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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:25:26 PM EDT
[#1]
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:26:06 PM EDT
[#2]
It worked with me and my ex. We did all the paperwork - the state (Idaho) has mandated formulas for child support, etc, so we just agreed to those.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:26:12 PM EDT
[#3]
I know a few people who had a clean and relatively painless split, and wish you the best of luck with yours. However, Get a lawyer now! document everything and cover your ass! If things go good then everyone walks away better off. If things turn for the worst, you want to be covered.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:26:59 PM EDT
[#4]
Get a lawyer. there are things that you will never think about that will come back and bite you in the ass later, like her claiming your SS in 40 years, even if you remarry. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:27:14 PM EDT
[#5]
   
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:29:20 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. A lot of people start out saying that and rarely does it end that way. Lawyer up, otherwise you may end up regretting that decision. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:29:54 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Get a lawyer. there are things that you will never think about that will come back and bite you in the ass later, like her claiming your SS in 40 years, even if you remarry. This and she doen't need to know you have one 
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:30:29 PM EDT
[#8]
Worked for me but be prepared to bite your tounge sometimes. Especially when you are pissed.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:30:43 PM EDT
[#9]
so OP, i was out on the lake today. my boat drifted softly on the calm waves and i had with me some basic equipment. it was a very clear sky. blue, too. as was the water. i was at peace with myself as i cast that rod out into the depths of the lake. a great serenity overcame me. suddenly a lochness monster ripped my fucking boat into the ocean (yes the lake transformed into an ocean) and devoured me.
you know what my story and your post have in common? they both contain fictional things yours is an amicable divorce and mine is the lochness monster. get a lawyer is my advice. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:31:07 PM EDT
[#10]
Quoted:
Does this ever work? My wife (sorry, no pics) and I have reached a stopping point in our relationship. Going to the councilor next week, but we've spent all weekend talking about the problems and their origin. We've discussed the big D and right now she's on board with a no contest, no lawyer divorce. Very emotional time and very disappointing for both of us. Long story short: Dated two years (8 months away out of state for work) One miscarriage from accidental pregnancy early in the relationship Engagement of 1 year Married 1.5 years No prenup No children No real-estate Wife put on 60 lbs, sex once every 1-2 months on average I make about 4x what she does; joint checking combined finances I moved her 1000 miles from home, but she likes this town She has a checkered past of various emotional issues that I've tried to help her overcome (dad abandoned them, mom dead, rape, etc.), but a HUGE heart and good with children. I married her to bare mine, but at this point, I'm done and it's time to eject. Damned Arfcom curse. 60lbs? Yikes. Eject. Even if it's expensive, it's worth getting out before another pregnancy. The kind of counseling she needs doesn't include you. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:31:36 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
so OP, i was out on the lake today. my boat drifted softly on the calm waves and i had with me some basic equipment. it was a very clear sky. blue, too. as was the water. i was at peace with myself as i cast that rod out into the depths of the lake. a great serenity overcame me. suddenly a lochness monster ripped my fucking boat into the ocean and devoured me. you know what my story and your post have in common? they both contain fictional things yours is an amicable divorce and mine is the lochness monster. get a lawyer is my advice. This man speaks the truth ....... |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:31:53 PM EDT
[#12]
This will work FINE until Monday Morning, when she goes into work, and tells all the "YENTA'S" she works with about it, and then, YOU'RE TOAST....
She'll have a lawyer on your ass by close of business Monday..... Sorry.... |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:32:02 PM EDT
[#13]
First wife and I did a friendly divorce.
I hired a lawyer just to do the process, but there was no fighting over anything. I actually got off very easy financially, she didn't want alimony or anything. No kids either to complicate things.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:32:40 PM EDT
[#14]
I managed to.
We were both young, no kids, made the same money, had the same amount of debt. Weren't even married long enough to have any joint accounts/credit cards before she went and played her part in running away with and wrecking the marriage of her scumbag jiu-jitsu instructor that was 20 years older and married with three kids. Wasn't a hard choice to get divorced instead of trying to work it out. Despite wanting to be a real huge dick about it and make things hard for her, I managed to stay civil in the interest of not having to spend money getting a lawyer involved. She did the same, we figured out how to do the paperwork on our own and had the thing wrapped up pretty quickly. So it is possible, but I think the reason most people advise lawyering up is because most of the time things don't go anywhere near that smooth. Best of luck OP. Mine was easy and it was still a miserable experience to go through, but it does get better.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:33:40 PM EDT
[#15]
Good ruck when she finds out how much it will cost to actually take care of herself.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:33:45 PM EDT
[#16]
Amicable in the adversarial legal system
LMAO |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:34:42 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. My ex-wife and I had a very amicable divorce. I told her I wanted her to leave my life and never, ever, return... and she did. 
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:34:59 PM EDT
[#18]
My two divorces were pretty simple. The first one we had a kid involved, agreed on everything, she sold me her interest in the house, we filled out all the paperwork ourselves, filing fee was $107 in 1998.
Second one the county we lived in wanted $400 to file a "simplified divorce" and about a 50-page packet filled out including tax returns, bank statements, etc, etc. I walked across the street from the court house into the closest lawyers office and he charged $1000 (including the filing fee) and it literally was two pages with no supporting documentation required. Since it was not contested she just simply waived her right to representation at the hearing and us and the judge signed everything, took 10 minutes. It was well worth the extra $600 to the lawyer.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:35:09 PM EDT
[#19]
OP good luck and go ahead with the divorce. Can an amicable divorce work, sure, but not very often. You do have allot going for you without any children involved and her being able to support herself. So go for it and don't promise anything and don't look back.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:35:14 PM EDT
[#20]
My divorce was very amicable. We split our stuff up, didn't argue about anything. That was it. We moved on. Fortunately no children and no big community property involved.
I don't hold anything against him. We just weren't good together. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:36:22 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. This. Me and my ex talked about a fair divorce with no lawyer. Thought it was a good idea till I found out what her idea of fair was. At least you don't have kids, property and have only been married for less than two years. You'll be ok. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:37:10 PM EDT
[#22]
My first wife and I worked out a very amicable divorce. We tried everything, until we realized that we just weren't right for each other any more. No one did anything wrong...we just admitted we no longer fit. So we would go out for dinner, still have a good time and work out who got what...no attorneys involved, and it all ended fairly and we were both satisfied.
Years later, and my only regret was the lost time before we realized we weren't right for each other any more. We both still cared deeply for each other, but it wasn't "lover" sort of love. As long as it had to end, I'm really glad we ended like we did. It can be done, but both parties have to realize that true compromise means it is unlikely that both of you will get everything you want. Fairness is much easier when both of you are busting your ass to try and be kind, fair, and reasonable because you still care for and about the other person's welfare. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:37:38 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Worked for me but be prepared to bite your tounge sometimes. Especially when you are pissed. Part of our divorce decree contains some extremely questionable language that she wanted. I agreed just to end it. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:38:41 PM EDT
[#24]
Quoted: Does this ever work? My wife (sorry, no pics) and I have reached a stopping point in our relationship. Going to the councilor next week, but we've spent all weekend talking about the problems and their origin. We've discussed the big D and right now she's on board with a no contest, no lawyer divorce. Very emotional time and very disappointing for both of us. Long story short: Dated two years (8 months away out of state for work) One miscarriage from accidental pregnancy early in the relationship Engagement of 1 year Married 1.5 years No prenup No children No real-estate Wife put on 60 lbs, sex once every 1-2 months on average I make about 4x what she does; joint checking combined finances I moved her 1000 miles from home, but she likes this town She has a checkered past of various emotional issues that I've tried to help her overcome (dad abandoned them, mom dead, rape, etc.), but a HUGE heart and good with children. I married her to bare mine, but at this point, I'm done and it's time to eject. Damned Arfcom curse. Then she will hire a lawyer 'just as backup' then said lawyer will talk to your 'just for backup lawyer', and the fighting will start. Both lawyers will spend every penny YOU have, cause she has none, and when the funds dry up, a deal will be make, and the divorce gets done, at your expense. There are several books available covering do-it-yourself divorce. Good luck. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:38:42 PM EDT
[#25]
My parents did when I was in the 2nd grade. No lawyers were involved they decided on how they would split time with me, and how things were going to get paid when it involved me. They currently live a block away from each other. We all routinely hang out together. My dad will help out if my moms needs anything done around her house that I can't get to. They get along better divorced than I ever remember as a kid when they were still married.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:39:48 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Sure there is. Problem is that BOTH people have to be rational adults and be able to sit down and discuss property and assets and that is pretty damn hard to find. Married 15 years, amicable divorce. We sat down and talked things over and split stuff WITHOUT lawyers, we then both took the signed papers to each of our lawyers and told them this is what you WILL do. There was really only one issue [due to length of marriage which OP doesn't have to worry about] and that was pension and retirement. Day of divorce she decided to keep hers and me keep mine. [I didn't want her anyways] |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:41:02 PM EDT
[#27]
Marriage implies to be together for life. Do what you have to do but 1. Marriages can be saved and sometimes you don't know how great something is until you lose it 2. The fact that she is "okay" with it now means squat. A week from now she could be 180'd coming after everything you have, so don't be caught off guard.
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:41:12 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. My friend's first one was very amicable, him and the ex still get along..... Let's not go into the hell the 2nd one was. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:43:06 PM EDT
[#29]
Quoted:
Does this ever work? My wife (sorry, no pics) and I have reached a stopping point in our relationship. Going to the councilor next week, but we've spent all weekend talking about the problems and their origin. We've discussed the big D and right now she's on board with a no contest, no lawyer divorce. Very emotional time and very disappointing for both of us. Long story short: Dated two years (8 months away out of state for work) One miscarriage from accidental pregnancy early in the relationship Engagement of 1 year Married 1.5 years No prenup No children No real-estate Wife put on 60 lbs, sex once every 1-2 months on average I make about 4x what she does; joint checking combined finances I moved her 1000 miles from home, but she likes this town She has a checkered past of various emotional issues that I've tried to help her overcome (dad abandoned them, mom dead, rape, etc.), but a HUGE heart and good with children. I married her to bare mine, but at this point, I'm done and it's time to eject. Damned Arfcom curse. Part in bold would have caused me to divorce her after 1-2 months, seriously. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:45:10 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My parents did when I was in the 2nd grade. No lawyers were involved they decided on how they would split time with me, and how things were going to get paid when it involved me. They currently live a block away from each other. We all routinely hang out together. My dad will help out if my moms needs anything done around her house that I can't get to. They get along better divorced than I ever remember as a kid when they were still married. NO offense OP but how does your dad get along with the dude that is fucking your mom This is why this never works My X still want's the D if i give it to her she uses it to fuck me over |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:46:41 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
First wife and I did a friendly divorce. I hired a lawyer just to do the process, but there was no fighting over anything. I actually got off very easy financially, she didn't want alimony or anything. No kids either to complicate things. Exactly like mine, we even had the same lawyer! Talked the lawyer into an "emergency decree" filing. Went to the lawyer on Wednesday, went to court the following Wednesday, waited in court till the case was called, got my notarized copy of the decree 30 minutes later, went to work by 10:00 in the morning. No biggie! Of course she was bailing out because she had a "lifeboat" already, and I was tired of being married to her myself, so we were just wanting a clean simple break. Now all the people I've told that to have said, "that ain't a damned divorce!" One friend was going through one of those 16 month, 3 kids, alimony, retirement fund, college tuition, house, car, and dog, divorces. He just looks at me and says to go copulate myself. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:54:23 PM EDT
[#32]
I had a "friendly"divorce at the time. Although getting a lawyer would have worked out better for me but I was just trying to get it over with as soon as possible.
In my defense even getting a lawyer would not have gotten me what I deserved which is being able to watch her burn in hell. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:57:13 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
NO offense OP but how does your dad get along with the dude that is fucking your mom This is why this never works My X still want's the D if i give it to her she uses it to fuck me over Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
My parents did when I was in the 2nd grade. No lawyers were involved they decided on how they would split time with me, and how things were going to get paid when it involved me. They currently live a block away from each other. We all routinely hang out together. My dad will help out if my moms needs anything done around her house that I can't get to. They get along better divorced than I ever remember as a kid when they were still married. NO offense OP but how does your dad get along with the dude that is fucking your mom This is why this never works My X still want's the D if i give it to her she uses it to fuck me over My dad couldn't care less who's banging my mom. They have been divorced for 20 years. Obviously there has been moments of tension through out the years. All I'm saying is the divorce was amicable at the time and they remain friends today. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 3:57:49 PM EDT
[#34]
What about a dissolution?
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:02:20 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. This... |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:26:05 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Worked for me but be prepared to bite your tounge sometimes. Especially when you are pissed. This. I pulled it off and got a smokin deal. Sometimes you gotta eat some shit but keep a smile on your face and keep your eye on the goal. TC |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:26:42 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I know a few people who had a clean and relatively painless split, and wish you the best of luck with yours. However, Get a lawyer now! document everything and cover your ass! If things go good then everyone walks away better off. If things turn for the worst, you want to be covered. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Thursday, two days after our counseling session. $250/hr. This is more of a CYA thing incase she gets vindictive. Right now we're both wallowing in self pity over all the mistakes and arguments. She realizes now that I settled with her because of the dead baby (which she didn't tell me about because we had broken up). I don't think she appreciates how much it costs to live these days, but I will help as much as I can because I'm no asshole. Trying to convince her now to get back in college because her grandfather left her and her sisters like half a million dollars in an educational trust. Too damned stubborn. Would rather scrape by on $1k/month than improve herself on other people's money. Even while her cousins are plundering it for full ride out of state tuition. |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:28:13 PM EDT
[#38]
Ours was fairly amicable although drawn-out.
Be prepared for her to start ramping up her demands after she talks to her female friends and gets advice from them |
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:34:18 PM EDT
[#39]
Yes. I'm going through one right now. Papers are done, judge just needs to sign them. It can happen, and lord knows it is cheaper that way!
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Posted: 6/1/2014 4:36:46 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. I pulled it off and got a smokin deal. Sometimes you gotta eat some shit but keep a smile on your face and keep your eye on the goal. TC Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Worked for me but be prepared to bite your tounge sometimes. Especially when you are pissed. This. I pulled it off and got a smokin deal. Sometimes you gotta eat some shit but keep a smile on your face and keep your eye on the goal. TC QFT keep your friends close and enemies closer |
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