Just checking in to say hi and to wish you well and continued prayers.

bump to help exceed 400 page limit.

Those weren't cotton balls. They were the clouds of heaven.

Just checkin' in.  We're here if you need us.  

- Strength and Prayers

I was making goodies today for all the guys going off to Cola Warrior this weekend. Some of them are the very same recipes I made for you in December, and as I made them, I was thinking of you and Jeff. I said a prayer for y'all.

Jeff taught me to appreciate the small, everyday, beautiful things in this life. Like watching my son play in the spring grass, and baking cookies with him, and evening story time.

So thank you for sharing him with us.

I'm in a bit of a funk lately. Just kinda bitchy and emotional and can't put my finger on anything new that might be bugging me. It's harder to "choose happy" for some reason. I sure feel schizophrenic some days!

 

You've come to the right place.  We put the "Fun" in dysfunctional!    

Just dropped by to say a prayer and God Bless.

Angels up!!

Reta,  we don't always have words that make you feel better.  But, you are part of our arfcom family.  Even if we don't have advice, you continue to be in our thoughts and prayers...Sometimes when you feel "bitchy", a simple vent can help.  We're here.  For the times that isn't enough, if you ever want to talk off the board, know that there are plenty of us willing to, if nothing else, listen.  You've communicated with several of us.  We're still here and willing to lend an ear.

Hoping you and the family are doing well Reta.

Smile if you can!

Before I get too sappy, let me say Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful dads out there! And also to the moms who pull double duty as both mother and father. Raising kids is a wonderful honor, responsibility, challenge, three-ring circus... and I feel blessed to have three awesome little (though one is not so little)  humans to call my own. They sure make life interesting.

Last year for Mother's Day, Jeff enlisted the help of our dear friend, Ginny, to make sure I had a gift on Mother's Day because he was too sick to get it himself. Last year was Jeff's last Father's Day. Would we have celebrated differently if we had the tiniest clue it would be his last? Hell yes. I'm sure we would have done lots of things differently. We had such high hopes.

So if I'm not thinking about what was going on this time last year, I think about the firsts happening this year. Travis's first Father's Day without his father. Many first holidays to come with one less person to celebrate. November and December will be especially hard, but I don't dread it. I accept it, though I'll still try to make the best of it. I know that pain accompanies comfort and the pain will pass. For now, it just needs to "be".

Every click on this thread always end up reading through dusty eyes.  
Such a poignant dream Reta.
Prayers.

 
 

Sorry, Love storys should never end this way.
Happy fathers day Jeff.............Reta, I wish you peace.

Thought of Jeff on Father's Day, sent a prayer your way.

Hey Reta, hope you're having a good day!

I came to tell you all that this is the thread that keeps on giving.  I'm still learning from Jeff, and from all of you here.  Today's lesson of the day?  Always give more than you expect to receive.  It may sound simple and corny, but you can't go wrong.

Oh, and a BIG thank you to TxPopGun!!!   ;)

Well, I figured I couldn't just leave that last random "thank you" just hanging out there, none of you would understand what I was talking about!

So, if you want to know why (well, one of the reasons, anyway) I am so grateful to TxPopGun, you'll just have to drop in over here and read about it for yourself!  (link below)


Thank You TxPopGun!!!

I just spent the better part of three or so hours reading this... I'm about to go thru something similar but with my mother who has a version of this.

My condolences to the FW family, Jeff has forever changed the way I look at the world and has made me want to be a better person then I already am. I wish I had the opportunity to have meet him in person or at lest talk to him on the phone.

This is for you jeff, - Angel Flight

I was reading my PMs on here and found the one when I invited him to CW. I guess the pics are gone.


He would have had a blast watching us retards.

You're an awesome woman, Reta. Those kids are equally blessed.

I just wanted to let you know there are still many of us out there thinking of Jeff, and you, and your family.  We are here if you need us.  

-Strength and Prayers

Just opened this thread and thought about what one post created on this forum. It was truly amazing when I tried to tell people what happened and how much money was raised no one really grasped what I was talking about but this is one awesome place and I am fortunate to have been a part of it.

FW is indeed never far from our thoughts, he touched so many.  Still get dusty every time I enter this thread.

TRH.

Stay strong

I think about this thread from time to time, but haven't visited in too long.  Reta, I hope you & the family are well. We haven't had air conditioning on in several day, the weather is so nice. I can bike to work without sweating. I don't imagine you Texans have it so good.  Curious how much Travis has grown in the past year. My kids are close in age, and have sure gotten taller this year. BTW, I think you're a fair writer. Take care, Reta. I'll check in again.

This!

 

just wanted to pop in,
after the storm yesterday, i was walking around the house to make sure all was ok.
i saw a rainbow out in the distance & thought of you (Reta) & Jeff.  

Just wanted to check in and say hello . I was thinking about Jeff and this original thread

I love that you guys still check in here!

I've been staying busy, creating more projects for myself. Maybe so many projects that I'm overwhelmed. You know how you get so many things on your plate that you just don't know where to start, so you wind up not doing anything? I'm not there... yet. After I get the gameroom wall done, I'll move on to the tile around the fireplace. My home office is also driving me crazy because I've stashed things in there from other rooms. Maybe today I'll do some tidying up. Or maybe not. I need to color my roots too. I also need to get some actual work done. I guess that takes priority, darnit.


I was sitting on the couch the other night, on the opposite end from where Jeff usually sat, and just stared at his empty spot. I imagined him sitting there, laptop in hand as usual, snickering at something he'd just read or watched on some obscure site. He had a wicked sense of humor. I next imagined him pale and conked out on the couch, feeling miserable after chemo. What is it about my brain that leads me THERE, to THOSE memories, the ones that still tear me apart? Jeff and I may not have been deeply in love, but we deeply cared for each other and it was absolutely heart-wrenching to watch him go through what he went through, and to feel so powerless to help him. He didn't deserve it. He was supposed to beat lymphoma and be better off, gaining some empathy and education, a new appreciation for the life he had been given. He had visions of his hair growing back in orange, so we were waiting to see if that would  happen. He was supposed to share his story and encourage others, that they too could beat lymphoma. He was supposed to get active with lymphoma causes, organizing fundraising walks (or shooting matches). We could see our lives after lymphoma. Who knew it wasn't to be?

Some conspiracy theory types say that a cure for cancer was found long ago, but because cancer treatment is such big business the cure has been kept under wraps. You also have your alternative medicine types who say things like baking soda or apple cider vinegar cure cancer. As with any "treatment", there are often side effects. I'm still confident that the treatments chosen were the best attempts at curing Jeff's disease. His cancer was just a son-of-a-bitch and his body couldn't handle the treatment necessary to kill the cancer.

I ran across a couple videos on my phone. It's nice to hear his voice, even though the videos are silly :) I hope you enjoy them too. One of these is already included on an older blog post, but now they're both on YouTube:

That gameroom wall is looking awesome, Reta!  You've got quite the talent for decorating.  
I'm glad you took the time to check in; it looks like you're keeping quite busy.  And yes, we still check in.    

Jeff's story (and Your's) have inspired many of us in ways you can't imagine.  
Your strength, determination, and bravery to carry on in a positive way in spite of all that has happened sets an example for all of us.  Be proud...but don't be too proud to ask for help if you need it!  

God Bless.  

Fixed embed.

Thank you! Not sure what I did wrong there.

No worries. I've messed it up more than a few times.

The forum pre-fills a "http://" when you hit the button to add a video. It's easy to double up when you paste the link to the video (https://www.youtube.com/). The other common oops is pasting a link that starts with "https://". If you remove the "s" the link will work fine.

Damn dusty offices....


I just watched the videos and it got dusty again.  Thanks for the updates Reta!  Still praying!

Thanks for the vids Reta.  It was pleasant to hear Jeff's voice again.  Oh, and you got skills.  Best mohawk ever!

Thinking of you and the kids Reta...

Haven't opened this thread in a while, though it's still in my subscriptions.

Hope you and the kids are well.

-D

Still thinking of you guys. I can't even comprehend how strong you've been. I never met him, but still think about Jeff often, even though we only exchanged a few posts.

Get the feeders out the little ones are out of the nests. I am getting a bit better at this camera stuff.


Just was thinking of this thread and all of you.

Glad to hear from you also!

BigDozer66

Jeff,

Hearing your kids in the video choked me up pretty bad. I'm glad I got the chance to PM you, thanks for your response, though I wish I could have talked to you personally.

Now my Dad is going through pancreatic cancer. Thank you for your leadership and experiences.

Take care brother, I miss you,

-Michael

Beautiful pic M1!

I thank you kind sir.

The kids, Mom and I had a wonderful vacation last week in Gulf Shores. We played on the beach, ventured farther into the ocean than I can remember ever going myself in all my life (I was always too afraid SOMETHING would TOUCH me! Heaven forbid!), buried the girls in the sand, marveled at seashells, played with tiny crabs in the night. We got our hearts pumping with ziplining and parasailing. We checked out their modest zoo and had hands-on experiences with a snake, an alligator, and kangaroos. We shopped. We ate. We laughed. We swept and brushed sand off of everything, multiple times, and visited the beach again to track in more sand. The condo on the beach was perfect. Waking up and going to the balcony to sit and watch early-morning beach-goers fish, run, walk, play, was so relaxing. I'm definitely a beach kinda gal. And I LOVE that I didn't see a single mosquito!

It has only taken about three days to get back in the groove of work and home life. I'll tell you, walking into my cluttered home after being in the uncluttered condo triggered a bit of anxiety. Oh, I need to... clean that... put that away... fix that... finish that... look at the size of the grasshopper the cats left us! Don't worry. I calmed down and decided to do none of that, except dispose of the grasshopper. I try not to put too much pressure on myself anymore. If I can live with a little mess and it's not important, then why not? If it really bothers me, I'll do something about it, but until then, I tell myself (sometimes out loud) IT'S OKAY. Priorities, y'know?

I stumbled upon a beautiful soul, a blogger named Glennon Doyle Melton (http://momastery.com/blog/). Her blog is chock-full of painful, yet inspiring essays of her own and other bloggers like her. Women who have dealt with heartache, addiction, loss, and powered through it. I've been reading for a couple days, creating a pool of tears on my keyboard. I guess you could say I'm in a sad place at the moment. (How? You just got back from a great vacation.)  I dunno. Reading those essays has helped me feel more connected. I'm not alone. And maybe if I feel EVERYTHING (sadness, grief, guilt, fear, anger...) at ONCE, I'll use it all up and will be done with it. Ha! I'm not that naïve, but it somehow feels good to cry, to let the hurt in for a bit, and just BE in my humanness. It's as though I've been wound up tight just keeping it together and to relax, to really let go, allows the tears to flow.

And then in comes Cody, my big bruiser of a cat, who purrs, nudges my hand, curls up on my lap and looks up at me with loving half-slit eyes as if to say "Are you done yet? I could really use a scratch behind the ears."

Sounds like the beach was a blast and you had a great time!  Hopefully relaxing as well. I too think of the unseen below the surface of the water. Though it's a lot of fun to cast the worry aside and dive in.  

My family went to Panama City Florida when I was a teen.  We drove all the way from Montana and arrived around 3am on the morning of our arrival. My brothers and I immediately ran to the ocean and played in the water til sun up. My mom's friend, whose condo we were staying in, was aghast when we came in.  He thought we had been sleeping. We were lectured on barracuda and creatures of the deep which may have sullied my enthusiasm for the ocean.  Though now I think of it, and even if the danger is real,  that sure was fun and we had no worries.

I've seen people who plan their "perfect" vacations and after hearing the horrors of the expense, the scheduling, the itinerary, the mechanical problems, the injuries,  etc.... I have to wonder why they had a vacation at all as it sounded worse than going to work or staying home.

Laughter and crying are much the same. They are both an incredible release and shouldn't be done to excess- nor avoided entirely IMHO. .  The darkness of tragedy is a unique experience primarily determined by the personality. I know this thread can be painful, but I've also found a lot of joy and faith here.  I hope you too find such comfort Reta.  Please know, you don't have to be lonely.  We're here.

Sly

Were we going to take the kiddos shooting?  I seem to remember that was mooted @ one point.