TL;DR: One or two more chapters left which will hopefully be added tomorrow. Below are my notes from reading the book Conscious Men; damn good book. I have no problem admitting that masculinity is something that is hard to balance with the world and intimate relationships. Books are great, but how about some real life examples of experiences related to the below?

Few lines are word for word- copyright CoC respected. Spaces every few lines to avoid a wall o' text:

Intimate relationships: Ask: “What is going on inside me? What can I do to build a bridge with her again?”
One rose every day, not seven roses once a week, or 30 roses once a month.
Choose deeper satisfaction of sharing love over the shallow victory of winning an argument.
Be fully present. If that is difficult, it is time to withdraw for some “me” time.
Role Play: Dress up differently than normal. Go on a date together. The newness will feel energizing.

Five times per day: Vocalize something I appreciate or admire about her.
Devotion: Script on p.71 as a crutch if needed.
Happiness is an inside job. We can’t make each other happy. Only happier if it’s already present. The woman should do less for him and more to make herself happy. It releases the burden to make her happy.
Anti-Blame: P.75 Share with SO

Exaggerated emotions are really just a way for her to tell a story about how she feels. Sift through for the truth.
Don’t fix; ask questions to validate.
Undivided attention; full presence
Our opinions are not always correct.
Listening deeply brings much more long term satisfaction than sharing feelings for me. Stillness.

Listen to outdoor sounds 10 min per day. Just listen and relax.
Stress is a byproduct of doing things that are not right for us, professionally as well.
Journal: Write about idols and why they are such.
Find 12 most admired qualities in others. Be mindful of one for 10 minutes per day.
Take time daily to relax; cannot have an agenda.

Professionally, we do not have to change the world, only need to do what resonates with our heart; our inner being.
Most people think in terms of trade-offs. Look for synergies instead.
Sit quietly, still, and without distractions. Do not try too hard to quiet the mind; observe with amazement how busy it is.
Body scan 15 minutes per day. Find each part. Breathe deeply.
Go for walks/find the correct “solitude key.”

Explain the rubber band to SO and kids (after work usually): “I love you. I don’t just want to show up when I’m feeling drained and exhausted. I need about a half hour of alone time, no more than that. Then my batteries will be charged, and I can be with you in the way that I want to be with you and in the way that you deserve.”
If resentful or starting to withdraw, ask “Why am I pulling away?” Pain. “What kind of pain am I feeling?” Immediately question what she said and why, question my interpretation. It could be something else that is really bothering her or me. She really isn’t upset with me.
Journal: Write out how I avoid painful emotions. Arguing, over-thinking, intellectualizing emotions, surfing internet.

Less sitting and thinking. More moving.
Endure painful feelings and they will pass. Resist suppressing them.
Feeling letter (alone in cave once resentment surfaces to something she said or did):
  What am I angry about? What would I do if there were no consequences?
  What am I sad about?
  What am I afraid of?
  What do I regret?
  What is it that I truly want or wish?
  What do I appreciate?
  Where do I have forgiveness?
  Where do I feel love?
  What do I want to apologize for?

If upset: “Listen, I feel like I’m getting upset by this argument. I’m going to sleep in the other room. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Please don’t come after me. I need some space.”
Being  all without one solution offered.
Listening hurdles: P. 91 share w/ SO
Be interested, not interesting. “I already know what I know. I want to know what other people know.”

When feeling criticized: Take a breath, deflate, and let it go.
All women’s feelings are a portal to their greater, deeper love. Listen with stillness through them and she will return to her loving self. No solutions. No advice. Ask questions until she gets back to the love.
Feelings: Put “space” around them. Process them slightly intellectually. “Watch” them pass. Analyze in a way.
Fully experience feelings without becoming reactive.

ArjunaArdagh.com/no-other
Anger: Back off, breathe, and feel. Think about what we do want, not what we don’t want. Positive energy and leadership.
Anger in response to intimacy: “I really need some time to think about what you are saying, so let’s take some time out.”
Anger Process: 1. What made me angry?
  Why did I feel angry?
  What else have I felt angry about in a similar way?
  What is it that I want?
2. What is it about my intention that is reasonable?
  What do I deserve to have?
  What do others deserve to have?
  What is it that is good for both myself and others to have?
3. “Yes I can have that. Yes we can have that.”

Enjoy anger and let it flow. Forget why I’m angry and just enjoy it. Turn it into light and energy.
Perspective switching: Two cushions opposite each other on floor. Sit on one, imagine the other person is there. Express anger. Let it all out. Switch and be in the other person’s shoes. See how they would feel hearing the anger. Switch back and see how it feels now. This brings up compassion.
After anger has dissipated, think of all the good things the person has done for me. All the green lights, not the red ones. List all the green lights.
SO is angry: Take a one inch step towards her as if to say, “I’m right here. I’m listening. I’m fully present.”

Anger level: It is not ok to get angry to the same level as a woman. Men want blood when they get angry. Women don’t.
Angry w/ SO: “I need to take space. I need to get away now. I need to digest what you are saying. Give me some time.”
Emotions are tools to inform us of what is happening in our lives. Anger is a response we have when something really needs to get done. It is informing us that we may be experiencing some form of injustice or some breach of our boundaries.
Someone can only harm another, or do something wrong, when they have somehow forgotten who they really are.

Men’s group: Very helpful if meeting structure on p. 153 is followed.
Recognize the value friendship has in our lives on its own, not just for professional advancement.
Sit silently for 10 minutes when home from work before moving to family time.
SO is resentful about guy time: Make a special date night for after he has had guy time. Not before or he won’t be present.

One of the greatest wastes of this life is when we miss out on the brotherhood that’s waiting for us with other men. Until we become aware of it, our urge to impress women in adolescence can initiate a mad rush like a drug to succeed and perform that can last the rest of our lives. When striving for success eclipses everything else in life, relationships with other men become utilitarian. “How can he help me get ahead? Is this relationship strategic? Etc.” In a world where men live at arm’s-length so few men have friendships, not just golfing buddies. So few men have friends who know their souls, who know them beyond their stories, and know what makes their hearts sing.

Women hate when men give excuses for not following through. She is much more interested that I understand the effect I had on her, that I recognize the impact of my actions, and that I do not consider breaking my word to be normal behavior.
Give rewards to ourselves when tasks are complete. Otherwise stamina for higher hurdles is reduced.
Forgive ourselves when we break our word. We have a right to fall down when we are men on fire with inspired certainty.
Integrity is a standard we apply to ourselves, not a sword we wield against others.

Accidentally breaking promises: “I am fully responsible. I do not want this to happen again. How can I make it up to you?”
Man men feel caught between either doing everything she wants and trying to please her, or digging his heels in, which creates more tension. Self-effacing humor breaks the tension of dominating or being dominated.
“Love Dance:” P. 189 the two fundament parts and forces of love, at its very core.
Humor balances our serious mission and purpose.

Balance empathy with detachment and a capacity to see everything with a touch of lightness, or else the other person will be trapped in their drama.
It is impossible for a man to give his gift of humor when his stress levels are extremely high; burnout.
Careful to not be too serious and tense in general. Remember the funniest, more embarrassing times in life and make them into stories. Share the stories regularly with others.
Still too serious? Role play p.195

Humor not always appropriate. It can lighten someone or be seen as insensitive. Monitor the situation and keep in mind.
Sex: P.211 Whole chapter
When men become too obsessed with goals and actions, he shuts off his feelings side. Then he wakes up every day with a long list of things to do, but no reason to do them.
Appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

Regulate our drive with equally important family time.
Nurture the relationship; don’t fix it. Taking something apart just to rebuild it better is good for motorcycle engines but causes chaos in relationships. Trust and be guided by the woman’s nurturing side on this one.
A man who is completely shut off from his feminine side, and who therefore disrespects the feminine part of his life, will generally have a tendency to push himself to extremes and burn out.

A man has to become aware of his own biology to the degree that it no longer runs him compulsively. The rush he gets from setting ambitious goals and then pushing through to reach them, no matter what, and then basking in a fix of dopamine before he starts it all over again, can cause a man to live addictively. He may spend his whole life desperately climbing a ladder, only to realize too later that it was leaning against the wrong wall.
We can have both a strong masculine presence in life and also feel deeply. They are a balance.
Voice the appreciation for the feminine qualities we see, discover, and admire. Say it out load to others; especially the SO.

Journaling: P.237 exercises.
If a woman wants a man in her life who deeply appreciates and adores the feminine, she needs to deeply adore and appreciate the masculine. It will be mirrored back to her.
A whole and healthy man is firmly rooted in his masculine essence and in touch with feminine qualities and energy as supporting influence.
Just as some qualities are universal to all men: masculinity, some qualities are universal to all women. Appreciate that they are different by nature.

The more stable a man becomes in his own masculine presence, the more he can appreciate and enjoy the qualities of universal femininity- as a constantly changing display of color and energy, and the more he can penetrate it with his awareness.
The more appreciation he has of the feminine qualities in himself and women close to him, the more he will love life and the more he will want to give to life.  

Last couple notes will go below:

How to marry the burning passion of femininity with the great peace of masculinity? The healing comes from the feminine. That makes a conscious, sacred man.
Learned behavior creates automation; awareness creates freedom.
How have I been hurt by women? How have I hurt women? What do I love about women? What do I want to create with women?
If we listen carefully, we will continuously hear both men and women reacting to pain from the past.
Become aware of every habit I avoid just because it seems stereotypical, old-fashioned, or just like Dad. “Is it really something I don’t like, or is it just a reaction?”

The traditional roles that previous generations adopted have provided the foundation for all of us to enjoy this moment today.
Take some interest in how our ancestors lived. Ancestry.com. The re-writing of a miserable past is not accurate.
Reverse genders: role play w/SO- become what we think it’s like to be a woman. Then act like the exact person we don’t want our partner to be. Then act like the ideal person we want our partners to be.
Let go of what no longer works

Courage: The ability to meet the world with an open heart and to love deeply.
Stuffing anger into the basement severs our inner person power over our lives and ourselves. Turn it into leadership.
Delight in the experience of this very moment now, and now, and now.

Wow

Your discussion group is here

Worst thread ever.

That's nice, dear.

Jesus Christ on the Cross already.....

Masculinity, according to the Supreme Court, is just like porn. There is no way to describe it but you know it when you see it.

I am here for the inappropriate touching seminar that I am sure will eventually evolve out of this thread.

Consider yourselves all touched by me.

Inappropriately, of course.

It will be our secret.

I'm telling TRG!

OK, but I warn you that jealousy is an ugly emotion.

He is going to be quite jealous.

Break it to him softly, if possible.

I didn't think he liked it that way

He is actually built like a Peep.  Inside he is a real marshmallow and quite sensitive.  Well, for a goat he is at least.

TOO LONG TO READ

Did any actually read past the first few lines?

He must be off his meds.

See his other thread, it's sad too.

TL;dr

Q: Who the hell reads a book to figure out what masculinity is?!?!?!

A: Post Op trannies, pajama boys, and metro fags that cannot pull off their facade of "lumber-sexual".


Gaaawt dayum, some peoples kids....

No, and this coming from the guy that read the story of Nate and the lever.

I kept on hoping to find something un-gay.  I found no such thing.

TLDR

Don't need a book to teach me how to be a positive role model to my kids, good lover and companion to my wife and a capable, confident man.

Must be daddy issues then

Ok I tried.....

But that sure is a pile of nonsensical wall of text.

I'm going to eat some steak, shoot some animals and tell someone what to do... If you need me I will be out back chopping down trees to heat my house.

And later I'm going to fuck my girlfriend and go to sleep. Don't bother me until tomorrow morning.

I read it closely enough to reduce my testosterone level by 87%, but I should be fine by morning.

Nope. Felt the stirrings of a desire to cuddle penguins and stopped in time.

I picked up "Dianetics" for a dime at a used bookstore once on a whim.  Flipped through it and tossed it the garbage.  I got about to the second sentence of OP and almost tossed my computer in the garbage.

Rough crowd today. What is it, tax day or something Come one, y'all can't possibly claim that not one of those lines strikes a chord or memory from a previous relationship.

That's what I got out of that.

I read the first two lines and my penis started to shrivel like I was immersed in  ice water.  So, yeah, it did kind of remind me of my ex-wife, now that you mention it.

I read this while I was seated for a pee, and was emotionally overwhelmed to the point of tears streaming down my eyes.

I'll ask my wife about her feelings tonight over the salad I've tossed for dinner.

Strongly disagree with you, P_C.

I got a lot out of it - thanks.

I briefly had a sub to esquire magazine.

jeez, what a fashion obsessed, metrosexual (geared to the gay crowd), elitist POS rag.

they had a "how to do things like a man" series - eat, drink, etc.

I e-mailed them and suggested they do one on "how to pee like a man" --  next time try it standing up!

no reply of course (why bother, since I live in an empty western fly over state).

cancelled and got a refund.

Just let her be mad for no reason for a few hours and then move on with your life.  You'll probably be a dick a decent number of times for no reason and she can deal with that.

Drink whiskey.  Don't act like a homo.

Book finished.

That's a pretty decent overview.  Took some other dude a whole book.

WTF

If you need that many words you're probably a woman

 THAT, I can understand.

What the. I don't even. This is not advice on masculinity, it is the superhighway to the friend zone. I have seriously never seen anything this ass backwards in quite a long time. Unless your goal is improving your relationship with your MAN, then use this list as the ultimate guide of things you should never ever do. Fuck.

The only thing funnier... the lumberjack beards with the tight fit pants.  Are these guys still shaving chest and arm hair while having a full beard?  

That is exactly the crowd that this internet "masculinity studies" fad targets. People who are so insecure in themselves and have such a lack of fulfilling things going on that they need to read articles on how to be a man and buy campfire scented $30 shaving cream so they can pretend they're Steve McQueen.









 

That's all gay as fuck.

It's amazing how easily people are manipulated with just a word.

Oops

I skim stuff like this.

Some pretty good stuff.  Makes sense.

In the chaos of modern life I'd imagine time is limited for this introspection but parts of it can be done.

True for me.


Happiness is an inside job. We can’t make each other happy. Only happier if it’s already present. The woman should do less for him and more to make herself happy. It releases the burden to make her happy.

if my wife came home with a book like that, I'd hit her with it

Enjoy your 'curses', gentlemen.

What is this pussy shit?