Craziest was a gang wedding where the bride was being given as a peace offering between rival gangs.   The photo studio had a newbie receptionist that should have declined the wedding.    The owner tried to cancel but the gang threatened to kill him and burn down the studio.   I’m wearing a nice suit, carrying $30,000 in camera gear, trying to look unobtrusive among bangers with multiple face tattoos, carrying guns and knives and openly snorting cocaine.    I split when the gangs decided to duke it out at the reception.

Funniest was where the bride and groom decided to have a big wedding for a small price, by doing almost everything themselves.  It was tragic, one small disaster after another after another, and I had to stand there with a sympathetic face throughout the entire affair.   I was biting my inner cheek to keep myself from laughing.   Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

Hippy Reverend who apparently got his license from an ad in Playboy magazine.   He has an ancient bible and as he waves it around for dramatic effect, lots of pages fall out.   He tries to be cool, stuffs the loose pages in his pocket, and continues reading, but now it is something about man and beast laying together.   People are shocked, videographer films it all as Mr. Cool reads more really inappropriate stuff.   I’m fucking dying, trying not to laugh.  

Priest who publicly chastised the bride for wearing a too revealing wedding dress, during a full blown catholic ceremony with a TV news crew videotaping it.   He was wearing a microphone so everyone in the mega church heard the words “harlot” and “whore”.

Minister who collapses while performing the ceremony.   Everyone gathers around to help and he starts babbling that he can’t marry them because they are too nice to suffer marriage.   Lots of weddings where officiants made comments that the new couples would be divorced in a few years and hate them for marrying them.

Priest performing a full catholic ceremony, stops the ceremony, walks down into the pews and orders a guest to leave, for violating his "no photography" policy.   The brides refused to believe this policy was enforced.   They got no pictures of their actual ceremony.   The church would have a person standing next to me, ensuring I didn't take photos.

Lit candles.   Saw a money tree with an easy $2000 go up in smoke.  Saw a bride’s veil burn and melt into her dress.   Darn lucky someone pulled it off her before her dress and hair caught fire.   Saw several megabuck wedding cakes fall over.

Best man pushing out champagne bottle cork.  Cork shoots off and hits groom in the eye.

Very young couple got married, everyone at the reception got sloshed.   Naive groom asks me where his new wife is.   I wasn't going to be the one to tell him she left with four guy friends to go to a motel to screw and get high.

After about a hundred weddings, I could talk with a bride before the ceremony and know what pitfalls they would encounter.    I'd explain potential problems and suggest solutions but they never listened.   Emotion ruled their decisions.

Was best man in my oldest brother's wedding. One of the bridesmaids showed up with 7 or 8 hickies. Just nasty.

Worst thing was at the reception for my wife's cousin. It was at a country club, there was a family or two swimming. Little boy around 3 or 4 fell in the pool and I'm pretty sure he drowned.

Southie kids?

I lived in Mattapan, Southie, Hyde Park, West Roxbury, and Brighton sections of Boston.

Mattapan has the worst reputation but if you were looking for fights Southie was the place to go. Old school 1980's Southie, not the gentrified hipster Southie of today (though I still wouldn't hang out in the Southie projects).

Good question. We bought the dresses and paid for the tuxes at ours.

My family is from Roslindale, and IIRC  the wife in this story's family lived in Hyde park when i was a kid.

The first place i lived was in the projects in Mattapan. but that wasn't for long.

I saw one of the bridesmaids going down on me, it was crazy.

My wife is Boston Irish Catholic.  The difference between a Boston Irish wedding and funeral.  One drunk comes in a white dress and one drunk comes in a box,  Just saying.

I don't like getting to close to train wrecks.... Some of these sound funny as hell though, maybe I should start.

One of my wife's bridesmaids didn't wear any panties to the wedding.  Apparently, she also let my single friends run a train on her the night before.

She was married at the time.

Wedding ceremony went fine, everyone looked great. Apparently there was some drinking during the pictures. Wedding party is all introduced going into the reception then the groom and groomsmen all disappear only to come back into the hall in jeans and black Harley t-shirts. Sit back down at the head table. The bride and her girls still all dolled up in their dresses. Went downhill from there with the ushers trying to pick drunken fights with some of the guests they didn't like.

Pics of mother?

That's kinda awesome!

X3

We were at the rehearsal dinner. The Pastor made it known he wanted to speak to the Best Man and the rest of the Groomsmen. He was rather unhappy about rumors of the Bachelor Party and I don't think he wanted to do the ceremony anyway.......

We huddled up with him, he says- "I want you to know that what you do tonight will have an effect on how things go tomorrow". Buddy of mine, looks him right in the eye and deadpan says, "Are you saying I can't hold my Liquor?"

And the Fight was on!

My brother and best man fucked two different chicks (at seperate times) at my wedding.

Weddings make girls horny

The guy my sister married.  

He was born and raised in a trailer park in NH.  He wares fancy cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.  Wears his shirt tucked in and has 3 knives a flashlight and some other shit hanging off of his belt.  
A few months ago he put a .45 hole in the bedroom window because he was thumbing the hammer down on his 1911 like hes done "a million times. I don't understand why it just went off".  This was right after I had explained to him in no uncertain terms that exactly what happened would happen if he tried the thumb the hammer down.  
He couldn't get my parents tractor to start for many hours and started taking it apart trying to fix it.  It was in gear.  Cost my parents a few hundred to fix it.
He gets mad at the dumbest shit and has child like tantrums.
Now that NH has constitutional carry, hes been looking for a holster to carry his gun.  Last week he was describing this "very nice" holster he just found.  Its one of the cloth ones you can find at walmart.

I don't get it.


Oh yeah, his dad NDd his own 1911 three times that I know of while trying to thumb the hammer down.  I've heard many interesting stories about the dad.


Edit:  But the wedding itself was amazing.  My sisters hot 20 year old friend caught the flowers and I caught the garter .  She came home with me that night. (I was 29).

Only one I got is more odd than crazy.

I traveled to Lake Okoboji Iowa to stand in my good friend's wedding.  He was marrying the nice, smart, pretty only daughter of a very well to do surgeon.
The reception was at a state park in some old log building.

Doctor - father of bride - was a total control freak on roid's it seems.  HE had input on every fucking detail.

Part of his planning was to have an HVAC contractor install two very large AC compressors, forced air furnace and exchanger + run power from several hundred feet away to make it work.  It cost several thousand dollars to make happen including the permits from the state FOR ONE DAY.  Granted the wedding was in Iowa in late July.

Wedding day comes around and it is unusually cool.  High for the day 67° and cloudy.  NO MATTER - "I paid to have this building air conditioned and we're going to use it!"  That fucking guy had the inside of the building cooled down to 59°.

It was, at his insistence (more like demand) a dry wedding.  Undaunted, one of our other friends who NEVER lets a wedding go dry, came through.  He had two pints of rum in his tux.  The groom, by this time was a bit pissed the his new father in law was continuing with his way over the top behavior - still dictating EVERYTHING.

When Handy McRumTux offered the bride & groom a coke they sort said no.  After three of us insisted, groom took a sip.  His eyes lit up and he smiled as he knew his reception would be salvage at least in a small degree.  He offered and insisted his new bride have a coke or two as well. We chilled out both the bride and groom with clandestine Rum & cokes.

Next day, as me and another groomsman were loading gifts into my truck for the trip back to Michigan (were bride & groom were making their home) Doctor control freak went off on us about hauling precious gifts in my pick up.  I looked up at doc & said "Fine, you handle it".  Groomsman & me unloaded everything and left it sitting in the parking lot.  It was as though you could see the doctor's aneurysm start.

I'm probably still a topic of conversation from a friend's wedding. Circa 2004. They planned and organized the event themselves. Me, my wife and another friend spent a few days helping them get everything done. Other friend and myself spent those few days drinking heavily. Groom he assembled a good selection of beer for reception. Five or six different brands.

Day of the ceremony, I figured it was my duty as best man to verify the quality of the beer. Three times for each brand. Never a good idea to drink 12-15 bottles of beer before noon. I was later told that I tried to replicate Mitch's speech from Old School. I remember the ceremony, not much after that.

Other than that, every wedding I've attended has been good. I feel bad now, hope I didn't ruin anything for them. The few high dollar weddings we've attended made the thankful for our small cheap wedding.

Truth.  I repeat truth is spoken here.  Made that mistake, once.  

That's tear wresting poetry right there.

Hammered bridesmaid puked red wine all over the wedding dress.  Before the ceremony.  They sent her home in a cab.

I was a groomsman in my buddy's wedding and his drunk asshole Dad showed up with not one but two hookers.

My life experiences include a few bouts of youthful exuberance which lend credence to your theory.

The best I have is my white trash cousin had a Mossy Oak camo wedding. 

At a reception at an antebellum plantation looking house where the bride and bridesmaids were making their entrance by coming down the grand staircase.  The party starts down the stairs, and you can see one bridesmaid wobble a bit on a high heel,  she takes another step down attempting to recover and then loses it and does a Chevy Chase type end over end tumble all the way down.

We paid for the bridesmaid dresses as well - twice, in fact, because we ended up changing the style before the wedding.

My only groomsman/best man was my own son, so obviously I covered the cost of what he was wearing.

Old woman was dancing and got caught up in the bride's dress, down she goes, broken hip.

I also photographed weddings for several years, not as many as you but enough to believe every word you wrote. Saw all the bridesmaids and the bride topless at one wedding, after a minute they decided they wanted me to photograph them that way, I obliged.

One wedding some guy that I assume was in the mob showed up in a limo, his henchmen promptly informed me not to include him in any photographs. After I delivered the proofs I received a phone call demanding all of the negatives, the tough guy was in the background in one of the shots. They were very convincing so I agreed, always wondered who that was.

I used to own a limousine service.  I've seen some shit.

At one wedding, one of the families weren't wearing shoes.  They looked like a stereotype of backwoods hillbillies and the kids were standing outside chewing tobacco with their parents.  Couldn't have been more than eight years old.

One wedding, the father of the bride had a heart attack.  I drove for his funeral a few days later.

was at a cousins wedding...It was a shotgun wedding basically and one of the most depressing weddings i have ever been too. Both families did not like each other and when someone asked where the couple is going on their honeymoon one of the grooms family replied does it matter they already had the honeymoon.

was at a wedding during college(our first friend in the group that got married) . She married a guy who was a southern baptist which meant no booze or dancing. No dancing I am ok with but no booze? So we did the next best thing, we bought booze and beer and put them on ice in the the trunks of our car. During the reception we would all periodically go out to the car fill up and make our way back to the reception with a full "soda" or a full "water". Eventually the bride caught on and mentioned next time someone goes to the car to get "water" she would like a large glass with a little cranberry juice

Groomsman at a dry wedding, myself and two others got permission from the bride and groom to bring beer, as long as it was in solo cups.  We bought out a gas station, and then bought a big pack of cups.  More people were at the beer line in the parking lot then the food line inside.  

Another buddy's wedding (arfcommer), He, another groomsman, and myself filled up a curbside trashcan with our empties the night before.  the next morning, before the wedding, the bride's grandmother needed to toss something in the trash (we were staying at her lake house) and couldn't because of our prior night festivities.

Then you have my wedding from earlier this year.  37second ceremony, followed by a 6 hour party where our preacher was the bartender

Yup, made that mistake myself once..... and only once
A lot of funny and some disastrous shit in this thread.