Thanksgiving at mom and dads circa 1987

So, the entire family has enjoyed their meal expertly prepared by my mom and sisters and the other lady folk present.  When I say entire family I'm talking 50+ people including my brother, sisters and their families.  Aunts, uncles and cousins, etc..  You get the idea.

After eating everyone is lounging around while dad wants to show off his new satellite dish.  You know, the ten foot black mesh monstrosity in the yard that has to move from sat to sat but was a marvel for its time?  Yeah, so

Dad finds a movie channel and lo and behold, he comes across Steve Martin in "The Jerk" just starting.  So we are all kicked back enjoying this comedy classic when it comes to the scene when Navin Johnson's mother opens the letter he sent her telling her about his girlfriend.  She reads off the part where it says the girlfriend has promised him a blowjob and suddenly 50 people in the room go silent.

My mother, bless her heart, pipes up and says to my dad, "what's a blowjob?"

Dad didn't miss a lick and quickly said, "I'll teach you later"

Mom and dad are long gone but that story always gets told at Thanksgiving every year.

Tell your "special moments" from holidays past.

Lol awesome.  I can't compete with that.

Dude, I think you already won

During Thanksgiving dinner, my wife's grandfather stood up and out-of-the-blue told her grandmother that he was divorcing her.  And he did, too.

Yeah.

So yeah, your story is winning, OP.

Not funny, just epic.

Friend invited us over for a turkey fry (with the huge-ass crawfish boiler topped off with peanut oil) and a propane burner.

He decided that a frozen turkey into a fryer with peanut oil was fine as long as it was lowered in gently, so he threw a rope over a tree limb that was sort of kind of anchored in the crotch between branches and anchored it to the turkey with an improvised coat hanger hook (remember this is Mississippi, we're drunk and in our late teens).

We load the turkey onto the hook, and prepare to slowly lower it into the makeshift fryer.

An investigation of events that followed either suggest that the hook malfunctioned or there was carelessness in securing one of the knots because right before the turkey was to be lowered gently, it suddenly fell about a foot and sent up a cloud of steam and aerosolized peanut oil, splashed over the side of the tank--sending a fireball 15-20 feet into the air along with a rocket-like blast of heat and setting the live oak overhead on fire.

How we escaped without injury was a miracle of drunken stupidity.

So did you have stuffing or did you go with mashed potatoes?

Grandmothers house, very rural West Virginia, Early 80's.... Special guest was the Bishop, with his young grandson.





After a big meal in the dining room, all the olders retired to the Living Room, we broke out the Everclear. Young grandson wanted to hang with us, we were professional party kids by then. Yep, he puked all over the table, right next to the food.



I about pissed myself watching his embarrassed Grandfather drag him out of the house by his ear, While Gram kept saying, "Oh, its ok, nothing hurt".
Ill have to text my cousin in the AM, Im sure a reminder will make him

Although... this one could give him a run for his money - from 4 years ago over on GD:

So, a day before I plan to slaughter my turkey, the dog tries to rape him to death.

LOL

We are eating thanksgiving dinner when one of the neighbor kids (who practically lived at the house)starts telling us about fixing his grandmother's computer. He found pictures of her getting gangbanged by 5 guys.He said he could never look at her the same. I told him it would be ok,just don't kiss her on the lips.

I don't always do the stuffing onThanksgiving, but when I do I never have any complaints.

LOL

Long time ago.

Guy I knew once had purchased a new CB radio, and he wanted to show everyone how cool he was on Thanksgiving with it.

So as all the guests are sitting around, he fires it up and does a few "Breaker One Nine" checks, to see who "has their ears on."

Some trucker comes up on the air and he starts talking to him.

He asks him "what's your twenty?" meaning where are you.

Trucker comes back and says "You sound like an asshole, I'm not going to tell you."

He turns all red in front of all the guests who are listening.

Shit was funny.

Guy is dead now.

I've always said if the cops or an ambulance don't come, it wasn't a rootin' tootin' good time.

OP- That's a classic for sure.

Mid 80's....court ordered visitation. Almost got to have a conversation with my dad.

Nope. Wicked step mom would rather burn the fuckin dinner than stay in the kitchen(where she couldn't hear what was being said)

War hero....pussy whipped bitch.

.

We put on a fire show Thanksgiving 1976. A friend had a place that was a flop house (as my mom used to say). Think 19-20 YO guys hanging, drinking, partying full time. We called it the little house on the prairie and it was a chick magnet. 70s free-love chicks.
We decided to have a kegger and bon fire. My buddy and I had fire duty. We collected a bunch of pallets and boards, stacking them in a teepee shape about 12 ft. tall and 8 ft. wide.
Being a typical western WA drizzly fall, the wood was wet, so my buddy siphoned a couple gallons of gas out of his car and douched the teepee.
When he flicked his Bic, it was instant flame on about 30 ft. high and he disappeared. Out of the fireball he came running with his black leather motorcycle jacket pulled up over his head. The scene would have been a print for a movie stunt. . Everybody cheered.  

After a trip to the ER he returned with silva-dene cream on his eyebrow-less face. A good time was had by all.

Ah yes, that would be the Thanksgiving my youngest sister ( 9 at the time) lost control of her greed for olives and stuffed herself with them before dinner.

And with a sort of majestic inevitability, she proceeded to hurk them back up all over the dinner table and the person across from her...yeah, you guessed it.

Naturally, being a proper big brother, I have never let her live it down, and I plan to whisper to her on my deathbed "remember that time..."

I know, right?

Not my story, but a co-worker's of many years ago.

Ken was a pretty laid-back guy. Looked sort of like Neil Diamond. Also, Ken could make friends with a junkyard dog. Remember Vin Diesel saying "It's a animal thing." Like that.

So on one Thanksgiving, Ken was visiting some hippie back-to-nature types so far back in the woods, they had to pipe the daylight in. They'd bought a turkey to fatten up for Thanksgiving... and by the time it was time to kil the bird, no one had the heart to do it. So Ken volunteered.

Now his friends had an old German Shepard that immediately fell in love with Ken. Followed him around day and night.

Ken grabbed an axe and the dog watched adoringly as he sharpened the axe. Dog watched adoringly as Ken grabbed the turkey. Dog watched adoringly as Ken picked up the axe...

...cut the turkey's head off...

and the last Ken saw of the dog was his hind end, tail between his legs, disappearing around the barn. Damned dog thought he was going to be next!

I'm working up to a fabulous Thanksgiving disaster tomorrow.  See how it goes....

This story isn't from Thanksgiving but from Christmas eve...it involves my ex and her parents..its a long story but when I met my ex her parents were...different..and she hated them...I never payed it much mind...we dated 3.5 years and got married and had kids...long story short.. after a few months of going out she tells me her dad was a perv and her mom knew and did nothing.......so when we had kids we never left them with her parents even though we rented from them(they had a 5 plex) we lived in a unit(we paid full rent/deposit/utilities just like anyone, they lived-in another..by the time our kids had hit the ages of 3 and 5  it had gotten to the point the kids would be out in the front yard and their grandma would walk by on the outside of the fence and they would run along on the inside yelling hi grandma the full length of the fence and grandma wouldn't even acknowledge that they were there..after a whole summer of that it was like..whats is the deal?..her answer.."we have raised our kids we don't want anything to do with kids now"...These people made it a point to travel to the states at least 4 times a year to spend time with the ex's sister and her family for at least 2 weeks a trip including her girls...So after one big final face to face with them I told the ex..not a problem..lets move(we also had issues with them coming into our place while we were gone and going thru our bills and stuff).. so we gave notice and moved out... I told the ex right in front of them..you want to come see them you are welcome to any time you want..you just can't bring our kids and I won't be coming anymore... so we move into a new place and life goes on..ask the ex a few times..you want to go see them go.. not a big deal to me in any way..nope she says she can't stand them either..ok fine...setting in the living room Christmas eve and the kids are playing on the floor with their one present they each got to open ...when the door bell rings..hmm who is that? get up and walk to the door..ex is looking at me like must be one of your friends..open the door and its her parents with their arms loaded with presents...I ask what do you want..her mom goes " we wanted to bring the kids their presents....I slammed the door shut and went and sat down.........................Ex is like...who was that....I siad your parents...she was all...they left..never knocked again...funny....too this day they still act like nothing ever happened between any of us..........

Probably the most awkward for me was when I told the (then) wife to go to her folks for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I would go to mine.
Should have divorced then instead of dragging it out. It was coming, but I think we both tried to downplay it.

grandma remarries a guy after grandpa dies.


we go to new guys house for thanksgiving. There's maybe 50 people there, i don't know any of them.


my brother in law works at a halfway house for troubled teens called aspen ridge.   it's just kids who don't have homes and stuff. I only knew about aspen ridge cause of the Bro in law.


One of the  new relatives comes in with a few friends and sits down for dinner, right across from me.  during conversation  someone says have you heard about that new "aspen ridge" place?   and my sister asks "what kind of kids go to aspen ridge"


I'm joking around as always and say "oh you know real trouble makers,  total f 'ups, killers, kids like that"


new relative pipes up,  "meet my friends here from aspen ridge". She was a councellor there and brought a bunch of kids with her.  I had my whole foot and half my leg in my  mouth. there was no recovering.



Rest of the meal in relative silence.  I felt like such a douche. I was totally joking around. now I rarely speak at family gatherings unless I know every face there.

Well, that certainly meets the awkward criteria of this thread.

2009.  My brother is stationed at Staten Island and hosts Thanksgiving at his house.  His inlaws fly in from San Francisco.  The whole of my Dad's side of our family comes down from Boston.  Whole meaning me, Mom, and my Dad's brother, sister, and cousin.  Politics comes up...  That classic Thanksgiving topic of conversation.  My brother's Mother-in-Law mentions she voted for Obama.  My Aunt says, "Wel, you ain't very bright then, are you..."

Having to endure my ex-wife's palpable hatred for me over at her family's place for Christmas was probably one of the worst things I ever had to endure. She left me less than three weeks later.

When I was learning to read, I saw a box in my Mom's closet. Sanitary Napkins. I got the napkin part. Asked my Mom what the other word was. She said it was napkins for special occasions.

3 months or so latter all my Aunts and Uncles and families where coming for Thanksgiving. One of my jobs was to put the silverware and napkins around the table. Light bulb went off and I remember the napkins.

Well the women where in the kitchen. Men downstairs watching football. Everyone called to the living room  \ dining room . You could have heard a pin drop. Good thing it was a big box so everyone got one.

LMFAO..did mom turn beet red?

You know at that age you wouldn't noticed if you embarrassed a grown up. I saw her face and knew something was amiss. Just didn't notice I was the cause.

Yeah, that would be when I sat across from my cousins girlfriend and she spent the entire dinner rubbing her foot up and down the inside of my leg.



No, I didn't get up for seconds

Me and two 9f my male cousins were admiring the bird as it was sitting on top of the stove, shortly before it was time to eat. We had been playing in the field, running around throwing dirt clods at each other and we're all very hungry.
We were all in our early teens.
One cousin says that it looks tasty.
The other cousin points to the whole were all the guts used to be and says looks like your mom's pussy.
I start laughing and turn around to walk away and there, with a shocked and disgusted look was his mom.

I still don't remember exactly what happened, but a mailbox hit me in back of the head when I was 5.



Fell off porch... looked up-saw it coming down-braced... sister screaming... blood pooling in my hood... dad covers head with hand... hand lifted long enough for my RN aunt to say "Stitches."... head laid on towel in back of car................ had a knot on my head for a week or so.

Uncle's wife telling everyone (after we'd eaten) that she thawed the turkey on the counter for two days.

Yep, everyone got sick.

Just remember Thanksgiving should be celebrated with smoked turkey not just Wild Turkey.

No matter how much your relatives drive you to it.

too many to list...

alcoholism, mental illness, and Rx addition made holidays extremely unpleasant growing up

My only truly exciting thanksgiving story is this one.

When I was younger my mom who raised my sister and I worked alot. She always worked thanksgiving for this jewish family who paid her like 300 bucks for literally four hours of work. She prepared their thanksgiving dinner. And by prepared she got paid to cut up and serve turkey and all the trimmings and keep kosher for this family. It was no big deal to me, she always made a kickass thanksgiving dinner the next day for us.
    Alot of times I would go to a friends for thanksgiving. One time one of my buddies invited me over for Thanksgiving and our story begins.
   My buddies grandmother hosted thanksgiving every year for his smallish family, grandma was a hell-raiser in her younger years and outlived her husband by a long stretch. This old lady drank and partied until she died. She had fun and had the funds to do so thanks to her deceased husband. She had a cat and a little foofoo dog and decided she wanted a monkey because they were like kids. This monkey was badass, I can't recall for the life of me what his name was but I think Buddy or bobo or something.
   She got the monkey when it was very young and raised it like a super coddled baby and played dress up with him and shit, he had his own giant cage in a spare room and was rarely if ever in there. He was awesome and really cool, she had this thing for years. After around 4 or 5 years, hell I dunno the little fucker hit puberty started jacking off all the damn time. FUCKING ALL THE TIME! He also started to act well like a wild ass teenager breaking shit and just being a general asshole. He had figured out how to unlock his cage and then relock himself in when he would raid the kitchen for food.
    This thanksgiving day we had literally just sat down to eat 10 or 12 of us and I swear to god he jumped on the middle of the table jacked off and threw a handful of monkey jizz on my buddies grandma and ran out of the room and then locked himself in his cage. Mind you this took like 5 seconds, he was fast as fuck. Without missing a beat my buddies grandma wiped the monkey jizz off her face and asked for someone to serve up the turkey before it gets cold.

Fast forward a few months, my buddies grandma came home and there was blood everywhere. Ceiling, walls, floor, you name it. The monkey had beaten the dog to death with the phone and then strangled the cat with the cord. He calmly was sitting in his cage covered head to tail in blood when she went to see where he was. Apparently he got pissed she fed the dog and cat before she fed him that morning is what she thought. I don't know what happened after that but my buddy said she padlocked his cage and shot him herself with a shotgun and called some guys to tear the monkey room down and redecorate it. We didn't hangout much after that just drifted apart, but that monkey was fucking nuts!

I wonder if I'm the only ARFCOMER in the history of this site who has a thread containing the words monkey jizz?

Lulz.. Achievement unlocked.

This might be the winner of this or any other similar thread in all of ARFCOM history.

I was 14 and we had all gone to my aunts house for dinner. While we were waiting for it to be served, gramps takes me, my sis, and my two cousins down to the church parking lot to drive the car. He had a little Toyota Corolla. I got to go first. Now my dad drove a Chev Suburban. I knew enough that every car had a gas pedal and a brake pedal and they were next to each other. So i'm driving around in slow circles and start heading toward the church. Gramps is telling me to hit the brake! Hit the brake! I am shouting back I AM!!!
I stomped that 'brake' all the way to the floor but the car did not stop. By this time we are at the church, the car jumps the curb, drives over the side walk, thru the flower bed and slams into the brick wall of the church. Gramps car was barely drivable back to my aunts house.
When we walked in, my uncle jokingly says "so did you wreck the car?' I says "um yeah" He says "NO WAY" and takes off outside, where by this time all the adults are standing around shaking their heads. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. My gramps was really sweet about it, and my mom was pissed at him and not me. It was on the way home that my dad said that some cars have 3 pedals. Who knew?

When I was a kid, we always had our family reunion at Thanksgiving. I would guess 30-50 people would show.

My Aunt, who hosted the reunion, had recently remarried a guy named Bill. Bill was a douche and my family, who in general gets along with everyone, hated this guy.

The year my aunt married this guy, they had new carpet put down in their basement where all of us kids, all teenagers, ate and hung out. Bill was worried that we would fuck up his new

carpet so we were served our drinks in fucking tupperware sippy cups on a plastic mat that covered the carpet. This only confirmed to us his level of douchebagness.

Nothing like being at the kids table for the rest of your life.

Your family wouldn't happen to be Irish, would it? Sounds like Thanksgiving in S. Boston. It's stories like this that make me miss Boston.

Wonder where 7mary3 is. He had some great holiday family stories only.