So how the hell does satisfying a mortgage lower my credit score? My score has hovered just under 800 forever... I don't use much credit or carry a balance on my card which is why I think it never broke 800.. But anyway, my credit card posted my score and it had dropped 70 points....wtf... My ex finally refinanced the house to put in a pool, so the old mortgage which technically still had my name on it was finally closed out. That apparently made my credit score drop, even though I still have a my current mortgage which is in good standing.... WTF. Credit scores are bullcrap.

Mine never goes over 800 either.  I have no mortgage and own my home.  I have no loans because I paid cash for the truck I have.
I pay for everything with credit cards and pay them off every month to collect the rewards.
From what I understand the reason my score doesn't go up is because I change cards for better rewards.
Short credit history is what they call it.

I just applied for a new/backup credit card.

Got dinged for 7 points just for the hard check (expected, but inexplicable).

While looking at my score I noticed that the only 2 things costing my any "points" were my utilization (I never carry a balance, no car loan(s), no mortgage, etc.) and the fact that I had "only" 5 active credit accounts;  it all seems backward to me.

The messed up system requires that you actually use credit, i.e. carry a balance.  A mortgage is a balance just like a CC balance.

I wouldnt say messed up. A good way to determine responsibility with managing future debt is a history of managing debt.

It baffles me when people act shocked that showing little, less, or no history of managing debt makes their credit score down.

Its called a "credit score" not a "dave ramsey system i paid cash for everything" score.