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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:00:12 PM EDT
[#1]
I'm going to try it on my wife when my toddler is asleep.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:03:56 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I'm going to try it on my wife when my toddler is asleep. He/she may not be asleep long 
Ass kickings can get loud! |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:04:40 PM EDT
[#3]
Your cooter is gamey.....that's not well received.
Her "Did you just smell your finger"....He "no" They know you did |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:06:42 PM EDT
[#4]
Quoted:
I'll bet your ass was fantastic when you were 18. Just so you know. "You used to be hotter" is not a good line of approach. |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:07:41 PM EDT
[#5]
Your almost as good a lay as your sister.
Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:08:35 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Your cooter is gamey. That's not well received. LOL. I bet not. |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:09:01 PM EDT
[#7]
Mine is obsessed with her weight and is always on a diet and going to the gym religiously and rightly so since her siblings and mom are gross fatties (she has a different dad thank god).
One morning after bumping uglies she asked me if I would still love her if she got fat? Without thinking I said "of course I would....just not as often". Man I thought it was funny and witty, her not so much. |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:09:35 PM EDT
[#8]
You sure don't sweat much for a big old fat gal.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:10:35 PM EDT
[#9]
My wife is Puerto Rican and Black, and fluent in spanish.
At a Spanish for LE class I attended a few years ago, they asked us if there were any phrases we wanted to learn... "How do you say where is my pot pie" in spanish?" "Donde esta los piles? Why?" "My wife is Puerto Rican." "you know she's gonna cut you for that, right?" "Yeah, but it will be funny until then." Wife was not amused... |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:13:12 PM EDT
[#10]
If you got a shorter wife or gf don't tell them they don't have enough leg to wear those boots
I learned that one tonight. 
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:13:17 PM EDT
[#11]
"Do these pants make my ass look big?"
"No, your fat ass makes your ass look big." |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:14:37 PM EDT
[#12]
I love the way your boobies sway when you make a run for your phone.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:14:45 PM EDT
[#13]
This is how your sister likes it.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:15:25 PM EDT
[#14]
Quoted:
I'll bet your ass was fantastic when you were 18. Just so you know. I never tell them that...I just tell them that I prefer a Big Ass especially doing Doggy Style... |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:18:05 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Your almost as good a lay as your sister. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile That!!!! |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:18:06 PM EDT
[#16]
Isn't it uncomfortable when your feet hang over the edge of your shoes like that?
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:18:19 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My wife is Puerto Rican and Black, and fluent in spanish. At a Spanish for LE class I attended a few years ago, they asked us if there were any phrases we wanted to learn... "How do you say where is my pot pie" in spanish?" "Donde esta los piles? Why?" "My wife is Puerto Rican." "you know she's gonna cut you for that, right?" "Yeah, but it will be funny until then." Wife was not amused... I lol'd. You're a brave guy. I've dated two Puerto Rican girls and only one of them threatened to stab me. The other prefered throwing things, shoes and frying pan were the most memorable. |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:18:52 PM EDT
[#18]
I couldn't find you any tall boots because the wide sizes couldn't fit your calf.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:23:29 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I lol'd. You're a brave guy. I've dated two Puerto Rican girls and only one of them threatened to stab me. The other prefered throwing things, shoes and frying pan were the most memorable. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
My wife is Puerto Rican and Black, and fluent in spanish. At a Spanish for LE class I attended a few years ago, they asked us if there were any phrases we wanted to learn... "How do you say where is my pot pie" in spanish?" "Donde esta los piles? Why?" "My wife is Puerto Rican." "you know she's gonna cut you for that, right?" "Yeah, but it will be funny until then." Wife was not amused... I lol'd. You're a brave guy. I've dated two Puerto Rican girls and only one of them threatened to stab me. The other prefered throwing things, shoes and frying pan were the most memorable. My wife is deadly with house shoes! She could hit a hummingbird in eye at 50 feet...after it flew around a corner. It defies physics, but she's talented...or touched, take your pick. It always hits with the side too, none of that soft flappy sole stuff for her...straight edge with velocity... |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:29:39 PM EDT
[#20]
No, let me show you how my ex (insert ex's name) used to do it.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:33:21 PM EDT
[#21]
"It still is, Sweetie"
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:36:10 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Your almost as good a lay as your sister. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile  |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:41:04 PM EDT
[#23]
Her: I wish my boobs were bigger
Guy: Just rub a square of toilet paper between your breasts Her: ...why would that even do anything Guy: I dunno, it worked for your ass, figured it'd work on your tits *shamelessly stolen joke. |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:42:36 PM EDT
[#24]
*sigh* "Here, let me show you how mom does it. . ."
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:43:11 PM EDT
[#25]
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:44:50 PM EDT
[#26]
hey, for a 55 yr old woman your boobs really don't sag that much baby...
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:44:57 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My wife is Puerto Rican and Black, and fluent in spanish. At a Spanish for LE class I attended a few years ago, they asked us if there were any phrases we wanted to learn... "How do you say where is my pot pie" in spanish?" "Donde esta los piles? Why?" "My wife is Puerto Rican." "you know she's gonna cut you for that, right?" "Yeah, but it will be funny until then." Wife was not amused... My brother married a Puerto Rican woman, why does this bother them? |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:45:29 PM EDT
[#28]
I once asked a woman why she was still there after sex.
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:47:52 PM EDT
[#29]
At my granddaughter's birthday party recently, Ferguson etc was mentioned...
My ex-wife: "The protests are getting bigger and louder." Me: "Kinda like you." |
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:54:08 PM EDT
[#30]
I don't know about not what to say but for the love of god don't try to get her in the mood after you've been canning Jalapeno peppers.........
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Posted: 12/12/2014 11:57:05 PM EDT
[#31]
My ex GF was Puerto Rican , she got out of bed one morning and said she was leaving and not coming back . I said okay don't forget your stuff in the bathroom. That went well
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:06:16 AM EDT
[#32]
I demanded my rib back once. It was not well received, but things were headed south at that point anyways.
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:13:01 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you got a shorter wife or gf don't tell them they don't have enough leg to wear those boots
I learned that one tonight. I want to hit you with something, and I'm not even your wife. 
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:14:57 AM EDT
[#34]
"You look so much better in your pictures"
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:18:48 AM EDT
[#35]
My wife wanted me to meet her and her friends for dinner. I got there before her and was entertaining her friends by clowning around and joking while we waited. When she finally arrived I said, "I told them you're late because you had to buy some feminine products." She angrily yelled, " I was not! I was buying dish soap and laundry detergent!" To which I replied, "That's what I just said..."
I was suddenly less popular.
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:18:52 AM EDT
[#36]
So was that the best you've ever had?
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:19:21 AM EDT
[#37]
Pillow talk (insert ex's name) ...
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:20:49 AM EDT
[#38]
Dont turn your back.
you are begging for a pegging.
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:28:17 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I want to hit you with something, and I'm not even your wife. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: If you got a shorter wife or gf don't tell them they don't have enough leg to wear those boots I learned that one tonight. I want to hit you with something, and I'm not even your wife. |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:29:34 AM EDT
[#40]
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:42:04 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
She's been looking at boots online for about 3 hours now and I keep telling her it's not something you can buy online. You gotta try them on first! Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
If you got a shorter wife or gf don't tell them they don't have enough leg to wear those boots
I learned that one tonight. I want to hit you with something, and I'm not even your wife.
This is known. But for cute boots you don't wear too often, it can be alright. Especially if she goes up a half size. If she goes with low top booties, she should do fine despite short legs. I've got short legs too and those work the best. |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:46:43 AM EDT
[#42]
I thought the guy on here trying to pick up the girl by telling her she was all about that bass recently was pretty good.
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:46:57 AM EDT
[#43]
A friend had a problem, he found a new girl, had been cheating on his girlfriend and didnt know what to do.few guys drinkin some beers in the bar and the girfriend walks in and asks where hes been the last couple days, things got heated, she knew he was cheating, all of a sudden he says fuck it, im happier with her, and besides her cooter is tighter than your bung-hole. He never had that problem again. True story.
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:50:32 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
At my granddaughter's birthday party recently, Ferguson etc was mentioned... My ex-wife: "The protests are getting bigger and louder." Me: "Kinda like you." 
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:53:38 AM EDT
[#45]
I've learned that when your wife is telling you a story, you shouldn't make that rolling, fast forward motion with your finger. That will not speed up the pace of the story. As a matter of fact, you will have just started something else that will take much, much longer. |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:54:47 AM EDT
[#46]
Don't say this "You're a solid 8 on a bachelor scale." "You're a MILF" From my grandpa, when I was a little girl "You can be anything you want when you grow up. Even the president's wife." |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:56:28 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I've learned that when your wife is telling you a story, you shouldn't make that rolling, fast forward motion with your finger. That will not speed up the pace of the story. As a matter of fact, you will have just started something else that will take much, much longer. My ex husband used to like to give me a sharp "sshhhh!" when I spoke while he was trying to watch tv. |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:56:43 AM EDT
[#48]
the no shot worst I ever had a broad get pissed at me for something I said ( and did not mean to maker her mad ) was when I was still 19 and she was 18
she was one of the girls I would describe as slightly punk. or maybe even goth or hipster, but back in the early 90s before that really was a thing. a friend nominated her for prom queen as a joke, and of course she talk all this shit about how all that shit is stupid and the girls who run for it are bitches and all that shit. when she didnt win, she cried around like a real shit. even after all the talk of how she would tell them to fuck off if she won it. I told her "I dont understand you sometimes" I have never said anything to a women that has made one more pissed that that,. Something I did not intend for them to get pissed at that is. of course my Ex wife got pissed when I called her a cock sucking whore. ( cause she was a whore who cheated on me. so the shoe fit) but none the less. the long ago GF got mother fuckin mad as hell over that |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 12:58:08 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My ex husband used to like to give me a sharp "sshhhh!" when I spoke while he was trying to watch tv. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I've learned that when your wife is telling you a story, you shouldn't make that rolling, fast forward motion with your finger. That will not speed up the pace of the story. As a matter of fact, you will have just started something else that will take much, much longer. My ex husband used to like to give me a sharp "sshhhh!" when I spoke while he was trying to watch tv. haha what an asshole/. ETA the X I mean not grandpa did your Grandpa really say that about being the presidents wife? |
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Posted: 12/13/2014 1:00:51 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I've learned that when your wife is telling you a story, you shouldn't make that rolling, fast forward motion with your finger. That will not speed up the pace of the story. As a matter of fact, you will have just started something else that will take much, much longer. Most true statement in this entire thread. Fuck you are right. |
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