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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value.
In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. |
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Do not attempt to be a White Knight and "save" the mom and her kids. They are not your fucking problem.
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Drama, and more drama.
If you find a crazy one you can expect to be stalked after the fact or even a false pregnancy. |
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its not that bad if you know what to expect and choose wisely.
The ones with little kids, say 5 and under, are a pain in the ass because the kids require so much attention. These girls will usually put out on the first date if she likes you tho. The ones who have been through the 5 years of having the needy kid will more likely have the frame of mind to know she wants. If she likes you, she will make time for you. All the big problems about insanity, baby daddy issues and stuff like that will be obvious within the first few conversations if you are listening. I will ask them what the relationship between her and the child(rens) father is. That way I can knock out her ability to be honest too. |
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Sometimes the kids can be great, and interacting with them enhances the whole experience.
Or, the kids can be a major PITA, hate you, and do everything they can dream up to destroy the relationship. My last single mom GF had two daughters, one in each category. |
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Asking for any type of relationship advice on GD is like asking a monkey what the best way to fuck a football is.
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So, for those who know, I'm very much against the idea of dating single mothers. To me, it typically shows damaged goods. View Quote Please tell me that you are 25 years old or younger. |
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Damaged goods.
The only thing they are good for is banging. |
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Get a pre nup or you might end up paying child support for someone else's kid.
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There are some exceptions, such as if she is a widow, but for the most part single moms are a blight on society and you don't want them.
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Every case will be different.
When I met my wife She had a 2yo daughter. I am not sure which one I fell in love with more, but now that daughter is 9 and I have legally adopted Her and changed Her last name. We do have some of the drama that is associated with the EX, but by and large Her and I agree on how to handle the situations. In my case I was the only father the young child ever knew and the bio-dad had almost nothing to do with us for years and years. I proved to Her that I loved Her and fully took on every responsibility of being Her Father, the good and the bad. As has been stated, the kid/kids should come first to the single mother. But if you get serious, the kids should come first to both of you. |
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [img]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ View Quote At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. |
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At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [url]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. He's lucky the ex didn't show back up and blow his head off with a shotgun. Ex and current beau both sound like poor decision makers. IMHO |
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I have never dated a single mom. I have cousins that are single mothers, and my brothers have dated single moms.
My only real advice to you: figure out why she is single. An attractive educated, hard working woman is hard to find, and baby daddy should have done whatever was necessary to keep her around. Maybe he is a fuckup, or maybe she isn't as good of a catch as you think. |
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At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [url]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. |
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Her child will never respect you and will walk all over you and treat you like shit Total Bullshit She will always take his side and will never discipline him properly because she feels guilty for splitting with his father This can happen but can be corrected. Single mothers are more trouble than they're worth Again, Total Bullshit. If I had listened to this, I would not be married to one of the nicest people that I have ever met in my life. View Quote The father being out of the picture will make things much easier, based on my experience. PM me if you want more info as I do not care to share personal info in GD. |
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [url]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. |
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1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents 2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead. Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. View Quote Solid write up. The biggest issue which all these points highlight is that you will always be wrong and the kid will always be right, even when the kid is dead wrong. That in itself is the root cause of most of the other crap. |
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I find their are more single jerk water dads than mothers. Kids take a lot of work and need guidance,if your not ready for it,than it is not for you. When you have one of your own, it is the best things that could happen to you. I see no problem dating single mothers with kids, as long as the kid is not a troublemaker or in trouble with the law. That would be my breaking point. As far as being number 2 goes, you might end up falling in love with the child as well and have a bond that will last forever. I work with a few guys who said it was the best thing they ever did and others have said the opposite. It is not easy but could be very rewarding.
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1) Drama. Lots of it. Family of the girl. Ex of the girl. Kid politics/tug-o-wars between parents 2) You'll always....always be #2. Even after the kid leaves home. You'll never rate more than a dude who provides money/entertainment for the girl+her kid. 3) Likely, you'll get drawn into or being provoked into a fight if the ex is an asshole/drunk/doper 4) It's gonna cost you lots of money 5) You're gonna get the shit used out of you 99 times out of 100; unless she is pulling down some serious cash. 6) Be prepared to spend lots of time with the kid (even when she says the kid is with a sitter or something). The kid will 7-times out of 10 end up crashing or there being an "emergency" and the kid ends up with you guys 7) The kid will eventually figure out what you're doing to mom and will often actively sabotage lovin'-time. 8) The kid knows how to play the game and mom will never hold the kid accountable. The kid will turn out to be a shithead because he/she knows you will be out of the decision loop at home. Just not worth it unless the kid is an infant and the dad is out of the picture completely or dead. Even then...it's usually not worth the trouble. Been down that road about 5-6 times. It ALWAYS ends the same. View Quote What has been the common denominator in those 5-6 drama filled/failed relationships? |
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Yes. Really. Notice, though, I specified "man". View Quote It's not wise in today's world. Courts now a days are more likely to side with ex over the husband. Husband goes to jails, then the wife and children are left without the husband around. I don't know what I would do in that situation. |
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Along with the woman, you obviously also get the kid(s) BUT it doesn't stop there.
You also get the bio dad, his new wife/gf, his family, etc. It's all a package deal. Even if the father doesn't have anything to do with the kid, it very well could be that won't last. If you like a lot of drama in your life and being with a woman with tons of baggage, go for it. But as they say, there are more fish in the sea and not one who has been hooked. |
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1st AND 2nd posts nailed it
I wont date or even have sex with single moms. Hell I am in my 50s and regularly nail chicks in their 20s 30s ( NONE of them are single moms ) The planet is covered with pussy ... I am sure with alittle effort you can make it with a bunch of young girls w/ no kids involved. |
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Sounds like you guys will be ok. You love her? She loves you? How does the child respond to you? You now have an insta-family. Could be a good thing!
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Quoted: Yes. Really. Notice, though, I specified "man". View Quote Right, because a man isn't a "man" unless he gives the State the opportunity to slap him with Class A misdemeanor or low level felony charges. What kind of koo koo land did that comment come from? The logical course of action was to cut off contact with the woman and her whole situation. I award you no points. |
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Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. Four out of five inmates agree. |
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My personal experiences:
I was never number one in her world, it was all about the kid. I bailed after nine months when we started to get serious and I found out that the kid was always going to be her first priority. At least her ex was totally cool about me dating her. |
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Expect to always be number 2. The kid(s) come first....always. That's how it should be. Dates will get canceled and or cut short because of the kids. Not worth it in my opinion.
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This... And fold in the drama post for good measure.
It's not always true. However, it's true the vast majority of the time. To be fair, women dating single men can expect about the same thing just in different forms. Quoted:
The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run. View Quote |
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Right, because a man isn't a "man" unless he gives the State the opportunity to slap him with Class A misdemeanor or low level felony charges. What kind of koo koo land did that comment come from? The logical course of action was to cut off contact with the woman and her whole situation. I award you no points. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Yes. Really. Notice, though, I specified "man". Right, because a man isn't a "man" unless he gives the State the opportunity to slap him with Class A misdemeanor or low level felony charges. What kind of koo koo land did that comment come from? The logical course of action was to cut off contact with the woman and her whole situation. I award you no points. I understand in your world the correct answer is always "Dump the bitch". Once again, that's why my comment referenced "men". |
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At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. Four out of five inmates agree. Guess I just knew the twenty percenters who were man enough to do it and smart enough to get away with it. I'll admit it does take a little finesse. |
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Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [url]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. Easy to say when you wouldn't be the one facing felony charges. |
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While the Ex may be out of the picture, the rest of his relatives won't be. Chances are, there will be some nosy relatives like grandmas and aunts that will want to see the kid.
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The kid will come first. If you can't deal with that, walk away. If the kid doesn't come first, run away. Maybe pray for the kid while running, but run. View Quote Concur with above. Utlimate the date will involve family outings. If you can't deal with it, remain friends but walk away now. |
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Quoted: I understand in your world the correct answer is always "Dump the bitch". Once again, that's why my comment referenced "men". View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Yes. Really. Notice, though, I specified "man". Right, because a man isn't a "man" unless he gives the State the opportunity to slap him with Class A misdemeanor or low level felony charges. What kind of koo koo land did that comment come from? The logical course of action was to cut off contact with the woman and her whole situation. I award you no points. I understand in your world the correct answer is always "Dump the bitch". Once again, that's why my comment referenced "men". Shaming language, did not address the argument itself, appeals to a fuzzy sense of being a man when no thing really exists. I, again, award you no points. |
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Easy to say when you wouldn't be the one facing felony charges. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Never take "the ex is out of the picture" at face value. In the early 80s a former co-worker married a single Mom, kid was about four. She had been divorced a couple of years, great job. No child support from reportedly abusive ex. Their marriage went great and they never heard a word from ex for a few years then all of a sudden there he is at her door (husband was at work) demanding visitation rights and threating her with court action to get it. Po-po remove him from their property when he tries to force the door. Restraining order is issued. A few days later the ex is seen sitting outside elementary school where the kid goes. That did it. Current husband finds out where ex lives, and catches him coming out his front door early one morning and knee-caps him with a axe handle. Also added a couple whacks to collar bone and breaks it. Warns ex it will get much worse if he ever sees or hears from him again. Problem solved and stayed solved. When the ex healed-up he moved away. I saw my former co-worker a year or so ago and asked about "sore knees" and he said he has never heard of him since he fucked him up. Kid is now a assistant DA in a nearby county. Couple retired to NC. [url]http://www.ar15.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif[/ At this, boys, is the way a man takes care of business. Not really. Yes. Really. Because a properly applied ax handle beats restraining order any day. Easy to say when you wouldn't be the one facing felony charges. Really? Why would you assume that? |
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Depends on the individual woman. Does her past life have a pattern of train wrecks, or does she seem to actually have it together? Mrs. Brohawk was a single (divorced) Mom when we met. Ex was an irresponsible loser and bailed on her. Next March will be 28 excellent years of marriage. His loss was definitely my gain. I adopted her daughter (3 y/o at the time) and raised her as my own. Here's one thing I learned - a competent, responsible single Mom won't have you around because she needs someone to change lightbulbs. She has learned how to take care of herself. Mrs. Brohawk has me around because she wants me for who I am, an incomprehensible fact that I'm very grateful for. View Quote This can be said for ANY woman you wish to marry. I always thougth that it'd be a good idea to go for a drive and get "stuck in the snow" or something while you are dating, just to see how much drama she brings to the situation. Congratulations on your 28 years, Brohawk, and I hope you have many, many more! |
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