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Grand58742
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Posted: 6/21/2009 3:59:40 PM EDT
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Link Posted: 6/21/2009 4:04:42 PM EDT
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Link Posted: 6/21/2009 4:14:30 PM EDT
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Link Posted: 6/21/2009 4:15:29 PM EDT
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 6/26/2009 12:11:39 PM EDT
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 6/26/2009 12:12:35 PM EDT
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Link Posted: 6/27/2009 5:08:58 AM EDT
[#9]
Great story!!!

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Link Posted: 6/30/2009 2:44:31 PM EDT
[#10]
Good read thus far!!!

Please keep it up.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/2/2009 6:21:22 PM EDT
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Link Posted: 7/2/2009 6:24:07 PM EDT
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/2/2009 6:25:32 PM EDT
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TacticalMOLONLABE
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Link Posted: 7/2/2009 6:27:08 PM EDT
[#14]
Outstanding work keep it coming.
Her gates are gates of death, and from the entrance of the house
She sets out towards Sheol.
None of those who enter there will ever return,
And all who possess her will descend to the Pit.
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Link Posted: 7/3/2009 7:22:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Gripy] [#15]
Originally Posted By TacticalMOLONLABE:
(02afH!*P:? *-*& E!!) p} >OM%0_~

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/4/2009 5:23:18 AM EDT
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Link Posted: 7/4/2009 5:55:34 AM EDT
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/5/2009 10:36:48 AM EDT
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/5/2009 5:43:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#19]
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Gripy
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Link Posted: 7/5/2009 10:19:25 PM EDT
[#20]
Very good stuff

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Link Posted: 7/6/2009 3:03:20 PM EDT
[#21]
very good stuff, if I was him, I woulda retired with his original girl out at a very isolated cabin.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/6/2009 4:01:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#22]
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Lincoln6
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Link Posted: 7/7/2009 10:32:45 AM EDT
[#23]
Great story.

Thank you for this one, I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying it.

This needs to be published.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/7/2009 10:57:53 AM EDT
[#24]
Thanks for the feedback so far folks.  Will post more in a few days

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Link Posted: 7/7/2009 12:46:03 PM EDT
[#25]
great story

polarbare
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Link Posted: 7/7/2009 4:04:28 PM EDT
[#26]
Nice story - I keep wondering how Tony is going to extricate himself from Charli.
"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." -- The Dalai Lama
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Link Posted: 7/7/2009 9:56:14 PM EDT
[#27]
Good story, only two typos I found.  Please keep up the good work.


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Link Posted: 7/8/2009 11:28:19 AM EDT
[#28]
Originally Posted By Multi-G:
Good story, only two typos I found.  Please keep up the good work.



Feel free to message them to me and I'll gladly fix it.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/8/2009 11:29:18 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#29]
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Link Posted: 7/8/2009 9:10:18 PM EDT
[#30]
great, just great

I want MOAR!!!!!!

Requiere MOAR!!!

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Link Posted: 7/9/2009 3:46:36 PM EDT
[#31]
Your story is kick ass, definitely keep writing!!!
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: 1. Jesus Christ 2. The American GI, One died for your soul, the other for your freedom". Tony Blair
Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/9/2009 9:40:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#32]
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AKARAV92
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Link Posted: 7/10/2009 1:37:38 PM EDT
[#33]
great addition, I see a few very obvious references there.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/10/2009 9:11:42 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#34]
Originally Posted By AKARAV92:
great addition, I see a few very obvious references there.


Should really only be one and that one was used with the individual's permission.

AKARAV92
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Link Posted: 7/11/2009 9:04:02 PM EDT
[#35]
Originally Posted By Grand58742:
Originally Posted By AKARAV92:
great addition, I see a few very obvious references there.


Should really only be one and that one was used with the individual's permission.


I guess I counted every time I saw the one as one by itself. haha. but yeah, I saw that one.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/14/2009 1:10:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#36]
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Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/14/2009 2:23:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#37]
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Multi-G
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Link Posted: 7/14/2009 9:56:30 PM EDT
[#38]
Good twist.  

Thanks for keeping the work going.

polarbare
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Link Posted: 7/15/2009 12:23:08 AM EDT
[#39]
Great story - nice pacing between scenarios and the occasional new element
"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." -- The Dalai Lama
KJCA3
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Link Posted: 7/15/2009 2:44:02 PM EDT
[#40]
This is probably the best story i have read on this site so far i hope you keep new material coming!!
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: 1. Jesus Christ 2. The American GI, One died for your soul, the other for your freedom". Tony Blair
TVLL62CAL
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Link Posted: 7/15/2009 3:21:58 PM EDT
[#41]
so far i may have to agree with the above statement....really nice plot and subplots forming up here...well done, cant wait till you put this in a pdf so i can have it to read at any time...thanks Grand
"Fear Not, Fortune Favors The Bold"
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Link Posted: 7/16/2009 12:15:23 AM EDT
[#42]
Plus 1 on the PDF.  Please keep it coming.

Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/16/2009 2:22:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#43]
Next chapter should be up in a few more days as I am having it checked over for technical correctness by a third party.  

And I'd like to thank each and every one of you that have posted your support here or dropped me a message about the story.  I appreciate the kind words and encouragement.

Grand

ETA:  A PDF version should become available when I get everything finished.  Again, if you see glaring errors, either spelling or grammatical, feel free to let me know.

blwngazkit
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Link Posted: 7/17/2009 4:08:43 PM EDT
[#44]
Wonderful read!  I've sat here on the edge of my seat and read the entire thing to current!

Keep it up!
Originally posted by DarkCharisma:
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind next time I try to shoot an object that's basically a shiny, perfectly round boulder."
Grand58742
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Link Posted: 7/18/2009 12:32:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Grand58742] [#45]
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Link Posted: 7/18/2009 4:48:36 PM EDT
[#46]
Tag.  Your writing has definite merit and has even improved noticeably since the beginning.  Thanks for a good read.
RESIST
"As long as knowledge and virtue are diffused generally among the body of a nation, it is impossible that they should be enslaved..." *John Adams*
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Link Posted: 7/18/2009 9:49:08 PM EDT
[#47]
Just wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying this story. Thank for the hard work

mosseybuck
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Link Posted: 7/20/2009 12:43:02 PM EDT
[#48]
Congratulations on a great story! I'm looking forward to the next chapters, keep up the good work! I believe I've camped at the same site described in the last chapter! It's that realistic.

AKARAV92
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Link Posted: 7/20/2009 10:40:42 PM EDT
[#49]
Great Story
Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt, Tum Soli Proscripti Cataplultas Habebunt-ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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Link Posted: 7/23/2009 11:14:43 PM EDT
[#50]
Made it through page 1 and gonna start on 2 tomarrow. What a fantastic story!!

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