I'll just warn you now that this ends on a boring note.

I work at an industrial shop in the middle of a white trash infested area of a small city.  I'm told it was like redneck Mogadishu in the 70's, nowadays it's more medium surly with the occasional knifing (thank you, spirit destroying effects of welfare).  The boss is from out of state and I'm not sure he grasps this 100%.  So I was in a meeting with four supervisors and the boss when the secretary called him out and an employee told him he saw somebody steal a slow/stop sign on a pole that we have a guy wave whenever a truck is leaving the plant.  It gets laid down on the lawn next to some other warning signs between shipments.  A car had stopped, somebody got out and snagged it, and they had pulled into the city park not 100 yards away from the scene of the crime.  Bold of them.  

Well the boss got red as a lobster and said he was going right over there to get his sign back.  The thing cost $200 from Grainger just to keep OSHA off our backs, and he'd be damned if he was going to overpay like that again.  I said "you'd better take at least one guy, uh, as a witness" (I meant backup) and everybody stood up and followed him out, except for the dithering shop super, who is a known pussy.  I said "OK, guess we're all going" and fell in.  

So we walk over there all spread out like a skirmish line, half of us in hard hats, and the six of us come up on the passenger side of the car.  I bladed at 47, the couple extra degrees just in case.  Pussy shop super is an honest 400 yards back filming this with his phone.  The occupants are... a 50ish year old woman and her 70-odd year old mother.  Dammit.  

Boss can see the stop sign in their back seat.  Boss addresses them with angry-sarcastic-courtesy, and asks if they had maybe mistakenly accidentally stolen something from company property.  50 year old woman isn't intimidated and with practiced ease says "oh, we found that, we thought somebody dropped it".  Boss gets redder and starts explaining what theft is, and that this particular sign cost him $200 thankyouverymuch.  Granny starts rolling her eyes so hard she may have strained something and 50 year old fires back "oh, she forgot what theft was, her Alzheimers is getting bad".  Boss offers to have police explain it to them, 50 year old counter offers giving the sign back and calling it even-Steven.  Boss accepts with some more withering sarcasm, and the rest of us feel a little awkward now, our show of overwhelming force seeming a tad useless.  Sigh.  Things never seem to escalate dangerously when I'm around.

So we got the sign back, hell yeah!  Rescue mission accomplished.  Crime was punished with a moderate, profanity-free scolding.  

Later I warned the boss to expect some busted windows this weekend.  He looked at me curiously and said "what, those two?".  I said, no, their grandchildren and cousins.  These people are like Hatfields and McCoys with ADD and lower ambition.  He accepted the risk as the price of justice.

So that's my epic tale.  I share it here so that a record survives in case we're all killed in a tweaker redneck ambush later this week for dissing Granny.  Avenge me, boys.

Wall of text...

7.5/10 would read again

I read it. My stomach hurts now. Of course, that could be the crappy enchiladas I ate for dinner.

He used paragraphs, bro.

«tc2k11»

No one called them thieving cunts to their faces? I'd never miss an opportunity like that.

OP, was this them?

Should have broke her hip and given granny a depends wedgie.

Good thing he didn't try to do a receipt check.

Indiana sounds like it is white trash and in trouble.

Why you gotta go and bring my family into this


<-------- McCoy related

Good story. It resolved faster than a safe thread so +1.

7/10 not bad OP.

They were my very first thought when I saw the thieves, actually.  I was hoping one would get slappy with the boss, that would have been great.



The parts without people are nice.  There's a spot between an abandoned quarry and a turkey farm that I'm fond of.

That right there is why I surf ARFCOM for hours on end. Solid gold, OP.

You got lucky man, that could have turned bad in a heartbeat:












 
 

Gary, IN?

Dammit! Came here to post these 2 Granny dirtbags!

This^

If you can't unleash the wolves of justice, at least unleash the dachshunds of insult.  

Random story about this area: last summer I pulled up to a stop sign, glanced to the right and saw a mobile home where an old woman was mowing the lawn with a five year old boy standing on the deck of the push mower while a shoeless six year old boy pranced back and forth 8 inches in front of the mower, apparently seeing how close he could dare to get his toes to the blade.  They looked pretty happy.  I looked beyond them and saw a five year old girl pooping against the side of the trailer while a four year old beat her in the head with a rolled up nudie magazine.  I just said to myself "Nope.  Moving on."

Haha.....Washington or Bedford would be my guess. Close??

You had Congressmen visit your office?

This is a good story .

7/10
Nvmd, Teein/10 because of this.

Near my hood:







 

1.  Two older women steal stop sign.



2.  6 dudes confront and get sign back.



3.  Drama llama is not fed.