Go...

Mine is:

Seasoned fries (frozen kind from Wally World or Kroger), bake 'em until a bit crispy
top with Tostitos salsa con queso, ranch dressing and real bacon bits.

Makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Booze

Triscuit, various salamis, various cheese slices, warm in 300°F oven, sprinkle lightly w/ Sea Salt.

Almonds or raw vegetables for me, maybe some cheese occasionally. That abomination you concocted OP will degrade your quality of life.

I eat pretzels all the time.  When I'm fancy, I put some cheese on 'em.

Those aren't appetizers.  They are snacks.



 

Buffalo Chicken wing dip...

3 chicken breasts, small cubed, seasoned with salt pepper, browned in butter.
8 oz. each FRANK"S red hot, cream cheese, chunky blue cheese dressing, blended

Add above to casserole, cover with desired amount of shredded cheddar,  bake 350 for 20 min.

Dip favorite corn chips, WIN...

Shrimp from Hell.

Clean seeds out of Jalapeno peppers and replace with either shrimp or chicken with a sliver of onion fold back together wrap with bacon and toothpick it together and throw on grill.  when bacon is done it is ready.

mini tomato sandwiches

fried tater tots (i have a frier)

I have the GF whip up some cheese, crackers, and summer sausage.

Insalata Caprese

Imitation crab meat

OP, that's fucking disgusting.

Fried carbs + ranch dressing is not a winning formula for anything, culinarily or otherwise, unless you really just want to get the beetus.


And to show you I don't give a fuck about the fat content...

The best "appetizer" ever invented, without exception, is Shrimp Lejon.  Oh, I hear you say, it's too simple!  It's the three-part vodka shot of the food world!

Yeah, shut the fuck up, simplicity is why it's awesome.  It's perfectly balanced, it's the perfect size, it's not too expensive or difficult to make, and it's perfect to enjoy one or two with a cocktail as a first course.  And, see, that's the trick - shit that's too rich or too complicated or too filling or whatever - that's shit for TGI Friday's.  Just go back to the fried carbs + ranch dressing formula if that's what you want and stop pretending you actually like the taste of food.

An appetizer should be simple, one or two bites, only a few ingredients, and yet deliver big on flavor.  Shrimp Lejon is the fucking undisputed king, here.


So, how do I make this wonderful thing?

You will need:
Medium shrimp, raw (tail on preferred)
Bacon (your choice here, and thin cut can actually work better - try to avoid sugar cures, though, the flavor just isn't right)
Horseradish (creamed or not - but you'll need a different method for either)

And that's it!  You may make a remoulade to dip, but honestly, you don't need to.  You'll also need toothpicks and aluminum foil, but I'm going to assume you have those.

Put the foil on a baking sheet and lay the bacon on the foil.  Try not to overlap pieces, but do it if you have to.  Put the bacon in a cold oven (yes, really), and then turn the oven on, set to 400*F.  Once the oven reaches temperature, you'll need another 8-10 minutes (less for very thin bacon).  You're NOT fully cooking the bacon here.  This par-cooking is to render some of the fat and just brown the edges, but the bacon should still be limp and flexible.  When you reach that stage, pull the bacon out (keep the oven on).

Now, while you're waiting for the bacon to do its thing, prep your shrimp.  Peel and devein if you gotta, defrost (in a bowl of running cold water) if you gotta, whatever it is.  Leave the tails on if you can, though it's mostly an aesthetic thing.

Next, figure out what type of horseradish you're working with.  Almost every grocery store will sell Inglehoffer's creamy, which is good enough.  If you're lucky to get the good polish non-creamy stuff, then all the better.
If you've got creamy, spread it with the back of a spoon onto the bacon.  If you have the good stuff, pack it by hand into the open vein cavity of the shrimp.

Then you wrap the bacon (horseradish side in) around the shrimp and hold it on with a toothpick.  You may stop here and refrigerate if your meal is later.  When you're ready to cook...

Put them back on the backing sheet (after draining grease, if needed), and right back into the 400*F oven.  Cooking will take 3-4 minutes, depending on the size of the shrimp.  What should happen is the shrimp should still be soft but fully cooked, bacon should be crispy but not overdone, and the tail should just have turned orange.  It's real simple, don't overthink it.


And that's it.  Eat those little fuckers and marvel in the culinary brilliance of its glorious simplicity.  And then throw out all your ranch dressing, because that shit is gross.

Don't knock it until you try it.

Horseradish is nasty, I like shrimp and bacon though.

Buffalo wings, bake wings, toss in a sauce of butter, hotsauce, garlic, dried pepper, usually add a splash of soy sauce or something too.
Soft pretzels, wife makes those.

I will say that anyone who has been a guest at our house and has tried this has nothing but good things to say about it.

Hot Artichoke and spinach dip.

Atomic Buffalo Turds (ABT's)



Cowboy Caviar



Buffalo Chicken Dip



There are so many options!!!

This thread is now easy to fap to

Deviled Eggs with bacon bits, sharp cheddar and chipotle tabasco.

I've always liked you.

I'm going to try this tonight. Seriously.

Fresh buffalo mozzarella on heirloom tomatoes with balsamic vinegar and basil.

This.

 

I like nachos. Quick, easy, tasty and not terrible for you.

Tortilla chips topped with refried beans. (GFS has some dehydrated refried beans that are outstanding and quick), jalapenos, cheese. Nuke till melty cheese. Top with sour cream.

Salami rolled around a little cream cheese and a green onion is good/easy.

Wife makes a good black bean salsa that has corn, black beans, chopped fresh jalapenos, onion and some other stuff.

Chips, salsa, guacamole, beer.


Not necessarily in that order.

I do the shrimp wrapped in bacon with a dip in hickory bbq sauce.  Grill or broil.

Aged provalone cheese on big wheat thins with a banana pepper ring
blue cheese sliced on a ritz with a slice of red onion,.

Throw a block of Cream Cheese on a small plate.
Cover one end halfway with Pick-a-peppa sauce and the other end with Jalapeno jelly
Serve with crackers
Simple and delicious

FRESH mozzarella, crusty Italian bread, olives, salami, olive oil and a bottle of red stuff.

Olive oil with garlic, oregano, salt, black pepper and crushed red pepper in it with bread. Even better with feta.

I like you.

beer

We only do appetizers for special occasions, but here are a few my wife makes:

Bacon wrapped dates
Homemade jalapeno poppers (pepper stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon)
She has a broccoli salad that's amazing too (also contains bacon)

So...bacon basically....

Awesome!  My garden is 1/2 tomatoes, 1/2 herbs.  I always grow some romas and basil so we can have this for months on end.  We like to drizzle a bit of balsamic vinegar on there, too.

ABT's are my go to.  My wife will also sometimes make humis (with plenty of garlic).  Other than that - home made fried shit is sometimes done.  Tons of stuff has been fried just because.  Usually starts out with potato chips - then whatever I can find.



Not really an appraiser any more - but fried corn on the cob is something I do - then coat it with 1/2 old bay and 1/2 sugar mix.

Chantrelle mushrooms sautéed with garlic and shallots in butter, deglazed with white wine and finished with cream all poured over slices of fresh baugette.

Really does look good.

Wife can't believe all the recipes I get off Arf.

Sex

beer

Grilled chicken wings, homemade mango habanero glaze

Shrimp with romesco sauce

Spicy tuna rolls

Tortilla española

Lumpia

Pan fried (wild hog) pork dumplings

Carbophobes better eat before they show up.

Crackers and cottage cheese

how does she do up the pretzels?

We've been trying to work out pretzels for a while but can't get them to brown up right...

Whole garlic, shave the top, brush on some olive oil and bake until soft.  Put of a few of them on a plate in the middle of the table and let everyone spread a little on some ciabatta bread before the main course comes out.  

Keeps vampires at bay, too.

Poppers

I think you really need a lye bath to get them to work.

 

I'll play this game. Let's see how they taste!



 

Cabot brand Habanero Cheddar and Triscuits.

Vagina

Thanksgiving must be interesting at your house.

My homemade queso