Super easy.

Empty mags, empty chamber, your defensive ammo in the factory box.  Put it all in the same hard locking case (I use a cheap Bulldog w/ key steel case). At checkin, say "I have to check a pistol." You'll fill out a form; they'll want to verify the gun is empty; you place the form in the case, and they escort it to TSA.  It MUST be checked with one of your bags. No carry on, obviously ...

It just comes back to you like normal luggage on the carousel wherever it is you end up going.

You can't bring fire on the plane.

-Wear the most difficult to remove belt and shoes. Stand in line fumbling to take them off.
-Remember to put your liquids as deep into your suitcase as possible, so you have to remove everything to get to them and then spend 10 minutes packing everything again.
-Escalators and moving sidewalks are for riding, just stand in the middle and set up your luggage to block any path around you.
-You're special. Take 3 pieces of carry on luggage on the airplane. Put everything in the overhead bin.
-When people deplane, don't grab your stuff and go, but instead stand slackjawed, staring at your suitcase and block the aisle.

When you get into clear air turbulence during your flight just remember, don't squeal like a little bitch or shit yourself.

OP,

First....you are going to Alaska...I might purposefully endure a TSA cavity search just to see that state. No, not really...well, maybe.

Second...a lot of good advice, mostly. The only advice I might add is if your checked baggage is normal-boring looking (like everybody's looks) add something bright to the exterior so it is easily distinguishable from the other black suitcases/trunks.  Makes it much easier to spot coming around on the pickup carrousel.  I tied a white bandana to mine last time.  The wife attached a small orange puppy collar to hers.

I think I've flown 10 times in my life.  I love a view from a window seat.  I always bring a book, but spend most of my attention on the stunning view.  Never tire of it. Last two times I've flown I brought a little Garmin handheld GPS to ID landmarks/towns as I pass by. (I love mapping/landnav)  Trippy being able to make out Dallas/Ft Worth skylines from over fifty miles on a crispy clear day or just watching cumulus clouds dragging shadows across the prairie.

Relax.

Ok, that's fucked up. I like the experience of flying. I like airports and the flying itself more than most. But I've never heard of anyone that likes the TSA shuffle.

Where are you going to be working?

I might have a job in North Dakota and will need help. (near Williston)


I live in Anchorage, I am a contractor w 40 yrs exp.

As you wait in the security line, put all of your 'stuff' (keys, phone, pocket change, whatever) in your carry-on, so when you get to the conveyor belt you're not wasting time emptying your pockets. Don't be that guy who holds up the line.

If you have a laptop, it has to come out separately, but tablets do not.

Skip to the 1:05 mark

 

Pay attention to your surroundings and what is going on.  Don't be that guy that watches 15 people in front of him take off their jackets at the TSA checkpoint, but waits to be told 'Sir, you need to take off your jacket'.  No bottled water or other liquids through TSA.  Take an empty bottle and fill it up at one of the water fountains with the nifty water filter built in.  Save yourself $6.  

Ammo in Alaska is fairly expensive, but don't take 30 pounds of ammo with you.

I normally fly 250,000 miles a year... Haven't crashed once since I retired from active duty.

take a RoRo, not a suitcase.  suitcases are a sure sign of air travel idiocy.  RoRo's are win.  

you see those people pictured below?  they do this for a living.  copy them.

ar-jedi

This is good advice. Really, most of this thread is good advice. Here are my $0.02 (I basically fly commercially for a living, btw):

 
-Pack your carry-on with the TSA checkpoint in mind. Keep your laptop, liquids, etc accessible so you don't have to unpack just ahead of the x-ray scanner.

-If you plan on wearing work boots on the flight, wrap your laces around your ankle once and then tie them like on regular shoes. This makes them easier to remove at the security checkpoint. Lace them normally once you are through.

-Pack one day's worth of extra clothes in your carry on, just in case your checked baggage doesn't make the flight.

-Exit rows have more legroom. On a 5 hour flight like MSP-ANC, you'll want it, even if there is an extra fee.

-Bring earbud headphones with flexible inserts. They are pretty common now. Hard earbuds will make you sore, and they don't block out sound as well.

-Turbulence happens. It's fine. It might feel like a lot of movement, but you really are only moving a foot or two.

The noises are normal.

Lots of great advice in this thread as usual, thanks GD.



I forget the name of the town but it's a 4 hour drive South of Anchorage on the lower peninsula.

I'm gonna send you a pm, who knows I may be able to help you out depending on the what when and where's. While the oil boom is pretty much over in North Dakota, labor can still be difficult to find because of the low unemployment.

That or bring a bomb.  The odds of two people on the same plane with bombs
are astronomical.  You're statistically safe.

What I do.

I take my shoes off, it makes it a much more comfortable flight. After going through the security check I pick up a few bottles of soda and some snacks to put in my carry on.

damn, got to page 2 and was thinking I was going to be the first to mention not bringing fire on the plane.

1. Get a window seat.  If you've never flown, you'll be wanting to look out.



2. Don't get stressed over something so stupid as wondering if you'll make your flight.  Get to the airport in plenty of time, and plan on eating there (helps kill the time, but now you're relaxed, being through security and all).



3. Don't get drunk ahead of time.  They're not supposed to let you on the plane if you stink like a brewery.



4. You are not allowed to fondle the flight attendants while the seatbelt sign is still on.
   
   
   

 

I've only once been required to toss my lighter into the garbage. Every other time, maybe 10-15?, there hasn't been any issue.

Listen to the people who tell you to bring your own food.  I can't tell you how nice it is to have an honest meal while everyone else is picking at their shitty $12 "cheese platters."  As others have mentioned, no liquids, but you can buy those in the airport.  Just make yourself the meanest sandwich you can, plus a few other non-liquid snacks, and enjoy the shit out of your meal.

 
This line is getting blurred with newer devices.  I've had TSA tell me my Surface Pro 3 w/ keyboard is a laptop, and I've had them treat it like a tablet.  I fly PreCheck so it's not usually an issue, but for those small airports without PreCheck or having only "partial" precheck (one of the AA terminal checkpoints in Houston is partial) it's a consideration.




Heading out to PA today... had to rearrange my flight plans to avoid Philthadelphia due to liberal scum street party






 

I fly 3-5 times a week. It's no big deal. Remember that your pilot has a boatload of training, planes are the safest mode of travel, and that it's extremely unlikely that turbulence will kill you.

You got this.

if you get to the airport and are afraid of dying -- well then, get on the plane.  

statistically, you are far, far, far more likely to get killed on the drive home from the airport than you are taking the flight.
folks will argue, "but feels!", however the simplified summary is that there is enormously greater risk driving to/from the airport than there is on the actual flight.

if air travel annually killed 32,000+ people and seriously injured ten times that like auto travel does, no one would get on a plane.  

that's the facts, jack.

ar-jedi

For those looking for the Original Flaming Backpack/Fire on a plane Story:

Originally posted by TREETOP, June, 2001. Reposting slightly sanitized version with "minimal" permission.

------------------------

Time: middle of June, 2001.
Situation: Stopped at inspection in Burbank Airport.


Before I moved my Fiancée out here to Arizona, I was living alone out here preparing our future, and she was still living at the house we shared in California. We wanted to make sure that AZ was going to work out for us, and find a way to transfer her job out here.
We took turns traveling to see each other, every other weekend or so. Usually I would fly out there with no extra complications at all. I packed very light every time, always bringing only a backpack as carry-on, and no checked baggage. I like to be at the airport for as little time as possible, and don't like waiting for luggage. Plus I've had bad experiences before where luggage never shows up.

This particular trip, I had decided to do some work on her car that I'd been neglecting, so I brought out a few tools with me. I was planning on adding an alarm system to her car, and brought mostly electrical tools (at the time I worked with mobile electronics for a living). I just brought the stuff out in my backpack like I always do.

After a good weekend together, the time came for me to fly back to Phoenix. We arrived at the airport a little behind schedule (bad traffic); said our good-byes; and I ran through the hallways hoping to get on the plane, relax, and get home. By the time I got to the gate area, it was getting pretty close to my departure time. I've missed flights before, and I was praying it would all work out this time.

When walking through the gates, I did everything exactly as I always do. I put my backpack on the conveyor belt, emptied my pockets into the little basket, and took off my belt buckle to put in the basket too. My belt buckle always sets off the metal detector for some reason, so I've gotten used to just tossing it in with my pocket stuff.
The attendant made me turn off and on my cell-phones, to show that they were real or whatever (I had 2 at the time, one with my old CA number, and one with my AZ area code).

While I was simultaneously putting my belongings back in my pockets, showing that my phones were real, and trying to keep my pants from falling down since they had no belt buckle, the commotion started.

Three or four security officers were speed-walking to the gate area, and the attendant watching the x-ray monitors started wigging out and pointing at the screens to security and all the other airport employees in the area.
I figured someone had tried to smuggle something through, or there was some questionable objects in someone's bag.
It turns out they were looking at my backpack.
Everyone was serious as could be, and freaking out. At first I was wondering if a rat had crawled into my bag or something, not having a clue what they were freaking out about.
Just then 2 guys corner me, and one of them grabs me by the arm to pull me aside. Anyone who knows me would know not to grab me by the arm and try to tug on me, but these guys didn't know me from Adam, and tried to muscle me out of the path of other people. Bad Idea. My instinct was to pull away from them, and free myself from their grip. I was immediately successful. They were telling me (excitedly) to calm down, and I was telling them to keep their hands OFF of me. I think they understood, because they didn't touch me again after that.

I'm asking them what the heck was going on, because by this time they've got a couple other guys coming over too. The other people coming through the gate area are being held back, and I realize it's just me and a bunch of security guys and airline employees in the vicinity.

The guy who looks like he might be one of the higher-ups starts walking to a counter, holding my backpack out very carefully, like when you take a dirty diaper to the trash. He actually looked frightened. Another guy comes up to me and asks me "Is that your backpack?"
"Yes, what's the problem?"
?Has anyone else had access to it, or held it for you?"
"No and No," I responded.
"What do you have in your backpack?"
"Some clothes, some tools, and some other stuff. What's the problem?"
"Tools, huh?"
"Yes, tools."
"Do you have a hammer in there?"
"A hammer? No. Why?" I couldn?t see where this was going.
"Are you sure you don't have a hammer in there?"
"Yes, quite sure." I couldn?t understand why a hammer would be reason to hold back a plane, or what they saw in my pack that would look like a hammer.

One of the guys rummaging through my backpack then starts walking to the man questioning me, looking like he just happened across the mother-lode. He's holding a brown plastic East-German AK buttstock out at arms length, practically shouting "Look what was in there!! Look what was in there!!"
Everyone starts wigging out at this point.
The man questioning me says "What's this??!!!"
I say "It's a buttstock for a rifle. It's a harmless piece of plastic."
The fat white guy who originally was monitoring the screens stepped in all hero-like and butted in: "I'm not new to this. I've seen those before. It's a survival rifle that comes apart and folds up inside itself!!!" He was as proud as could be, like a guy who single-handedly smashed a drug cartel. Unfortunately for him, he was more mistaken than even Miss Cleo ever could be. He'd mistaken a plastic AK Buttstock for an AR-7(a medium sized .22lr rifle which breaks down and packs neatly inside itself, designed for camping or backpacking-it?s about 3 times the size of the small plastic buttstock I had with me)!

I explained that it's NOT a "survival rifle", or anything remotely close to that. I explained that it was an almost non-functional piece of a rifle, that I was bringing it with me to replace a stock I had at home. It was truly the only gun-related thing I had in the backpack, except for the new issue of Shotgun News that was with my other mail.

The question guy said forcefully ?You can't bring this on the plane."
"WHAT?? It's just a piece of plastic!" I was sure he would understand if I explained it was harmless.
"I'm sorry; you can't bring it on the plane. It's a gun part."
"Why not? It's a harmless six dollar piece of plastic!"
"Well, we don't know if you have the rest of the gun somewhere on the plane already."

This is when I just about lost it the first time.

I tried my best to keep my cool, and asked "So you're accusing me of trying to build a gun on the airplane??"
"Well, not exactly, we just don't know if you are or not."
"If you're accusing me of something, you?d better be sure of what you're talking about. I'm a regular citizen just like everyone else trying to get on this plane, and you're making me out to be a terrorist or something. I'll say it again. IT'S A HARMLESS PIECE OF PLASTIC!!"
"I'm sorry; you can't bring it on the plane. You can check it in your checked baggage if you want."
"I don't have any checked baggage."
His tone got even more serious as he asked "Why not?"
"Man, this is past ridiculous, bring over somebody in charge".
"I'm in charge of this area. I could bring over my boss, but you won't be happy with that."
"Bring him."
He talks on his walkie-talkie for a second, then sneers and says "He's on his way."(giving me that "You'll be sorry" look.)

By this point I'm frustrated as hell. They're holding up my plane and still making everyone else wait. On top of my embarrassment was my irritation. I just wanted to get home.

By now I was thinking more rationally and trying to find an end to the whole thing.

I then asked "Can I just have you throw this thing in the trash and be on my way?"
"You mean you don't want it?"
"Of course I want it, but I'd rather spend the $6.00 for a new one later than deal with this BS now."
"Well, I guess you could do that. You can't bring guns on the plane."

I explained that I've brought similar gun parts on an airplane before, never once having an issue. He didn't believe me.

I figured that maybe I could find a way to keep some of it and asked "Can I take the metal parts off of it and keep them before throwing away the plastic?"
"Yes, can you do that?"
I start looking through my backpack for a small screwdriver to remove the buttplate and sling swivel, and something catches the other security guy's eye in there. I start removing the parts from the buttstock when I realize something.

"Why is it that I can't bring the plastic part on because it's a gun part, but you?re letting me bring the metal parts on the plane when you know that they're gun parts also???"
His reply had nothing to do with my question. "What's that guy holding up?" (pointing to the other guy digging through my backpack AGAIN.)
"That's my soldering iron. I told you I had some tools in there."
"I know that's not a soldering iron. I've seen soldering irons before, and they don't look like that."
"It IS a soldering iron. It's powered by butane rather than electricity."
[The Blue-Point(Snap-On) soldering iron is the one I used when working on cars, because it's a lot more convenient than bringing over my whole soldering station from the workbench.]

"What? Butane? You can't bring that on the plane either!"
"What do you mean?"
"You can't bring anything with compressed fuel in it on the plane."

My phone starts ringing. I grab the wrong one at first, and then answer the right one. It was my Fiancée; I told her I'd better call her back. The guys interrogating me looked at me like I'm a freak for having two phones.
I'd just gotten done removing the metal parts from the buttstock, handed the plastic part to Mr. smartypants, and was about to put the screwdriver away when I started smelling smoke. I looked over, and my backpack had FIRE coming out of it...

Apparently a female employee inspecting the soldering iron had screwed around with it, turning it on before placing it ON TOP OF MY MAIL in my backpack. I start smacking the backpack, trying to get the fire out, and the woman starts SCREAMING. She was yelling "That's FIRE!! You can't bring fire on the plane!!"

I was seriously ready to strangle someone.
I got the fire out, with minimal melting to the backpack. She was still frantic, yelling about how I tried to smuggle "fire" onto the plane.

I was very upset, done thinking clearly, and started yelling back.
"You stupid woman, YOU did this!"
"No I didn't. It just happened by itself!"
"It couldn't have happened by itself. It was turned off, with the adjustment at minimum. It's now on at full blast, where I've never had it before!"
"I didn't do it, YOU did it!!!"
Of all the things I hate, and there are a few, one of the worst is being accused of something I haven?t done. Especially by the person who?s actually at fault. At this point I?m pretty sure I was shouting. "Don't accuse me of things I didn't do! You turned on my soldering iron, and you caught all my stuff on fire!!!!!"

She practically burst into tears, and was escorted away by some other guy, still yelling at me about how I tried to burn down the plane.

By this point there's no fixing the situation, and almost no escaping it. I thought I was going to jail for sure, for disturbing the peace, if nothing else.

I took a moment to catch my breath, and talked directly to the head honcho who'd I guess been witnessing most of this fiasco.
He was at least calm with his words: "I can't let you take the soldering iron on the plane. You'll have to leave it here."
"Can I just check (what's left of) my backpack as luggage, and put it in there?"
"No, you can't even put something in checked baggage if it contains pressurized fuel. Not even a cigarette lighter."

I was so depressed at this point. I wasn?t about to throw out a $95.00 soldering iron that I?d need the next day at work, and I was just hoping that they weren't going to have me carried out by the Police.

I did some quick thinking, and asked if I could have someone come and pick up the soldering iron, and the buttstock, and just mail them to me in AZ. The guy said yes. I called my Fiancée and asked her if she could do that, and she said sure. She'd already been driving towards home for 20 minutes at least, but she turned around to come back.

I was finally allowed on the plane, I was the last one on board since they'd been holding the plane for me, and I had to sit in between 2 more idiots. I was sweating like a whore in church, and I had no cash on me for a drink. I was SO exhausted.

I called my Fiancée when I landed, and she'd gotten my stuff. Problem was the guy who gave me the most trouble was HITTING ON HER! She asked where the counter was that I'd told her to go to, and the guy told her he'd show her for $10.00. Very professional. He was hitting on her some more, and being a total smartass. If he?d known her temper, he wouldn't have done that. She laid into him something fierce, and said that ?if they didn't have such incompetent morons working there, that she wouldn't even have to be wasting her time there?. The guy finally left her alone, she went home, she mailed me my stuff, and there's the end of the backpack story.

Looking back now, there are definitely some things I should?ve done differently. For starters I should?ve been more aware of the laws and restrictions regarding what can be brought in carry-on luggage. I?d never even considered that a soldering iron would be a threat or a danger to anyone. This was before the terrorist attacks on the twin towers, and security was quite a bit more lax back then. I?d hate to see what would happen to someone attempting to board an airplane with those things these days!

So how was your stay in Guantanamo^

Op, avoid alcohol before, after, and on the flight, relax and enjoy, don't watch any air disaster shows before you go.

1) Turbulence happens, it is normal.
2) the wings are generally made to flex a certain amount.
3) the smoothest ride on a 7x7 is even with the engine nacelle aisle seat. This is closest to the center of gravity and will experience the least amount of movement. (the worst ride is the back of the plane)
4) noise cancelling headphones can make or break a trip.

Stretch out well before you start, and take advantage of the thermals to rest your arms.  Remember the secret to flying is simply to not hit the ground.

Did you mean to say hardly ever or did you mean almost never. You don't want to worry him after all.

Fly first class, it's worth it, for the extra few hundred dollars if you don't fly that often.

Even if you get the little bottles that look just like they serve, don't leave them out on your tray like you aren't obvious. According to the attendant that addressed me, serving yourself like that is "a very very big deal".

This is good advice because when you go to put your shoes on after the flight, they won't fit.

it's not that the wings fall off, it's that the fuselage falls apart.

Three things

1- preflight safety briefing, pointless.  In a crash, leaning forward with your head between your knees just guarantees that the coroner has to perform your autopsy from the rectum of the person sitting directly in front of you.  If it is a hot woman, you might want to do the head between the knees thing and attempt steerage so that if you survive the crash you could smother to death via your head in one last vagina.

2-in the event of a water crash, your seat cushion doesn't become a floatation device, it becomes a bobber.

3-right before takeoff the stewardess will come by to check the cabin.   The proper etiquette is to unzip your pants, pop a stiffie and cover it with a newspaper.  When she walks by ask 'is this what you are looking for?

That's all you need to know.

Watching passengers unload a plane once you land will reinforce just how pathetically stupid human beings actually are. Not gonna lie everything about air travel fucking sucks. From the cramped claustrophobic like conditions, ignorant travelers, panic inducing turbulence, retards at TSA, ugly & fat flight chicks or worse a flight attendant fucking named Bruce, delayed flights, Delayed while sitting on Tarmac, etc. that's just what comes to mind.

All of the noises you hear coming from the airplane are normal, so don't freak out when you hear various parts moving, not moving or creaking.

Take off is awesome.  It's a little bit like being in a drag car.

The worst part of flying is being stuck in a tiny chair for hours listening to the engine drone.  So get up to use the bathroom on occasion, and bring a few distractions, like a book, crossword puzzles, an ipad with some movies and games, etc., and noise cancelling headphones are nice, too.

Use caution when opening the overhead bins, as their contents may have shifted during the flight.

Go to delta.com and get a frequent flyer number.

Get the delta app on your phone. I don't load apps and this is only one or two that I use.

~24 hours before your flight you can check in on your phone or delta.com. Log onto either, and check in. This will allow you to select how many bags you have and I believe you can declare your firearm. I always print my boarding pass (backup), however you can also use your phone.

Get to the airport early.... the plane starts boarding 30 minutes before the departure time...

Make sure you have your photo ID.

Not sure how large the airport is where you are leaving from... sometimes it can take one hour to get through TSA. You also have a firearm so you need to plan a bit longer to get through.

If you get to the airport early... just hang out and don't worry about getting there early. If you are late... they are leaving without you. Since you don't fly often, it might take you a bit longer to get around.

When you go through TSA, you have to pull out any laptops or liquids. Make sure these items are easy to remove from your luggage.

You have to take off your shoes and belt and everything out of your pocket. After you go through TSA, you can start emptying your pockets and placing your items in your carry on... this will save time before you get to the metal detectors.

Try and fly with a belt. It is easy to take off and can be used on the flight to help if a situation occurs....

Bloody Mary's in the morning and Woodford Reserve in the afternoons. I recall drinks are $7 and the airline no longer takes cash. Drink carts may only come by once per flight... plan accordingly :-)

Most of the airplanes have tv monitors for you to watch... bring a set of headphones (type that fit into your cell) and enjoy some television shows.

Use your delta app to help figure out what gates your connecting flights are at. I believe you can access your delta app (for free) in flight as long as the plane has wifi.

Your seat number will have a number and a letter. The first row in the plane is #1... Seat A is on the right hand side next to the window as you board the plane.

The earlier you board, the better chance you have to getting a spot in the over head bin for your stuff. If you board last (good reason not to get there late)... you might not get an over head bin space.

Most flights offer FREE checked baggage once you get to the gate and before the plane boards. They never tell you this, but I see it occur on most flights.

If you must go to the bathroom, make sure there are no beverage carts in the isle... it is difficult to get past them.

Once again... the plane starts to board 30 min BEFORE the time on your boarding pass. You need to be at the gate at least 30 min before the time on your boarding pass. I try and be at the gate about 1 hour early, grab a bit to eat, get a drink and hit the bathroom. It is a pain in the butt to get booked on another flight if you miss yours.